The Pathetic Ramblings of a Homosexual Werewolf
by LostWolfGirl
Summary: The inner musings of Sam and Emily's son Mark Uley, the first gay werewolf in La Push.
1. Chapter 1

Title: **The Pathetic Ramblings of a Homosexual Werewolf**  
Published: 05-05-09, Updated: 12-01-11  
Chapters: 49, Words: 168,206

A/N: this was by far my most popular and therefore longest story. In order of my stories it should be read 3rd after Jared and The Sociopath he Imprinted in and Enough with this Gravity Moving Already!

You can read it as a stand alone story but there are lots of characters mostly OC that were introduced in those stories. It revolves around Mark Uley, Sam's son.

For those who are rereading you will find it has been edited. After rereading it all in one shot I thought something's were unnecessary.

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[CHORUS] Gentle Reader, herein lines the Bawdy tale of Mark Uley, La Push's first gay werewolf.

Wherein you will find: comical situations, unusual imagery, words that are not actually words, gratuitous vulgarity and profanity, a wide variety of teenage werewolves, as well as odd grammar, family drama, and a fair dash of gay sex. If any of those things offend, please turn back, I mean no harm and wish only to entertain.

That said, it's that's the kind of thing that you think you might enjoy you have happened upon the perfect story.

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 **Prologue: A Genetic Freak of Nature**

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I bet he doesn't even notice how when he smiles one of his eyes—the right—closes into an adorable slit, or how he has one very slight dimple on the same side. He is laughing now, at me, at my terrible video game skills, which have been severely hindered by his presence, although they were never brag-worthy to begin with.

I hate video games, I play them because he wants me to, because I'll pretty much do anything if it means I'm with him. It doesn't bother me when I fail, when I die so often that he laughs, because I love his laugh. When he laughs his ear length, wavy black hair bounces, his bare shoulders rising and falling in a dance.

Oh the things I would do to touch his shoulders, just graze them with my fingertips without repercussions. To kiss the hollow of his collarbone or his defined neck, to have him want me the way I do him.

I'm going to get caught lusting over him, honestly I can't believe I've lasted this long. It's just so fucked, so very, very fucking depraved!

Oh, how wicked is this let me count the ways:

 **One:** He is two years younger than me only fourteen, which in teen years is more like a decade, making me like a pedophile… I'm a sicko.

 **Two:** I've known him my entire life, he's like family—making me not only a pedophile but an incestuous one. I hate myself!

 **Three:** He is in no way even remotely interested in me. Why would he be?

 **And finally four** : He is a he and so am I.

I would love to say I've always known I was gay—that's what all the gays say, "I always knew I was different". It's like it makes them part of some exclusive club of lifelong homos. I would like to say that, maybe it would give me some sort of cred or validation. It would be much easier and PC to explain than how I actually figured it out, but it's not true. I never thought about sex or sexuality before. Why would I? I mean I never had any crushes, I was too busy with books to look at girls _or_ boys. I was fourteen when I knew for sure.

Summer camp. That sounds so dirty and fitting, but it wasn't exactly what you have in mind... well, actually maybe it is. I was 14, young and bright-eyed doing a summer soccer summer camp in Forks so I could join the JV high school team as a Freshman in the fall. His name was Ramiro, seriously, Ramiro. It sounds like a romance novel name so I know you have your doubts, but he was an Argentinean. Young and beautiful, he was an all-star futbol champion who got injured early in his career and was now stuck teaching summer camps and workshops across the world.

Ramiro had the palest skin I've ever seen on a human, with pitch black hair, and the pinkest lips known to man. He was 23, gorgeous and bitter, and I followed him like a lost dog. You would think being as smart as I am that I would have known what it meant but I didn't. I couldn't figure out for the life of me why I hung on his every word, why I dreamt of him. I just needed to, I was drawn to him. I thought it was hero worship, until a fellow camper, unfortunately not Ramiro, kissed me.

I didn't see it coming, I didn't even know his name, but he knew me. He knew something about me that I hadn't figured out yet... he knew I would like the kiss.

It was the most thrilling, liberating and terrifying experience of my life, pushed against a tree while Griffin, as I later learned he was called, forced his tongue in my mouth, chewing on my lip and pressing himself against me.

 _Ramiro._

I didn't fight, I let Griffin do whatever he wanted. And he wanted a lot.

 _Ramiro._

I wanted it too, something very strong and caged inside of me was begging for him to touch me.

 _Ramiro._

It was late. In the forest that we shouldn't have been in, and as he touched me I thought only of Ramiro, imagined his pinks lips on mine, his big white hands on my member, holding it tightly, jerking me erratically.

And that's when I knew I was a genetic freak of nature in more than one way. The son of a werewolf and a homo.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 1: Let's Not Discuss Vaginas and Say We Did**

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A/N: So this is a fic that involves a lot of OCs the children of the original wolf pack. So I will give you a short run down to ease any sort of confusion, here is a family snapshot for you:

Mark and David: Sam and Emily's twin boys.

Trisha: Paul and Rachel's only child.

Ethan, Taylor, Amber, Annabelle (Brady's infant imprint): Jared and Kim's kids.

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Pathetic Ramblings of a Homosexual Werewolf: Act I

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" **Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."**

 **-Neil Gaiman**

I was supposed to be working, _we_ were supposed to be working, my brother David and I. We worked at Quil Ateara's corner store for the summer, taking over for him since he was now completely useless. Why you ask is a six foot three werewolf rendered completely useless? Because his five foot nil teenage girlfriend Claire, young and wild, was now traipsing around Europe for six months.

Today however, the store was being manned by Seth. So instead of eating ice cream and making cash, we sat in Quil's living room, wishing the world would stop rotating so we wouldn't have to live through this forced sex-talk. We had had this talk too many times, and I prayed that at least this talk didn't include discussion of vaginas which generally creeped me out.

Quil looked like shit, I felt sorry for the guy. He looked around making sure he had our full attention before he started, Taylor was obviously not enthused.

"Taylor man, look, pay attention! I'm only going to say this shit once! Your chicken shit dads got me giving you the sex-talk thanks to Ethan's roaming hands, so let's get this over with," Quil said evil-eyeing Ethan as he spoke. Ethan Cameron was the reason for this whole god-forsaken sex-talk, he and his girlfriend got caught getting touchy feely in the nether regions.

This wouldn't have been a problem if Ethan, hadn't stupidly picked a girlfriend within the pack circle.

"Man, Quil. I love ya dude, but you know I've already had this talk with Collin **and** dad, I'm sorta set on the sex thing," David said winking at me. I cringed internally at the memory of our previous failed sex-talks.

"Yeah, yeah. Well if _Hands_ here hadn't gotten caught we wouldn't be having this talk again, now would we?" Quil said scratching the back of his neck, which he did when he was annoyed.

"Aww, come on Quil. I've known her since we were babies, she's my best friend, what did you guys expect? It's not a big deal, if I was a wolf this whole thing wouldn't be an issue and Paul would chill the fuck out," Ethan huffed.

"How would you being a wolf get you out of shit? Your hands were—look, I can't even say where your hands were—"

"If you can't talk about genitalia, then you are not the right guy to give us a sex-talk," I interrupted, chuckling. It was true, how could they give us the only wolf that was shy when it came to discussing sex? I also had the ulterior motive of trying to steer the discussion away from any vulgar terms used to describe lady bits.

"Anyways," Ethan said archly, "if I were a wolf, I'd be imprinted on her and then no one would be freaking out about where my hands have and have not been. We'd be set to marry and no one would care!"

"That sentence was full of so much shit I don't even know where to start. One, she's 14, the most your hands should be doing is holding each others, with supervision! Two, Paul doesn't care if you are wolf or not, that's his daughter and he'd want to kill you either way! Three, imprinting doesn't mean you get married at fourteen this is not Alabama and **four** , who says you'd imprint on her?"

"Of course I'd imprint on her, she's my best friend, my soul mate," Ethan argued as David rolled his eyes. David was not keen on the idea of losing his best friend permanently to a lady, which is what imprinting did. Imprinting made one woman the center of a werewolf's universe and if/when Ethan imprinted David would be alone… well not alone, he'd have me, but I was always second best in David's world.

"Ugh! Come on Ethan. Your soul mate? You sound like such a fairy!" David screamed.

I honestly had no idea what side of the fence my twin brother landed on when it came to gays, but like most teenage boys, gay cracks were a permanent fixture in his vocabulary. Hearing him say it though always made me flinch, it's bizarre seeing a mirror image of yourself saying negative things about you, it screws with your psyche.

"And who wants to be a wolf anyways?" Taylor asked rolling his eyes. Taylor and I had not hung out alone in a long time years actually, so I had no clue that I had a company in the 'stay-human-at-all-cost' party.

"What do you mean _who wants to be a wolf_? I do man! And so does Mark, right?" David said waiting for my reply, I nodded— it was just easier to agree with him, he wasn't likely to understand the complexities of choosing a path that didn't include fur.

"Fuck yeah, wolf-pack all the way man, it's in our blood!" Ethan grinned like a fool. I love Ethan, just like my own brother, how could I not? I have been subjected to his constant presence for the last 10 or so years, but he could be so obtuse sometimes. Did bridget of them understand the burden of being a wolf?

"Yeah, so's estrogen, doesn't mean I wanna turn into a woman," Taylor muttered. Truer words have never been spoken. I started seeing Taylor with different eyes; apparently I also had a partner in the 'my-brother's-an-idiot' club. Quil glared at him though and he shut up. I took the opportunity to get away, heading for the kitchen to grab some soda.

"Okay, fine wolf or no wolf, doesn't matter—we're here to talk about sex and you're wasting my time. I'm guessing you already know the finer details of how that works," Quil said making a lewd hand gesture that made me visualize vaginas. Gross! I had seen way too many in my life as a gay man.

David's porn collection was vast and diverse, but one thing kept them all together, an overabundance of vaginas. Seriously, sometimes up to six in one film. He forced me to watch them with him often, possibly his subconscious way of de-homosexualizing me.

"Eww man!" Taylor exclaimed, he obviously shared the aversion to vagina hand motions, but Ethan and David whooped high-fiving like half-wits. Such breeders.

"Shut up, look, you know how it's done I'm sure—"

"Yeah man, but aren't you going to give us pointers? Isn't that what this is about?" David interrupted. My brother looks just like me, identical twins and all, but it seems I stole all the common-sense genes in the womb.

"No! David, just shut up and let me get this over with. This is about respecting women. You can fantasize about and jack to them all you want, but keep their bodies pure till you're both in love and mentally ready for it, okay?" Quil glared his eyes lingering on Ethan.

"Hey! We haven't had sex! She's pure, she's pure," Ethan screamed.

"You're 15 and she's 14! You shouldn't be doing any of that! ANY of that!" Quil shook his head, his hand up in the air in exasperation. He looked pretty hilarious, but I tried not to smile.

"Quil, it's not the 90's old timer, it's the 2020's. Paul's lucky Trisha's such a prude because there could have been much worse things up her—"

"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! I used to babysit that girl, if you say one more things about her-her-her—"

"Genitalia," I offered again, I preferred to refer to it by gender neutral terms like genitalia, bits and nether regions; a term I picked up from my mother.

"Would you please stop saying that?" Quil asked.

"What would you like us to call it?" I asked sweetly, bothering him was becoming too much fun.

David grinned, "Quil you're getting the puss and you can't even talk about it? You must not be doing it right. I vote we get Embry to tell us!" Quil's expression was priceless.

"Oh god," Quil sighed before he cleared his throat and continued, "I can't do this. I give up!" Poor guy, I felt bad, he had been bribed into giving us this talk and it was going to hell quick.

"No, no. Come on, I want to hear what you have to say about it, Quil," I said smiling. Nothing could be farther from the truth.

I wouldn't mind actually **doing** the deed with him, he was pretty hot, but talking about it, well, that just sucked.

"I told you all that I needed to tell you. Sex is a very serious thing, it's fun yes, but it's for adults who—"

"Claire was like sixteen when you guys started grinding, man," Ethan argued. She was seventeen but I didn't argue.

"Yes well we're imprinted, and she was mature and ready to make the decision to—" Ethan snorted and Quil shot him an evil look, which he ignored and plowed on.

"Mature? She still throws tantrums and plays dress up! My seven year old sister Amber—" Quil threw a pillow at him and walked out the room.

"Shut up, man!" David screamed smacking his arm. David and Ethan were both equally too dense to know when to shut up.

"We're sorry, Quil," I said as Quil came back in the room with a beer. I hoped whatever my dad had offered Quil was worth the hassle of dealing with four annoying teenagers… well three... two actually Taylor hadn't said much.

"Quil, can I ask you something?" David said seriously. This was going to be good, he had his serious thinking face that he used when watching reality TV and the news. "How can you have sex with someone so little. Wait, I don't mean like young, I mean _little_. You're huge man!"

"Yeah I was wondering that too," Ethan said nodding. I was not! I would like to keep all images of little Claire, my childhood babysitter, being pounded by Quil the giant out of my head forever.

"Are you serious?" Quil asked taking a long swig.

"Yeah, man. I'm sixteen, the shift is coming, I'm going to be as big as you soon. I need to know," David said seriously.

"Brady and Krys phased right after their thirteenth birthdays, if we haven't done it yet we aren't going to," I reasoned. This was my mantra, if we haven't done it yet we aren't going to. If we haven't done it yet we aren't going to. But I didn't fully buy it.

"It's in our blood bro, have some faith," David tried to encouraged, but it left me feeling panicked.

"If I don't phase by my eighteenth birthday I'm buying a ticket to Italy and I'm going to rub myself on those vegetarian vamps until I do," Ethan vowed seriously. Again the two of them were linked, happily nodding as if Ethan had come up with some sort of brilliant stratagem.

"Um… okay. Well shapeshifter or not you always have to be careful with a lady, okay? Gentle, treat them like their made of glass," Quil said as if her were talking to an idiot, and in this case he was right, at least half of us were.

"What if they don't want you to be gentle? I heard mom say aunt Helen likes to be roughed up by Collin," David said sneering. I had heard the exact same conversation but suppressed it expertly until now; thanks David!

"It's the other way around. She likes to rough him up," Ethan corrected. Yes, how stupid of us to forget.

"I'm just going to pretend I didn't hear that and ask, how? How do you not hurt them, is it like a position thing?" I asked leaning in, it was better talking about positions than my aunt Helen the dominatrix librarian.

"Yes," was all Quil said before he quickly chugged down his beer.

"Well…" David motioned for more info. He was dumb, but he wasn't a complete idiot, he was trying to get Quil to blush, which I had to admit was kinda cute.

"Well what?" Quil spat.

"What is it? Doggy-style, from the side, on the stairs, girl on top?" David listed using his fingers to keep track.

"All of the above," Quil said dryly as Brady entered the room, holding his hands up in a sign of truce to Ethan and Taylor who were still livid with him for imprinting on their newborn sister Annabelle.

I dashed out of the house the first opportunity I got, followed closely by Taylor and Ethan, David was still trying to get pointers by the time we reached the corner.

"I can't believe Quil's trying to pass that off as a sex-talk," Taylor scoffed, as David ran to meet us.

"Hey Ethan, let's go to Mallory's. She's got this friend Aubrey you need to meet," David said winking.

"Were you not listening to anything I just said? I love Trisha man. I love her," Ethan said. David's face was blank with confusion, a look I had become accustomed to. Sometimes having an identical twin served the higher purpose of a full length mirror, which discouraged me from making faces that made me look like a caveman.

"Just come on," David said loudly pulling Ethan down the road and leaving Taylor and I standing awkwardly.

"Wanna go to the beach? Hacky-sack?" Taylor's voice was small. He didn't like asking me. He usually spent most of his time with Ethan and David, but now that they had discovered girls he was all alone. That made two of us.

"Sure," I wasn't in the mood to be assaulted by my "girlfriend" Kara today, so I followed Taylor as he headed to the beach. He liked to lead, I knew this from years of hiking experience and I took the time to examine him.

We hadn't spent much time together, or really any time together in about two years, he was about to turn fourteen if my memory served me correctly, but he didn't look it. There was something about our mutant shapeshifter genes that made him look older. He was long and angular, his shoulders slightly broader than Ethan's though he was shorter and his back was cut with long sleek muscles that were highlighted through his thin grey shirt.

I tried to keep my eyes up, but they wandered south, taking notice of his high and toned butt. I really had to stop doing that; I'd been trying for almost three years but to no avail. I was a butt man, and I liked those butts to be on men. I was gay, a fag, a homosexual. Even the word sounded dirty, homo. sexual.

"So what do you think about Paul and my dad? Do you think they are going to stay mad at each other forever or just until Ethan and Trisha's wedding?" Taylor asked as we stepped onto the sand. Taylor's dad Jared and Paul had been best friends for years, but now with the whole hands-in-the-pants incident they were at war.

"They'll get over it," I said starting the game by kicking the bean-bag lightly with my sandaled foot. "So do you really think we're not going to be wolves?" I asked. I was hopeful, but not certain.

"I'm not," he said arrogantly, turning in an elaborate maneuver to get the hacky-sack back to me. His hair spun, illuminated by the sun.

"How do you know?" I asked cocking my eyebrow, as he puffed out his chest in obvious approval of his own awesomeness.

"I'm a tai-chi master. I own my anger, my anger doesn't own me," he said making a huge circle with his hands as he kicked the hacky-sack back to me.

"Tai-chi? Cool. Where'd you learn it?" I asked, dropping the sack, I wasn't really good at this game.

"Youtube. Why?" He cocked his head to the side scrutinizing me before taking off his shirt.

"Well if it's working, maybe you could teach me." Topless if possible, I added to myself.

"So you don't want to be an over-sized dog?" he asked plopping down on the sand. I sat with him.

"No," I admitted. "I don't know what I want to do, but hunting around La Push for the rest of my life is not it."

"Yeah, I know what you mean, my dad's always broke, he can barely afford my newest sister... and they're just something unnatural about your father only looking like eight years older than you," he said leaning back. His chest was defined and it had a glowing coppery quality to it.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," I said picking up a handful of sand, a diversionary tactic to keep my eyes off of his abs.

"I can teach you, it's hard, but if you want you can try it with me. I do it every morning at five thirty though," he said as if he were challenging me.

"Okay, great," I said enthusiastically. I was not a morning person, I liked to get my beauty sleep, but it was better to be a tired man then a wolf-man.

The sun was setting, the end of the first of many days we would spend together.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 2: And I Knew, That He Knew, That I Knew**

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"So the basics of tai-chi are to relax the waist and co-ordinate the upper and lower body movements," Taylor said placing his hand on my waist, and lifting my arms. It was just past five thirty, the sun was rising on the north, casting bright shadows on the leaves in the thickness of the forest he had chosen to practice in.

"Okay," I said trying not to sound mocking. I wasn't really sure if this was going to control my anger but I liked hanging out with him. It wasn't a crush per se, it was more like a general interest. He was interesting.

"Try this, okay," he said demonstrating a crouched pose with his feet planted in a wide rounded position. I attempted to mimic it but failed epically, he was very patient. He explained breathing, pacing and even purpose, and sometimes he touched me, which I enjoyed much more than I should have.

"This position is making my legs burn," I complained after about six minutes of solid posing.

"Feel the burn, love the burn," he chanted, but gestured for me to stand.

At just past seven we called it a day, I had to be at Quil's store at eight so I went home showered and changed, finding David in the process of sneaking in.

"Where were you?" I demanded, and then pulled back. I sometimes had to remember he wasn't the little brother, I was but only by eight minutes.

"With Mallory, where else? Dude man she sucked me off! It was awesome," he said slapping my back.

"Pretty awesome," I said dryly. He examined me skeptically and I tried to smile.

"I like her. She's really nice," he said in defense of his actions. I love my brother, probably more than anyone or anything in the world and I instantly felt bad for making him feel like he had to defend his actions to me.

"I know man. I'm happy for you." He hugged me and left to shower. We had these moments sometimes, when no one else was around— moments where macho bullshit didn't stop us from showing affection. I waited for him to get ready and we arrived at the store just as Quil came down to open up.

I liked this job, it was my first job and we got paid pennies, but it was better than sitting around my house waiting for something big to happen. Nothing ever did, unless it involved vampires or imprinting, both of which held no interest to me. Vampires rarely came around here unless they were of the vegetarian variety and no one was going to imprint on me anytime soon, or me them for that matter.

At noon, Taylor came in, I couldn't stop myself from smiling extra wide. He hopped the counter without a word, sitting next to me and reading a book silently. I hadn't expected to see him, I didn't think he'd want to hang out with me in his free time and I found I was more pleased than I should be.

He was only thirteen. Only thirteen. Only thirteen. Only thirteen. I repeated it over and over again, but that bitchy closet queen in the back of my mind wanted to remind me that he was thirteen soon to be fourteen and hot. Werewolf genes made him look older, so there, I'm not a creep… no I totally am.

"What are you reading?" I asked after twenty minutes of excruciating silence damning myself for lusting after a tween.

" _A Hundred Years of Solitude_ by Gabriel something," he said off handedly.

Gabriel Garcia Marquez. I've read it, in fact I loved it. The story of a stereotypical Latin American town told through the fantastical lives of one family.

"Have you read it? It's amazing. It's about this family in this small town in South America. It's so interesting and the writing it's just—" he seemed at a loss for words.

"Magical?" I suggested, and he nodded grinning.

"Yeah. Exactly. Have you read it?" he asked again and I nodded, I read a lot.

"Yeah. It's the first novel of magical realism," I said quickly. It was nice talking to someone who read something more than the back of a cereal box.

"Magical realism? Is that what this is? I've never heard of it," he admitted, which was not like him. Taylor liked to be right.

"Yeah, it's really underused style. Gabriel Garcia Marquez is the father of magical realism, and since he wrote in Spanish originally most magical realism comes from Latin America," I didn't feel like a show off now. There was something comforting about sharing information with him. He had taught me so much about Tai-chi and Taoism so it felt almost like an exchange.

"Wow, I thought it was one of a kind. It's a whole style. That's great. I picked it up after I read Jordan's book J _ourney to the Northeast_. One of the reviewers said it was reminiscent of _One Hundred Year of Solitude_ and since I liked it I thought I'd get it from the library." Wow, a boy who actually knew where the library was!

"You read _Journey_? I loved that, it's my favorite book right now." _Journey to the Northwest_ was written by a former member of the La Push wolf pack, he was young when he phased for the first time and joined the pack during the Great Renesmee war, he escaped though, and wrote the best book published in like ten years— in my humble opinion.

I was just about to ask him if he felt the females characters in Jordan's book were representative of vampires, when Trisha entered the store. She looked gloomy and thin. I smiled at her, and she returned it weakly. Poor thing needed food. Her father Paul forbade her from seeing her boyfriend Ethan (Taylor's older brother) and she wasn't taking it well.

"I should go," Taylor said hopping off the stool.

"No, Taylor don't leave because of me," Trisha said grabbing his hand and pushing him back in his chair.

"What's up Trish?" I asked shoving a snickers in her hand and pushing out a seat for her to sit next to me.

"I haven't seen Ethan in days. Mark I miss him so much," she sighed putting her head on my shoulder. Her hair smelled like apples and I smoothed it out waiting for her to continue, I knew she had more to say, she was like that sometimes, she just needed to vent. "I love him. I know things were moving sort of fast, but we love each other, ya know? And I know my dad did these kinds of things too, I know he did. Taylor has he said anything?"

"He phased last night. Collin was joking around and said something about you and Ethan just exploded into fur. He's still in wolf mode, so no, not much talking about you. But last he wouldn't stop talking about you. It was really annoying," he said going back to his book. David who was in the stock room behind us chuckled, he had been set on inventory duty for the day.

"Is he okay? Does he feel alright? What color fur does he have? What did Collin say about me? Taylor tell him I miss him and that I love him so much, okay?"

"He looks fine. I don't know how he feels, he's still a little wolfy, my dad says he'll be alright in a few days. His fur is white, solid white. Don't know what Collin said, and I'm not telling him anything that disgustingly mushy," Taylor said not looking up from the book. Trisha sighed turning back to me.

"He's probably calling me a slut. Why do guys always say stupid shit like that. I'm not a slut, Mark you know that, right?"

"I know. I know. Don't worry you'll be allowed to see him eventually and no one will remember this is a few months. You say two are meant to be right, so it will work out and it'll all blow over soon. "

Well something blew. Someone at least. Without warning David who had been listening in the store room behind us exploded. Everything happened so fast, one second I was patting Trisha's head and the next there was crashing and growling and glass shattering. In a normal situation I wouldn't have run towards the source of apparent danger, but David was back there. I pushed into the store room and I found that it was much too small to hold a horse sized wolf.

It was a mess! Bottles of cola were punctured and spraying in every direction; chips, cookies, crackers and even flour were strewn across the room.

Taylor grabbed my arm, pulling me away from David.

"I'll get Quil," Trisha squeaked. Ever since her father Paul phased in anger a few feet from her she was not too keen on wolves. I made to enter the room with David but Taylor pulled me back again.

"Are you serious? Don't go in there, he's a rogue wolf. Poor fucker," Taylor muttered shaking his head. I had grown up with a healthy fear of wolf claws, but I still moved forward.

"He's my brother. David. David, calm down," I said reaching my hand out to touch his shoulder.

"Don't _touch_ him," Taylor whined behind me and I giggled, he was worried about me.

"Mark. He's probably really confused right now, so it's best if you just backed away," Quil said from the doorway. David turned, knocking over another rack in the process. He looked at me, his eyes still a mirror image of mine. He was sort of adorable as a wolf, almost solid black like my father, but his muzzle and the gruff of his neck were streaked with grey.

He smiled at me. Seriously. His mouth opened wide, baring his big white teeth,and his tongue lolling to the side. I sat next to him, not bothering to kick aside the pile of crackers. He nudged me with his head and rubbed his moist nose against my cheek and I chuckled, he was better in wolf form. There was a shimmer in the air, a shaking vibration and I went to move away from him but there was no reason to worry. Like magic, which I guess it was, David was lying naked next to me.

"I'm gunna go," Trisha said running out the room blushing.

"FUCK!" I expected this kind of reaction from David, but coming from Quil it was sort of terrifying.

"Whoa! That was cool… oww, shit. Oh man, by whole body's hurting. Is that supposed to happen?" David asked going from excited to pained in two seconds flat.

"Yeah, and you should be thanking the gods you're in pain or I'd be giving you something to cry about. UGH! This is like two months of merchandise!" Quil screamed kicking a shelf that collapsed the second his toes touched it. "How is this even happening there aren't any vamps—FUCK!"

"Quil, you should take David home. Me and Mark will clean up here," Taylor suggested. I turned to him immediately, staring as he started to pick undamaged goods.

"Yeah, take him to dad," I said helping David up. Taylor ripped off his shirt, throwing it to David as he passed. Quil passed him the sweats he was holding and the two of them left Taylor and I to cleaning.

"Crazy," Taylor said examining a bag of Oreos. Yeah it was crazy. A hot, literate guy wanted to hang around cleaning with me. "Two wolves in a week. Hopefully that means we're off the hook."

"Yeah…. Thanks," I said not looking at him.

"For what?" He asked. Was he for real? He had no reason to be here with me, but he was. He had no reason to be helping me clean up my brother's mess, but he did. And he didn't even think it was a big deal.

He picked up a bag of flour and the bottom, which was soaked through with soda, disintegrated completely leaving his feet covered in clumpy white powder.

"Oh man," he said chucking, kicking his feet to remove the flour but successfully kicking off his sandal so that it flew off and hit me. His face was serious for a second before he burst out into the most joyful laughter I had heard in a long time. It was deep, like his voice, which had dropped significantly in the last two months. His shoulders bounced when he laughed, the muscles on his stomach constricting. He caught me looking at him and I tried to cover it by joining him in laughter.

"Let's play a game," he suggested, tossing the flour to the garbage pile which was much larger than the salvageable goods.

"Okay," I agreed, finding six retail-worthy bags of Lays chips.

"Alright. Winter, spring, summer or fall," he said picking up an entire rack of unsquished bread.

"Fall. Definitely fall, you?" I asked grabbing a garbage can from the front. Anything that was completely destroyed went to the garbage, but anything that was still edible but not up to sales standards, was going up to Quil's apartment. He should at least me able to eat his losses.

"Me too, I love fall. Your turn." I wasn't a hundred percent sure how this was supposed to work so I just went for it.

"Morning, afternoon or night," I said uncertainly, he looked at me, blinked a few times and spoke.

"You don't really know how to play this game do you?" I shook my head no.

"Okay, so you make a list of things in the same category for example seasons, sports, girls, and then the other person chooses," he said shaking his head.

"Then I was right, they are all times of the day," I said quickly.

"Okay. You're right. Morning, I'm a morning person."

"Oh, I'm a night person," I whispered.

"Baseball, basketball or football," he asked pulling out a broom.

"Futball," it was true. Soccer was the only sport I ever enjoyed.

"Soccer? Gooooaaaaaaal. I love it, but I'm all about baseball," he said finding a box of pristine candy bars.

"Okay. Um… alright I got one. Edward, Emmett or Jasper." David and I once had a two hour discussion on who was the coolest. I said Edward hands down, but David was all about Emmett. As vampires go they were all pretty cool.

Taylor burst into a fit of giggles, holding his stomach as if his organs might pop out. Once he caught his breath he said, "Edward I guess, he's got those feminine good looks."

Did he just say Edward was good looking? I mean he was, but—

"When you say people you're asking which one is the hottest," he explained and I blushed making me officially the gayest man this side of Seattle.

"Oh. I meant, which one is the coolest. If you were going to be a leech, which one would you want to be. It tells a lot about you, which vamp you choose," I explained.

"Oh. Jasper then. What does that say about me?" He asked leaning on his broom and looking at me with a smirk. He had lips like Ethan's, thick and pink, which when added with his super long eyelashes and his cheeks that always had a slight blush, made him look a little like a doll.

"Um, I don't know actually. Solace is the only person who ever chose Jasper. Everyone goes for Edward or Emmett," I said honestly.

"Okay, I got a better one then. Rosalie, Alice, Bella or Nessie, and by that I _do_ mean which one is the hottest… or Esme if you're into cougars," he added. Great, how do I even answer that?

"Nessie," I decided to go with the honest approach, she was the most beautiful in the sense of aesthetics.

"Nessie? She's a married woman," he said disapprovingly.

"They all are!"

"Yes, but she's imprinted. That's against pack law you know," he said mockingly.

"Oh, I don't want to break pack law," I said trying to sound serious, he laughed.

"Yeah, me too, Nessie's hot," I had heard many guys say it, but when Taylor did it made me want to hit her.

It took us two days to clear, clean, organize and take inventory of the stock room. Quil joined us the second day and Taylor came up with the brilliant idea of letting Quil off the hook. He told Quil he would work in place of David and Quil was more than happy to oblige.

I had one big concern though. I started to feel the signs of the change, signs my brother experienced well before me. I was growing, quickly, it made the backs of my knees throb. My temperature was higher and things started to get clear, my vision was sharper. I didn't have the heart to tell Taylor, my tai-chi master, that his efforts were wasted and I was praying against hope it was just a second round of puberty.

Being a wolf would destroy my life. My carefully crafted veneer would be blown away and he would know everything, the whole pack would and he wouldn't want to be around me. I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. Not just because Taylor was gorgeous, but because he was sweet, and funny and kind and the best friend I had ever made outside of my own family.

After tai-chi every morning we ate breakfast at my house, my mom dotting on Taylor and how much he had grown. Which reminded me of his birthday, I wanted to get him something and when I mentioned it to my mom she handed me a twenty without question. I had the perfect gift in mind and I ran to Helen (the town librarian) the first chance I got. The La Push library had book sales every summer. The last book sale ended about two weeks ago, but as no one really read anymore, most of the books were stored in the back for the next year when they would be overlooked yet again.

Helen eyed me when I told her what I wanted to get for Taylor and she didn't ask any other questions. She brought out the books I asked for, gave me a super discount and patted my hand knowingly as I left. It scared me. What did she know? Could she tell how lovingly I said his name? Helen was Collin's wife and imprint, and if she knew, if she suspected I was gay, would she tell?

At work Taylor and I sat reading side by side, it was a comfortable silence with occasional interludes of conversation.

"My family's having a small birthday party for me tonight… if you wanna come. Ethan and David are camped out at your place in extreme pain so it'll just be my family," he said in the same small voice he used when he asked me to play hacky-sack with him the first time.

We closed up early that night and I went home to change and wrap Taylor's gift. I wrapped them nicely with bows and all, before I realized that was just too gay and I destroyed it. My mother who had been watching me the whole time, decided to speak.

"Why'd you do that? It looked so cute," she said picking up a bow that flew across the room in my flurry to unwrap the books.

"Girls do cute things, not boys," I said heading out the door, she grabbed my hand and pulled me to her, giving me a big kiss on the cheek, but saying nothing.

I had spent a lot of time dressing, more time than I should have so when I arrived, looking good might I add, dinner was already on. Kim looked me over, winked and pulled me to the table.

Which instead of being only family also included my "girlfriend" Kara and a small girl I didn't know, who sat next to Taylor's little sister Amber. Amber was standing on her seat messing with the girl's hair, tugging and twisting and cooing, but the girl just smiled, looking at Taylor… who was holding her hand.

Speechless. No worse than that— thoughtless, my mind was blank as I took a seat next to Kara. I knew me and Taylor were soo not happening, but that didn't mean I was okay with him seeing him with someone else. Kara automatically placed her hand on my thigh asking about my recent absence, I had been avoiding her. The Kara girlfriend charade had gone on for long enough. I started dating her because, well because so many other girls were bothering me I thought if I had a girlfriend it would stop. It didn't, some girls liked that even more, and Kara who was once laid back and fun to be around, became annoying and demanding.

I ate dinner slowly, keeping my breathing steady, I didn't want to explode with Kara so close to me and I knew it was coming. My anger was so petty and irrational, there was no other excuse. It's ironic that the one person I wanted to stay human for was the one causing me to turn. It was boiling this stupid fucking goddamn wolf magic was boiling, rolling through my stomach. After cake we all gave him our presents and Taylor hugged me so tight my anger started to subside.

"Thanks man, you're the best," he said hitting my arm, then deciding it wasn't enough he hugged me again.

Taylor was a momma's boy, pure and simple so when the girls left without any pushing he started to clean up around the house. I helped him, following him closely, smelling him with my new nose that was getting more astute by the second. He smelled like soap and laundry detergent, with a hint of rain. Clean and fresh, and in a moment of very weak self-control, I touched his shoulder.

"What?" he asked turning to me with a smile, and I made a decision. I was going to be a wolf. It might not be today, but it was going to be soon. If I wanted to stay friends with him, which I did more than anything, I was going to have to tell him about me. He would be the first person I ever told, and that had to count for something in the end. We were pretty much finished anyway, so I went for it.

"Um, wanna go to the beach?" I sounded like him, nervous and unsure.

"Yeah, sure," he said dropping a dish towel, calling out to Kim and heading out the door.

How was I going to say it? I had no idea, I had imagined coming out a few times—but not to Taylor. I always thought I would tell David first and maybe only David ever. I didn't plan on acting on it, I would be celibate for life.

"I want to tell you something," I said taking a seat next to him in the sand.

"Anything man," he said putting his arm around me. It was a manly gesture, a sign of friendship.

"I'm gay." I had never said it out loud, not once, not even joking. It played in my mind and in my dreams constantly, but saying it now, it wasn't like I expected. I expected to feel scared, ashamed, sad, anything but relief. It felt amazing, terrifying but amazing.

"I know," he said, his arm still on my shoulder.

"I know," and I did. Once he said it, I knew it was true, and that I had known that he knew for a long time. The way he watched me with Kara, small comments here and there—and that's why I chose him, because deep down I knew he knew and he didn't care.

"It's cool with me, you know that. You're my best friend," he said turning to look at me. His eyes had tiny specks of brick red in them, and I tried not to stare too closely.

"You too. I wanted to tell you cuz, um… I know I'm going to phase too soon and I wanted you to know first before it became gossip," I said nodding resolutely.

"Aw man, no. I refuse to accept that. No, you're gunna be fine. Just remember to breathe. There aren't any vamps around here, we're going to be fine," he assured me, but it sounded like something he told himself, like a mantra.

"It's too late for me. I'm growing, I'm hot, I'm angry. But don't go screwing with your qi Taylor or your next," I joked.

"Not me. I'm going to be watching you wolves from the sidelines," he said sadly. "But then, if you're a wolf too, maybe it wouldn't be so bad… Lulu kissed me," he said changing the subject. Lulu? LULU? Ugh! Who the fuck names their kids Lulu?

"Lulu?"

"Yeah the girl that came over. Her name is Louise, we call her Lulu. She's so nice," he was shining, so excited I didn't have the heart to get angry.

"That's cool."

"Yeah, it was my first kiss. Pretty exciting," he said almost hopping with excitement.

"Yeah, they usually are."

"What was your first kiss like?" He asked turning to me.

"I don't think I'm ready to tell that story just yet," I said and he giggled.

"What, don't want to share your stories of man love? I can take it. I'm a big boy." Sometimes he reminded me so much of his mother Kim that I had to laugh.

"Maybe next time."

"You know I wasn't just saying that before. I think it's great that you're gay. I mean it's not great that people are assholes about it but I mean… you know what I mean."

"Yeah, it's great," and all sarcasm aside, this was the first time since I realized I was gay, that I didn't have to hate myself all that much.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 3: Trail of Discarded Clothing

* * *

"What do you want to do tonight?" This was the question of the week. Everyday that we played house with Quil's store we did something together after. Port Angeles, First Beach, the cliffs, the library. And sometimes we would just crash at his house because Ethan and David were still at my place bitching of growing pains. Becoming a wolf was like the world's worst growing pains.

Tai-chi actually seemed to be doing the trick for me, my flairs of hormones were manageable. Taylor taught me the basics of Buddhism and eastern philosophy, something he and Ethan used to share, before his life became wolf-centered. And every night he gave me something to read, sometimes we would discuss it, sometimes we didn't need to.

He didn't treat me differently after the confession; in fact he actually treated me better. Not in the 'hey you're going to die of a terminal illness so I have to be nice to you' way, but like I had earned his respect. And I respected him, he was so… impressive. That's the best way to describe it. Every day he impressed me—yeah, impressive and remarkable best described Taylor. Remarkable in the sense that he deserved being remarked upon, though it seemed no one around seemed to notice him, not the way I did. Girls looked at him yes, but no one saw him.

He was a family man first and foremost. He didn't feel weird or stupid or lame expressing his love for them, especially his sisters, Amber and Annabelle. Every night after work he would steal the baby Annabelle away from Kim or Jared and on occasion a less than willing Brady, her imprint and trained puppy dog.

Taylor would sing to her, read to her, and most adorably rock her to sleep. And to my delight, surprise and sometimes discomfort he didn't shy away from physical contact with me either. He hugged his family, which now included me, whenever he felt like it. Or he'd touch my arm to get my attention (not that my attention strayed from him often), or my favorite just rest his hand on my shoulder when we talked.

I always thought he wasn't much of a talker, but actually he just despised small talk. He could talk for hours about Native rights or environmental protection, things he and Ethan both felt very strongly about. And it was like this that Taylor and I become so fully and irrevocably connected in just weeks.

"Tonight's the wolf party at my place," I said rolling my eyes. "Let's go to yours."

"Oh yeah. I forgot. They should be giving us a party for keeping our shape," he said winking.

"I guess I'll be there be food though. Food should be good." Taylor was a world class eater. He ate more than most men double his size, including wolves.

We headed back to his house after locking up, finding Ethan and David there playing video games. They grudgingly let us join and Taylor sat next to me, his clean, fresh smell filling me with the exciting feeling of coming summer.

I bet he doesn't even notice how when he smiles one of his eyes—the right—closes into an adorable slit, or how he has one very slight dimple on the same side. He sees himself even less than those around him. He knows he's smart, but he has no idea how beautiful he is.

When he beats me he laughs— at me, at my terrible videogaming skills, which have been severely hindered by his presence, although they were never brag-worthy to begin with.

I hate video games, I play them because he wants me to, because I'll pretty much do anything if it means I'm with him. It doesn't bother me when I fail, when I die so often that he laughs, because I love his laugh. When he laughs his ear length, wavy black hair bounces, his bare shoulders rising and falling in a dance.

Oh the things I would do to touch his shoulders, just graze them with my fingertips without repercussions. To kiss the hollow of his collarbone or his defined neck, to have him want me the way I do him. This wasn't crushing, no, it was much worse. I was in love. Stupidly, desperately and painfully in love with Taylor.

"Trisha's coming tonight," David said watching Ethan for a reaction. The revelation that I was in love with my best friend was not a pleasant one, so Trisha and Ethan's Romeo and Juliet like romance was just the ticket to pull me out of my mind. I watched Ethan too. His face went instantly from pained and grumpy to delightedly blank. He really loved her. I wondered if that was how I looked when I thought about Taylor, stupid and mindless, but happy.

"I gotta find something to wear," he said dashing out the door with a huge grin on his face.

"Get back fast. Don't spend too long primping, Pansy!" David called after him, rolling his eyes affectionately. He meant Pansy in the best way possible, I'm sure. Taylor patted my back inconspicuously and went to the kitchen. I followed him, I couldn't help it.

"Want something to drink?" I asked opening his refrigerator.

"How do you deal with that? I just wanted to punch him in the fucking face, talking to you like that," he said huffing. God he was so cute!

"He's not talking to me. He's—he doesn't know about me," I confessed. When I told him, I didn't really go into much detail.

"You didn't tell David?" He asked in shock.

"Would you?" He smiled so sweetly, as if I had just given him a huge compliment and then in true Taylor style he pulled me into a hug.

There are three kinds of hugs you can receive; I have analyzed them a million times since being around Taylor.

There's the relationship neutral: one hand around the shoulder one around the waist, usually given to me by my brother, father or male friends.

The typically girly type: arms wrapped around your neck, given to me by my mom, girl friends, "girlfriends" and Trisha.

And there was a new one, I hadn't received many in my life, but they were Taylor's method: he wrapped his arms around my torso, leaving me free to hug his head to me. I liked them best.

"You ladies done cuddling and sharing secrets? What is this? A sleepover?" David said coming into the room and ruining my moment.

"It's not an official sleep over until we've cried over heartfelt confessions and practiced kissing," Taylor said not missing a beat. Did he just say he wanted to kiss me? Oh god, visuals. Visuals!

"Oh. Kissing? Would this kissing be the American variety or the much more difficult French method," I couldn't help joining in his fun.

"Oh definitely the superior French technique," Taylor said nodding seriously. David stared at us baffled, for a second too long, then just gave up, grabbing a soda and leaving us alone again.

"I actually do have a heartfelt-confession. Um when you phase, I mean if you... You're going to be mad at me, but um—"

"Tay-Tay!" Amber ran in the room, grabbing onto his legs and squealing. He picked her up and swirled her as Kim joined us.

"Where's Ethan?" She asked looking around again.

"He's still making himself pretty for Trisha," Taylor chuckled.

"Ethan hurry up or there'll be no food left for you! We'll meet you there!" She screamed up the backstairs and turned back to us with a bright smile.

"How was the office?" she asked. She called the store our office, I was the President, Taylor was CEO, Ethan was the mail boy and David was the copyboy. I liked that. Mostly because Taylor did.

David and I followed as the Camerons led the way to my place on foot. Taylor babbled about the store with Amber in his arms.

The house was packed. From the windows I could see every corner filled with wolves, wives and kids. Trisha stood by the living room window in a pastel dress, no doubt waiting for her boyfriend.

"Let's wait for Ethan before we elbow our way inside," Taylor suggested as arm hopped out of his arms and followed his mom inside.

Taylor and I plopped on lawn chairs my father has set up haphazardly on the lawn, as David made to elbow his way to the buffet.

There was a series of gasps behind me and my eyes searched for my brother. He stood halfway up the 5 steps to our porch, completely frozen, his eyes locked on Trisha who now stood in the doorway. Then a lot of things happened at once.

Kim whispered, "shit, he imprinted."

Jared and Paul shared the sentiment, both muttering "shit," from different corners of the porch.

Taylor pulled out his cell phone and dashed back the road we just came from.

And Trisha fell to the ground, taking long ragged breaths, clutching her chest. I watched in horror. It was like some terrible, train wreck—I couldn't look away. I wanted to see what Taylor was doing, but I couldn't tear my eyes away as she regained her footing and ran at top human speed away from it all.

My father clapped my brother on the back with pride as Jared walked out followed by Kim who was holding a confused looking Amber. I ran past them at top speed to catch up to Taylor. I found him in the middle of texting at his back door. I didn't ask questions, I just slumped on the stoop and waited for him to respond.

"Shit," he sighed, sitting next to me.

"What?"

"Your brother David, just imprinted on Ethan's reason for existing and he's not here and he's not answering his cell."

"Okay well let's let's cut him off before he get to my place," I turned motioning to follow.

"This is fucked up! David's such a douche," he said crossing his arms over his chest. I love Taylor, I do, soo sooo much. But no one and I mean no one other than me says anything bad about my brother.

"It's not his fault. David and Trisha are soulmates, it's not like he chose it either."

"Soulmates? Come on. Trisha is the best genetic match for him to make little mutant wolf-freaks with. They don't even like each other. She calls him "the cave-man" and now they'll be stuck with each other forever. It's fucked up! You have to agree that's one of the worst parts about being a wolf. Look at Brady, that poor fuck has to follow around my baby sister for two decades before he even has a chance to have sex again. Come on Mark," he reasoned, but the reason wasn't hitting me.

"So what, you think our parents don't love each other?"

"No. They love each other, but they don't have a choice. They have to, right? My dad didn't even know my mom existed and your dad would have been married to Leah by now if it weren't for imprinting," he said as if he were explaining something very simple to someone very stupid. I wasn't going to imprint, it wasn't in the cards for me. One I'm gay and two, I'm never going to be a wolf—but I was a product of that connection and I saw it every day.

"It's—it's," I didn't even know what to say, again Taylor made me speechless.

"This is going to kill him, you know?" He said sadly, and I sighed.

I understood his anger. Taylor loved his family, especially his brother and this was a huge blow! His best friend stealing his girlfriend.

"How can David do this?"

"Again? Look, I know this is going to suck for him, losing his best friend and his girlfriend, but it's not David's fault or Trisha's. It's no one's fault," I said with a note of finality, but Taylor didn't let anyone have the last word.

"Why should he lose his girlfriend?" Taylor asked defensively.

"Because she belongs to David now and they're just going to have to deal with it," and the second I said it I realized how wrong it was.

"I can't believe you of all people would say something so sexist," he rushed past me and I went to grab him but he shrugged me away and stalked off. Fuck! Fucking shit! Fucking, stupid fucking shit!

I was so angry, so angry with myself. How could I have said those things to him. Like that. The anger was so strong, but none of it was directed at him. It didn't matter though, I could feel the heat boiling through my body, like waves, starting at my stomach and rippling out to my limbs down to the tips of my fingers and toes. I was going to phase, I tried to breathe, breathe like Taylor had taught me, but it wasn't working.

I stumbled out into the forest that edged the Cameron house, ripping off my shirt; it was my favorite. The clearing behind his house was uncharted. There were no paths, so I stumbled awkwardly. My hands were already shaking, I kicked off my shoes and took a few more steps, the trembling was making my teeth chatter. I unbuttoned my pants, letting them drop and leaving a trail of clothes behind me as I made my way farther and farther into the forest. It was darker inside, the light from the moon not being able to penetrate the thick trees.

I tripped, and tried to regain my balance falling into a small clearing between our houses and collapsing. This was the last thing I wanted. I wasn't ready for this. I wasn't ready to share my thoughts, my love, my life with a pack full of men— none of them would react like Taylor had. Taylor was one of a kind. Taylor. Taylor. Taylor.

"Mark?!" The smell of fresh laundry and soap reached me before I could see his face.

"Stay back," I warned. My father might have been able to live with scarring my mother, but I wouldn't be as strong.

"What's wrong?" Taylor asked, rushing to me despite my warning. I couldn't hurt him, I could kill him, and I couldn't live with removing someone so amazing from the earth. I tried to calm myself, but the thoughts, the nagging painful knowledge that Taylor would never feel for me what I did for him were clouding me. It hurt. Everything: my body, my mind, my guilt. I was so wrong, so out of line, feeling so strongly for him.

"I'm going to phase, you need to get away," I said, my voice was gruff, it didn't sound like me.

"No you're not. Mark, no!" He got even closer, kneeling next to me and forcing me into a sitting position. He was so much smarter than this. Why was he being so stupid?

"Taylor, I can't help it. Better me than you. Now get the fuck away from me so I can do this," I demanded.

"No! If I'm the only thing keeping you human then I'm staying here. Breathe, just like I taught you. Come on. Relax your torso. Lay back if it helps. You don't have to be this! I'm sorry about earlier, if I made you mad and you phased, Mark I won't forgive myself," he said looking me in the eyes. It was the mesmerizing red flecks in his chocolate brown eyes that calmed me.

He was inches from my face, and a different kind of burning took me over. I wanted him so bad. I thought for a second I could take it. I could throw him down, I could kiss him, touch him, rub him, feel him under me. His heartbeat was fast, he was staring at me, terrified, and I turned away. It had passed, the boiling anger, the lust, everything. I dropped back to the ground and exhaled loudly.

"Thanks. I think I'm okay," I said breathing deeply again for good measure.

"Good, I thought I really was going have to kiss you," he said smiling. I sat up, looked at him. His expression was very serious and I had to laugh.

"I don't think kissing me would have been the solution. It would have been nice and all but—"

"Hey! No sarcasm! I'm sure kissing me would be better than some dude you didn't even know at summer camp!" Was he seriously saying this? He was offended I didn't want to kiss him?

"I wasn't being sarcastic," I said honestly.

"Okay. Good… I think. Um… I think that conversation should be stricken from the record," he said after a long moments deliberation.

"Done and done," I said wiping an imaginary board.

"So um. I came back to make a truce," he said pulling me to my feet. "Look I know you're down with this imprinting stuff and you have David's back, I understand," he said, as if he understood but it still made him sad.

"Taylor—"

"No, let me finish. You're my best friend. I know family comes first, fine, but you're my best friend and I don't want to lose you over stupid wolf drama," he said placing his hand on my shoulder.

"You know I have to take his side," I sighed, it was true. I had no control over that, it was my own form of imprinting. David was my other half and I couldn't let him down.

"Same here, but we can't let it affect us. So what? You're a republican, I'm a democrat. We can still be friends at the end of the day," he smirked.

"Why do I have to be the republican?"

"It's just an analogy," he chuckled. "You left a trail bread crumbs leading back to the Uley residence huh," he said picking up my shorts and tossing them to me. I put them on and followed him to the back of my house.

"We're going to be okay?" He asked as I made my way to the door.

"Perfect," I said, taking the lead and hugging him first.

"Love ya man," Taylor said squeezing me before letting go.

"I love you too."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 4: Karma Fucks the Uley Twins**

* * *

And I was gone. One second I was me. Then I wasn't.

It felt like fire, and also like ice. Like the tingling sensation you experience when you hold something cold for too long.

It was a black hole. An abyss. I couldn't see anything. But I could sense, hear and smell more than I ever had. The leaves were dancing in the cool breeze, wafting an odor a lot like old compose—sweet and rotting—to my sensitive nose.

There was a rustling a few feet away, and I blanched as the smell approached, burning my nostrils. I realized then that I couldn't see anything because my eyes were tightly closed, fucking brilliant of me. I pried them open, taking in my surroundings. All forests around here look the same once you were in the thick of it.

There was a small clearing behind me, giving me a fleeting view of the horizon as the sun was setting, splashing the sky like a tie-dye canvas of blues, purples and pinks.

 **Vamp at the Uley's. I'm on it. Embry?** It was Collin's voice. I turned trying to find him, but he wasn't around, I was alone in the forest, which forest I didn't know. Where was he? Where was I?

 **Is that you Embry?**

 **Where am I Collin?** I asked, but I didn't have time to hear a response. A woman, small, beautiful and putrid smelling stepped in my line of sight. Images. Far away, not my own, filled my mind. Collin was running towards me at top speed. I could smell myself through his memory, he was tracking me.

I was a wolf, and she was a vampire. A vampire I didn't know how to fight.

I was going to die.

I was going to die and I didn't care. I wanted to. I had nothing left in the world, other than David. For a long time I thought having him was enough, that he was all I needed for the rest of my life, but then came Taylor. My karmic curse. Ironic that he taught me about Buddhism and Karma in the first place when he was the very vessel for my karmic destruction. A beautiful, amazing, perfect, but evil vessel whose purpose in life was to mock me with everything I didn't deserve. To overtly tempt me with things I shouldn't have wanted in the first place.

A howl filled the forest, the top edge of the sun disappearing over the horizon. Twilight. The end of the day. The end of my life. It felt all very Shakespearean and was, as far as deaths go, beautiful. I waited for her to come to me, she smirked, her perfect, unnaturally symmetrical face taunting me. How did I get here? It's a long and winded story, of no worth, and yet it started innocently enough with a family meeting.

 _"I'm calling a family meeting," I announced to the room. We were all here, my father sitting in the living room with David at his side, my mother twittering around the kitchen, a veritable hummingbird; buzzing here and there._

 _"You can do that?" David asked looking at me puzzled._

 _"Yes. I believe I can," I said with uncertainty. I had never done it before, but it seemed as a member of the family I had the authority to do so._

 _David stood immediately and came to my side, sitting at the table. My dad sauntered over, looking at me with a blank face. He sat, and I watched, waiting for my mom to come over and join the rest of us._

 _"I'm just going to say this now, because some time today I'm going to phase," I said letting my voice carry to my mother a few feet away. She froze, her hand resting against a plate she had previously been scraping._

 _"Really? Dude that's awesome!" David stood clapping me roughly on the back._

 _"Mom, come on," he motioned and she turned off the water, shaking out her hands and slowly approaching the table. David was her favorite, shit he was Dad's favorite too, so she wouldn't deny him anything._

 _She didn't look up at me, and neither did my father, he was too busy checking her, worrying about her reaction, so was I. Did she know what I was going to say? Did she not want me to say it?_

 _I decided to tell them, to tell my family about my sexual preference before they all found out from somewhere else. It was only fair. Although I started to think it shouldn't be necessary. Why should I have to tell them? David didn't have to tell them he liked women._

 _"I'm gay," the words were out on the table and I sat back waiting for a response. David stopped breathing, I could tell by the way his shoulders hitched. He stood there, with his deep thinking face, a look he made when watching movies that included things other than car chases and explosions, or in Spanish class, which he was repeating once again._

 _My mother finally looked up at me, tears in her eyes. My father watched her, his fist in tight balls. She put her head down, a single tear dropping onto her lap. Dad stood up, crossing the room to sit next to her, he still hadn't acknowledged me, this was something I was used to. My mother was the center of his universe._

 _I got tired of the silence so I spoke again, this time my voice was shaking._

" _Just thought you should know," I said heading towards the door. I needed to see Taylor. He would know just the right thing to say, and maybe, if I was lucky he would hold me._

 _"Wait," it was David, not the first person I expected to respond. He stood, staring across the room at me. It was like looking in a funhouse mirror now. His face was still exactly like mine, except for his eyes which were a shade darker, but he had grown so much in the last two weeks he was a head taller than me. I waited but he didn't say anything, just stared at me, when I made to leave the room again, not being able to handle the tremendous tension in the room, he ran at me and I flinched._

 _I had no idea what he wanted to do to me. He stopped right before he reached me, staring at my raised hands, that were now covering my face. I put them down, feeling ashamed at myself when I saw his pained eyes. Even if he was mad, he wouldn't attack me. We had only had one physical altercation previously, an occasion where I successfully taught him a bit of humility while instilling a healthy fear of ankle biting. I was a dirty fighter._

 _"Sorry," I whispered and he looked down at the floor for a second before pulling me into a hug. My tears came before I could stop them, or even analyze them._

 _Why was I crying? Was it because I had hurt my mother? Was it because my father didn't care enough about my existence to be hurt by my choices? Or was I crying because David's hug was warm, real, loving. I had known my father would be indifferent, he was indifferent about my very being and I had thought my mother would be upset, but I hadn't been able to gauge David. He held me tight, I wouldn't be able to break free even if I wanted to—but I didn't want to. He was my family, I didn't care anymore what they did, he was every bit of family wrapped in one._

 _"I love you."_

 _"I love you."_

 _I don't know who said it first but we both did. My mother burst into wracking sob that made my father scoop her out of her seat and send me one fleeting glance before taking her to her room._

 _"So is Taylor, like… your um—man?" he asked scratching his head and leading me outside._

 _I sniffled, wiping the tears with the back of my hand._

 _"No. He's just my friend," I said taking a seat next to him on the lawn chairs._

 _"But you like him," he could be perceptive, when things were thrown in his face._

 _"Do you really wanna talk about this?" I asked raising my eyebrow._

 _"If you do, then yeah I do."_

 _"Yeah. I'm in love with him," I admitted, just like coming out of the closet, saying it out loud felt oddly thrilling. I never thought I'd be in love and even though it consumed my life and mind with doubt and insecurity, it was sort of nice._

 _"Cradle-robber," he chuckled._

 _"Oh me? Trisha's the same age as Taylor," I sad smacking his arm._

 _"Yes, but she was born at least six months earlier," Mark defended._

 _"Have you talked to her?" I asked._

 _"Yeah. But I don't want to talk about it. Nope lover boy, this is about you. So what? Is Taylor gay? I mean, he called you being gay way before the rest of us, so I'm guessing he has some super sensitive gaydar… only other gays get that special power," he said quickly. I had no idea what he was talking about: gaydars, and special powers, calls._

 _"What?"_

 _"Taylor. He and Ethan had a bet going. If you were gay, Ethan had to give him three months allowance," David said laughing. I wasn't. That was the least funny thing I heard in a long time._

 _He knew. He said he knew, but he knew because it was a joke to him. I—me—my sexuality, the heaviest weight on my shoulders, the biggest curse that inflicted my life was one big joke to him; a way to make money off of his less observant brother. Maybe he got more if I fell for him._

 _"I need to go," I said rushing out of my seat and through the lip of the forest._

 _And I was gone._

 _One second I was me and then I wasn't._

 _My transformation wasn't like the times before, my anger boiling through my body giving me a chance to calm. No. I just exploded. I was me me, an angry, sad, pathetic bastard teenager, and then I was a wolf. A huge blue grey wolf, with paws as wide as basketballs, running wildly away from it all._

The vampire seemed to know me, she didn't dance around me, I presented no challenge to her. She sauntered over as if she were meeting a friend. And to me that's what she was. She was my sweet friend Death; the end to my bull-shit excuse for a life.

A cause of pain to my mom.

Shame to my dad.

A joke to the only person I had ever opened myself up to.

And now a wolf, doomed to La Push for the rest of my miserable immortal, lonely life.

 _ **Mark? You have to fight, kid. She's going for the neck, get low!**_ Collin demanded, but I didn't move.

 _ **Mark! What are you doing, dude? Get the fuck out of there.**_ It was David.

David, the only good thing I had left in my life and he would be gone soon too—wrapped around Trisha so tightly there would be no room for me. Just like dad.

I was knocked to the ground, David using me as a springboard to pounce on the vamp, who sneered and backed away as David attacked, going straight for her neck. There was a sound like stone being carved with a diamond, loud and cringe-worthy.

Collin came into the clearing, eyeing me confused and worried. He thought I was suicidal. He was right.

She was dead, ripped, halved, and burned. But I hadn't moved. I lie flat on a bed of leaves, praying this would end.

This was some sort of nightmare. Taylor couldn't have done this to me. Duped me. Played me like an idiot. But I was. I was an idiot who fell for his bullshit.

 _ **Shit. You**_ **are** _**gay.**_

 _ **Not a good time for this Collin.**_ My father's calm, collected mind broke through the flurry.

 _ **Mark. If you want to phase back you're going to need to calm down.**_ He said. Easy for him to say, heartless asshole.

 _ **Mark, he can hear that you know?**_ Collin said nervously.

He was worried, worried about how my father would react. He didn't want to see me hurt. It was touching, sort of. I laughed, it came out like a bark. Collin had nothing to worry about. Like my father would care enough to react to anything I did— piece of shit, lousy excuse for a father.

 _ **Mark!**_ It was David. Of course he would defend my father, his father. Not my father. David was the heir and I was just the unfortunate spare.

I always lived in my mind, and I realized that I hadn't ever learned how to control it. My deepest most resentful thoughts were flooding to the surface without a filter.

 _ **I'm going to phase out and let you guys deal with the family issues in peace.**_ Collin thought evenly and then his warm presence was gone.

 _ **Mark, if you have something to say to me then get it out now. You're part of the pack now, so we should deal with this.**_ He was so formal. Ugh!

 _ **You're not my boss. I'm not joining this pack. I'm not staying here. Fuck this! And fuck you! I'm tired of trying, of worrying about you—about what you'll think of me. Trying to make you happy. I'm done, trying hard, doing everything to make you proud, I'll never be like David!**_

 _ **I am proud of you.**_

 _ **Don't talk to me! Fuck you! Fuck this pack! Fuck werewolves!**_ I was at a loss for anything intelligent to say. They wouldn't understand anyways stupid assholes.

 _ **No. Fuck you Mark! I might not be smart but at least I'm not an asshole!**_ And David was gone too.

I wished Seth was here, even Brady, shit any other wolf would be better help calming me right now. Just the sight of my father's black coat was making me angry.

 _ **I know what you're going through son. I understand.**_

 _ **That's rich. You understand? You understand what it's like to be so massively fucked up? To hate yourself more and more every day? To pray to any god that will listen, to beg them to change you? To wait anxiously every day for the persona you created to be destroyed, for everyone to see you for who you really are. To be in love with someone and know they will never, ever, ever want you back, because you're disgusting? You don't know me or what I have gone through so don't act like you do!**_

And I was done with my pathetic ramblings. Suddenly I was lying naked and sweating on the forest floor, a sharp twig digging deeply in my skin, which burned. I imagined this is what it felt like to be put on the medieval torture device the 'rack'. To be pulled and broken, dislocating your joints and your skin drawing so tight on your body you wanted to cry but I was done with tears. I was done with crying and wasted efforts and caring.

I pushed myself up to my feet and I felt taller, as if I had someone gained inches in phasing. I felt the air shift behind me and my dad was back, throwing me sweats he had had the foresight to wrap around his leg for me. I put them on and before I could walk away he hugged me, not like David and not like Taylor, it was a crushing, forceful hug.

"I love you. Mark I love you. I don't understand you. I don't. Whose parents do? But I need you to know I love you and I'm proud of you," I heard the words but they didn't really reach me, nothing could reach me now.

I was going into cruise control, it was much better than confronting the pain upfront. I nodded letting him go. Physically, I was in the most excruciating pain of my life. Halfway home my knees got weak and my dad placed his arm under my shoulder supporting me.

When we got to my house, my mom ran to the door, pushing my father away and embracing me. She spoke, but I didn't listen. I fell into the closest seat, a loveseat in my living room and curled into a ball, trying to keep myself from bursting again.

"Oh man. Mark, are you okay?" Taylor came rushing through my kitchen to the living room taking up the small corner of the loveseat I wasn't occupying. He was smiling, his eyes doing that mismatched crinkle thing. It made me cold inside, I was so disappointed. I never relied on someone so much before and now I knew why.

"Get away from me," I sighed, rolling over.

"Does it really hurt that bad?" He asked trying to sound concerned but I knew he wasn't, not really.

"Get the hell out!" I screamed, kicking my legs out so he had nowhere to sit. He fell to the floor with a 'hmph'.

"What the fuck is going on?"

"Taylor, I need you to leave before I phase again," I said clenching my fist.

"Are you mad at me or something?" He used his sweet, innocent voice and it made my blood boil. I was going to phase, and he was next to me. A small nagging part of me said I'd regret it in the morning but the rest of me wanted to. Wanted to explode and hurt him, punish him for making a fool of me, for making me love him without even the slightest chance of reciprocation.

"Did Ethan pay you yet? Did you get the money the day I told you I was gay or does he need proof," I asked standing. My mother ran into the room, trying to get Taylor away from me, but he dodged around her.

"Mark. I tried—"

"Just leave!" I screamed. My hands were trembling and David came to my side looking at Taylor cruelly.

"Get out kid, he's gunna blow," David warned. Taylor shot him a cold glare but obeyed, walking to the door and looking back at us before huffing and running out.

"Wanna go for a run or something. It makes it feel better—the transformation pains. It's better when you're in wolf form."

"I don't want to be a wolf," I said through clenched teeth, it really hurt.

"Well you are, so get over it," he said with a David pouty face.

"Sorry. For everything. I didn't mean it. I don't think you're dumb, David," I wasn't lying he wasn't a book-worm yes—but he wasn't the stupid.

"It's cool. I know what am I and what I'm not. I just… I'm in a bad mood," David was rarely in a bad mood, he was generally a happy go lucky kind of guy.

"What's up?" The tone of his voice was distracting me from the searing pain in my legs.

"I've tried to see Trisha and she's… not playing nice," he sighed.

"I'm sorry man. It'll take some time, she really loves him," I hissed. My legs felt as if they were being pulled from their sockets.

He placed his arm around my shoulder and dragged me out of the back door. We sat side by side.

The Uley twins: karmic jokes, genetic freaks, heartbroken teenagers— commiserating the loss of people we never had.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 5: Hi I'm Mark, Destroyer of Friendships**

* * *

David took over for me at work the next day, I didn't really want to be there, especially since I knew Taylor would come and try to talk to me. He knew me better than I thought, he climbed into my window at half past eight, when he knew my parents would still be sleeping and David would be gone for work.

"Mark. Please, listen to me please," he begged, sitting on the corner of my bed.

David and I share a room, divided by a curtain my mom installed about four years back. Our beds were both pinned to the walls in an attempt to make as much room as possible in the middle. The curtain was pulled back because last night David and I had fallen asleep talking, but there was still an invisible line, separating the cluttered chaos that was David's side and mine.

Looking down at him on the foot of my bed, I thought about pouncing him, about kissing him. For one it would get him away from me, no straight man was going to be cool with that. And two I would have gotten to touch his big pink lips with mine.

I was pissed, furious with him, but a huge part of me still wanted him. I didn't move, afraid of what I'd do. I should have moved because he lied down next to me a second later.

"Mark, please. I couldn't sleep. I've been up for like ten hours thinking about what I was going to say to you."

He still wanted to talk to me. He had to know by now. Collin knew I wanted Taylor. He had patrol last night with Ethan. Ethan and Taylor were as close as me and David, so he had to have told him.

"Did you talk to Ethan?" I asked coolly.

"No. He's meditating in the woods. He needs time to balance his qi and take stock of his life. I think he's planning to fast under a tree like the great Siddhartha for a while," he said with a hint of admiration.

"Who?" I was stumped, and that didn't happen often.

"The great teacher, Supreme Buddha. In life he was known as Siddhartha Gotama. He sat under the Bohdi tree and vowed never to leave until he found the ultimate Truth. He attained true Enlightenment after 49 days of meditation, and arose the 'Awakened One'," Taylor was like a walking talking Buddhist encyclopedia. He and Ethan had become Buddhist three years ago after a visit to Leah's yoga studio.

"Oh," that's just about the only thing you can say to a five second run-down of religious history.

Taylor turned on his side so he was facing me, his lips were less than two inches away and I turned around so I wouldn't be tempted. He pulled at my back trying to make me turn around and look at him, but since I went wolf last night, I had grown even larger than David and he was still the same sized Taylor. I was in pain, every part of my body still hurt, but having him touch me was like a high.

Then he did something I had often dreamed about, something I brought with me to the shower every day. He climbed on top of me.

"Look at me damnit!"

I did. His eyes had dark circles under them and he looked ill, but still gorgeous. Still the most beautiful guy I had ever met.

"I'M SORRY! It was so stupid. I didn't know you! I didn't understand. I still don't understand. I don't know how hard this must be for you and I'm sorry I made it harder. I've never felt so bad in my life! I would never ever ever hurt you, Mark, I—"

"What's going on?" My mom came in the room and then turned right back around.

I was confused for a second, she had stunned me too much to give me time to put two and two together, but once I did I realized what she saw. She saw me lying on the bed, Taylor on top of me, holding my arms down—and when I realized what she saw I became painfully aware of his body on mine.

"Shit! Sorry. I don't know what I was doing. Mark, I haven't slept in almost 48 hours. I'm delirious here. Please just forgive me," he begged.

Deep down I knew, and I guess I always knew, he couldn't be so callous, so cruel, it wasn't in him. He didn't mean to hurt me and he didn't know me then the way he does now but I couldn't forgive him.

In my heart he was forgiven the second he walked in, but out loud, I didn't have that liberty. I didn't want to forgive him, knowing he would abandon me again as soon as one of the wolves told him how much I loved him. I didn't want to get close and then be hurt again.

And even if by some small chance me being in love with him didn't scare him away from me, he would never feel the same and I would spend the rest of time wanting him. Living and breathing so close to him, but not being able to touch, kiss, hold him the way I wanted to was not a life I could look forward to.

I could jerk off every night, dreaming about him but it wouldn't be enough in the end. The last month of having him near me was already putting me at a boiling point.

"Taylor. I can't. So just go," I looked him in the eyes when I said it and my heart fell to the soles of my feet when I saw the pain there.

I was the world's biggest asshole. I was hurting him, one of the sweetest guys on earth because I was such a sexually frustrated fag I couldn't handle being near him. He ran down out the door and before he reached the last step I heard him sob. I listened to him sobbing as he ran into the trees. I couldn't breathe, the pain was so heavy it was suffocating me.

I screamed. It was short and not loud enough to wake neighbors but loud enough for my mom to call David. I heard her on the kitchen phone, she hadn't spoken to me since I came out. She sent me sidelong glances and occasionally burst into tears but we hadn't spoken. She walked into my room, blushing scarlet and sitting on the foot of my bed like Taylor had done.

"I called David, I know you probably need someone to talk to right now, and I know you wouldn't want to talk to me about it," she said quietly.

"You haven't said a word to me since I came out. So what you really mean to say is you're not comfortable talking to me about it," I spat back. Why the hell not? I'd finally told my dad what I thought of him, why not my mom too.

"That's… I know you're angry and I don't know what to say to you, Mark. I can't—I'm not good at this," she said biting at her nails, it was a habit David and I had picked up from her.

"You don't have to say anything. Forget it," I went to stand but she grabbed my hand.

"I love you. You're my baby. I love you so much, you know that at least," she said still holding my hand.

"Yeah, mom," I said taking another step to go.

"I'm not mad that you're gay, and I'm not sad or disappointed either. I swear. I'm just worried. I'm more upset about you being a wolf honestly," she sighed and I sat down next to her.

"Worried about what?" I asked.

"About you. You have been against being a wolf for so many years, Mark. When you said you were going to phase, I felt so bad. My heart broke for you. I felt like I failed you somehow," she cried.

"Relax, I don't blame you," I whispered, but she continued crying.

"And then—I knew you loved him. I never put the word gay to it, maybe it was a denial thing, but I knew you were in love with Taylor. I watched you, the way you watched him. I don't want you to lose that, I don't want you to be without him. He's made you so bright, you glow now. For the last two years you've been like this dark cloud and now baby, you glow and it's beautiful, and I was scared this wolf thing was going to ruin everything and I started to blame myself and I'm sorry I wasn't more supportive. It was a lot to handle at once. David's got an imprint who hates him and now you… well you know," she said finally looking up at me.

"We weren't doing anything you know. You just came in at the wrong time. He just, wanted to make me listen, to apologize," I sighed.

"Oh. Oh! Well, I'll admit, I'm a little sorry to hear that I didn't walk in on something more exciting," she giggled, then sighed. "I heard about that bet. I'm really sorry. I know it must have hurt, but can I give you some advice," she asked taking my hand in both of hers.

"Yeah."

"Let him off the hook. He's—well, Kim didn't raise bad kids. That boy is one of a kind, and if he says he's sorry, he means it," she said standing. I stood with her and she wrapped her arms around my torso.

"You're huge you know. Like Jake," she joked, kissing my hand as David came in.

"What happened Momma. Is everything okay?" He looked around as if there might be some danger. He was as protective of our momma as our dad was.

"I just think Mark needs some time with his brother. You two have been working all summer, let Quil run the store for today, he could use a distraction. He is crawling up the walls without Claire," my mom said standing on her toes and kissing us both on the cheek once— then as if it wasn't enough, she did it twice.

"What'd you do to Taylor?" he asked as soon as she was out of the room.

"I—hey wait. Why do you assume I did something? He could have—"

"Because if he did something to you he wouldn't be crawled in a ball crying in the forest. Poor little guy." My heart sped. Maybe this was the wrong way to go about it. I couldn't stand the thought of hurting him. I got up and David followed me.

"David, I need to talk to him alone," I said.

"No way you're going out there alone. Ethan's out there. I smell him, if he sees you making his baby brother cry, he'll kill you… or at least try," he said eyeing my size.

Like wolves in the wild, the largest and toughest werewolf in the pack was usually the alpha— through some weird twist of fate I was as large as my dad and I wondered how many people would notice that. I had never wanted to be a wolf in the first place, so I was not going to be challenging anyone, much less my father to a battle for supreme leadership. I'd just as soon become a stripper.

"You saw Ethan? Did you talk?" I asked as we headed out the back door.

"No, he was yogaing or something under a tree. I didn't want to bother him… and I don't know if he wants to see me yet." David tried to play it cool, but I could hear the pain in his voice. He missed Ethan, a lot.

"He's meditating. Once he's finished, I'm sure he'll feel better and he'll forgive you," I said patting his back. I wasn't sure if that was true or not. Ethan loved Trisha more than oxygen, but it was possible.

I could hear their voices ahead, Ethan was telling him we were coming and that they should leave but I had to talk to him, even if Ethan was there. It could be good for us all to talk it out. We had been friends since we were in diapers, if we tried couldn't we all figure out a way to fix this giant cluster fuck?

Taylor was the first to spot me. He looked at me sadly for a second.

"Ethan, dude, where you been? I've missed you," David called nonchalant. Bad move. I don't know what he was thinking. Maybe he thought if he acted like nothing happened they could go back to the way it was. It was a desperate attempt of a not so bright wolf.

Ethan growled and I turned away from Taylor, I had so much to say but keeping David and Ethan from killing each other suddenly became. Ethan rushed him and I went to pull them apart but Ethan burst, his claw cutting my hand in the process. The cut wasn't deep and it started to heal right away, but Taylor gasped and grabbed it examining me. His touch was like fire and I wasn't sure if it was his heat or just my sick desire for him. David phased quickly and I pushed Taylor back. I didn't want him getting hurt.

Ethan was fast, stealthy, and he had David who was big and slow, pinned in a second. David stood still, and then I realized why, David wasn't trying to fight back. Ethan could kill him, he wasn't fighting back. David felt guilty. He hadn't said it, he hadn't mentioned it once, but he felt guilty for ruining the thing Ethan cherished most—his relationship with Trisha.

I was phased before I could think about it and I charged at Ethan, who was no longer Ethan in my eyes but the enemy. If you told me two days ago I would ever hurt Ethan I would have laughed, but the rage I felt seeing him attack David was overwhelming.

 _ **Mark, this is not your fight, back off!**_ Ethan screamed trying to scramble from under me, I was too big for him to overpower.

 _ **My brother's fight is my fight.**_ And it was true, it always had been. Just like him and Taylor, we fought as a team. I thought of Taylor, of our time together. When I came out, when David told me about the bet, when he pinned me on the bed today. Of hearing him cry. I got distracted and Ethan flipped me over, biting at my neck, but David rammed him; finally joining the fight for real. It would be all too easy to take him out.

"DAD! EMBRY! SETH! They're going to kill him," Taylor was screaming.

David had Ethan on the ground and I started to back away, what was I doing? I couldn't control my emotions anymore. Ethan had always been David's friend first and foremost and I had always been a little jealous of the connection they had, stronger in ways then our own, but he was my friend too.

Taylor burst into fur with grace. He charged at David and with a sickening tearing noises he clawed into his back. The smell of David's blood brought back the wolf fury. Using Ethan as a stepping stone I bound over them flying into Taylor.

I didn't mean to do it. I just wanted to stop him. I didn't see the tree. I didn't know the force of my body sent him sailing so far.

The sound his body made when I slammed him against the tree made me want to vomit. He collapsed on the floor and I did too. I couldn't breathe. I wouldn't ever be able to live with myself if hurt Taylor.

 _ **Taylor.**_

Two new minds joined the group but I was too distracted to figure out who it was. Taylor's breathing was hard, and the fear and pain made it impossible for me to phase back but I wanted to. I didn't want him to see my mind now. To hear and feel all of the love I had for him, it was overwhelming even me.

David and Ethan were still fighting behind us, but I couldn't see it. The world around me was blank I only saw Taylor. He was almost completely white like Ethan, but he had creamy grey paws and a grey black muzzle. He was beautiful, even as a wolf. There was blood soaking into his snow white fur and I tried to turn away but couldn't.

 _ **I'm not going to kill you!**_ David had gotten the upper-hand with Ethan but I didn't look, I was dizzy. I needed air. I was suffocating. Embry pushed me aside and pinned David to the ground in one easy motion, while Collin came to Taylor's side.

A new scent came into the clearing and the floor started to feel like it was rising. The last thing I heard before I fainted was: _**She is MINE!**_

I wasn't out for long, maybe a few minutes top. When I came to the first thing I did was look for Taylor, Trisha was at his side, petting him and trying to get him to phase back.

When I went toward him she hissed like a cat and I stepped back. She stood up and Collin rushed behind a tree phasing back and coming to Taylor's side. I didn't watch her as she ascended on my brother and Ethan. I could care less if she hated us all forever, all I wanted now was for Taylor to forgive me. I was the only one left in wolf form, but my brain and body was in overdrive I couldn't control myself enough to go back.

"How dare you?! How dare you touch him?" She screamed from behind me. I wanted to tell her it was me, that I had done it and that nothing she said could make me feel worse. But then I realized she was talking about Ethan. She was mad that David had hurt Ethan. David tried to talk but Trisha cut him off, she was fuming.

"No. You don't get to talk! Why can't you leave me the hell alone? Huh? I've told you repeatedly, that I don't want you! I want nothing to do with you! I wish—I wish you'd never been born." That stung. That hurt even me, but it also distracted me enough to phase back. David ran off and I was torn, Taylor or David. For once in my life I chose someone over David.

I needed to make sure he Taylor was okay, Trisha turned back to me and I realized I was naked. I tried to curl up to hide myself but she waved it off and I walked a little self consciously behind Collin who carried Taylor's broken body in front of me.

I could hear his heart, so I knew he was alive, but he looked bad. If he did die, I was joining him. The guilt was so strong it was like a new emotion. I was beyond remorse.

The second I got into the door, Jared passed me some pants and demanded to know what happened. No one answered. Embry slid in behind me pulling his wife Leticia to his side and eyeing me, waiting for me to answer.

Amber was in the kitchen snacking and Helen picked her up, rushing her out of the room as Collin laid Taylor on his stomach on the dining room table.

"What do you think happened? Their meathead son tried to attack our Ethan and Taylor got hurt trying to protect him."

My mom and dad were in the kitchen. I had heard them say they were going to the Cameron's earlier about the imprinting business, but I didn't expect to see them here now. I wished they weren't. I didn't want them to know what an embarrassment I was.

"I'll call Sue," my dad said leaving the kitchen. Embry shook his head whispering in Letty's ear, no doubt telling her my shame.

"I can't fucking believe this," Kim turned, rubbing Taylor's cheek. She had fat tears streaming down her high cheekbones, I never felt so ashamed in my life.

"My baby," she murmured.

"You know David wouldn't do this on purpose, Kim," my mom screamed. Her immediate trust in us made me sick, I started to dry heave.

Leticia slid in beside me and grabbed my hand. She was stronger than she looked and with little effort she pulled me to the bathroom, rinsing out a towel with cold water and dabbing my face. It felt good. She motioned for me to sit on the toilet. I didn't want to be away from Taylor. I wanted to throw myself at their mercy, but she was strong and she pushed me down.

"Sit," she commanded. Rinsing out Taylor's blood and using the cold rag to clean off the mud and other things I hadn't noticed were stuck on my body.

She was so gentle that the tears I had been holding in fell in a steady trickle.

"Ju know what?" Leticia didn't wait for me to answer she just went on.

"We all do terrible things in our life. It's how we deal with them afterwards that makes us who we are."

A pitiful sob from deep in my chest escaped my lips and she dropped the towel in the sink, pulling me into a hug. My sobs were loud and ragged and I had to let go of her to fully inhale. I was hyperventilating.

She opened the bathroom door to allow more air in but when she heard the commotion outside she rushed to the kitchen leaving me alone.

I heard Rachel screaming and I ran into the living room to find all of the wolf-pack mothers (minus Helen) in a tense circle. I had never seen my mother glare at her friends the way she was now.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hang on just a second! What makes you think Ethan going away would make Trisha suddenly change her mind?! In case you haven't noticed, she hates your imbecile of a son. Honestly, Emily, I've met yams with more going on upstairs than David!" I had never in my life heard Kim utter one bad word about anyone in the pack, not seriously at least. It stung. She wasn't talking about me, but Kim babysat us, watched us, read to us.

I started to cry again and Helen came to my side, putting her hands over my ears and pulling my head down to hers.

"She doesn't mean it, Mark. She's just upset. She loves you and David, just like I do." Leticia joined us, interweaving our fingers and wrapping her arm around Helen's waist.

"Oh, and Ethan's any better?! That boy has his head in clouds most of time. So pretentious! Reading a book about Buddha doesn't make him a fucking genius. Imprints don't lie Kim, you've been there. Trisha doesn't belong with Ethan so why prolong the inevitable?" My mom was just as out of line. And I knew she didn't mean it. I knew it because she was always so proud of Ethan and his causes. She made him special meatless meatballs on spaghetti night and vegetable soup when he was sick. She donated money to his Free Tibet campaign. She loved him. How could she say those things?

"That might be and I feel bad for her… she'll be stuck having to communicate via grunts and hand signals!" Kim screamed. I've known Kim all my life, she has always been like a second mother a sweet loving woman. But I also knew that she was ten times tougher than any woman around, including my mother.

She came close, very close to my mom, and I knew what was going to happen next. Before Leticia could reach them Kim extended her right hand and shoved my mom hard.

"Get out of my house Emily!"

My dad was fast as lightning. The dropped the phone in his hand and before I could blink he stood between them, towering over Kim.

My mom put her hand on his shoulder to pull him back but he doesn't budge. It had gone too far and it was all my fault.

Jared pulled Kim behind him protectively before my dad could react. Would he hit her? I didn't even know at this point.

"What the fuck, Uley?!" Jared shouted. Jared didn't shout, he was always laughing and joking.

"Control your wife, Cameron!" My dad screamed in Jared's face.

"My wife can take care of herself! Maybe you should tell your wife to back the fuck off my son!" Jared rebutted. Wow! He was right my mom was out of line. Kim had every right to be mad but no one and I mean no one, stood up to my father.

It all happened before I could say anything. My dad went to punch him and Jared dodged, pushing him to the floor. They landed in the kitchen next to me, punching and cursing and I did the first thing that came to mind. I grabbed my father from behind and dragged him toward the front door just as Taylor regain consciousness.

"What happened?" His eyes were wide and confused and I cringed when I saw the large purple and green bruises on his ribs. He tried to cover them with his hands but they were too big.

"I hurt you and I'm sorry!" I sobbed. My father went slack in my arms and all eyes turned to me.

"It wasn't David, it was me! I didn't know how strong I was, I didn't mean it. I just wanted everyone to stop fighting!" The depth of my sorrow painted every word.

"We're leaving!" My dad called grabbing my mom and me, pulling me as I tried to convey through my eyes every ounce of regret.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 6: I Always Liked Bananas**

* * *

"She hates me, Mark," David said slamming himself down on my bed, it creaked and he pounded his fist a few times for good measure.

I hadn't moved from my bed or spoken in four hours and I didn't really feel like lying to him. I didn't want to sit spouting bullshit like, 'she's just confused. She'll come around', because I didn't believe it. She probably did hate him. The two of us were fucked and we needed to resign ourselves to that fate.

"We should runaway. Move to Las Vegas and do tag-team wrestling. We were pretty good together today," he said with only a half laugh. That was an idea, the two of us rolling around in spandex with sweaty men. There could be worse fates that's for sure.

"Lets call that Plan B," I sighed, turning to face him.

"Underground street fighting in New York?"

"I put you two on patrol with Embry, Brady and Seth so you should be leaving now," my dad announced coming in the room. He stopped to examine us. We must have looked funny: two identical depressed sacks of tanned, half-clad teenage boys.

"Look, I know shit's hit the fan, but a good run will do you two good," he said patting our backs as we passed him.

It was the early night patrol, six to nine and I spent the time working on controlling my thoughts. If I was going to be in this pack, which is seems I had no choice but to, I was going to have to work on that. No one wanted to hear the pathetic ramblings of a homosexual werewolf.

I only slipped once, remembering when Taylor pinned me to the bed forcing me to look at him. The other wolves, almost all imprinted, tried to ignore it, but not Seth. Naw, Seth wanted to dish like the girl that he was. I love Seth, seriously I do, he's the funniest guy around but sometimes it's just a bit too much.

 _ **Taylor, huh? Good choice. He's got that whole innocent bookworm thing going for him. So was that a make-out session I just saw or what?**_

 _ **Can it Clearwater. They've had enough shit for the day.**_ Embry backed me up and Seth didn't continue, he had his ex to pine over. Even before I became a wolf I knew Seth's mind was always with her, but seeing it first hand was depressing.

I missed her too, Natalia was very smart and opinionated, she watched us a lot growing up and she was always good for an intellectual conversation. She knew about everything, politics, religion, history… everything except for the werewolf stuff, and well, she apparently couldn't handle that. She hopped town after Brady imprinted on Taylor's little sister and we hadn't heard from her since.

When I was relieved of my duty by Collin, I phased back and ran to Kim's. I knew I was probably the last person she wanted to see right now. I also knew Taylor wouldn't forgive me, he shouldn't, I didn't deserve it but he would. Kim though, who was like my second mother and one of my biggest supporters, I wasn't so sure about. She was a fierce mother and her children were her world. I at least had to tell her how bad I felt.

When I got to the Cameron's house I inhaled, trying to check who was inside. Just Kim and Jared, who opened the door, sized me up for a long time and motioned me inside. I hadn't thought about what I was going to say, but as soon as I was in the kitchen the words started pouring out.

"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt him. I would never—I thought I would never hurt him. I can't even—I mean, I'm so… God, I have caused your family so much grief and—" Jared cut me off with a hug. He pulled me in tight and I lost my voice.

My father didn't hug me, not usually and I realized now how much I needed it. I didn't want to cry in front of him, he was one of the toughest, strongest men I knew, but it came out and he didn't seem to mind. He just held me, and after a while he led me to a chair and forced me to sit. Kim came to his side her arms crossed in front of her, her head cocked to the side.

I resumed my apology, scared I hadn't said enough to appease her, "Kim, I don't even know where to start. I wish I could—"

"Oh shut up and give me a hug kiddo," she sighed, wrapping her arms around me. I realized sadly where Taylor had gotten the habit of hugging, his family seemed to be full of affection, and I was unworthy of it.

"Mark, I have to go to the Cullen's and see Taylor. Carlisle had to come down but look, I love you kid, like you were one of my own no matter what. Don't forget that, okay?" Jared said slapping my back, kissing Kim and heading out. Kim took a seat across from me, passing me a bottle of flavored water and watching me closely, as if she were waiting for me to speak.

Kim works as a social worker specializing in teens at the community center. A lot of her job entails following deadbeat parents, reporting abuse to the proper authorities and dealing with teen pregnancies, but there was also the counseling aspect which she seemed to be employing now, watching me squirm with discomfort. If she didn't want to hear my apologies, what did she want me to say? When she realized I wasn't going to start she did.

"You know I don't blame you, right? Boys fight, and the four of you obviously had issues to work out. I love and adore you, we all do, every single Cameron and I think you know that. So what are you really upset about?" She asked calmly. I didn't know how to answer that, what angle to come at it from.

"I made you and my mother fight. You're best friends and I fucked it up," I said, going for the I caused you pain angle, I couldn't talk to her about Taylor, I just couldn't.

"David is miserable, mother's defend their children, actually I would be a little worried if she didn't. Don't concern yourself with adult conflicts. She'll forgive me one day, and even if she doesn't, I will love her anyways," she said it calmly, but her hands were shaking when she picked up her bottle to drink. I looked away.

"Kim—" I started but stopped again.

"Mark, I don't like seeing you like this. I can help, so don't think of my as Taylor's mom or your mother's friend. Just let it out okay?" I stared at the ground, my heart was speeding. She wanted me to tell her about my feelings, she wanted me to talk about being gay and being in love with her son, she has to know I couldn't do that.

"I hurt Taylor," it was the first thing that came to mind.

"Why? Why did you hurt him?"

"I didn't mean to. It was an accident, honestly. It was all really fast, I didn't see the tree, and I didn't know my own strength," I rattled it off, the list of things I used as an excuse.

"I know you didn't mean to hurt him so badly, but Mark I think a part of you DID want to hurt him." She didn't say it with anger or in an accusatory fashion, she stated it like a simple fact and I knew she was right, just as much as she did.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. I could say it forever but the truth of it was out. Yeah, I love him. I love him more than I should and maybe that's why I did it. It was so much more complicated than I wanted to admit. It wasn't just the heat of the fight; it was my anger, anger with him for not loving me back. Resentment that he had made me love him at all. The rage I had with myself for loving him in the first place—this was the real cause for my explosion. Hatred for my disgusting desires and needs, hatred for myself and my condition.

I knew he was half my size, I knew he was just trying to protect his brother, who we might have killed, and yes I didn't mean to hurt him so badly, but I did do it on purpose.

Kim gave me time to sort out my thoughts, to explore this revelation before she spoke again.

"You know Mark, being gay is nothing to be ashamed of. Seriously, Mark look at me," she forced my chin up to look at her. "You can go around hating yourself forever for something that is out of your control, or you can man up and deal with your feelings," she pulled out a box of cigarette and I eyed them. She shot me a warning glare and I looked away, they did look relaxing though.

"I've told everyone already," my defense mechanisms were activated without my consent.

"You told everyone, well that's great, but baby that's the first step down a very long road. You're gay. I've known for a while and I thought we would have this talk one day, not under these circumstances but, well that's life. Look I've watched you, since you were a child, I see the way you always shoulder the blame. You take too much responsibility and accountability for someone your age and it's going to eat you alive."

"I take responsibility when I do something wrong, it's maturity and—"

"Mark. It's not wrong to be gay. You have to know that. In this day and age you _have_ to know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with it," she was almost pleading with me.

"Are you fucking kidding me Kim? It's easy for you to say it's okay because you won't have to deal with the looks people give me and the bullshit I'll have to hear at school. This is La Push, we aren't living in some fucking urban metropolis!" I had never screamed at Kim, but like I suspected she didn't even flinch. She had dealt with more than her share of teen outbursts in her life. She watched me, with an open face and I continued.

"And outside of this shit-hole gays are just a big joke— have you even watched TV lately? Every show adds some vapid gay best friend and calls it representation. That's what we are, we are either disgusting degenerates or some sort of gag! We're portrayed like court-jesters, cheap funny imitations of women. I don't want any part of this! This isn't what I wanted with my life. I want to be far away from here and alone! Its better. It's better to be alone then to follow someone who can never love you. And even if they could love you, if you were lucky enough to find that love, you'll still have to deal with the discomfort your happiness causes everyone around you!" The phone rang but she ignored it, nodding, indicating she was hearing everything I was saying.

"You love him," she said as the phone rang for the last time. It wasn't a question or an accusation or a realization even, it was like an observation—fuel for me to continue on my tirade.

"Yes, I love him! I love him so much and it hurts. It hurts. I never thought something could hurt so bad. And that's why I hurt him— I know it's not his fault but I can't stop it! I resent him, I resent him for making me feel so much and not feeling the same. For waking me up and making me feel and— god that doesn't even make sense! I have to go," I turned and ran out the door before she could stop me, running full force into Jared, who stood next to a frozen Taylor, his eyes wide and horrified.

I never ran so fast in my life. I was in the trees and half way home before anyone could even exhale. When I got to my house I scaled the side directly into my room, I didn't want to talk to my mom who was sitting in the living room with Leticia by the smell of it.

David was gone, probably sleeping under Trisha's window and I grabbed my school bag. I hadn't emptied it after the last days of school so I dropped it's contents on my bed and brought it to the closet.

David and I had one closet and the clothes were all joint property, but there were a lot of things I knew he preferred, so I quickly grabbed a few old shirts he never wore, two pairs of sweats and I kneeled down grabbing a pair of sandals, stuffing them in the bag until it was almost bursting. I reached up and pulled down my cash savings, a small envelope that was far from thick. I thought for a second of breaking into David's, I knew if I wrote an I.O.U he wouldn't be angry, but I didn't have time to deliberate thievery; I smelled him.

Soapy fresh and clean, Taylor's scent filled the room. He stood against the window watching me and I dropped the bag as if I were holding stolen goods. We watched each other for a long time, he didn't move an inch, our blinking was the only perceivable movement in the room.

"I'm sorry," he whispered finally.

"I..." I started speaking but didn't know how to finish. I was supposed to say I'm sorry. I was supposed to apologize. I walked towards him and he exhaled a long deep breath. He stood up straight and uncrossed his arms from around his torso.

I didn't know what I was going to do when I got there, I hadn't thought it out, so I stood in front of him, less than a foot away. I was now at least a foot taller than him. It felt weird. I had grown so fast and now I was painfully aware of how easily I could hurt him. How fragile he was. Almost delicate the way—

He pushed me. Hard and I fell on David's bed which was closest to the window.

"Shut up," he breathed and I prepared myself. He was going to hit me. I wanted him to. I wanted him to hurt me, we would be even and I could leave with some semblance of peace. I nodded and looked up at him.

He curled his fist into tight balls, his eyes determined. I closed my eyes, listening to his heartbeat and breathing speed. I lifted my face in an offer for him to punch it, slap it, whatever he felt fit to do.

He kissed it.

A soft kiss on the cheek, his lips were softer than I imagined. Moist and soft, pressed firmly against my skin. My stomach sent out a pulsing vibration that forced my eyes open in surprise. He turned his face to look me in the eyes, his lips were now within centimeters of my own. He stared at me, straight in my eye and I couldn't read the look there. It was blazing, like anger but softer. Soft anger?

"I, uh." I had no idea what I was going to say and I didn't need to. His lips landed on my half open mouth, his warmth ragged breath filling me like a balloon.

My hand went to his hair, which still had not been cropped short like my own.

He opened his mouth a little wider, his bottom lips nestling between mine and I didn't know what was happening. I couldn't be sure if this was real or not, but I took advantage of the opportunity, one I had dreamed about for a month. I ran my tongue across his lip, sucking on it so that it nestled momentarily between my teeth.

He gasped and pulled away slightly, his forehead touching mine. He stayed like that for a minute, his hard ragged breaths sending warm wafts of air on my bare collarbone, and making me shiver, before he kissed me again.

This time I was prepared, I hadn't allowed myself the disillusion that this was really happening, it was a cruel dream, but it was filled with his smell and warmth and I was going to enjoy it. I turned my face at an angle allowing me better access.

I pried his lips apart with my tongue, his thumping heart and my rushing blood filling my ears till it was almost painful. When our tongues touched he tasted faintly like bananas and I wanted to taste more.

I went to grab him, to pull him down on the bed with me but he leapt off of the floor where he was kneeling in front of me and dived out my window before phasing. I saw fragments of his torn clothes fall to the ground like confetti as a weak howl filled the night.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 7: Still in the Fucking Dark Here!**

* * *

You know those moments before you're fully awake, when the bed still snuggles you in, keeping you warm, while blurry images—fragments of dreams still linger? I love those moments. They are the best part of the day. I use this time to analyze my dreams and try to relive the good ones, I didn't need to today. All of my dreams were the same, they were filled with Taylor and confetti and bananas and the pulsating shocks that reverberated through my body starting at my navel. The lust, the love, the chemistry? I never felt it before last night.

David climbed back in our window and into his bed just then, slipping into his bed, which had been the location of the happiest moment of my life. I tried to force my eyes open, struggling against the warm hands of sleep until I was sitting erect in my bed, rubbing night out of my eyes and staring at him. He looked like hell.

"You okay man?" I asked.

"She was crying, she cried for hours, Mark. It was killing me. Do you think she was crying because she feels bad she hurt me?" He asked hopefully. I didn't like to look at his face when he did that, that complete optimism—he was like a kid in ways, and I hated him getting hurt.

"David, I don't know why she was crying but I think you might need to prepare yourself for the worst. She may, um, never love you in the way you want her to. She may never want to be with you sexually." This would be better if it came from me and not her, she had hurt him enough for now, though I was sure she had more of that where it came from.

"You think Ethan's hotter than me?" Not the question I was expecting.

"Um, he's pretty hot… but I don't know you've got a certain je ne sais qua."

That was about the nicest way to say the Camerons were basically the sexiest guys in La Push. David made his trademark confused caveman look and I realized my folly. David doesn't even understand remedial Spanish, French was like another world to him.

"How shall I rephrase this? Ethan's hot but you're special."

"Great. Ethan's hot and I ride the short bus." I laughed, it wasn't exactly an appropriate moment to do so, but I couldn't help it. Maybe I oversimplified a bit.

"No. You two are hot in a different ways? And look that's not the important part. David, I love ya man, but you have to prepare yourself for the possibility that Trisha will never return the same feelings you have for her. She may never want to marry and have your babies, but you are her imprint so if you care about her you will just have to support her and love her in any way that she will allow you to. Meaning, if all she wants from you is friendship then that's what you have to give her." Like Taylor. Of course. I was such a hypocrite. How could I imagine cutting Taylor out of my life because he didn't love me the same way I did. Or did he?

"But I do want to fuck her." Truer words have never been spoken, I knew the feeling exactly. "I never realized how beautiful she is. Did you know? She's like a model."

"She's cute, I guess but um—why don't you work on the friend thing first, maybe after a while she'll give in. You can be quite… charming," I said as he stared blankly into space.

I had to see him. I had to let Taylor know that I loved him, that whatever he wanted this to be, pack mates, friends, lovers (God I hope lovers) I wouldn't abandon him.

And if by some small chance he wanted to be with me, I would be with him, completely. I wasn't going to hide my love for him. I was tired of hiding who I was. Kim, brilliant woman that she was made me realize this. It's funny she barely said anything at all, but after the words, all of the feelings I felt were out, I realized I didn't care what people thought. If I had Taylor I had the world. If I could just kiss his lips, touch his skin, smell his scent for the rest of my life I wouldn't let myself notice the looks, the glares, the comments from anyone else, because all that mattered was Taylor.

I never thought one person could encompass everything, every aspect of what my life was lacking. He was my equal, my confidante, my intellectual stimulation, and maybe, after last night, he would be another kind of stimulation.

But even if he wasn't, I still needed him, and wanted him in my life. I loved him unconditionally—this was a feeling, a love so strong I had only ever experienced it with my family, but I was ready to branch out.

I needed to see him. I nearly hopped to the closet to get clothes before I realized they were still in my backpack. I reached into the bag and David rushed over, grabbing it from me.

"What's this?" He demanded rummaging through my bag.

"Nothing."

"It's all of your stuff. That's not nothing. Are you running away without me?" His voice mirrored the pain in his face.

"No. Not now," I said sitting down again.

"Not now? You were before? You were going to leave me behind here, and not say anything?" His fist were balled and for once I should have ducked. He punched me square in the nose, blood slowly dripping between the divot in my lips.

"Ow! That's hurt asshole!" I screamed, putting my head back to stop the bleeding from trailing down my face, but it was no need, it had stopped already.

"You're the asshole! You were going to leave me here all alone!" He was screaming now, I felt like shit.

"I'm sorry bro. I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry!" I screamed as he went to hit me again. "I fucked up last night, I went to Kim's and Taylor heard me say I was in love with him and I just wanted out," I sighed. He plopped down next to me.

"Why didn't you leave then?"

"He kissed me."

"WHAT?!" The disbelief in his voice was annoying, but then it was mirrored in my own thoughts so I let it slide.

"Yeah."

"Taylor?" He asked scratching his head further likening him to a caveman.

"Yup," I popped the p like he did when we were children.

"On the lips?"

"No, on the cheek," I spat sarcastically.

"With tongue or like this—" He grabbed my face and gave me a short peck, similar to those we gave our grandma Uley. I pushed him off.

"Tongues were involved."

"Wow," he sighed with a tinge of reverence.

"I know!"

"How was it? Earth shattering? Does he even know how? Little guys never had a girlfriend… cuz he's gay apparently. How'd I miss that? I seriously have no gaydar," he said with a hint of sadness. Why he wanted gayday I had no idea, but it was funny.

"Amazing and confusing," I said honestly.

"Confusing? I mean you ladies had a four hour discussion about your feelings followed by cuddling, right?" He nudged me with his elbow and I nudged him back, not realizing my strength. He fell off the edge of the bed.

"Sorry," I said helping him back up. He shook his head and I explained. "He climbed in here, kissed me and then did a superman out the window." Pop-culture references were always best when dealing with David.

"Whoa! What was that about? Scared you think? It couldn't have been that bad," he reasoned.

"It was perfect," I sighed.

"Okay. I think I've had enough of this girl talk for the day. Wanna go down to the beach?" He asked standing. I hadn't spent much time with him recently, so I nodded and hopped in the shower. It was hot, the end of July and stifling so I opted for a pair of board shorts and nothing else, shoes were useless now.

When we got to the beach I saw Kara, my ex-girlfriend who I hadn't exactly exed yet. She had sent so many texts in the last week that I turned my phone off completely. Shit! She ran to me automatically, taking in my new body, which even I noticed was much improved. The werewolf life wasn't all bad.

"Where have you been?" She demanded, pounding her hand against my chest. I was still sore, it had only been a week since I phased, but the pain was subdued.

"I was away, Look Kara can we talk somewhere else or another time," I said awkardly scratching my head.

"No Marcus Uley, now! I've left you like a million messages, you know how guys want this?" She screamed stomping her little legs.

"Then please pick one of them, okay? It's over… I'm sorry," I added as an afterthought. I waited for her to say something but she didn't. I had never been rude to her I think she was in shock.

Kara and I had actually known each other for a long time, she was smart and funny and actually very beautiful. She had long wild black hair that reached the small of her back, lightly tanned and exaggerated features that would not be out of place on Amber's Bratz dolls. She stared at me now with her huge brown eyes, tears forming silently. I felt like shit.

I loved her, like a friend before puberty and bullshit twisted it all and we started making out. I tried it the first time to see if I would like it, but once we were kissing and touching, well it was a done deal. The whole school knew we were "together" and I didn't know how to get out of it. Kissing a girl is not much different from kissing a boy, the only big difference it my body's reaction or lack thereof. I missed the days when we discuss politics and philosophy, when we were too smart for 9th grade and dreamed about college on the east coast.

"Is it another girl?" Her voice was so small and wounded my stomach churned.

"No. Kara I wouldn't do that to you, you know that."

"I love you, Mark," she was crying in earnest now. David walked away, spotting his ex Tiffany sitting on the rocks, she was waiting for Kara, her younger sister. David had made a huge mistake letting Tiffany go. Tiffany like her sister Kara was amazing, but the allure of Mallory's breast proved too strong for him to deny.

"Kara. I love you too—like a friend. Look can we take a walk?" This was the test, I needed to start telling my friends, which I still counted Kara as no matter how she reacted.

"Okay," she sobbed. I put my arm around her shoulder and she leaned in to my warmth.

"Kara, this has nothing to do with you. Seriously it doesn't. It's all me." The whole _it's not you it's me_ bit, she wasn't buying it, I didn't expect for her to.

"It's not you it's me? That's original Mark! You're my best friend, are you seriously going to leave me with that?" She said, a bit of her old spunk coming through.

"Am I not… doing it right? I don't know how to be a girl friend. Mark you were my first boyfriend, I can try harder. Whatever you want. Tiff says I might be suffocating you. I'll give you your space, I don't know what you want me to be. Is it sex, because we can do it. I'm not holding out on you or anything," she wasn't breathing she was talking too fast. I stopped and allowed her a moment to catch her breath.

"Kara, you're beautiful. You are smart and beautiful and great. It's not sex, and don't ever ever try to keep a man with sex. You're better than that. Look, Kara I'm gay," I said it fast like ripping off a band-aid.

She choked on air, clutching her chest then plopping down on a log a few feet away. I sat next to her, rubbing her back. She hyperventilated momentarily, before bursting into a peeling round of laughter.

"Oh my god! Oh god! I fell in love with a gay man," she was clutching her side now.

"Not how I thought you'd react," I sighed.

"How did I not know? Oh god I'm such a loser," she continued to laugh but fresh tears filled her eyes.

"You're not a loser!" I wanted to make sure I didn't give her a complex, she was a great girl.

"Are you happy?" She asked looking up at me.

"I think so."

"You don't sound happy," she said patting my knee. She was sweet, amazingly sweet. I had just broken her heart and she was comforting me.

"I'm just confused," I admitted.

"Yeah, boys can be confusing. Who is it?"

"You can't tell anyone," I shot a serious glared at her and she nodded.

"Taylor Cameron."

"Oh wow, yeah he's cute. A little young, but hot." She was crying now, she was trying to smile, trying to be cool with this but the tears were giving her away. I wish she would hit me with a bat, nothing could make me feel worse right now.

"I'm sorry," the words were meaningless when you broke someone's heart.

"No, I'm sorry. I'm happy for you but I gotta go," she stood up quickly and turned to the rocks, toward her sister. I couldn't let her go like that, she had been my closest friend for a very long time. I grabbed her hand and turned her, pulling her into a hug. She broke down then, releasing loud racking sobs against my chest which was being moistened by her tears.

Tiffany pulled her out of my arms, whispered some soothing words and a promise for ice-cream and chick flicks, before leading her to the parking lot.

I never felt so guilty in my life. I had been wrong, the whole time. I had thought, deep down, I had wished that being with Kara would be a cure to my homosexual tendencies; I had been too selfish and self-absorbed to think about her feelings when it all came to an end. Which subconsciously I always knew would happen.

David awkward and uncertain dragged me to the water and we swam in silence going out as far as we dared before heading back home for lunch.

When we returned our parents, Collin, Helen, Anna and Michael were piled into the kitchen. I still felt like shit but I ran to Anna immediately. She was one of the six wolves that joined the pack during the "Great Renesmee War of 2008". Growing up she always looked out for us but she moved away two years ago, with her husband Michael and the other wolves four wolves (Solace, Phil, Jordan and Krys) that phased during the time that the Cullen home became a hotel for every decent Vampire they could find.

Actually the whole story goes that Solace, a sexy brooding werewolf and my childhood crush, had a thing a fling with Embry's wife Leticia before he imprinted on her. They had met and fallen in love before Embry even set eyes on her but Embry got butthurt when Leticia left town and wanted fight to the death anyways, which is customary when someone fools around with your imprint. Instead, as a solution, Solace left La Push and the rest of the young wolves followed him, Anna included. They had all phased before they were even fifteen years old, and they had spent half of their lives protecting La Push, so I guess it was as good a time as any to retire.

I had grown up with all six of them around me, Phil and Solace picked me up after school everyday until I was in fifth grade. Jordan taught me how to read and Anna babysat me. I had always viewed them as members of an inseparable pack and when they left I started seeing the pack differently. I saw them now as an exclusive group that I would never fit in with. The day they hopped town, not even bothering to say goodbye, I prayed never to join my dad's pack. Unfortunately that prayer went on deaf ears.

Anna who was the second female wolf in the history of time, was really missed though. Every member of the pack and the extended family adored her, especially Paul, who I was surprised to see was not at her side. They had an extreme brother sister bond and on every return to La Push the two were inseparable, his absence was a tribute to just how easily the pack could fracture. The Wolf Mamas were at war and now he was nowhere to be found.

"Hey! Wow, look at you two!" Anna squealed as I hugged her at an awkward angle, she was very very pregnant with triplets. I gave her a kiss on the cheek and made room for David. Anna was his childhood crush, I spent several awkward nights listening to him describe the many things he wanted to do to her. Michael patted me on the back then took her out of David's arms, he was the most jealous of all the wolves, probably because he hadn't imprinted therefore had no imprint claim.

"Looking good, brothers," Michael said nodding to us. The word brother seem wrong coming from one of the wolves that had left.

"Thanks," David and I said in unison. It was a twin thing we didn't do often.

"What are you two doing here?" David asked taking a seat at the counter next to Helen.

"These babies don't seem to want to come out. The only triplets in history that are past-due, so we're going to induce labor tomorrow," Anna said cringing. The idea of child birth was creepy to me so at least I wasn't alone.

My mother had set out a full banquet and I ate way more than any two teenage boys should, bid everyone farewell then shot out of the house dying to see Taylor, but he wasn't home. I didn't know what I was going to say to him when I found him, I still didn't know what last night meant. I tried not to dwell on it, I hate problems I can't solve—but I needed to talk to him. I needed to see him.

I followed his scent to Quil's house, entering through his corner store. I was greeted by Brady and baby Annabelle who was strapped to his chest. They were happily watching the shop for the day and I went directly to the back staircase that led up to Quil's place. When I entered the staircase the first thing I heard were moans, loud passionate groans. Sex! My heart started beating wildly, but the sounds stopped almost immediately, followed by the muffled whines of a cry. I ran up the stairs and busted through the door, where I found Quil curled up on the floor by the sofa crying like a baby, Seth trying to comfort him, Taylor trying to hide a smile, and Ethan looking very guilty.

"What the hell happened here?" I asked Ethan who was closest to me. He turned, eyed me for a long moment then deciding I wasn't the enemy filled me in.

"Your _dad_ ordered Quil to follow me everywhere I go, so I made him watch one of Brady's old porns with me… he really misses Claire."

Quil, the big blubbering Claire misser rubbed his eyes, shot Ethan a scathing look and exited to the left. Very theatrical. I knew he loved her and all, but seriously it had been less than two months since she left to explore Europe, he was being way too dramatic for my taste.

Ethan, looking like a guilty child dragged himself out of the couch and out of sight, leaving me and Taylor alone with Seth. Seth sat on the couch and throwing pointed looks from Taylor to me and back, as if to say _do you want some privacy?_

Taylor rolled his eyes at him, grabbed my hand and dragged me out. I didn't care where we were going if he was touching me it was good. He dropped my hand once we got out onto the street. It was raining, one of the first rains in a week, the sky was darkening both from the clouds and the hour, it was getting late.

He walked a few steps ahead of me and I noticed he had finally started growing, he was at least as big now as Krys, the smallest member of the pack. His shoulders were wider , but he still had the long lean muscles from before that defined his back and arms. He had cut his hair but not like the rest of us who shaved it all off for convenience. Taylor hated the style, and he opted to shave only the bottom section around his neck and go chop happy on one side of the front so that he was left with a very funky version of a bowl cut that I liked very much.

"I like your hair," I said casually breaking the silence.

"Thanks. Leticia did it. Did you know she cut hair professionally in Paris for like years," he was chit-chatting, a clear sign he was uncomfortable because he hated small talk.

"No. I had no idea," I said honestly. What I didn't know about Leticia could probably fill a library though, she was over a hundred years old so I'm sure she had many skills. What I did know about her was all rather disjointed: she was a beautiful South American half-vamp, she was feisty, multi-lingual, motherly, fashionable, a great cook and fiercely in love with Embry who she intended to live with for the rest of eternity and she was apparently infertile which blew my dad's imprint theories out the window... that's pretty much all I knew. Well that and she was apparently a hairdresser in France.

Before we reached the door of his house I heard my father's voice inside, followed by a Paul's then Jared's.

"The best thing we can do in this situation is to keep your son away from Trisha and wait for him to get over it," my dad said to the room, which from the smell of burning cigarettes also contained Kim.

"Ethan's not staying here anymore. He's moved in with Quil— who you stuck on him like a tail, if that doesn't work, what are we supposed to do?" Jared was still standing firm. I respected him more for it.

"Yeah, you're the great alpha, you should put an order on Ethan, cuz he ain't listening to us anymore," Kim said in an overly calm voice. It was eerie.

"That's her livid voice," Taylor whispered, his lips brushing my earlobe and giving me goosebumps.

"She's not his girlfriend anymore!" Paul howled. He was still pissed about the hands incident.

"And why don't we ask her that? Since when did imprinting mean the girl loses all her free will and is forced into some sort of arranged marriage? I chose my wolf, so did the rest of us, so what just because she knows about it all she doesn't get a choice? And all you are doing is driving her to him. She's as stubborn as you Paul!" Kim was walking a fine line. Paul didn't take lightly to being challenged. Paul growled at her and I heard shuffling inside and an accelerated heartbeat to my left. Taylor's.

"She's David's," Paul was talking through clenched teeth.

"She belongs to no man, not even you you sexist pig. You're pissed at Ethan for getting handsy with her the same way you did when we were the same fucking age. Have you taken a moment to think about that, she's not a fucking object. And how can you be so cruel to Ethan, you're his godfather?" Her voice broke at this and Taylor stiffened putting his hand on the doorknob. I held him back, Kim could take care of herself.

"Kim, this isn't just about Ethan," my dad said condescendingly.

"Of course you would say that, Sam. Of all people, I would think you'd have a little bit of sympathy for Ethan, after what you put Leah through." Oooooh Aunt Leah, low blow. Taylor looked at me baffled, he apparently wasn't in the know.

"What?" He whispered looking back at me, but Kim started speaking again and we both stayed silent.

"You're so blind by your love for David that you're forgetting your responsibility as an _impartial_ leader of this pack, not to mention your other son. You remember him right, Mark? Cute, looks just like the other one but without the confused expression," Kim said a little more fire in her voice.

"Take another step towards my wife and I'll kill you," Jared growled and that was it, Taylor ripped open the door and ran inside before I could blink. I followed. The room was so thick, so dense with emotion I felt like I could taste it. It was bitter. Jared had Kim pinned against a counter, crouched as if he were ready to attack and Taylor was next to him trying to obstruct Kim from my dad's view. He was shaking. I had never seen my dad lose control like this, his fist were vibrating as if they were being shaken by a paint mixer.

"Dad!" He turned to me when I screamed and Taylor took the opportunity to escort a fuming Kim out of the room.

"Jared. You need to back down," Paul advised, his voice was low and menacing.

"I'm not a member of this pack anymore. I've phased twice in two years and I don't plan to ever again but I'm not going to allow anyone to threaten my wife. My imprint! I have never **once** disrespected your family the way you have twice in one week, Sam. Get out of my fucking house," Jared screamed pointing to the door.

Paul pulled Sam out the door looking back at Jared. They stared at each other for a long time, it was powerful and it made me feel like an intruder. My father grabbed at me to try to force me to follow, but I didn't budge. I didn't want to be on the wrong side of this.

"Come. Now," he said it in a double baritone, loud and commanding and I had to obey. I looked back at Jared and mouthed my apologies. He waved them off and smiled sadly as I was pulled back with the power of his command, out the door and away from Taylor.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 8: The Tangled Web I Wove is Strangling Me**

* * *

I was pacing. Pacing. Seriously pacing. Why was that such a big deal?

I don't pace.

I'm the calm one. I never scream, punch, stomp, whine or pace. That's David's thing. In fact, I've seen him do all of those thing in under a minute, seriously—it was kinda funny if it didn't get us both suspended. This whole last month has put me out of my element more than once. I have cried, attacked, screamed my deepest rooted fears and angers and… well honestly jerked off more in one week then I usually do in a month.

I had tried to keep the kiss, or at least all of the questions behind the kiss, in the back of my mind but now I was obsessing; also not my style. I needed to see him. He would be finished with patrol by midnight. I glanced over at my clock still just 11:17pm, just a few more minutes, right? Minutes that I didn't have the patience to wait through alone.

David wasn't home and I needed to get out of this room before I tore the outdated train wallpaper off with my nails. I ran down the stairs and searched through the fridge for some distraction food. However, it was pitifully empty after an afternoon with an influx of wolves and a pregnant lady.

My mom came in then, looked at me and reached into the cupboard pulling out a canister of Pringles and a bag of miniature chocolate chip cookies. 11:28PM.

"What's up honey, are you okay?" She asked grabbing a handful of cookies for herself.

"Yeah," I said not looking at her, but devouring handfuls of tiny cookies like a starving artist.

"Sure bout that Cookie Monster?" I eyed her seriously which promptly made her 'I said something clever' face dissipate.

"Sorry, I'm… deep in thought," I searched for the least Taylor implicative phrase and stuck with it.

"Okay, need someone to throw the ball around with?" She asked conspiratorially. She really needed a hobby or her friends back, it's been less than a week since the wolf girls went to war and she was already dying for the stimulating conversation she usually got from Kim.

I wanted to tell her, she was a woman who had presumably dated before my father, so she probably understood teenage boys in a way I didn't. I wasn't however thrilled about sharing details of my boy on boy sex-life with my mother. Who was I kidding? I was a virgin and would probably never have a sex-life unless I got some major help.

"So... hypothetically speaking. If you were let's say, a teenage… girl," it was better to go with scenarios she understood. "And you hypothetically had a… well, a really sexy guy friend. Who you liked a lot, but he was maybe… off the market," after all of the situational changes, this wasn't really sounding much like me anymore. I paused, trying to figure out a better way to say it.

"So, you have a friend, who has a friend she likes but is taken… okay, gotcha. And?"

"We're speaking in hypotheticals here mom, stick with me," I rubbed my head. This was marginally more difficult than I expected.

"Sorry, how silly of me please continue," she motioned for me to go on.

"And he kissed her, but sorta ran away. What would that mean… hypothetically?" I added for good measure.

"He's probably tired of his other lady friend and is trying this hypothetical girl out. Which means he's fickle and can't be trusted," super ironic coming from the cousin-boyfriend-stealer.

"He doesn't have a girlfriend, he's just… not into her _type_ ," I clarified.

"Hypothetically you mean," she said nodding.

"Yes."

"So… Taylor kissed you and you want to know what it means," she said popping open the Pringles.

"Hypothetically, yes," I nodded. I was blushing, but since she already seemed to know the score I wasn't going to deny it. She wouldn't tell a soul… it's not like her and Kim were exactly speaking right now anyways.

"Um… well if this were Ethan I could probably tell you every motive and thought behind it, but Taylor's sort of a wild card. He lives in his head, no idea what's going on up there. I see the wheels moving, but he never shares with the class," she said chomping on a handful of chips.

"You probably know him best. What do you think?"

"I'm starting to think I imagined it honestly." The truth was embarrassing. Deep down I thought it was really a pity kiss, kissing me for the sake of crushing my ego.

"Hmm, well I think it was probably real—you're kinda straight forward. You don't have a terribly active imagination, no offense. He ran away, huh? Like left right after or literally ran?"

"He dove out of a second story window." She knew about everything else, might as well fill in the dramatic finish.

"Second. Floor. Window," she said these three words between loud gasping laughs.

"Yeah, ma, I gotta go," I said standing.

"No. No! Sorry. Wait! Look, I don't know about the kiss honestly, that came out of left field, but I do know something, before you two became… a team—I never heard him say more than one sentence at a time. You two were good team," she said patting my hand gently and motioning to the door.

"But he's a teenager who know. If you really wanna know you should ask him."

12:16am.

As if she had given me an official pardon, I nodded, shot out of the chair and through the back door. I considered phasing to find him, but I smelled him the second I made my way into the forest. His clean fresh smell led straight to the Tai Chi clearing that we hadn't met in since I phased. He was sitting in lotus position, his hands outstretched in relaxed points, his eyes gently shut.

His eyes lashes were so long they rested on his cheeks. He was long, lean and cut—shirtless I could see the long light trail of hair that led down to his happy zone. I twitched at the thought of it and my bare feet ruffled a patch of wild grass causing his eyes to spring open.

"Hey," he said unfurling his legs and leaning back, looking up at me. He was wearing his crazy Thai fisherman pants, and nothing else.

I tried to stay calm but I could hear my heart accelerate as my eyes did the perverted journey from his shoulders to his pecks to his abs again. I stopped myself before I got to the sexy V on his abdomen, which is technically called the iliac crest.

"Hey," I said lamely sitting down in front of him, careful not to get too close.

"Yeah." This was going nowhere! He sat staring straight at me, I looked away, our speeding hearts racing loudly in my ears.

His hot hand rested full on my cheek and I turned to it in shock, my lips brushing at the base nearest his wrist. I stayed there, my lips pressed lightly against his palm, my warm breath coming out in fast hot puffs. I kept my eyes averted, he was trying to get me to look at him but I couldn't. I closed them as he forced my face to the front to face his. I could feel his breath against my upper lips.

"Mark we—"

"What is this," I whispered, finally opening my eyes to pierce his. I didn't give him a second to answer, being this close to him, his lips within centimeters I closed the distance, my whole body exploding as I kissed him for the second most delightful time in my life.

His hands fell from around my face landing on my thighs. I laced my fingers through his remaining hair, rising to stand on my knees like he was and crashing my body against his. He didn't back away, he didn't move an inch. I never felt like this before, it was too much, I was losing my self control. I felt a loud feral growl growing in my chest.

"Mmm." I don't know which of us made the sound, but the noise and the feeling of his growing hard-on turned me into an animal. I flew at him, letting the growl escape and landing hard on top.

I looked at him then, taking my lips off of his. My hands roamed down his shoulders and chest, my fingers finally tracing the deep indent of his hip, stopping at the brim on his pants. His eyes were blank. He didn't look angry or scared or sad, but slightly determined and I didn't want to sit around guessing, I wanted to take him and ask questions later.

I moved my mouth to his neck, which was long and cut with sinewy muscles. I ran my tongue a few inches down before covering the same spot with kisses.

"Mmm," a short groan, this time definitely from him. I was rubbing him through the light linen fabric of his pants, his erection was bigger than any of the other ones I had touched or seen before… that wasn't my own.

He jerked, and I ran my teeth along his collarbone, my free hand running across the small of his back which was arched off the forest floor. I pulled him up, my knees settled on either side of his hips and kissed him again, rough and fast without skill. I didn't know how to do it but I needed it.

He was limp in my arms. Heh. Not his erection but his body. I was holding him off the floor. He placed his arm around my neck, resting it lightly there but not holding himself up. My kissing, my heart and my breathing slowed, when I realized he was basically playing dead.

I tried to pull away but my body was screaming, pleading for me to continue. My member whom I like to call Moby was painfully hard and uncomfortably close to release. I never had blue-balls so I wasn't sure, but this was probably what it felt like and it wasn't pleasant. I won the battle of self-control eventually, lying him back down and rolling off of him and onto my side so I could face him.

He was crying, silent coin sized tears trailing down his face. I scrambled up and away from him, resting against a tree with my knees clutched tightly to my chest. I never felt so shitty in my life.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"No. This is what I wanted," he choked.

"No you don't obviously."

"Mark, I thought this is what you wanted," he said confused.

"Taylor I want whatever you want." I wanted him to want to have sex with me, but that was a different story.

"You're my best friend. I can't go back to not having you in my life," he whispered so low I almost didn't hear through the loud breeze. He sat with his back to me, avoiding my gaze.

"I'm not going anywhere."

"You've been avoiding me for three days," he sniffled, I couldn't see his face but I guessed he was still crying. I had known him for years, and this might sound weird but I had a sense of pride knowing he felt comfortable enough to cry with me, even though I felt bad that I had caused it.

"I was coming to see you… I was just ashamed," he deserved my honesty.

"That's bullshit Mark! You're still mad at me for the bet and I swear with everything I have that I didn't take that money from Ethan. I would never have done something like that if I knew... if I understood how hard it was for you," he looked back at me and I felt weak kneed.

"What? This has nothing to do with that. I'm not mad promise," I sighed.

"Then why did you ask your dad to change your patrol shift?!"

"Why do you think Taylor? I'm embarrassed, this is embarrassing!"

"And what do you think it is for me? You can't even look at me anymore and everytime I phase I have to everyone's thoughts about it!" He flailed his arms around when he said this and one of them hit my face, and as if that hit had given him immense pleasure he pushed me with even more relish.

"I'm sorry I embarrassed you," I shot back, my anger flaring.

"That's not what I meant and you know it!"

"How the fuck am I supposed to know what you mean or what you want? Fuck this Taylor, I'm done with this! I can't be friends with you, this is too hard."

"Too hard? You asshole! My brother's left home, my mother and father are at war with the rest of the pack and you're just going to drop me like nothing! I thought you were my friend!" Each fragment sentence was accented with a half assed punch until the last one, which landed straight on my mouth a cut a gash in my lip. I spat blood and pushed him away easily. He might be bigger now, but I still beat him in the brawn department.

"Not all friendships are good for us, okay? I just can't keep doing this."

"Fine! I change my mind. I don't need you then Mark."

The words stung. No they burned, scorching my throat as I swallowed, my spit mixed with remnants of metallic blood.

"Okay, good… I don't think we should be around each other. It's obviously not healthy."

Sometimes a lie is the only thing that will come out of your mouth in a time like this. Overall, this lie was probably in our best interest. Space from him would be best for both of us. Although saying it, just breathing it felt like the very worst kind of blasphemy. Taylor was the splattering of stars that lit my shitty life, being without him might kill me.

"Great!" He screamed, pushing me again and turning away. I let him go.

"Bye Taylor," I whispered as I turned walking back to my house, still bleeding from unknown wounds. "I love you."


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 9: Grotesque Jigsaw Puzzle That is My Life!**

* * *

"Not all friendships are good for us, okay? I just can't keep doing this."

"Fine! I change my mind. I don't need you then Mark."

The words stung. No they burned, scorching my throat as I swallowed, my spit mixed with remnants of metallic blood.

"Okay, good… I don't think we should be around each other. It's obviously not healthy."

Sometimes a lie is the only thing that will come out of your mouth in a time like this. Overall, this lie was probably in our best interest. Space from him would be best for both of us. Although saying it, just breathing it felt like the very worst kind of blasphemy. Taylor was the splattering of stars that lit my shitty life, being without him might kill me.

"Great!" He screamed, pushing me again and turning away. I let him go.

"Bye Taylor," I whispered as I turned walking back to my house, still bleeding from unknown wounds. "I love you."

I couldn't be sure if he heard it or not, but I heard him sob as I cut through the trees. I ran home, scaling my house to avoid my mother.

"What the fuck happened to your face?" David asked as I climbed into the window. He was sitting on my bed nursing a bleeding hand which looked as if it had been put through a meat grinder, flaps of skin were hanging nastily.

"What the fuck happened to your hand!" I screamed kneeling in front of him.

"Uh-uh-uh! I asked you first," he said wagging his pointer finger at me like a scolding teacher, pieces of flesh flapping grotesquely.

"I'm fine. Are you on drugs or something? Doesn't that hurt? What happened?"

"I took a Vicodin from when we got our wisdom teeth out, so yeah… I guess I am on drugs," he said staring at his hand which was dripping blood lazily on the floor.

"What the fuck happened to you? I'm going to get mom," I said going to the door.

"No, no. Don't get mom, I'm fine, I feel fine. I just got in a boxing match with a tree," he said flipping a piece of skin back in place like a monstrous jigsaw puzzle with a creepy grin.

"Why?" I asked the obvious, but he looked at me as if I just asked him the square root of pi.

"I talked to Ethan," he said as if that somehow explained it.

"So was that really a tree or Ethan's face?"

"It was a tree. We didn't fight. I wanted to talk to him," David explained.

"And it didn't go so well," I said. It wasn't a question.

"No. He wants me to apologize and I didn't do anything wrong… she's my soulmate man, I can't help that," he said in a sing song kind of voice, not appropriate for the situation.

"You didn't apologize?" Again with the obvious.

"Hell no man! Imprint is law. She's mine now, he has to deal with that, I don't need to apologize. I didn't want him to get hurt, but that's solid magic, she's mine!" He howled puffing out his chest.

"She's no one's. She's a person and you don't have to feel sorry but you should still apologize for hurting him man. He's your best friend and he's a mess," I tried to rationalize but he wasn't biting.

"No," He crossed his arms in front of his chest, his bloody hand looking like a pile of hamburger meat staring up at me. I turned away as he worked on it.

"Okay. Well… fine. You don't need friends right?" I screamed, he had a chance to keep Ethan and he wasn't taking it. I couldn't have Taylor, it was all too complicated and fucked up, but I would do anything to get him back the way it was before. I wanted to take it all back, to not fall for him,and keep our friendship the way it should be. The whole situation made me angry and jealous all at once.

"I don't need friends like that. He's still seeing her man, their still… fooling around," the last two words came out flat and hard. I felt bad for screaming. Even though Taylor didn't want me, I at least knew he didn't love anyone else. I couldn't imagine what that would feel like.

"Well dad's gonna put a stop to it and shit will fall in place and she'll love ya and you'll have kids and be the perfect little breeder clan," I said soothingly, examining my face in the mirror. It was bloody and swollen and I had a large red welt on my bottom lip.

"You think so? Really?"

"Yeah. Probably… Ethan's basically being kept on a leash, he won't be allowed within ten feet of her. So either she will give in, or she'll become a lesbian... or she'll run away first chance she gets. Both of the last two probably wouldn't happen until college, so you start studying so you follow her there just in case," I said sitting next to him.

"I don't want her to _give in_ … or be stuck with me because people are making her," he said cleaning his wound with an alcohol swab that burned my nose.

"Well, it's better that than nothing so quit your complaining," I said heading to the bathroom attached to our room and washing off my face.

"Who fucked up your face?" David called from the room.

"Taylor," I called through the towel I was using to carefully dry my wounded face.

"Why?"

"I don't even know… I guess cuz I'm an asshole and I kissed him," I said walking back in the room.

"He kissed you first so you're even and he's a twat sometimes anyways," David said revealing the jealousy he had been hiding for a while.

"Yeah, I'm not sure he see it that way," I said looking out the window that Taylor had jumped out of just last night.

"So it's a no go on the Mark and Taylor man-love?" David asked sadly.

"Yup. No man-love, no friends, no nothing," I sighed.

"Sorry."

"You too. I know you miss Ethan," I said patting his back.

"Hey… do you think you can talk to Trisha for me. I mean, not **for** me, for her… I know she doesn't want to talk to me and Ethan was her best friend so…"

"Yeah, sure. That's really considerate of you," I said lying back on my bed, he pulled the curtain that separates our room back and threw himself down on his bed.

"Sure. Sure," he called. It reminded me of Jake and I smiled. I hadn't seen Jake for a long time, but he was coming tomorrow for the birth of Anna's kids. Everyone would be there…. including Taylor which meant I wasn't going. I loved Anna and all but her kids ain't going anywhere… I would see them eventually.

I drifted off to sleep as David dopily told me about Trisha's hair or something equally unexciting.

I dreamt of Taylor, of his eyes and his lips, of his hair brushing my cheek as he kissed my neck, his hand on my hip. I could smell him so vividly, so fresh it filled my nose as he pulled away. I grabbed for him pleading for him to stay and I was awake again.

The room was still, and the smell of him still lingered on my nose, so strong. I inhaled trying to hold on to it and caught a fresh whiff.

Taylor.

He sat on the edge of my bed, his warm weight against my feet.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. I shot up, pulling my knees to my chest to hide my morning wood.

"What are you doing here?" I asked as he slinked across the bed roughly pulling my legs down so that I was on my back again and he was lying on top of me. He looked at me through his thick lashes and kissed my cheek lightly.

"Let's not talk, okay? We'll just start fighting again," he whispered moving to kiss the other side. "I think I figured a way for this to work," he whispered. I turned, not into him so we were kissing but away so his lips touched my ear, he went for it, his lips moving softly against my lobe. I shivered, grinding involuntarily into him.

"What are you doing?" I whispered turning to look at David's bed, he was still deep in sleep.

"Do you really not want to see me anymore?" He asked his warm breath against my cheek. My heart was beating so fast and hard it felt as if it was trying burst out of my chest. He spoke softly, calmly, almost seductively but I could hear the underline worry.

"Taylor… I can't think straight with you on top of me like this," I sighed. I never said anything to him about the way he affected me, but it would be stupid to ignore the giant pink elephant in the room.

"What are you doing to me? What's going on?" I didn't mean to sound so worried, but he was starting to give me whiplash. In the last two days he had baffled me so completely I wasn't even sure if I was awake anymore. I pinched myself, something about this just didn't seem right.

"You don't need to think and I don't want to talk about it. Let's just try this out, okay?" He whispered in my ear, pressing himself against me. I looked him in the eye, my hands wandering involuntarily up the contours of his arms which were bare like his chest.

"Okay," I breathed with a hint of desperation. I turned my head to face him and we kissed the second I was close enough. It wasn't like the kisses we had before, it was a slow and soft series of pecks, his thick soft lips pressing gently on mine. I moved one of my hands up to his hair and laced them through the longer bits, while the other hand traveled down to the small of his defined back. He held himself up with one hand and let the other one trail down my chest.

"You're sorta like a body-builder man. It's a little intimidating, I feel all… puny," he whispered through a bright Taylor smile.

"I think your body's really… nice," I whispered, kissing his cheek and his neck, pulling him closer.

I had no idea what was going on, as far as I knew this was a lucid dream, but I was going to get as close to him as possible. He brought my face back to him and almost forced his tongue in my mouth. There was no skill, he had no idea what he was doing and neither did I, but it was great.

I kissed him back with equal fervency and he grinded against me. His body was hot, the same temperature as my own, but in the boiling hot room, without air conditioner, in August it was a little extreme. I tried to ignore the heat but was unsuccessful until he completely distracted me, his large strong hand trailing farther down my chest and tugging at the brim of my shorts. I froze.

"Taylor. Taylor, stop," I pleaded as his fingers traced my hard member. I needed him to stop for two major reasons, one my mind was so full of jumbled thoughts I felt whiplashed and then two, and this was the biggest reason: I was in such pleasure overload I was seconds away from covering his hand with spunk, which I'm not sure he was ready for.

"What?" Taylor said impatiently rubbing his thumb over my moist swollen head, I twitched and twisted, gritting my teeth and trying to keep my little soldiers inside to fight another day.

"Mmm. Tay, I—I need to—we have to stop," I moaned as he softly continued to rub me.

"What? Am I doing it wrong?" He stopped which sucked because I was less than a second from release, but was better for my concentration and pride. Premature ejaculation was no laughing matter.

"We shouldn't be doing this. Taylor, I seriously don't understand," I said rolling to my side so that we were lying face to face.

"You're ruining it again. I'm starting to think you don't really want me," he joked, but I could see concern in his eyes. How could he not know how much I loved him? How much I wanted to ride him like a Brokeback cowboy.

"Do _you_ want it? And what is **it**? What am I ruining? What are we going to have sex on my bed with my brother in the room?" I asked, sarcastically pulling his hand away from my crotch where it was rested and pinning it to his side.

"Well, I'm not sure I'm ready for that. I was thinking maybe we'd try second or third base and tackle the other stuff later," he said matter-of-factly, he had obviously thought it over.

"But why? Do you even know what or why you are doing it? It's like you're flailing Tay."

"I'm a virgin of course I have no idea what I'm doing, but it's not _that_ bad, right?" He asked. He was so gorgeous, looking up at me with his worried face.

"It's great for me but how about you?"

"I mean you're more buff than anyone I've ever fantasized about, but your skin is soft and you smell good… like orange," he said evenly and I stopped ruining it for myself. He was a big boy, if he wanted to experiment then I was here for it. I smiled, rolling on top of him, tracing the indent of his neck with my tongue and his smooth chest with my hand. I took the plunge cramming my hand under his shorts and grabbing his cock a little roughly.

"Ahh," he made a sound but I wasn't sure if it was good or bad.

"Sorry," I said it like a question and he kissed me again. I started jerking him, I had never done it for anyone but myself, so I just used my own method, kissing him as I did it.

"Ahh." **That** I knew was a sound of enjoyment. I started going a little faster and he squirmed, I examined his face worried I was hurting him.

My breathing hitched when I looked at him, his eyes were focused on me dilated and wide. I kissed him again, I couldn't believe this was real. I was really kissing him, really touching him. Our relationship had gone on a crazy fucking rollercoaster in the 21 days (yes I knew exactly how many days) since I had befriended him. We went from family acquaintances, to best friends to enemies to lovers?

"Ah-ahh," he bit down on my neck, his nails digging deep in my back. I cringed from the pain but he quickly soothed it by running his scalding hot tongue over my skin. I kissed him and he groaned low and rough into my mouth. I sped up, his breathing was labored, he was close and he reached down between us to grab on to me.

"Can you too just finish it up so I can get to sleep already!" David howled from his bed and Taylor shot into my hand.

Taylor panted, his face turning red. I wiped my hand and his chest with a stray pillow case and when his breathing returned to normal he shot up and pulled up his shorts.

"Okay... um, I'm just going to go and die of humiliation now," he whispered climbing out the window before I could say anything.

"Thanks David!" I screamed throwing a shoe at him. I followed Taylor, he hadn't gotten far, as if he was waiting for me to come. I was a few feet behind him and I knew he could hear me, but he didn't turn around to acknowledge me.

"Taylor! We should talk," I said grabbing his arm and turning him. He took a step back.

"No we don't! Look Marcus overthink this, I know what I'm doing. I mean, this shit is complicated but sexuality is fluid right? Gender and sexuality are just constructs of western civilization, so maybe it's not as complicated as we've all made it right? I wanna try—I mean, I think I can make it work." He was wise beyond his years but I sensed a uncertainty in his voice.

"Taylor, I don't want you doing this because you think that's the only way we can be friends. You're my best friend, I was being an asshole and I can't believe I said that shit to you. None of this has to mean anything we can just go back to the way it was," I said my stomach twisting uncomfortably.

"I don't know what I want! I'm confused and I don't want to decide now. Right now Mark, you're the only thing I am sure about. I wanna be close to you in some way, we'll figure it out later," he whispered pulling me into a hug.

It was his signature Taylor hug, where he attached himself to my middle and I cuddled his head to me, but now with the both of us so big his head was no longer on my pecks but lay nuzzled into my neck.

"Could you would really go back to the way it was before if it all goes tits up?" He asked, his warm breath tickling my neck.

"If you wanted to, then yes," I said honestly.

"You love me." It wasn't a question it was more like an awed comment.

"Yeah…" I said awkwardly.

"That's sorta cool," he said letting go of me.

"What?!"

"No one's ever loved me like that before, I feel… baller?" He chuckled and I pushed his face away from me with the palm of my hand.

"Hey, don't damage the merchandise. I'm a pretty boy now you know?"

"I know. I know," I said as he turned to walk back to his house.

"See you tomorrow?" He asked stopping to wait for my answer.

"Yeah, I guess so," I nodded.

I was three paces away before he pulled me back roughly and kissed me again. It was soft and quick and then he was gone, down the road and back to his house before I could say another word.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 10: My Asthmatic Tendencies**

* * *

Silence…Until the loud piercing ring of my cellphone dragged me out of my sleep. The sleep that I had just succumb to after hours of sexually frustrated mind explosions, where I was so overcome with thoughts, my head started to hurt.

"Hello?" I called out, my dry throat scratching uncomfortably. I rolled over on the couch I had annexed last night. I had been too angry with David to feel comfortable sleeping in a room with him, so close and readily available for strangling.

It was Taylor.

"Taylor?" I said with a hint of desperation. Silence… followed by a dial tone. I kept the phone attached to my hand waiting for him to call back, I drank a glass of water, waiting for it to ring.

"Hey," he sighed.

"So what's up?"

"Um… nothing. I just… I don't know, wanted to talk I guess," he whispered the last part shyly and my heart almost exploded with joy.

"Yeah? Me too…"

"Hey Mark?"

"Yeah, Taylor," I said smiling so wide my cheeks hurt.

"Wanna go camping with me? I sorta wanted to meditate for a few days, but then I thought I'd miss you so..." he let his voice trail off.

"No. That'd be cool. Camping," I added stupidly. I felt like we were on our first date or something trying to talk without making idiots of ourselves but failing miserably.

"Okay. Um, did Quil come by yet?" He asked pointedly changing the subject.

"No. Why?" I asked settling back on the couch.

"He's coming over to wrangle up David. Ethan's at his house, and they're gunna try to force them to kiss and make up," Taylor said yawning.

"Yeah, I liked to see them try," I said catching Taylor's infectious yawn and covering the phone to muffle my loud exhalation.

"I bet you would, pervert," Taylor joked.

"Um… that's pretty creepy, that'd be like me kissing him." I chuckled.

"Not your type?" He asked. I could almost see his raised eyebrow.

"Are you talking to lover boy?" David called loudly from upstairs.

"I'm gunna kill that half-wit," Taylor growled in the phone.

"Agreed. He must be stopped!" I chuckled as David called down again.

"Did you finish him off in the forest or what?!" I was about to say something but my mother came out of her room then, wrapped in a sheet from her bed, her hair in a state of disarray and looking very put out. Gross! Seriously gross. I did not want to think about the parental units getting it on.

"Would you at least try to act like a civilized human being?" She screamed up at David and Taylor exploded in laughter on the other end of the line.

"It's totally not funny," I whispered in the phone heading out the front door to the porch.

"Are you kidding me? That was classic," Taylor howled.

"Yeah if she wasn't wrapped in the sheets of her love making," I whispered in disgust, taking a seat on the top stair.

"Truly disturbing," Taylor agreed. "But at least you don't have to hear them. I'd rather see my mom wrapped in a sheet then hear her screaming for 'more' or 'harder,'" his Kim impression was actually pretty good albeit vomit-inducing.

"You win," I conceded.

"So you wanna go to this meeting of the minds? They'll probably just end up fighting again if they don't have you as a voice of reason."

"Yeah, that'd be cool. Not sure how neutral I'll be right now though, I'd probably make out with Trisha now just to piss David off," I joked.

"How 'bout _not_ ," he said dryly.

"Is that jealousy I hear?" Not being in the same room as him, face to face allowed me to say so much more. Apparently we were in the same boat.

"Maybe… is that a problem?" He asked slyly.

"No," I breathed, my stomach was clenched so hard I was finding it hard to breath.

"You're really cute when you do that," he whispered.

"Do what?" I asked, so giddy I was ready to take flight.

"That whole strained breathing thing," he explained simply.

"Oh. Happy to hear my asthmatic tendencies are attractive to you."

"So um… are you busy?" He asked changing the subject yet again. I could almost hear him biting his thick bottom lip.

"No," I said automatically, making him chuckle.

"So do you wanna come over and pack up for camping? Wait, what else do we have to do today?" I loved the way he said we. What do we have today? We were a unit.

"Um… we have the peace summit and the baby parade… and then I guess camping?" I said it as if it were a questions, I couldn't believe he wanted to do anything with me. Especially anything that included sleeping together—or more correctly sleeping in the same tent.

"Awesome. You think you can get your Pops to lend you the car so we can camp up north?"

"Sure, but fuck I got patrol, tonight," I said sadly.

"I bet you could get out of it. All the wolves are here for Anna's babies, we don't really need patrol," Taylor reasoned.

"Yeah… maybe, let me ask my dad," I said quickly.

"Wait! Don't tell him you're going with me," he said seriously.

"Why?" I asked standing to go back inside.

"Because Camerons are on the pack shit-list, and he'll probably say no just to be a tool."

"I'm sorry about that," I said honestly. Since the blow out which I had caused by hurting Taylor and not stopping the fight when I should have, my mom and dad had completely shunned Taylor's family.

"It's Ethan and Trisha's fault. Don't worry, it'll get better and if it don't… well, I still got you," he said cheerily.

"Yup… always," I whispered, then realizing just how bold that was I coughed. "I'll ask him now. See you in like 30?" I said in a deep voice one would use with a platonic fishing buddy or something equally manly. He chuckled.

"Yeah. Bye," he said sweetly. His voice was the most important sound in my life right now, it was beautiful.

"Bye," I said in the breathless voice he liked so much. I couldn't help it, he made me all gooey.

He hung up first and I entered the living room so dazed I had to lay down again. Tonight we would be together. Alone. Together, alone and far away from anyone who could interrupt us… speaking of the half-wit.

"You and lover boy finished with your phone smooching?" He called from the top of the stairs. I wish he would shut the fuck up. Not only did he interrupt the most exciting moment of my life, but now he was interrupting my thoughts.

I didn't respond. Trying to recap our conversation and analyze everything he said for signs that he had in fact decided to keep me.

David didn't like being ignored. I hadn't responded to him once all day, and since he was used to being the center of the Uley residence, he decided to come down and further annoy me. I could hear his loud stupid footsteps approaching, the sound of which enraged me fully. I gripped hard on arm of the couch which creaked under my pressure.

"Come on Markipoo," he sang annoyingly.

"I'm not talking to you, douche!" I said heading into the kitchen for food.

"Come on man don't be like that. I said I was sorry already. I love you!" He said giving me the puppy dog eyes that only worked on our mother, I scowled.

"Get away from me."

"Mark, come on Trisha she needs you she was crying all night, why can't you be the nice gay friend that tells her she's pretty and makes her feel better?" He asked with wide innocent eyes. I kicked him in the shin, nice and hard.

"Fuck you!"

"You were just talking to Taylor, man, he can't be mad," David said with a pout. I threw him a vicious look as I smeared globs of peanut-butter on a piece of wheat bread.

"It's not about him being mad or not, and you know it!" I screamed taking a big sticky bite.

"Oh come on! I know I shouldn't interrupted, how about we make a system for next time?"

"You were purposely being a cock block David! You're just pissed cuz everyone's getting some but you and it's not my fault Trisha's giving it to Ethan," I said, finishing the dry sandwich, just as he pushed me out the open back door. He shook uncontrollably but I phased without a second thought. It scared me how easy it came to me. As soon as he burst into fur I tackled him, crushing him with my weight.

 _ **You asshole!**_ I mentally shouted at him, but it didn't feel as good as kicking him.

He kicked me off of him with his back legs and I scrambled up to meet him. He leaped at me and I ducked, sending him flying into a tree.

 _ **It was for your own good,**_ David said as he crashed with a thud into a spruce.

 _ **Why man? Why would you do that to me?**_ I was whining. _**If you have a problem with me being gay then you should just fucking say it and stop being a fucking pussy!**_

 _ **I don't care that you're gay. He's not gay, man! And he's going hurt you!**_ I leapt at him before he could stand, biting down hard on the first piece of flesh I could grab. He yelped; only a slight consolation for the anger and insecurity his words brought to me. Was I being so stupid that I missed something even David could see?

I rolled off of David, the metallic smell and taste of his blood grossing me out. He tried to stand but fell back down, I had gotten him in his thigh.

 _ **Oh shit! I'm sorry David. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it.**_ Why couldn't I control my anger anymore. Why couldn't I control my own strength. I was hurting everyone I loved. The wolf in me kicked in and I went automatically to his leg licking the wound in a long careful stroke.

 _ **Get off of me, fag!**_ It wasn't the words but the anger and feelings behind them that hurt me. I turned back to the house and ran inside, hurting my wide shoulders on the door frame.

"Hey, hey! No wolves in the house!" My mom screamed as I knocked over a side table and leapt up the stairs.

"Mark?" My dad called up. I didn't want to deal with this shit, the guilt of hurting David then the betrayal of him—I couldn't think about it. I needed to be out of wolf form, and almost the second I thought it, I was back, naked and dirty on my bedroom floor.

"Mark baby," my mom called coming in the room. I didn't even attempt to cover myself, it was too early and I had dealt with too much shit this week to even care if she saw me naked. I walked with zombie posture past her and into the shower. When I came out she met me we a covered face and a beach towel, I wrapped myself and walked inside, where David was lying with a bandage on his thigh. We didn't look each other in the eye and I closed the curtain between us, going into my closet and pulling on a pair of black cargo shorts.

"Will someone explain what the hell is going on?" My mom demanded pulling the curtain back from David's side where she was standing staring around in disbelief. I shrugged and sat down. I waited for him to rat me out but he copied me, shrugging his wide shoulders and raising his eyebrows in a question.

"You two don't fight, like ever! I haven't seen you two do this since you were eight. Something happened and you're going to talk," she said stomping her little feet. Her attempt at being a hard ass was cute, and we both grinned trying to cover it with our hands, which made us both erupt in laughter.

"Sorry," we said together, our shoulders shaking with the effort we were straining to stop the laughing.

"Apologize to him, Mark," she demanded and I rolled my eyes turning to face him.

"Don't," he said simply and stood, putting his weight on the left leg and leaving. I stood and stopped him.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"I'm sorry too," he said, grabbing me and pulling me into a one armed hug.

"Does it hurt?"

"Like a bitch. Dude you're majorly fucking strong," he chuckled.

"Quil's here!" My dad called from the foot of the stairs. I kept his arm around my shoulder and casually helped him down the stairs.

"Come on," Quil said motioning for David to follow as soon as he saw us. He was really very grumpy lately without Claire.

"Where am I going?" David asked looking at me as if this were some sort of set-up. I held up my hands as if to say it wasn't my idea and he nodded.

"You're going to make up with Ethan and call it a day kay, Kid?" Quil said heading to the door. We followed, David looking surlier by the second. When we arrived at his store I saw Brady dragging Ethan inside, followed by Taylor who strolled casually behind them.

"What happened to the half-wit?" he whispered as I reached his side. Quil and David were already inside leaving the two of us alone on the street.

"I bit him."

"Good job," he said patting my back.

"You okay?" he asked following me inside. I turned back to him and smiled. He was the sweetest guy on the face of the planet.

"I'm—" A complete klutz, I walked right into a rack of candy bars.

"Adorable," he said kneeling down to pick up the fallen soldiers. I joined him, blushing. The rest of the guys passed us, heading up the stairs behind the counter and up into Quil's place. When I stood straight I noticed how closely he had settled, so close I could feel his warm breath on my bare shoulder.

"Tay."

"Huh?" he asked shifting in a way that made his huge hands brush mine.

"Can I kiss you?" My heart was beating so hard against my ribs it hurt. I was overheating the combine sensation of his breath on my skin and the brush of his fingertips against the back of my hand. He nodded once and I broke the barrier between us, my desire so strong it felt like a pulsating wave starting from my gut and trailing down to my toes.

He gripped a handful of my hair, pulling me down closer to him and holding me in place as if it were possible for me to want to be anywhere else. He snaked his tongue out, brushing the length of my bottom lips before finding my tongue.

"Ah, young love," Seth said pushing past us and up to his apartment.

"Shit! Seth. Seth!" Taylor called after him, he stopped a few steps from the door to Quil's place.

"Yes, young Mr. Cameron?"

"Can you please not say anything? _Please_? Don't think it either, don't be a gossip man," Taylor pleaded, my stomach turning uncomfortably.

"Sure," Seth said with a smile, turning and opening the apartment door. I followed slowly, dragging my feet, deep in thought. Should upset about this? Wasn't it a better idea not to tell anyone. Gossip in this circle spread like wildfire.

"Thanks for joining us! 'Bout fucking time," Quil whined, as I finally entered the room.

"Okay, who wants to start?" Brady asked, looking between Ethan and David who were pointedly not looking at each other.

"Oh, me!" Seth said waving happily. "I prepared something. Okay, guys everything has really gotten out of hand here!" Seth said seriously stuffing himself in the space between Ethan and David who had been pointedly sitting on opposite ends of the couch. "You two need to promise not to kill each other over some chick for the good of your friends and the pack."

"That's it? That's what you prepped Seth?" Brady asked with a smile. Seth shrugged as if you say, "Isn't that everything?"

"She's not some chick," Ethan said, which made David nod feverishly in agreement. It was the first and probably the only thing they were going to agree on. They both shrugged Seth's arm off their shoulders and when he stood up and away from the table they both went back to their opposite ends. This wasn't going to work with the adults involved.

First: David didn't want to hear anything Quil or Seth had to say because Ethan was living with them now, which automatically made them "bias," his words not mine. Actually his words were a bit more whiny and unclear so I'm taking the liberty of paraphrasing.

Second: Brady was here, which automatically made Ethan and Taylor pouty. He had imprinted on their infant sister. I get it. I don't have an infant sister but I'm sure I wouldn't want any of these idiots imprinting on her if I did.

And third: the adults were trying to get Ethan and David back to friendshipville which Taylor and I at least knew would never happen. A compromise was the best we were going to get.

I wanted to get this show on the road. I was obligated to see Anna and Michael's newborn triplets with the pack in Forks and was anxious to go camping with Taylor. He was leaning casually against the door across from me occasionally glancing in my direction. I made a decision, standing and sitting between Ethan and David, but not being stupid enough to try to force them closer.

"Look, I think us teen wolves can deal with this alone. Could you guys step out, please?" I asked Quil. He eyed me for a while. Taylor looked over at me with the same worried look and I winked at him as assurance. He blushed a little turning to look in the distance, no one noticed… except for Seth who gave me a thumbs up. I responded in kind with a one finger salute of my own.

"I'll step out, but if one of you fuckers phases and ruins anything in my house, you'll be paying for it," Quil said gruffly shooting one last look at us before walking out the door. Seth and Brady followed, Brady eyeing Taylor and Ethan nervously one last time before closing the door behind him.

"Okay, look. Ethan loves Trisha, she loves him, she's David's imprint, and this whole situation sucks, right?" Taylor said from the doorway. I couldn't have made a better introduction myself, so I sat back and waited for him to continue. "But we need to be adults about this or the 'rents are going to come down on us hard. Plus, I'm tired of patrolling with Seth. He's got like way too much going on in there." David and Ethan looked at him, then at each other and then like tantrum ridden children, off into space.

"David, stop being a bitch and apologize," I said rubbing my eyes, the lack of sleep was catching up with me.

"I'm not apologizing! It was the best thing that ever happened to me. I have a purpose in life and a perfect love," he said still looking off into nothingness stoically.

"Ppfft! Perfect. Perfectly one sided," Ethan said, crossing his arms like a toddler.

Taylor looked at me, and for a moment I felt like we were the parents of two very stubborn and naughty children. I walked to his side to present a united front, the Uleys and the Camerons didn't have to be at war. He leaned his head on my bicep and yawned loudly. I hadn't noticed it earlier but he had the same dark eyed signs of restless sleep, I smoothed out his wild hair that I loved so much; it left a tinge of his clean scent lingering on my finger tips.

"So Paris here isn't going to apologize and Romeo's not giving in, so what do you want to do? Do you want me to call my mom? She can mediate this meeting, but I'm not sure you—"

"Don't call mom!" "Don't call Kim!" At least they both agreed on that.

"That's agreed. Well then, are we going try to work this out like big boys or what?" I asked reveling in the feel of Taylor's warm arm pressed against mine.

"Right, imprinting fucks everything up. Exhibit A: Solace and Embry. As far as I can tell they still aren't too fond of each other but they're man enough to deal with it. Can we agree not to fight again and—"

"I can't agree! Not to that! If he tries something with my woman again I won't—"

"Your woman? What is this, the '50s?" Ethan howled, plopping back farther in his seat.

"You're gunna have to admit she's mine now, Ethan!" David pounded his fist on the armrest, and I glared at him as a reminder that he would be paying for any broken furniture.

"Once you admit you only got her by stealing her from me! And— **And** that you never even liked her in the first place. **And** that **you** ruined our friendship not Trisha!" Ethan screamed turning his body to glare at David head on.

"I didn't steal her, we were destined to be! And I didn't not like her! I was just jealous of her!" David shot back.

"Then are you admitting that you ruined our friendship?" Ethan said calmly.

"Yeah, fine. I ruined our friendship, but I'm not apologizing for the imprint," David said, reverting to cross-armed childishness.

"And you don't even care? You were my best friend and you don't even care how I feel. You are such a—"

"A bastard, I know! I know! I've heard it all week!" Taylor howled.

"Look, let's just get this over with," he continued. "David, you hate Ethan forever cuz your lady likes him more. Ethan, you're gunna give up because it's pack law. She'll probably marry David and as consolation Ethan, you'll move the fuck out of this hell hole and you'll be better for it. How about we all agree to that?" Taylor said, rubbing his hands excitedly. David shrugged but Ethan just continued to glare.

"I don't see any other options… unless you're going to consider being a trouple," I shrugged..

"Look bro, I wish I could help you but no one's going allow Romeo to be with this Juliet. We gotta live in reality here, there's a world full of women and in just a few years before we can leave and never look back," he reasoned.

"What's a trouple? Why am I a city in France? What does Paris have to do with anything? Speak English man!" David said his eyes wide with confusion.

"Okay, forget the analogy. How about this, there are vampires around here somewhere. We are all creating so much drama that no one is asking why the fuck we are phasing to begin with. So maybe keep your hands and your fucking feelings to yourself to we can train and patrol and figure this wolf shit out. And while you're at it stay away from her and each other for a while or she's going to go lez," Taylor said sagely and I nodded at him.

"She's not going lez," Ethan and David said in unison. Apparently they didn't get the e-mail about sworn enemies not speaking in unison.

"If you love her then you'll back off already, she's crying every night now and—"

"She's crying because she's stuck with you! I would be crying too if I was forced to marry a baboon," Ethan hissed.

"So we **are** agreeing that Trisha **is** stuck with David?" Taylor asked with an adorable smile. I was smiling too, progress even if it was toddler progress was still progress.

"Yeah," Ethan whispered. "She's his, and he's a douche."

"Great that settled! Crybaby gets the Baboon and Romeo's a free agent. No one's gonna fight and we are gonna be civil semi-adults," Taylor said excitedly.

They nodded and pushed between past us, desperate to be away from each other, leaving us alone for the second time today.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 11: Princess Pretty Face the Tattle-Tale**

* * *

David and Ethan pushed between us and out the door desperate to be away from each other, leaving us alone for the second time today. As soon as they were out the door I filled the space between us.

"You smell good," he said running his hands up my arms and wrapping them around the back of my neck.

"Taylor, what is this?" I asked as he placed kisses from my jaw to my collarbone. It was wonderful but I was still confused.

"Shut up and stop ruining it," he said and I crushed him hard against the wooden doorway dying to feel him completely.

"Wanna go back to my house?" He whispered after over ten minutes of intense kissing, and rubbing.

"For what?" I asked stupidly before I could process it. He raised his eyebrow and then started to chuckle, when I started to nod like a bobble head doll. I wanted him, all of him or however much of him he would allow me to have.

He smiled pulling me towards the door. Once we hit the street, he started walking faster, his long legs taking big strides towards the Cameron home. His house was the closest to Quil's store and we were up the stairs and in his room before we could encounter any interference.

He locked the door and ripped his tight black t-shirt off as soon as we were in the room. The shirt used to fit him loosely, he wore it often while we practiced tai chi. He was growing really fast, his tanned shoulders were broader now than they were just two days ago. He was deliciously smooth, there was no hair on his chest, making it almost shine in the dim sunlight that shone through the white linen curtains. He watched me as I slowly mimicked him, removing my white undershirt so that I stood topless in front of him. It wasn't a big deal, we had seen each other topless before, but the tension in the room was so high that any minor step was thrilling.

"I don't know what I'm doing," he said sheepishly. I kissed the deep muscled recesses of his collarbone and nodded.

"Okay, no pressure." He ran his hands up my chest and I couldn't help but smile, allowing him to push me down on his large bed that took up about eighty percent of his tiny room, which was clean and zen like.

"I do know that I'm horny as hell and I like the way you smell, so maybe we can try other things," he said without taking a breath.

"What kind of things?" I asked lifting my body, grinding into him.

"Well, I sorta thought you'd know... I mean, you've had longer to think about it," he said looking down at me. I flipped him over, lying on top of him gently, holding my weight on my elbows. He pulled me down forcing me completely on him, lifting one leg up to wrap around me. He was hard and it pressed fully against my hip.

I kissed him, slowly working my tongue in his mouth and making small circles around his. He groaned as my thigh lightly rubbed against his erection, and I let my kisses trail back down to his neck and collarbone, which were the parts of his body that called to me the most. He bit his fat bottom lip with his pearly whites. His big fists were balled, his face was flushed, little flashes of pink creeping on the apple of his cheek.

"You okay," I teased him. Granted, it wasn't very nice. I didn't usually go that route, but feeling how hard I made him, gave me power.

"No," he breathed, his nails digging into my back as he pulled me towards him so that his erection was pressing hard against my pelvis.

"Yeah, that's not helping," he whined as I licked light circles on his neck against his main artery. His pulse quickened as I run my hand down his arm, grabbing his hand and bringing it under the rim of his pants, guiding it down and forcing him grab onto himself. I was generally not a sexual being, I knew I liked guys but I wasn't exactly sure what I wanted to do with them, so this was all new to me, like it was to him.

"You're giving me serious blue balls, man," he groaned, thrusting up into his own hand.

"We better be quick then," I whispered in his ear, lacing my fingers between his, feeling his hot package as I added to the pressure. He groaned as I pushed our hands back, pulling the skin to the base, bringing it back up and twisting before we jerked it again. That was the method I liked to use and apparently it was new to him. He breathed out 'oh fuck' and arched his back off the bed allowing a better angle for us to stroke in unison. As he sped I increased the pressure, feeling his leg shake like a dog as he grinded harder into the force of our strokes.

"Hmph," he moaned, grabbing my face with his free hand and chewing on my bottom lip. I pulled away taking his tongue in my mouth and sucking on it longingly. "Uhhhh," he moaned his last long snarl before his hot seed shot on our hands. I dropped him, breathing hard as I pressed myself flat on the bed next to him.

He was panting—panting hard, his chest rising and falling before he rolled back on his side and kissed me. He climbed slowly on top of me, unzipping my shorts and pulling me out. I wriggled, only one person other than me had ever touched it before: Griffin. I didn't know Griffin, and I wasn't attracted to him the way I am Taylor, so this touch was like nothing I ever felt before. I was afraid I wouldn't last very long, just the one rough grab from him was more pleasurable than anything I could do to myself. He kissed me hard, forcing his tongue in my mouth dipping it in and out like a jack-hammer, every time our tongues touched I tingled. He was mimicking the speed and strength I had used on him and my stomach boil.

"Tay, we should stop," I whispered so low only he would be able to hear it.

"Mark, I wanna do this," he whispered taking my ear lobe between his teeth and stroking me faster.

"I-I'm not going to last long," I admitted, my face burning so hot with embarrassment I had to turn away. He crawled farther up my body and forced his lips on mine.

"I'll take that as a compliment," he whispered.

"Oh Tay, I-uh shit, so good," I whisper-moaned, clawing at the sheets as he aggressively jerked me, sucking hard on my bottom lip which was firmly placed between his teeth. I could feel that he was hard again, the sound of my moans made him groan and squirm and I reached out to grab him.

"Shit, Mark," he breathed, panting in hot puffs against my ear. And that was it, the sound of my name on his lips with lust was enough to finish me. One second I was moaning, and the next seeing lights.

He collapsed on top of me and the combination of our cum was sticky between us. I kissed him again and he sighed.

Amber's childlike screams and pattering feet rang through the house and we scrambled to get out of the bed. I cleaned myself with a stray sock and we both dressed quickly. At the door he turned back to look at me for a long while, his beautiful mahogany flecked eyes were mischievous.

"Taylor! Mark! You can have the Tahoe for camping if you can convince Ethan to come to the hospital tonight!" Kim screamed from downstairs. He stood on his toes kissing me softly, keeping his eyes open so that he was looking into mine. It made me dizzy but I liked it.

"Ready?" I nodded giving him for one last kiss before we ran out the room and down the stairs as if nothing happened.

Kim passed me a glass of lemonade and examined me, her bright eyes so like Taylor's it was uncanny. I squirmed under her scrutiny as Taylor dial Ethan. She giggled, coming to his side and grabbing on to him. He was much taller than her now, her head came up to his chest and she settled in there, wrapping her arms around her boy as he greeted Ethan.

"Hey bro, look—" he rolled his eyes obviously cut off by Ethan.

"Tell him I said he has to," Kim whispered, letting go of Taylor and standing next to me.

"No, she didn't— look dickwad, I don't care if Trisha is there in a bikini, draped over her new South American boy toy, Pablo! Anna is family. She was there when we were born and we're going to be there for her, stop being so selfish. You have never been like this, Ethan. You've let a woman create an imbalance in your life," he said sagely.

He paused, I could hear Ethan on the other side, his voice was remorseful. I liked the way they talked to each other, I always did. Ethan never treated him like a baby or as inferior, the two of them were a lot more like twins than David and I were. Yeah, I love David, more than anyone in the world, but I was always his subordinate, following him and doing whatever it was he wanted to do. We had very little in common for people who grew up so closely, even our wolf fur was opposite… although complimentary.

"I'm going to meditate with Mark out west, but if you want I could—no, no," he smiled, the smile he usually only bestowed on me. I felt a tinge of jealousy. Kim who was still next to me whispered so low in my ear no one more than a foot away would be able to hear it.

"I would appreciate you not having sex with my underage son until he's a hundred percent ready and not just a horny wolf in heat," she whispered smiling. Taylor looked over at us, confused—he obviously couldn't hear her and I smiled awkwardly encouraging him to continue talking to Ethan.

"Ethan man, you need to remember the Great Teacher's lessons. He who envies others does not obtain peace of mind, you can't continue wishing for things to change. You can't let envy of David, for his… _fortune_ destroy you," he said this as if Trisha were no prize at all but a pile of burning poo. I would have laughed if Kim wasn't staring up at me waiting for me to respond.

"We haven't—"

"Yet," she hissed, directly into my ear so that I flinched. Taylor looked back at us and we smiled in unison.

"What are you guys doing?" Taylor asked, covering the mouth piece of his phone. Kim and I both looked at him innocently and shook our heads. He huffed, eyed us and walked towards the window seat across the room that looked out into their backyard.

"Please promise to treat him like the fourteen year old kid he is while out _meditating_ , okay? I know he looks and sounds like an adult but he's not and he's confused. I don't want either of you getting hurt." She said kissing me softly on the cheek and then slapping me hard on my arm, I groaned and Taylor looked back at me worried. We both smiled at him and she exited leaving me to listen as Taylor finished his philosophical conversation with Ethan.

"I love you Ethan, so much. We all do. No one is mad at you. Dad is… biased, yes but you're his favorite, he adores you and—" Ethan erupted on the other end and Taylor nodded listening intently. When he looked up at me he smiled and patted the space beside him. I slowly slid into the window seat and he leaned against me, still listening to Ethan. I kissed the top of his head, smoothing out his soft hair which was still in disarray.

"Ethan no one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path, remember that. I'll see you in a few hours, okay?" He said hanging up the phone and looking at me. I smiled.

"He's coming?"

"Yup, we've got the tahoe!" He announced giving me a quick peck on the lips.

"Ewwwwwwwwwwww!" Amber screamed pointing at us.

"What's wrong Princess Pretty Face?" Princess Pretty Face was a name she picked out for herself, and was now a mandatory greeting from all members of the pack. Jared pick her up and cuddled her to his chest.

"Tay-Tay was kissing Mark!" She howled still pointing at me. Taylor turned to look at me then back at Amber, then up at his dad.

"I-um… we just like, um—" He was red and stuttering in obvious embarrassment. Jared examined us comically then chuckled.

"You gotta stop being such a tattle-tale Princess Pretty face."

"I gotta go, bye guys!" I called, running past Jared and out the front door. I didn't care about human speed, I was a blur of colored air as I ran into my house and up to my room. I collapsed, the lack of sleep, the excitement and exertion of the day finally taking its toll until I was drifting off into blackness.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 12: Vanilla Ninja**

* * *

"Sweetie… baby-cakes," my mother's sweet voice called to me, breaking through the black fog of sleep. It was summer so my mother hadn't been waking us like she did in the school year, and it startled me to be awoken so lovingly. I rolled over, keeping my eyes tightly shut, bracing myself for an imminent encounter with a hail storm of my mother's kisses. She grabbed my head showering every corner of my face with her warm pecks.

I shrugged her away but not too enthusiastically, I had missed her wake up calls since the beginning of the summer. Momma's morning routine was more than just kisses. For me, it was her making me feel special and loved.

"Marcus," she whispered curling into bed next to me.

"Don't call me that," I whined turning to face her. She was looking at me with mild confusion and then smiled.

"It was my father's name, Marcus so don't hate," she said with an urban twist, slapping my arms.

"Ugh!" I cringed at the name and she smiled slapping more kisses on my cheeks.

"Marki-poo, it's time to go see the babies. You have to go over and pick up Taylor. He's got his dad's car set up for some camping thing but he can't drive," she said rolling off the bed. I grabbed her scarred arm before she could leave.

"Momma," I whispered, she rolled back in place snuggling me tightly. "I love you."

"I love you too, honey. Is something wrong?" She asked rubbing my back.

"I did something," I don't know why I was saying it. I felt like I was bursting to let her in, to let anyone in, to have someone to help me uncover the mystery that was Taylor.

"Could you be anymore vague?" She chuckled, smoothing out my undershirt.

"Momma, I don't know if you wanna hear it," I said honestly.

"Is this about kissing Taylor again?"

"What?" I asked in shock.

"Oh, come on, you kissed in front of Seth—he told Brady, who told Kim, who told Helen, who, of course, told me, all in the less than of an hour," she said flatly.

"We didn't just kiss," I admitted, burying my head into my pillow.

"You vixen!" she squealed, smacking my arm. "What did you do? Was it amazing? Is it everything you hoped it would be? So, then is he gay? Bi? Bi-curious? Are you dating?" She fired off the questions so fast I felt dizzy.

"Everything with him is amazing. More than amazing. More than I hoped it would me. He initiated it. I don't know what he is and neither does he which is scary. Was that all?" I asked facing her.

"No, you forgot the two biggest ones, exactly what did you do and are you two an item?" She prodded, poking me with her long nail.

"Momma," I whined, deciding way too late I didn't want to discuss this.

"You didn't do it. It's way too early for that!" She howled grabbing on to my collar and making me look at her.

"No, we did stuff but not all of the stuff," I giggled.

"So come on dish, are you guys casual are you going to tell people?"

"Momma, I don't know. I love him, and I wanna be with him. But it's like he wants to play to try something out and see how far he can go and it's not a game for me." I hate crying, its stresses your heart, makes your head hurt and wastes otherwise good hydration but the tears fell anyways. She tried to cradle me, but I had grown too big for her, so she settled on rubbing her hands up and down my arm.

"Aww, that's it—let it out, let it out," she cooed as the door burst open.

"What did he do to you?" David demanded, his hands were shaking. "I'm gunna rip that dip-shit apart if he hurt you!"

"Chill out man," I chided. "He didn't do anything."

"David you know I think this would be a good time for us to discuss the anger and aggression you two have been displaying. You know Kim and her sons have family sessions all the time," Momma said patting my hand.

"And that's why they have two pussified pretty boy sons," David said pounding the foot of my bed with his fist, it creaked.

"Two pussified boys that can read," I hissed at him. Even though I loved my brother and he was sticking up for me, no one was making fun of Taylor, and I was making damn sure of that.

"I can read, I just don't like to do," David pouted, crossing his arms across his chest.

"What's going on? Whose crying?" My dad asked walking into the room.

"Oh lord! No one's crying. I will try to control my anger I promise, we don't need therapy. I gotta go pick up Taylor," I said pushing past him and out the door.

"I'm going with you!" David called after me, and I sped up trying to get away.

"Hey! You two better be at the hospital in thirty minutes," my mom called in a sing song voice and I raced ahead of David, praying he would give up and go back. It didn't work.

When we got to the Cameron house, Ethan was helping Taylor pack up the tahoe. David and Ethan glared at each other hard, as we approached but no one growled or shook so I was taking it as improvement.

"Can we all play nice and ride together?" I asked. Taylor and Ethan shrugged in unison. Standing together I could see the resemblance, more pronounced since they had phased. We squeezed into the car, Taylor eyeing me curiously.

"What's wrong, Mark?" he whispered from the seat behind me..

"Nothing, I'm fine," I laughed, keeping my eyes focused on the road.

Silence. Long ass silence, filled my mother's beat up car as we drove to Forks. I thought of a million subject to break the tension but nothing seemed neutral enough.

"So, I started reading Romeo and Juliet again today," Taylor said casually.

"Romeo and Juliet, huh? Do you like it?" I asked getting the ball rolling. I hadn't read it since middle school.

"Naw not really, it's severely overrated. Benvolio though, that's my guy he was all about keeping the peace but he was also sorta gangsta like he wasn't going to let anyone fuck with his family. So if Ethan is Romeo I'm his Benvolio, that's what I decided," he said nodding.

"So then who am I?" I chuckled.

"Hmm, well Paris didn't have an awesome brother so I guess you're whoever you want to be—no, no scratch that you are the Prince, he lays down the law," he said seriously.

"Prince is boring," I relaxed as we passed a sign for Forks.

"Who do you want to be?"

"Mercutio, Who we all know was the baddest of badasses.:

"You do know that he gets killed right? And also that he hates the Capulets?" Ethan said, finally joining the conversation.

"Did you parents already leave?" I asked changing the subject.

"Yea, Solace took them, he's staying in Ethan's room cuz Ethan's still annexing the couch at Quil's place," Taylor explained.

When we parked Ethan darted out the car and out of sight, not bothering to look back but I felt we had made a step in the right direction, until David went and opened his big dumb mouth.

"You hurt my brother, and I'mma kick your sorry little ass, pretty boy," David said matter-of-factly. I glanced at him but Taylor didn't respond, he took a deep breath and started towards the entrance. "What are you playing at, Cameron? You're not gay!"

"And you are not my friend nor my family, so stay out of my shit, Witless Wonder," Taylor shot back.

"Yeah, well he's MY brother and **I** —"

"Well not everything is about _you_ , Infinite-Ego-Man," Taylor shot back, his zen demeanor slipping.

"Both of you please just shut up!" I screamed and my voice filled the parking lot with double baritone so powerful I surprised even myself. David complied and darted to the door without another word.

Taylor stared at me with awed discomfort.

"What?" I asked as I made my way to the door, Taylor flinched.

"That was your dad's voice dude. The voice of the Alpha," Taylor said, his voice a mix of confusion and admiration.

"It was not!" I laughed it off but the sound still echoed in my mind.

Anna and Michael's babies were less than six hours old, but when we shuffled into the tiny waiting room, we were met with quite an impressive turn out. Jordan, Krys, Leah, Solace, Phil, Jared and Kim stood to the far left. My mom, dad, Paul, Rachel, Embry and Leticia on the far right, and Leah, Collin, Helen, Brady, Seth, Quil and Ethan to the left of the door. When we walked in everyone seemed to turn and watch us waiting to see what side we chose. David waved me over and Kim caught Taylor's eye. We looked at each other for a second and I started to follow David but Taylor's hand stopped me.

He grabbed my and pulled me to beverage area, the only corner where wolf allegiances weren't already forming. Every pair of eyes were on us and he didn't even seem to notice, leaning against the payphones as he chatted about nothing.

"So, do you think Juliet's gunna show?" Taylor asked, scanning the crowd.

"Are you seriously not bothered by the staring?" I asked my cheeks turning red from the sidelong glances.

"You should know, Mercutio. Men's eyes were made to look, and let them gaze," he quoted his voice clear enough for the room of wolves to hear and most of them turned away in embarrassment.

Only Jared, Jordan and my dad watched now, with such varying expressions it was almost comical. My dad looked worried, Jared looked amused and Jordan looked curious. Oddly, this bothered me the most. I had known Jordan all my life, he taught me about soccer and gave me books growing up, but now it was different. Now he was a celebrity and my idol, so seeing him scrutinize me made me squirm.

"See, that's something I never fully explored a relationship with a man," Solace said to the crowd, as if he were trying to clear the air.

"Or a relationship at all," Krys chuckled.

"What you and Phil never did the nasty?" Seth asked from across the room.

"Yeah, you know I always assumed you did too," Collin shrugged looking over at us with a grin.

"You've been with a man before Solace, just after she's gone through enough surgery to be called a woman," Helen joked, blowing him a kiss.

"Tina the Filipina was not a transsexual, she just had really big hands," he said defensively. A small family in the corner of the waiting room exited, dragging their giggling teenage daughter with them.

"Doesn't really matter, today's the day for Solace's big imprint I'm betting," Brady said smacking Solace on his back.

"Naw, not me. I'm not joining the pedophile club today," Solace called, Quil growled at him and he put up his hands in apology.

"I'll put fifty on an imprint, Solace or otherwise," Jared said eyeing the crowd. "We've got seven unimprinted wolves here, the odds are good."

"Well, you can count me out of that seven, there is no _one_ woman for me," Solace joked but I saw it. It was only one millisecond, but I saw it as his eyes swept over to Leah and then back to the floor.

"Okay, the babies are settled and ready for viewing. Let's have three at a time. Who wants to go first?" the young nurse called. There was a room full of men but her eyes glued on Solace the entire time. He looked up at her and grinned his signature lopsided grin.

"Naw, I'll just wait my turn," he said with a wink. It could have been considered flirting the way he looked and spoke to women.

I examined him, nurses of the female and male variety continued to circle him like uniformed buzzards pretending to look at charts or check the clock, but he didn't seem to notice. This was far from my Solace, the Solace who taught me how to drive when I was still only fourteen; that Solace would have been busy ravaging one of his admirers in a bathroom stall or empty examine room by now. He looked anxious and I wondered if the possibility scared him more than he let on.

The crowd was ushered into the room in groups of three, Taylor and I sitting next to Solace and waiting our turn.

"I think it's gunna be Seth," Solace said pushing the hair out of his eyes.

"Why are you so certain that anyone is going to imprint?" Taylor asked, playing with the hem of his shirt.

"Because she's a double-sided wolf in a room of single wolves... I just say it's probably Seth because Vanilla Ninja isn't likely to have sex again for another sixteen years, so baby imprinting won't cramp his style."

"Vanilla Ninja?" Taylor chuckled, looking around to find Seth.

"Oh man, you don't know about that?" Solace asked looking up to see Seth glaring over at us.

"Oh no you don't! We are not playing 'remember that time when!'" Seth howled and Phil, Brady and Solace broke into an evil cackle. It was just like old times, before the pack split, the younger wolves playing around joking about nothing. I joined in, I missed this all so much.

I almost didn't notice when Leticia and Embry passed us on their way out. It was the tensest moment I had ever witnessed, Solace and Embry's eye contact so powerful I readied myself to pounce if Embry attacked.

Both David and Ethan watched the exchange and when it was done there was no more joking. Solace was quiet and broody and the pack was separated again, the Seattle pack shifted to one side and the La Push gang held on to their imprints, as if Solace was waiting to swoop one of them away.

"This imprinting shit is ridiculous," Taylor sighed and settled his head on my shoulder as yet another group made their way into the room. This group had Seth and I wondered if Solace was right. If imprinting was inevitable and if there was any way to predict it.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 13: This Imprinting Shit is Ridiculous!**

* * *

"This imprinting shit is ridiculous," Taylor sighed as yet another group made their way into the room. This group had Seth and I wondered if Solace was right. Could he be right? Could anyone foresee an imprint?

"Yeah," I sighed looking over at David, he was standing close to my mom, trying not to glare at Ethan but he couldn't help it. Ethan was apparently too glare-worthy, I didn't see why exactly. Ethan stood there like a lost puppy dog, alone while everyone around him shot disapproving looks in his direction. Ever since the fight, the memories of secret meetings with Trisha replayed continually in David head, making Ethan public enemy number one with imprinted wolves.

"No, no, let me elaborate. It's ridiculous, but I hope it's Ethan," Taylor said tracing the side of my hand with his thumb. He was watching Ethan, too.

"What?"

"I mean, I don't agree with it, especially imprinting on babies. It's like pissing on a tree—claiming a girl before she's even had a chance to make choices, but imprinting is the only thing that's going to give Ethan peace. He's been in love with Trisha his entire life," Taylor said, lowering his voice so only Solace and I could hear.

"Yeah, I remember," Solace chuckled, his sad eyes looking over at Ethan.

"I don't," I said honestly. I had never had much personal contact with Trisha. She hung out with the wolf-girls almost religiously since… since Ethan stopped hanging out with her. I had forgotten that. It was funny what you can forget. Trisha and Ethan had been inseparable till it became lame to have female friends and David took her place.

"How can you not remember that? They used to bathe together! When we were like five, he used to wake up early on Saturdays and wait for her to come over with Rachel, he was always scared she wouldn't come...He talks about her in his sleep. I once even heard him ask dream Trisha to marry him. I had to move into a storage closet when she got boobs and well…he needed some privacy. He's never wanted anyone else, so if anyone deserves a new little cute obsession, it's Ethan," he said looking at Ethan who stood close to Brady and Quil as if they were his only support and in a way they were. Brady, Seth and Quil were the only three full time La Push wolves that didn't want to strangle him.

"I don't get it," I said dumbly and both Solace and Taylor turned to look at me.

"What? You don't get why he loves Trisha? Me either, she's cute but she's no Nessie… or Leticia," Taylor sighed and Solace shot him a death glare.

"No. I don't get why Quil supports Ethan. He has an imprint."

"Ah, you mean don't get why Quil is the only one with common sense? He was the only one at the meeting who—"

I cut Solace off—"What meeting?"

"You guys didn't hear about it? Hmm… don't be offended I wasn't invited either. I only heard about it from Michael and Anna. Sam called some meeting of minds night before last. Sam, Paul, Jared, Embry, Quil and then Michael and Anna as impartial wolves," Solace said dryly.

"What happened?" Taylor asked, leaning forward to look around me at Solace.

"It was a bust, big surprise. Basically Paul wanted both of them to stay away from his daughter. Jared wanted to kill everyone who was bad mouthing little loverboy. Embry was all about shipping Ethan away for a while. And your dad was doing a terrible job or being impartial, but what's new huh?" He said looking at me.

I laughed, Solace had a knack for saying uncomfortable truths.

"But what about Quil?" Taylor asked, looking over at Quil who was busy in conversation with Krys and Phil.

"Well, Quil was the only one other than Anna that wasn't talking outta his ass. But, you know, Michael and Anna aren't imprinted so they talked about Trisha's free will and no one wanted to hear that. Quil, though…Quil said that if David really loved her, he'd let her choose and be happy."

"Good job, Quil!" Taylor praised loudly causing a group of wolves, including Quil to turn and stare.

"I was just—you know," Taylor mumbled, turning and hiding his face in my arm.

"You know, I think it's cool that you two um… found each other," Solace said casually, staring off in the distance.

"Thanks," I whispered. Taylor tensed and pointed as Ethan enter the babies' room, flanked by Quil and Brady.

"What are their names?" I asked, absentmindedly.

They were triplets, a full cubby litter. Two boys and one girl, and I secretly wished they were all girls: one for Ethan, one for Seth and one for Solace. I wasn't a huge supporter of imprinting especially in light of recent events, but it seemed like a good remedy for the trio.

I had secretly deemed the three of them the Heart Break Boys, which sounded like a boy band and gave me a wide variety of humorous visuals where the three of them, dressed in similar outfits, sang ballads of lost love. Solace, of course, would play the role of bad boy, Ethan would be the artsy/sensitive type, and Seth would act as the sweet boy next door.

"The boys are Levi and Devlin, and the girl is Melody," Helen said passing us on her way back. She was toting her own son Randall. He was a big boy, about the size of a three year old, though he was only about a year and a half. He was the happiest baby I'd ever seen, he smiled constantly—literally, he was a bucket of smiles who was obsessed with all women, especially Leticia who treated him as her own.

Leticia treated us all like her own, she was one of the sweetest women I had ever met. I didn't think a lot about breeding, I wouldn't be having children, but it did make me sad knowing that she couldn't have them. She and Embry would be great parents.

"You guys are up," Ethan nudged Taylor's feet, answering his silent question with a quick shake of his head.

"Come on, kid," Solace motioned for me to follow. He walked smoothly with all the confidence in the world but I listened as his heart sped ever so slightly and counted with him as he took three deep breath before he entering the room. He was in first, and Michael, who looked exhausted but ecstatic, handed him the baby girl Melody. She was cute, like all babies are, a tuff of jet black hair over lightly tanned skin, chubby cheeks and little pink lips. I got one of the boys, Levi, as I was informed by Jordan who passed him to me. Taylor the last in the room got baby Devlin, who was identical to Levi except for a small birthmark on his right cheek.

"They all just settled down again so please be careful. Except for you Solace, why don't you nudge her and get a good look in her eyes," Anna joked from the bed. She wasn't wearing the typical hospital gown, so at first she seemed out of place in the white hospital bed, but a closer look at her face definitely showed the new mother glow I had seen on Kim and Helen before her.

"How are you feeling?" Taylor asked, taking a seat on the bed next to her. She was sitting up and she looked perfectly healthy, possibly a lasting effect of once being a wolf.

"I'm great, Taylor. Thank you for asking. You're such a sweet boy," she whispered, kissing him lightly on the forehead. He smiled, looking back down at baby Devlin who he held gently. I liked the way he held babies, that sounds crazy, but I did. First, with his sister Annabelle and now little Devlin who he nuzzled close to chest.

"I love babies," he said smiling.

Solace who was standing next to me gasped as baby Melody awoke, howling loudly with fresh baby lungs.

He held her away from him as she kicked and whined. He obviously did not feel the same about babies.

"No imprint, huh?" Jordan said taking the baby away from him. He passed me on the way to the bed, her little eyes catching mine momentarily causing her to howl even louder. I giggled and Anna joined.

"Damn, too bad. I thought you were finally going to be caged, Solace," Anna said smiling as Jordan came to the side of the bed, very gently passing his niece to her mother.

Levi started to stir and I looked down at him, rocking him gently. He was awake, his blurry little baby eyes gazing up at me as I swayed side to side.

Melody's cries stopped and little Levi quickly lolled back to sleep. Another gasp, multiple gasps, erupted around me and I searched the room, looking for the problem. Everyone was looking at me, looking at me as I held baby Levi. Had I done something wrong?

"Oh, Taylor," Anna cried and my eyes went directly to where Taylor sat, transfixed and still as a statue. The room was silent, and suddenly eight times hotter. I felt sweat drip down the small of my back as I looked around frantic for answers. This of course could not be what it seemed.

Jordan returned to my side gently taking Levi from my arms, his hands were scorching hot, the room, the whole hospital was hot, burning, on fire.

"Ah, fuck," Solace cursed under his breath, grabbing my elbow and turning me towards the door. I didn't understand. Why didn't anyone notice the heat? What was wrong with Taylor?

"Wow, not the one I thought would imprint," Michael said nervously, taking baby Levi from Jordan.

Imprint? Imprint…. IMPRINT.

That word. That stupid word that meant so little in the outside world. That one word that was suffocating me now, the burning presence of it sucking the oxygen out of the room.

"Oh, Taylor," Anna sighed again, grabbing his head with her free hand and kissing him loudly on the cheek.

Imprint.

"Welcome to the family," Jordan said quietly to Taylor, turning to back me slowly.

He stared at me for a long moment, then rushed to his jacket which lay on the back of a chair, pulling out a small memo book and jotting something down. The room was so silent that the scratching of his pen was amplified to thundering extremes. I tried to look at Taylor again, I needed to see him—but Solace had me tightly by the arm urging me out the door. When he opened it, Phil rushed in.

"Did it happen? Did you get a soulmate?" Phil asked Solace, slapping him hard against the chest.

"No. Taylor did," Solace said coldly, pulling me harder towards the cool air of the hall. I wouldn't budge. I ripped my arm out of his hand, stumbling back in the room and colliding with Jordan who was no longer writing but guarding, standing solidly in front of the bed as if I were going to attack. I laughed. It was a deep, menacing laugh, the kind of laughs from bad guys in children's cartoons, the kind of laugh I never knew I could make.

He was protecting his family from me. I had gone mad. I was a mad man in a heated room with walls that were closing in on me.

I could take him. If I wanted to, I could hurt him. I could destroy Jordan in seconds. He was smaller than me, all of them were, because I was the natural born heir. I was the next alpha to a pack of wolves. A pack of wolves in a small hospital room that was sweltering.

More laughing. Terrible villainous laughter that turned to sobbing.

I closed my eyes as two very familiar scents filled my nose. Solace's slightly feminine mix of citrus and freshly cut gardenias; rich and creamy, exotic. And Taylor. Fresh, light and clean like cotton sheets dried with cool mountain air and sunshine.

"Mark?" My mom's voice called from the doorway, the portal out of this inferno; out of this room that was slowly purging me into madness. I leaned into Solace's scent, and he pulled me out the door guiding me through the hospital. I didn't open my eyes, I let him steer me. The path was full of scents some instantly recognizable, some familiar but not instantly registered.

"Mark?" It was Seth, his simple chocolate scent was appetizing. Appetizing? I didn't know what I was thinking anymore, thoughts all like jumbled nonsense kept occurring to me. Seth's hand brushed mine but I didn't open my eyes, I kept them shut until the harsh smell of car fumes and the trees of the parking lot roused me. It was bright, the summer's hot sun burning my eyes.

"Get in the car," Solace ordered and I moved in slow motion, pulling the long black door handle and hopping in. I gazed out the window which was in direct line with the glass double doors of the hospital where Taylor and my mother watched us as we drove away.

"Solace?"

"Yes," he responded quickly, screeching the tires as he swerved out the parking lot.

"Am I okay?" It sounded like a stupid question and I hate stupid questions. I do. But I needed to know. I wasn't sure. I had never been so unsure of anything in my life. I felt drunk…or drugged, my body moving lethargically.

"You're in shock…I think. You'll be alright," he said, rolling down my window from the main controls on the driver's side. I put my head out the window like a dog, closing my eyes and trying to catch my breath, he patted me lightly on the back. Warm raindrops pelted my face but I didn't move.

I opened my eyes again tilting my head to the open sky, but the sun was still shining, there was not a cloud in the sky.

"Is it raining?" I whispered, my hands tightly wrapped around my torso.

"No, Mark. You're…crying," he sighed, rubbing my back in large circles. I drifted lazily back through the car window but just as I settled back in my seat my stomach, which I had been grasping, caught my attention. It was burning, sending waves of hot saliva to my mouth.

Languidly I leaned back out the window, just in time to release a jet of steaming bile that smoldered savagely in my gullet.

"I'm sorry," I gasped between dry aching heaves.

"No. Let it out buddy," he said warmly as he pulled off of the road. He hopped out and came around the side, where I was hunched precariously over the door. He pushed my head back with the palm of his hand and opened the door allowing me to collapse out onto the dirt road.

Solace pulled me up with one arm and a bit of a huff, I was larger than him and dead weight. I wasn't trying to make it difficult but I couldn't find my footing. I was numb; I couldn't feel my feet.

"Mark, look at me," he commanded. I complied, looking into his big almond shaped brown eyes. He had thick lashes like Taylor, black and fringed. I leaned into him mesmerized by his eyes, and he scoffed, pushing me to the side a few inches from his face.

"Look kid. Why don't you try that again when you're not heartbroken and smelling like vomit? Maybe I'll be more receptive." He sighed, as I started to droop to the floor.

"Sorry… I shouldn't be joking, don't get upset. Hey, why don't you lie down," he suggested opening the back door and shoving me inside. I curled into the smallest ball I could and we sat there in silence for a long while.

"Thank you," I sighed as the light from the sky dimmed. He looked back at me, a small lopsided smile on his lips.

"I need you to do something for me, Mark," he said grabbing me face.

"What?"

"I need you to say it. I need you to say what just happened?" He said seriously.

"Why?" I whined grabbing on to my chest, it was constricting tightly.

"Just trust me. It'll be good for you."

"Taylor imprinted." Imprinted. Imprint. Imprinter. Imprintee. I hate those fucking words. Almost like breaking a glass jug the words released a trickle followed by a flood of tears, lying in a ball in the back of Solace's car.

"I'm sorry, " I sobbed between fits.

"It's cool, man I've been there," he turned back revving the car and speeding back on to the road. He was a demon on the road. I remember Phil saying he once wanted to do that for a living, I didn't understand it at the time, how did you get paid driving like a maniac?

He taught me how to drive though, I was fourteen, pimply and awkward, during a stage where David and I "hated" each other. He picked me up from school, like old times when my mother was working at the cultural society and any free wolf would pick up the wolf-kids in elementary school when it let out.

I had faked sick that day so I didn't have to sit through another fifth period social science class and Solace was there in minutes, checking my temperature for signs of the wolf change. When he smelled me he knew I was okay, but he didn't give me in like some of the other wolves would have. He winked at me and played the good "uncle", signing me out of the nurse's office after exchanging numbers with the cute secretary. The memory was very clear now, a mundane day in my miserable early teen years, just a year before he left La Push for good.

"Look, I know you don't want to hear this. Taylor is cute and all, but you can do better, Kid. It just wasn't meant to be," Solace said, sadly from the front seat.

"Could you not do that? You have no fucking clue, Solace," I said lightly kicking the back of the passenger seat.

"Don't go pity-party on me Mark, you're just a cub. You've got six or seven more years and two or three more heartbreaks before you can become a cynical but sexy loser like me," he said, turning on to the highway that led from Forks to La Push. I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to be anywhere near my parents, all imprinted and mushy.

"Solace, can we not go home just yet?" I asked pleadingly.

"Sure Kid, I'm not much fun though," he sighed, exiting to the right and turning towards Seattle.

"Can I ask you something Solace?" I said sitting up from the fetal position I had curled into in his back seat.

"Shoot."

"Did you love Aunt Leticia?" I asked, watching his reaction in the rearview mirror. It was the end of July, unbearably humid, and the sun was finally setting; bright rays of dying sun reflecting blindingly on his windshield.

He looked up at me through the mirror, his jaw was clenched and he looked angry, I sat back. He pulled down a pair of sunglasses from his sun visor and put them on roughly. "Sorry, I—"

"Yeah. I love her," he said calmly. I love her. I love her. Love not loved. I'd known Solace all my life, long enough to know he says what he means and means what he says.

"Oh." What else can you say to that? I turned to my window watching the last embers of light kiss the tops of the trees. Embry and Leticia had been together for almost two years now. Would I still hurt this bad in two years?

How could I ever look at him again? I had lost not only my first love but my best friend, because no matter what promises were made this changed everything.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 14: Something About Those Cameron Boys**

* * *

"How'd you find this place?" I asked, taking in my surroundings. It was an abandoned children's park, the jungle gym rusted so severely is was caving in on itself. Next to the kids' play area sat a dried out fountain once used to cool kids in the summer heat. It was night, but the lack of sun was not killing the humidity which left my skin feeling damp.

"It's halfway between Seattle and La Push," Solace said simply as if that answered my question.

I sat Indian style in the cool cement fountain looking up at him as he walked along the ledge, putting his arms out like a boy playing airplane. He didn't need to extend them for balance, it was one of the perks of being a wolf, but I could tell it was habit.

"So you were measuring the distance between Seattle and La Push and just found this place?" I prodded.

The park was not the only thing abandoned along the road. There were countless boarded up houses, as we drove into the ghost town passing a sign that ironically said Portville, Washington population 999. The derelict remains of a strip mall were the only evidence that it had been inhabited in the last century.

"No. I, um…run a lot. Sometimes… sometimes when I'm running, I start heading to La Push and about half way back I realize I'm not welcome," he said matter-of-factly. It was one of his more unpleasant qualities, his ability to say the most uncomfortable truths without so much as a hesitation or qualm in his voice.

"Sorry," I said quickly. I didn't personally add to his general sense of unwelcome, but I knew my father did.

"Not your fault, it's mine."

"How was it your fault?" I asked turning to look at him.

"Shouldn't have fallen in love in La Push. I told that to Ethan, but he wasn't very… receptive," Solace said with a dry chuckle.

"Yeah, I would guess not," I said laughing.

It was my normal laugh, not the maniac cackles that spat out of me just an hour ago. It felt good, so good I laughed some more for good measure.

The initial shock of Taylor's imprint had worn off leaving me cold and hollow. He smiled at me, continuing his path along the circular rim of the fountain, he was like an overgrown child when he smiled like that, balancing on the narrow lip of the fountain as if showing off for his mother.

"So you wanna hide out at my place for a while?" Solace asked, he kept his eyes at his feet so I didn't know if he was offering because he thought he had to or because he genuinely liked my company. I liked his, he was one of the mellowest guys I knew… other than Taylor. Just thinking his name made me wince, but it also made me think of David. Of what David said to Taylor just this morning.

"I gotta go back to La Push," I said standing quickly. He jumped down nodding solemnly, I realized then that the invite was a real one. He had wanted me to come back with him. I understood why, he lived alone, but I knew he didn't want it to be that way. He was like a walking contradiction a loner who wanted company, a womanizer who was still a child at heart so honest at times it was a detriment.

"Okay," he said quietly, digging in his pocket and unlocking his car.

"I think David might hurt him," I explained as he drove back. He nodded and drove faster, my feet beating a fast rhythm until we reached the rez. As we passed the trees driving into the small residential area, I saw a group of men in their late twenties, drinking bottles out of paper bags, looking out on the road which was empty except for Solace's car.

When we reached the end of our road, I thanked him and hopped out running through my door and up the stairs. David wasn't in the room, I smelled him though, I followed the scent to the kitchen where I found him in the kitchen with my parents. They had all obviously been discussing me, none of them could look me in the face as I walked in the room.

"Tell me you didn't," I demanded looking down at David's bandaged hand, my own hands shaking at the thought of David hurting my Taylor. Melody's Taylor…

"Didn't what?" he screamed as I grabbed him by the collar pulling him out of his seat.

"Tell me you didn't go and start a fucking fight with him," I couldn't say his name. Thinking it was bad enough.

"I didn't start it!" He screamed and I punched him hard in the face without any further need for explanation.

"Why don't you pick on someone your own size you fucking bully," I said pulling back for another punch. My dad grabbed my arm, spinning me and forcing me into a seat. My mother in full favoritism mode ran to David, babying him and wiping at his now bleeding nose.

"I'm out of here," I said standing and moving to exit, my dad blocked my path.

"Apologize to him," he said crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"Did you ask him to apologize to Taylor, or better yet Ethan? I'll start listening to your orders when they're less clouded by your bad judgment," I spat pushing him out of my way and out the door. My mind told me to go to Taylor's to see if he was okay but my feet wouldn't comply, circling the town twice before I stopped in front of Paul's house.

I wouldn't have stopped there if I hadn't smelled him, it was Ethan, his sweet licorice scent was instantly recognizable. Then I heard the crying; loud unabashed crying. Not Ethan, I couldn't see him, but from the street I could see Trisha's lamp was on, emitting a soft glow in the room where I assumed she was curled in a ball crying her little heart out. I wanted to join her.

After my day of bullshit and annoyance I craved sitting at her side, a comrade in heartbreak, crying over our lost Camerons.

"Ethan," I whispered, sniffing harder until I found him, crouched below the neighbor's bushes in direct view of her window.

When I walked up next to him he looked like a kid who got caught doing something naughty. I would have laughed but I lost my voice, dropping next to him and following his eyes to her window. She had thin white lace curtains and her window was cracked allowing the sound of her commiseration to float out and down to us. It was melodic, going in cycles of moans and sniffles.

A swarm of fireflies flew by like a school of fish, illuminating the space just below her window like a bundle of blinking Christmas lights. The cool night breeze finally picked up, sending a waft of fragrance from Rachel's rose bushes to our position on the ground where we sat in comfortable silence.

"So are you going to tell David on me?" He asked, his eyes not leaving her window as if he expected her to appear at any moment.

"No," I scoffed, pulling a handful of grass out by the root and letting it sift through my hand leaving cool dew on my fingers.

"What are you doing here?" I asked turning to him. He looked at me from the corner of his eye, his big Cameron doe eyes—causing me to grab my stomach with a wave of pain.

"I haven't talked to her or seen her since the fight," he said defensively, pushing back his hair. He was one of the only wolves who hadn't cut or trimmed it at all. He considered it part of his heritage which he was extremely proud of. He also didn't have much to worry about in the fur department because he hadn't patrolled much. His jumbled heartbroken thoughts were distracting the rest of the pack.

"I wouldn't care if you swept her away and moved to Canada," I said flatly, as he finally turned to evaluate me.

"What'd he do to you," Ethan asked pulling his knees to his chest. Taylor balled up like that when he was deep in thought, it was apparently a habit that ran in his family. I scanned his long lean arms, cut deeply with newly formed muscles, his bareback smooth and defined like Taylor's.

David and I were built more like Quil, not quite as tall as our dad or Jake but wide and bulky. We had always been like that, but with the shift it had gone to an extreme, making it so that I felt clumsy and uncoordinated like lumbering football players. While Ethan and Taylor had another body type entirely, like swimmers… or underwear models. We were like opposites, maybe that was some sort of proof that we shouldn't mix, that the two families were not destined to make lasting connection. But then even as the thought crossed my mind, I missed him. I wanted so badly to be with him, to tell him about my day like we did whenever we were separated for long. I want to theorize about Solace and describe the park which was grotesquely beautiful in its reflection of past economic crisis, like a relic or monument to the much simpler past. He would have liked it, and I wanted to share it with him.

"Mark?" Ethan said bringing me out of my mind.

"Oh. David. Right…. he fought Taylor," I sighed. He looked at me with a pained expression, his eyes wide and sad.

"Is Tay okay?" he asked. It surprised me, he said it as if I were more likely to know. As if he had no way of finding out for himself.

"You should probably ask him yourself," I said honestly. The look came back, like someone had killed a puppy in front of the poor vegetarian's eyes. I remembered momentarily when Ethan had announced his vegetarianism, it was one of the first times Taylor didn't follow him in whatever "weird" new stage his was on. Everyone had been surprised and a lot of people joked, but it didn't shock me, even as children he took no pleasure in capturing and killing insects with the rest of us, noting the cruelty behind it.

"I can't," he admitted, looking up to the sky.

"Why?" I asked. Taylor had always been close to Ethan, I didn't understand why he couldn't check in on his brother.

"I'm not terribly welcome at home right now… my dad, he's— you wouldn't understand," he said looking up as the light in Trisha's room flickered and died.

"Asshole dad? I think I can understand that," I joked. I didn't feel like joking but I never seen Ethan, who had been like part of my family for many years, look this sad before.

"He's not an asshole, he just doesn't understand."

"Ah, the mantra of a teenager. They never do," I said as he stretched out his long legs.

"Um, I think I'm going to try to find Brady and see if he's seen Taylor," Ethan said standing.

"Yeah. See ya, Ethan," I said as he turned to walk away, but then he didn't. He stood there for a moment as if he were debating with himself.

"I'm—I'm sorry about… you know," he said racing away, another similarity to Taylor, his habit of running away.

Trisha soft cries still reached me down on the grass and I made a decision. If we were going to be unhappy we might as well do it together. I didn't want to go back to being alone, knowing now the warmth of a friend. I climbed up the house and into her room, something I never thought I'd do, climb into a girl's bedroom window, much less Trisha but it was easy. I lifted up her window and slid in.

"Ethan," she sobbed hopefully, turning toward the window and reaching for her lamp.

"No. It's me," I said and from the light of moon through the window I could see her disappointment.

"David, if you don't get the fuck out of my room I'm going to have my dad kick your ass," she hissed.

"It's Mark," I clarified. When the light flooded her room she relaxed, wiping and her eyes and attempting a smile.

"Sorry, Mark," she whispered, patting her bed for me to sit. I took a seat at the foot of her bed, watching as she examined me through red puffy eyes.

"You okay?" I asked and she sniffle-giggled, grabbing a tissue from her nightstand and blowing her nose loudly.

"Yeah," she sighed. "But if you are here with a message from David don't even bother. And tell him if he keeps following me I'm going to call the rez police on him," she said seriously.

"No message," I said putting my hands out as if to defend myself from her attacks.

"Oh… okay. What's wrong?" She asked finally realizing that we had matching red eyes.

"Taylor… he um—" I couldn't finish it.

"Taylor? Is he okay? Is Ethan alright?" She asked standing.

"Yeah. They're both okay. Better then okay. He imprinted," I said sadly.

"Ethan?" She said grabbing her heart as if it were about to jump out of her chest.

"No. Taylor."

"Oh. Why is that—oh. Oh! Were you like… um... into him?" She asked shyly. Since David and Ethan's fight she hadn't really left her house much, turning into a hermit in the confines of the Lahote house. I was surprised she had even heard about my dramatic exit from the closet, but then after her imprint it was the biggest news in the pack.

"Yeah," I said wiping a stray tear that I couldn't stop.

"I'm sorry," she said nodding as if she knew my pain. She probably did. "Is it anyone I know?"

"Anna's daughter," I said trying to keep the distaste out of my voice. It was a pathetic thing to be angry with a baby.

"Oh wow, I'm sorry," she said again, glancing out her window as if waiting for something.

"Waiting for Prince Charming?" I asked.

"No… he won't come in. I know he's out there though," she said quietly.

"Actually he's not," I corrected and she looked at me.

"Oh," she sighed disappointed. I thought about telling her I had spoken to him, but figured it was better she didn't know. She wasn't going to be allowed to see him so it was better she wasn't haunted with the idea of him sitting just outside her window missing her as much as she missed him.

"Wanna go to the beach with me?"

"Wanna get drunk?"

We spoke at the same time and huge smiles spread on our faces. She nodded as if to say HELL YES and turned to her closet, motioning for me to turn while she changed.

She tapped my shoulder when she was done, putting her finger to her lips to signal our need to be stealthy and pointing to the door. I followed her walking lightly down the hall making one silent step for every two of her loud wood creaking ones. I picked her up, not wanting to be caught sneaking out of Paul's daughter's bedroom late at night with a face that so closely resembled her imprint.

When we were down the stairs and halfway out the door, Trisha starting pointing frantically at the kitchen from her place on my back, holding in her laughter as I tiptoed to her fridge.

She got down off my back and searched inside, bringing out a large bottle of moscato with a wink, then climbing back aboard. We left out the back door.

"This is not enough," she said seriously pointing to Collin's house across the road.

"Are you serious?" I screamed, but I had to admit the thrill of doing something wrong, of doing something so unlike me was exciting.

"Yeah. You're a wolf now. You'll need the hard stuff. Helen used to be a bartender she's got everything," She said pointing at Collin's house again.

"Okay." I sighed, going to the back where we were lucky to find the window leading into their small kitchen was already cracked. I slid in and Trisha insisted I open the door for her. She joined me in the kitchen with the world's largest grin, cracking open a cabinet and removing a quarter of a bottle of Jack Daniels and three beers, which she stuffed in her shirt nonetheless.

"Oh the spoils of a hard day of work," I sighed taking a seat on the sand next to a large piece of driftwood. She giggled pulling the bottle of Jack out first of bra with a flourish.

"Okay, so from watching my dad I have found there is only one way for a wolf to get drunk," she said opening the bottle and urging it into my hand. I shook my head. "Take it! You have to chug! I'm small, this wine will do me just fine," she said pulling out the moscato and putting it in the sand next to her. I took the bottle toasted her and pushed it back. It tasted like fire.

"Uhhhh!" I coughed trying to breathe through the burn.

"Faster, it has to get to your blood before your heat burns it off," she said nodding as she daintily took a sip straight from her Costco sized bottle. When I was finished with the bottle, she passed me a beer, pushing it at me maniacally.

"Thanks," I hissed, opening it and going for it. After the Jack, it tasted like water.

"So I guess the two of us are destined to be alone," she said with a sigh.

"Can you please _not_ compare me to you? At least _you_ have someone—no, not _someone_ you have two, **two** guys dying for you!" I cried, pulling another can of beer off of its little plastic holder.

"But I can't have the one I want," she whined stomping her little feet and making sand fly into my beer. I gave her the stink eye but drank it anyways.

"You know I'm not just saying this cuz he's my _identical_ twin—but David's pretty cool and not bad looking," I said as if I were selling a household appliance. I was pissed at him yes, but I did want him to have happiness eventually.

"I know he's hot, but Mark he's just not _Ethan_ ," she sighed. I knew what she meant.

You could put any underwear model in my bed now and I wouldn't even enjoy it. I'd probably take him because I was still beyond sexually frustrated, but I only really wanted Taylor.

"It's the lips," I said, chugging my beer. Taylor and Ethan shared three very distinct Cameron trademarks.

One: They both had the long, fat Kim-eyelashes that framed their mahogany-flecked, brown puppy dog eyes.

Two: They were both blessed with Jared's shiny black hair which I swear came straight out of a Vidal Sassoon commercial.

And three: They both have these thick sexy, bow-shaped pink lips that were incredibly soft lips. Neither of their parents had them so who knows how their DNA worked that out.

I sighed at the memory of Taylor's lips on mine, looking down at my beer. I was halfway through a six pack and finally feeling a buzz.

"And they have those sexy model bodies. Have you _seen_ Ethan without a shirt?" She asked, smiling widely.

"Don't forget the hair," I added, remembering Taylor's hugs; leaning into his thick hair that held his clean scent so strongly it made me weak. I downed another beer trying to catch up t.o.p Trisha who was nearly half done with her wine.

"God yeah! Jared's got it too. I'm so jealous, it's all thick and silky," she exclaimed kicking the sand again.

"Jared's pretty hot for an old dude," the words came from me, but I had no idea where I had been hiding them. My head was swimming, and my stomach was feeling pleasantly warm, but also extremely full. Was I drunk? I had never been drunk before so I couldn't be sure.

"Yeah," she giggled.

"There's just something about those Cameron boys, huh?" She said passing me another stolen beer and leaning against the large white driftwood. It was late, well past midnight, pitch dark except for the full moon, casting a white shadow on the black water of First beach.

"Yeah… but fuck them!" I howled, kicking back the beer as fast as possible. It tasted like piss, or what I would imagine piss to taste like but I knew from watching the older wolves that only speed drinking could get me plastered; a state of existence I was craving right now.

"I wish," she sighed passing me another can with a dramatic raising of her eyebrows. I almost choked when she said it, laughing so hard beer leaked out the corner of my mouth.

"Yeah, I wish." And I did. I wished so hard it almost hurt.


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: Seems when I was re-uploading I posted one chapter twice and skipped one. So I have fixed chapters 3 and 4.

* * *

 **Chapter 15: Bonus**

 **The Noncohesive Thoughts of Taylor Cameron**

* * *

I've vanished. I don't know where I lost my path. I had it before I met him. Actually, I knew Mark my entire life, but I didn't know KNOW him till well like two weeks ago, and he went from that guy who hung out with my brother to my best friend to more than that. It was fast. Everything has been fast and no amount of tai chi or yoga or meditation can change what I have become, even if I don't know what that is.

I got swept up in finally having someone that understood me and told the entire world that I was gay before I was even sure I was. Then magically found my soulmate all in one day. That's normal, right?

She's a beautiful baby, not in a creepy pedo way, but she's just super adorable. I love babies, I always have. When Amber was born I didn't want to leave her room for a second, I used to sit in the corner of her room with a handful of legos and wait for her to cry out so my mom could pick her up and rock her and I could look in her blurry little baby eyes. And then by the time Annabelle was born, I was old enough to hold her and I would, I would hold her and kiss her little forehead whenever she cried. She doesn't cry often, not like Amber used to.

 _Three hours_.

I've been sitting in this position for three hours trying to meditate.

Meditation: the practice of concentrating your focus on a sound, visualization, breath, or attention itself in order to increase awareness. Awareness of my situation.

I don't need awareness to know this is shit!

I can't concentrate on anything. My thoughts are disjointed now, not that they were ever super clear. That is the cosmic joke that is a sexually confused werewolf/shapeshifter thing that's magically bonded to a baby. A super amazing baby.

Mark was good with babies. I wish Mark could meet her. She'd like him, I know he'd like her. How could he not? Yeah…Was that asking to much? To have the two most important people in my life at the moment like each other.

But I wasn't going to force him. I'm patient. I know he is hurt and that he needs time I knew he was hurting and space. The selfish part of me needed him here with me though. I needed his help in figuring all this shit out. I should just go to him…No!

Patience, Taylor, patience. I'm patient, right? At least I thought I was, but sitting at the edge of this fucking forest waiting for three hours waiting for peace tested that patience.

Three hours where I realized a lot of things I should have been able to figure out earlier.

One: I don't want to fight this imprint because, I'm not strong enough, and also cuz I just don't want to.

Two: I don't love Mark the way he loves me. I want to, I wanted to so bad. I can't imagine anything better than spending my immortality with my best friend. But I'm not gay, and yeah, that would have been a helpful epiphany to have before I decided to kiss on him.

And what the fuck was that about? What the fuck was any of this about? I don't know who I am anymore. Two weeks ago I would have bet everything I have, which okay is not much, that I would never kiss a boy… and like it. I liked it.

I liked it but I'm not gay. But then how could I like it so much, if I weren't even just a little gay? But then if I were gay how could I imprint on a girl? Imprinting's for baby making, that's what I've always been told—but then it doesn't feel like that now…

I'm Melody's. That's all I know anymore. How pathetic? A baby owns me. That's all I am and the fucked up part is that it doesn't bother me. I don't mind belonging to her, being whatever she needs, being her everything. It fill me with a sense of bubbling joy.

Little Melody…little teeny, tiny Melody was perfect. I was happy that I would be able to see her grow, be her big brother right now, that was a role I wasn't confused about, I knew how to do that. And I was okay with that, okay with knowing one day I could be more…

But I want okay with hurting Mark, of having him hate me. I've never cared so much what someone thinks before, but Mark, if Mark hates me what will I have left? I'll have Melody. Melody. Even her name is perfect. Before I know it my paws are guiding me to his home.

I search for him with my new sense but all I get is David smell! Like salty beach and testosterone. I hold my breath. He was pacing the sending waves of his odor down to me.

He'd not gone but I know I have to wait. I have to make sure he's okay. I don't know what I'm going to say to him. I'm waiting for him to return but I have no fucking clue what I'm going to say when he gets here. What could I say to him? I'm sorry is **so** not enough.

But then I'm not sorry.

No I am sorry.

I'm sorry I hurt him, I'm sorry I could ever do anything to upset him, but I'm not sorry I imprinted.

She was my path. She was the enlightenment I sought.

And Mark, if he cares about me as much as I care about him, then he would accept that.

No.

No, he wasn't going to accept that, because I wouldn't. Before I imprinted I didn't understand it. I couldn't possibly comprehend this bond.

Mark.

My nose was fine tuned to his scent. He approached from the south, his smell mixed with something bitter and sour, but it was him. There was also apple, the apple cinnamon concoction of Trisha's shampoo on all of his body.

 _Trisha_? He went to be with Trisha? He didn't even like her.

This was wrong in so many ways. I mean, the scents, the way they were so strong and intermingled, you'd have thought they'd had sex…

Wait…

What?

No, get a grip! There was no fucking way he could—or that she would…

"What the fuck is going on?"


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 16: Doesn't Mean I Have to Like It**

* * *

[Chorus] From love to loss our warm-hearted Mark was thrown. I must warn you again fair ladies and gentleman in this next act you will see more than a helping of woe, you will also meet new friends and possibly a new Romeo?

*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*# *#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*

Pathetic Ramblings of a Homosexual Werewolf: Act II

*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*# *#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*

 **"There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with."**

 **-Harry Crews**

"What the fuck is going on?" A fair question, but not a question I was equipped to answer at the moment.

I was dizzy. The forest floor undulating, making big waves that churned my stomach and made me nauseous. Taylor met me at the foot of the stairs leading to my front door, he watched me turn and sway, trying to take a seat before I fell flat on my back. I was so dizzy that I had to close my eyes, letting Taylor's scent wash over me as he approached.

"Crazy night?" He joked, I could feel him hovering above me, as I lie on the floor. He was close, his warmth radiating so that I felt it hack down to my bones.

"Mark? You okay?"

I opened my eyes, his face was inches from mine, his pouty pink lips tempting me. I pulled him towards me, crashing his lips down onto mine; they were moist and soft and warm and perfect. His lips parted as his hands pressed against me chest, trying to get away from me, my arms were unyielding. I didn't want to let him go. He stopped struggling and I flipped him over, slipping my tongue past his lips, running it along the roof of his mouth.

"Mark," he groaned trying to push my head away, his fingernails digging into my cheek. It burned, tears filling my eyes. It wasn't the pain, it was the rejection.

I rolled off of him, curling into the fetal position and holding on to my churning stomach.

"Mark, please," he begged tugging at my shirt collar. I tried to sit up but fell down again, Taylor helped me up, pulling me into standing position and leaning me up against the column of the wrap around porch.

"Taylor you need to go," I pleaded, I couldn't stand seeing him right now.

"You need me," he sighed. His warm hand forced me to face him and I saw his face closely for the first time. It was swollen and battered on one side.

"Tay," I sighed.

"I'm so sorry bro," he breathed, closing his eyes as I traced the healing mass of his face with my thumb.

"David did this to you?" I asked. I didn't know why, I knew the answer and part of me was glad.

"Yeah, well you should see him," he chuckled ripping his face out of my hand. My hand continued to reach for him automatically, flexing and unflexing like a baby reaching for his mommy.

"I did."

"Yeah, well I bruised the hell out of his hand with my face," he said seriously. I don't know why but it made me cry harder, the soft silent tear that had been stealthily escaping my eyes turning into an embarrassing stream.

"Taylor I need you to go, please," I pushed away, tripping on my feet as I made my way up the stairs.

"Mark you are fucking wasted! What the hell were you doing with Trisha?" He demanded.

"Drinking obviously!" I screamed trying to find my keys.

"Why is her smell all over you?" he shouted, grabbing my arm.

"Why do you care?" I shot back feeling extremely first grade.

"Mark, you're my…" he didn't finish, sliding closer to me. "I'm just— she's my brother's girlfriend." He watched me as if he was waiting for me to respond, I couldn't think of one.

"Just get out of here Cameron!" The lights went on inside as I screamed, and I stumbled the last few steps to the door.

"Mark please talk to me, please!" I could hear footsteps inside, Taylor turned towards it then looked back at me.

"How could you do this to me?" Were the first words that came to mind.

"Mark?" My dad's booming voice called from inside, Taylor ignored it.

"I didn't do this to you! I didn't do anything! It's not like I could control this Mark, and you should know that better than anyone!"

"Okay, I think you need to get inside, Mark," my dad said opening the door and urging me inside, I wouldn't budge.

"You said you loved me! If you loved me you wouldn't have imprinted Taylor!" Taylor backed away as if I were throwing punches.

"Mark I—I just don't know what to say," Taylor stuttered.

"You don't have to say anything, Taylor. Mark get inside," my dad used his alpha voice and my feet instinctively reacted, pulling me through the door.

"Mark I'm so sorry," Taylor called over my father's shoulder.

"Taylor tomorrow, okay?" My dad voice was sweeter than I had heard him talk to the Camerons in a long time.

"In the kitchen now!" My mom came out of her room wrapped in a robe.

I shrugged my father off and took a seat at the counter. She took one look at me and reached into the cupboard, pulling out a canister of coffee and heading to the coffee maker.

"You need to pull yourself together," my dad scolded.

My high was already coming down, my body heat burning it off more quickly then I wanted it to. The high was pretty good but the coming down part was not so nice, my head was already hurting.

"I'm just going to bed," I said trying to get up, he pushed me back down.

"You know for someone who was so willing to beat up your ow brother for Taylor, you sure treat him like shit." My mom gasped from behind my dad as he spoke, his black eyes burning into me.

"Sam, not now," my mom said bringing me a hot cup of coffee.

"No Emily, this boy has been acting irrational and selfish all summer. And now this? I really hope that it was the intoxication that made you act like that and not a complete lack of compassion, because I expected a lot more from you. I don't care what happened to you today, he's your pack brother above all else."

"Yeah that's rich coming from you. How quick did you throw out Jared?" I shot back, and David growled in his defense.

"And you shouldn't follow in my footsteps, I haven't been a very good example lately. But Taylor needs some support right now, and I'm not saying you should throw him a party, but if you could at least try to understand that—"

"Yeah, and I'll babysit the little bitch while I'm at—" I stopped myself. It wasn't the booze speaking, my resentment for a baby was coming through in a terrible way and I had become someone I didn't even know.

"Baby, I know this is hard okay? I just wish you would think about what Taylor is going through," my mom said taking a seat next to me.

"Why do you smell like her?" David took a step closer sniffing my shoulder.

"Cuz we stole a bunch of booze and got drunk at the beach together, okay? Since nothing in this town stays a secret anyways!"

"Just go to your room," my father barked. I was happy to comply.

I didn't leave the room, except to use the bathroom, for eight days. I refused patrols, but I did eat and occasionally I rolled myself over to avoid bedsores, but besides that I was a vegetable. It wasn't entirely self pity, I was grounded for five of those days for breaking and entering with my new partner in misery. Other than our night out on the town Trisha hadn't left the room in days either, and I was following her lead.

My family, including David avoided me, staying away from my dark cloud of nastiness during this time, which was much appreciated. I had a lot time to think during my grounding/self-loathing pity-fest, and I came to three conclusions.

 **One:** I was a wolf. I mean, I knew I was a shapeshifter already, but I needed to stop pretending like it wasn't part of my life. Since I phased for the first time I had been blocking it out, suppressing the painful disappointment, trying not to think about what it meant for me and my future. I'd been fighting the surging power that ran through my body when I was a wolf; the commanding authority that ran in my blood. I was a wolf yes, I accepted that, but that didn't mean it was my fate, it was a disease and it didn't own me. I didn't need the pack and they didn't need me.

 **Two:** I was alone. I couldn't lean or depend on anyone, people disappoint and they hurt, and they can ruin every sense of peace of mind you've ever had. I needed to remember what it was like to be a solo artist again. I was fine on my own before and I would be again. Taylor was not mine and he never was.

 **Three:** Imprinting was the worst evolutionary development _ever_ and I hated it. I wasn't going to support it and I wasn't going to take any part of it. I was tired of acting like it was natural and that morals and common sense didn't apply once you have imprinted.

These three thoughts occupied the eight days following my heartbreak. My sleep schedule was off, I spent the nights awake watching as the window grew light with the sun. So on the eight day as I listened to the pink glow of morning being accompanied by the soft chirping of birds, I stretched my legs and exited my room. I started with familiar territory, and headed to the bathroom.

I showered, something I had neglected in the last few days. I tried to be quiet, it was till before 8am but as I came out fully dressed and ready to give Tai Chi another shot my father was waiting for me.

"Wanna go for a run?" He was leaning on the door frame to my room in a pair of shorts I recognized as David's. It was sorta weird sometimes, now that I was older, looking at him full on. He was my father, I grew up with his strict discipline, but he looked so young now, like my slightly older brother.

"Okay," I walked past him, threw my towel and dirty clothes on the floor and came back out to meet him.

"We got a little errand to run," he said ushering me to the door. It was just past eight thirty, the sun was shining above the trees, but the air still cool from the night before.

"Where are we going?"

"Collin's." One word answers, the worst kind. I should have expected this. It was time for me to apologize for petty larceny. I wondered for a second if he would take "Trisha made me do it" as an excuse, but I decided against it.

"Oh," I answered that with a one word answer of my own, he smiled at me, putting his hand around my shoulder. My father hadn't been very physical with his affection since I was a very young. It felt nice so I didn't shrug it off, as we turned the road.

"It's not about the booze, though you _do_ know you're paying them for that right? This is about Quil," he said as we walked up the driveway to Collin's home.

Helen stood in the doorway waiting for us, she was clad in a pair of white pajamas covered in pictures of sushi and words in Japanese, and holding a large keyring. I burst into laughter but when she shot me a look that plainly read she could throw me over her knees and spank me, I shut up. She was obviously not a morning person. Which brought up the question of what kind of errand could we be running for Quil so early in the morning?

"It's my only day off ya know," Helen said through a yawn, Collin came to the door then and I put my head down in shame. I had never stolen before, not really, I mean I would eat the candy in Quil's store but I always told him, and he never seemed to mind.

"You okay, Mark?" Collin asked from behind Helen, she turned and lazily smiled at him pulling him close. "I love you," he whispered as she took a playful bite at his round cheeks.

Collin still looked like a teenager and Helen who was only in her twenties could pass for his older sister especially with the playful way they interacted, it confused and freaked some people out, mostly when we left La Push, but I liked the way they were together. They were imprinted but they weren't like Jared and Kim who had a hard time keeping their hands off of each other, or my parents who did the whole deep meaningful stare thing constantly.

"I'm sorry," I breathed and he swung his fist punching me lightly on the arm. It was a small masculine gesture of forgiveness but it was exactly what I needed. Helen yawned loudly and rubbed her eyes with tiny pale fist.

"Mark should know where we keep the maps, so you don't need me," Helen said pointing towards the road before going back into the house, a half asleep blob covered in cartoon depictions of raw fish.

"Why are we going to the library on a Sunday morning?" I asked as marched down the street passing Quil's store.

"I wanna give Quil a visual of how he needs to get to Claire," my dad half answered. I had no clue what he was talking about.

"I have no clue what you're talking about." He chuckled as we reached the library.

"Well you do early night shift… you don't patrol with Quil, so I guess you don't realize how bad it's gotten," he said as he tried the different keys on the keyring Helen gave him till he found the right one.

"What do you mean?"

"Quil's pretty messed up right now. Being away from Claire is not working. He's been running himself ragged just to get to sleep. He's been waking up in Utah, New Mexico, Oklahoma wherever he collapses. Imprinting is a strong thing he can't stand the separation." He looked back at me to gauge my reaction.

I would like to have stuck it to him and his stupid imprinting with a look of distaste or at least indifference, but Quil was one of the most decent guys I knew.

"We're going to memorize maps so that Quil can swim across the Atlantic? You do know how big the Atlantic is right?" I scoffed.

"Yeah, yeah smart ass that's why we're looking at maps so we can figure out the best way for him to go," he said as we made our way to the back of the library. There was a wall of roll up maps near the computer stations.

"Aren't you worried he'll get sick or something?" I asked looking closely at the map trying to calculate the distance he would have to swim.

"You haven't been a wolf long. We're tougher than you think, you haven't got to test yourself yet. But he's driven by love—that's enough to get him through," he said looking up at me.

"Why doesn't he just take a plane like normal people?"

"He hasn't had enough time to get his passport and tickets or anything yet, and he's half way there anyway—he fell asleep in Wisconsin or Illinois as far as Brady could tell," he said measuring the distance with his hand.

"And he can't wait a week?"

"Mark, why do you think I brought you here and not David?" He asked taking a seat. He folded his fingers in front of him, examining me like I was presenting information to the class.

"Because David wouldn't know where to find the maps?"

"Okay, why do you think I brought you and not Helen," he sighed, scratching his head.

"Because Helen was cozy in her yummy sushi pajamas?" My father huffed, dropping the map on the table and glaring up at me.

"Okay, let's try a different approach. I know you don't want to hear this from me, but Mark, you can't go one blaming imprinting for your life's problems. It's—"

"Dad I don't want to talk about this," I practically screamed but he continued anyway.

"Mark you are one of the smartest guys I have ever met, but right now you're being an idiot. You are better than this, moping around the house, skipping patrol—I know you're hurting and son if I could take that away I would. But right now I need you to try and see the importance and understand the power of imprinting."

"Why? Just because I'm a wolf doesn't mean I have to like it," I pointed to the Isle of Newfoundland, it was the farthest East he could get before he had to start swimming.

"Because you're the next Alpha," he looked up at me then up at the clock on the wall, it was noon.

"He should be waking up by now, we should get going."

Was that it? Was he going to throw that massive piece of life altering information in my face and then just talk about the weather?

"Yeah. I guess he should be rested enough to swim the Atlantic to see his barely legal betrothed, huh?" I hissed.

I loved Quil and Claire and I wished him the best on his crazy irrational journey but I was done with this. I left him in the library exiting the way I came and starting my way back to my house, but I changed my course when I smelled the fresh breeze of the beach. The dirt path to the beach was well worn and soft from the late night mist.

"Mark," my dad breathed my name sadly, placing his hand on my shoulder. "I'm resigning soon. I'm going to stop phasing as soon as Quil and Claire get back and for now I'm stepping down to Beta, I'm giving Embry the position of Alpha, until you're ready for it."

"I'm not doing this… David wants it. He can have it!"

"It's not about want, Mark. You _are_ the Alpha. I knew it the first time you phased. I felt it and so did you. You can be a better Alpha than— no, you can be a best Alpha there ever was," he stood next to me, his arms crossed in front of his chest looking out into the water.

"I don't want it. I don't want any of this. Dad it h-hurts so bad," my voice cracked hard, the words getting caught painfully in my throat.

"I know," he breathed pulling me into a strong hug, his hand smoothing out the top of my hair like he did when I was a boy and David used to tease me or refuse to share with me.

"But I know a way to make it better."

"How?" It was a pleading weak sound that escaped my lips, and that's how I felt. I thought I was ready for the world, ready to move on but eight days didn't kill the pain it only numbed it.

"You can help out a friend in need. Quil's probably started heading back by now, so we need to stop him and help him get to where he needs to be," he turned and stripped off his shirt. I followed phasing in the wooded periphery of the beach.

 _ **Quil?**_ There was a mind, it was muddled and frantic, scrambling through scenic flat lands.

 _ **Sam? I'm on my way back. Is something wrong?**_ Claire's pretty face flashed across his mind, next to his worries about patrolling schedules and expedited passport paperwork. His mind was a mess, it almost made me dizzy.

 _ **Quil. Stop.**_ My dad finally joined in, Quil halting almost immediately.

 _ **What? Like you don't want me back?**_ Without his Claire, he was insecure and a tad paranoid.

 _ **Head Northeast you can make it to the Island of Newfoundland in Canada by tonight, it's the closest to France you're going to get before you have to swim.**_ My dad instructed. He words were followed by confusion, then like an explosion his thoughts painted my mind pure and utter joy like nothing I had ever experienced before.

The emotions behind the realization that he would see his Claire were so strong they made my stomach clench. He didn't say thanks he was so taken with happiness he didn't need to.

I sat next to my father and clearly kept the images of maps burned my mind for a long while, soaking in Quil's relief, his happiness, until he reached the coast. Was it real happiness? Could they or would they have loved if it were not for this supernatural hold? Probably not, but then did it matter?

I had never felt happiness that strong in my life, and maybe I couldn't. Maybe the closest thing I would ever feel was what I had with Taylor. Maybe happiness that strong only came with imprinting.

 _ **How long do you think it will take him to get to her.**_ I asked. I didn't know my full wolf strength, he was right.

 _ **A day or two.**_ His mind had a cheerful quality to it as he sauntered away with a quick "goodbye", leaving me in the thickly wooded area to watch as the tide came in strong, washing the scattered debris that littered the edge of the water away with it.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 17: The One Where I Ramble**

* * *

I left the beach as the sun was going down, heading straight for Taylor's house. I had been without him for over a week, when for the last month I had been with him constantly, meaning I was going through some serious Taylor-withdrawal. What we had before was done, gone, but there was no way I could live without him in my life in some way.

It took me longer to get to the Cameron house than usual, dragging my feet, needing to see Taylor but terrified of what he would say. A part of me, the hopelessly, desperately, undeniably in love with Taylor part, was holding out hope that he would say "to hell with the baby. I want to be with you"… but I was trying to kick that part down.

False hope was not the most helpful kind of hope, it made you feel better for the moment but made the sting of disappointment that much worse later.

The Cameron house was the farthest house from First Beach, and I passed Embry's, mine, Collin's, and Paul's before I got to it. It was small and old. I remember Kim telling me she grew up in it, but it looked even more ancient than that. It was really comfortable looking though, every corner showed signs of life from the large family. In Taylor's window hung sun bleached green curtains. A blue tinge light shone dimly in Ethan's and in the front lawn, Amber's broken Barbies lie like a plastic graveyard; I stepped over them to make my way to the door and it swung open.

Kim met me with a cigarette in hand and a hard look on her face.

"You here to apologize?" She asked taking a puff.

"I-I don't know," I stammered. Kim had never looked at me like this, it was flustering.

"He went to stay with his grandma Cameron in Seattle so he can be closer to um… Melody," Kim said looking up at the sky.

"Oh. But-but school, he's missing school," I stammered. School had started four days ago. My mother had tried to encourage me to start my junior year off right but I wasn't budging, every morning when she tried to rouse me out of bed I would go limp and wait until she gave up.

"Yeah and you're not exactly getting any perfect attendance awards either so…"

"Is he moving there?" I was half shouting half whiny and my hands were shaking, but I wasn't going to phase, I felt more likely to puke. She backed away from me, crossing her arms in front of her defensively.

"Mark, I love you. You know I do, right?" she said smiling nervously. I nodded and she continued. "If things worked out differently I would have been more than happy to have you join the family but as it is, and I know this isn't your fault, but both my sons have been hurt and outcast. I'm a mommy too, so if I see Taylor or Ethan with one more bruise, or hear them cry one more time Mark it's going to be hell. That being said, I think it would be best if you respected his wishes and stayed away."

"Kim, I'm sorry… I didn't mean to be… I mean I didn't want to—I love him," I rambled, pathetic ramblings from a pathetic homo. I'd ruined my friendship and now my relationship with Kim, who had been like a mother to me. I made Kim hate me. What could I even say to that?

"I know, and I'm sorry you're hurting but I have to defend my kids because no one else is," she said throwing her butt over the side of the porch.

"I-I'm sorry," I said rushing down the stairs and the walkway, waiting until I reached my door to breathe again.

*#*

With Quil gone, Seth taking a break and half of the young wolves back at school Solace came down the next morning. He was going to take on couple of shifts and would be sleeping on our couch for the next week. I hadn't seen him since the imprint but I was glad. Hhad a sort for quiet calm about him and unlike David he was neat and considerate and most importantly still talking to me.

"Hey Kid, how are you?" Solace called dropping down on the couch next to me. He draped his arm around my shoulder as if it were completely natural.

"I'm better." I had become used to saying 'I'm fine', 'I'm okay', but sitting with him actually did make me feel better and for once I wasn't lying.

"I got a new car," Solace said sitting back casually, his warm side pressed against mine, it felt nice.

He was handsome.

No, that was blasphemous, he was outrageously hot but the good feeling wasn't sexual. I just missed this kind of connection, I missed the physical expressions of Taylor's friendship almost as much as his kiss and to be honest I was starved for attention.

David and I hadn't been very buddy-buddy since the Taylor incident, he spent most of his time now with Embry and my dad, as a sort of apprentice alpha, doing double his patrols; another way to avoid me, since I wasn't doing any at all.

We were both wrong, the two of us had both fucked up but we weren't sure who needed to apologize first, so we did the mature thing and avoided each other. I knew I was going to have to be the one who did it, David wasn't really known for his forgiveness, but I hadn't really had the opportunity yet.

"What kind of car did you get?" I asked. I wasn't really very interested in cars but I knew Solace was, so I indulged him, it was nice to talk and think about things that weren't Taylor.

"It's a Mustang Bullit 2018 limited edition," he said his eyes sparkling as he slapped my back, I smiled back with a polite nod. "And you have no clue what I'm talking about."

"Okay, I'm gay but that doesn't mean I don't know _anything_ about cars."

"So, then you wanna learn how to drive," he asked with a devilish grin.

"You already taught me how to drive, Solace. You've taught us all… years before you were supposed to, I seem to remember you making David cry."

"Yeah, well… I didn't teach you this kind of driving. Come on," he got up, motioning me to the door. I followed him trying not to notice the way his jeans hung low on his hips or how tightly stretched his white undershirt was around his shoulders, but it was difficult.

The car was ocean green-blue, the kind of thing that looked like it belonged in the distant future. It was extremely low to the ground and trying to get in with my new bulk was difficult. He tossed me the keys and got in the passenger side, adjusting the seat and buckling up waiting for me to follow before he gave me instructions.

"Okay, there's an abandoned strip mall in Portville," Solace said directing me the way down route 110.

"This car's kind of small," I said after a long run of silence. It wasn't uncomfortable silence, but it had been a long time since I talked to anyone about anything at all.

"Yeah, better for speed," he said as his cell phone rang. He pulled the tiny phone out of his pocket, it looked smaller in his big russet hands. We were already in Portville, the abandoned town he took me to when Taylor imprinted. The small derelict town showed some signs of life this time around and I swerved a group of kids on bikes.

"Where am I going?" I whispered as he mumbled into the phone, he gestured to the left.

"But you said you didn't want me to—" he paused, pointing for me to take another left. "I'm not sure Lee-Lee… I think... I could head over after patrol if you… okay." He hung up with a huff and motioned for me to enter the huge vacant parking lot of a very old fashioned looking strip mall.

"Is that your girlfriend?" I asked conversationally. I knew the legends of 'Solace the ladies man,' but I actually hadn't seen him with a girl since he lost Leticia; I was sort of curious as to who he found as a replacement.

"Yeah, I guess," he said casually, not volunteering any further information.

"So what kind of driving are we going to be doing exactly?" I asked changing the subject.

"Stunt driving. Did I ever tell you I wanted to be a stuntman?"

"No. You're not exactly loquacious," I chuckled.

"Point taken, well, I did."

"And now?" I asked tapping on the steering wheel.

"Can't. Wouldn't be able to pass the medical exams— So we're going start with a Bootlegger's hairpin," he said as if that were supposed to mean something.

"A what?"

"A bootleggers hairpin… a handbrake turn?" He offered as I shook my head while trying not to look completely oblivious, but failing.

"Okay, so it's a U-turn done in the space of two lanes without doing a three-point turn."

"Don't you just do it really fast?"

"No, it's not just speed. Don't diss my art, man," Solace said seriously, and I held my hands up in apology.

"Okay, well, how do I do it?" I asked objectively. I could picture what he was talking about, I'd seen in movies, but I'd never actually thought I'd do it myself. Actually since Solace taught me to drive when I was fourteen, I hadn't even driven stick shift again.

"Okay, so you're left handed, right? You need to place your left hand in a way that will let you turn the wheel in a complete circle really quickly."

"Okay, check," I nodded, putting my left hand across the wheel in an awkward angle so that I could turn it in a complete 360.

"Right, now keep your hand on the handbrake with the release button pressed," he paused and I nodded. "Check. Now start turning before you pull the handbrake, ease of the accelerator and floor the clutch," he encouraged, smiling.

I sat there frozen still, gripping the steering wheel and the handbrake tightly. It was surreal, sitting in a brand new car that I knew likely cost more than my house and everything I owned.

I don't know why I agreed to do this. I wasn't exactly the reckless type. I didn't do things like this.

"H-how much did this car cost?"

"A lot," he said with a smirk.

"So business is doing good then? A lot of customers in Seattle, I guess there are more people so more houses, more things to fix right?"

"You're babbling."

"I don't babble, I occasionally ramble and every now and then I yammer but definitely no babbling." My hands started to sweat.

"Okay, well you're rambling and you're heart's going a mile a minute. What are you freaked about? It's a turn in an empty lot," he said

"What if the car flips?"

"Well, you'd owe me a shit ton of cash, but you wouldn't die," he said a tad too cheerfully for my liking, I rolled my eyes in response.

"Come on Mark, live life on the edge. You're a wolf now," he urged elbowing my arm.

"And?"

"And? Mark, you don't get it yet, but you need to. You're not the same person. You're not even a person. You're a free wolf. You are all powerful and immortal embrace it," I smiled at him as I let go, flooring the clutch and whipping the steering wheel in a full circle. Solace howled and my stomach clenched tightly as we turned, when we were finished, finally facing the opposite direction, I joined him releasing a full gutted bowl toward the moon.

*#*

"Hey."

"Hey," I breathed, dropping down on the foot of my bed and looking over at David. He sat crossed leg on the floor looking through an old photo album.

"Reminiscing about the good times?" I asked eyeing the brown leather of the cover, it was our pre-teen years. My mother was obsessively organized about these sort of things. She had multiple photo albums chronicling our lives with an almost manic accuracy.

"I-I haven't talked to her since… since the fight," he said, sadly. It was not the direction I thought our conversation would go.

"Well you get to see her at school now," I offered leafing through a catalogue my mother had left on my bed for me. It was a list of classes I could take at the community college. There was a post-it note with my mother's circular writing and an arrow pointing to a class in the literature department. The note read 'Jordan's evening course' and the "i" was dotted with a very detailed heart:

Introduction to Creative Writing with guest Professor Jordan Varn, author of the critically acclaimed novel _Journey to the Northwest_ , Tuesday and Thursday evening 6pm to 9pm.

Growing up Jordan was always distant, even more then Solace if that was possible. I liked him, I liked all the wolves in the pack, but I didn't know much about him. Now though, I had elevated Jordan to this status of semi-god, or at least literary god, and I smiled. My mom was amazing. Not only had she come up with a solution for my college problem, but she knew me so well she knew exactly which class I would be interested in.

I had tried not to think about my education much since my phase, and Taylor made it easy to forget, but now this catalogue just rubbed it all in my face. Turning wolf had basically put a big red X on all of my previous plans, because barring imprint fiasco or tragedy what excuse could I give them for abandoning the pack? No college in California, no study abroad in Asia, basically no life outside of La Push ever, because what reason would I have to stop phasing and retire at 17. I wouldn't, probably couldn't, imprint so I was in it for a life sentence.

"Mark? You okay?" David called.

"Yeah, yeah. Sorry, I was thinking about school," I said dumbly.

"And that's what I'm asking you. What does seeing her at school have to do with anything? She's hates me just as much in school as she does out," David said staring down at a picture of him, Ethan, and Trisha, taken by me the day of Annabelle's birth.

"She doesn't _hate_ you. She just doesn't _love_ you… yet," I offered warmly, taking the opportunity to make up for the last three or four or five times I'd blown up at him.

"So, are you saying you think she's going to give in?" David asked, tossing the album up and onto his bed.

"Yeah, sure… she can't see Ethan so why not? It might help if you change your method a bit."

"What do you mean?" he asked slinking across the room and settling on my bed next to me.

"So maybe instead of trying to… conquer her. Maybe you can… try to be her friend. If you two are friends then maybe you can understand her a little better, find out her likes and dislikes… and if she knows _you better_ , then maybe she'll fall for you," I said turning to him, leaning against the wall.

"You think?"

"Sure. I mean… it's worth a shot at least, and she said you were hot," I shared with a grin. I liked how widely he was smiling, I hadn't seen that for a long time.

"Fuck yeah! Really?"

"Of course, man. We are, we totally are," I said, punching his arm. His face was stretched to the extreme with an exuberant smile.

"Cool… so are you like dropping out of school? Cuz if you are, I am," David said quickly. He was repeating Spanish and British literature this year, and I knew he would love any excuse not to have Mrs. Rickman for another year.

"No. I'm coming back tomorrow."

"Oh, okay," he sighed, then with a start he spoke again.

"Hey Mark," David said his face suddenly turning serious.

"Yeah?"

"So um… Embry's taking over as Alpha now, ya know?" he said casually, but I could tell there was more so I just nodded.

"Well, um, so he's taking over until you decide to take his place."

"Or not…"

"Alright, I was thinking… you don't want to be alpha, right?" I shook my head quickly, like a dog trying to shake the excess water out of his fur. "So since you don't want it maybe, when we graduate you can tell them that I'll take over, like… nominate me."

I watched him, he was ringing his hands nervously. It was surprising to me sometimes how different we looked. The small details like his hands, which he used more often than I did and were rough and calloused.

"You?" I asked entirely too skeptically, feeling like shit instantly when his face fell darkly.

"Nevermind."

"No. No. After graduation? That's really soon… but you'd be a great alpha," I added for good measure. He smiled again and I joined in. It would be much easier to escape knowing that at least one of my family members was watching over the pack.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 18: Bonus: Solace's Sorta Girlfriend**

* * *

A/N: This is the conversation Solace and his "sorta girlfriend" Leah had on the phone the last chapter. In my two other stories and in a companion story called The Pardon (by PanemTrib) it is mentioned that Solace and Leah have an ongoing fling but I thought I'd write something with a little insight into their relationship for fun.

 _ **My Sort of Girlfriend**_

The sun spilling through the window of Solace's small bedroom cascaded across Leah's face, leaving an illuminating strip across her cheek so that her coppery tan almost glowed. She was peaceful in her sleep but not at peace, this was Solace's the official diagnosis after months of careful examination.

In truth they had been sleeping together for much longer, over a decade off and on, but it wasn't until recently that he had been allowed to stay past day break. Solace still wasn't technically supposed to stay the night, but in the passing months Leah had gotten much more lenient on "The Rules".

Their relationship (he thought of it as a relationship although she explicitly forbade it in The Rules) because there were really no other words for him to express their life together. They cohabitated: his apartment had high heels and yoga mats, and hers had his extra toothbrush and boxers. They kissed: not kisses filled with promises of what's to come, sweet kisses that lead nowhere and were never rushed. They talked: about everything from politics to children's books and Solace could tell anyone interested everything from her favorite cereal to her favorite brand of toilet paper. They cuddled: now to be fair, Leah wasn't entirely aware of the cuddling because she was unconscious for most of it, but to Solace, it still felt nice.

"Stop staring at me, Solace, it's so creepy," Leah groaned rolling into his chest.

"Not staring," he said pulling her closer.

"Liar," she whispered with a grin, her hand trailing down his chest. Leah's hair was a disheveled bob, pitch black and chaotic, and it wasn't just the morning, it was her general style and he loved it.

"Kiss me," she demanded, pulling herself up to face him just as his cell phone rang from the night stand.

He ignored the first few rings kissing her, morning breath and all, before rolling over and answering it.

"Solace? This is Sam."

Leah no longer phased but she still possessed her wolf senses and the second Sam's voice came through the receiver, she rolled out of bed slinking across the room and pulling on her black slip, the one she wore under her dresses. She didn't have anything to wear over it because Solace, in the heat of post-vampire destroying sex, had ripped the gray dress she wore yesterday in two.

"Hey Sam," Solace tried not to sound too disappointed.

"Yeah, um, Quil left yesterday to be with Claire and I was wondering if you could come down for a few days because Mark is still…upset, Ethan and David won't patrol together, Jordan is in the middle of moving to Port Angeles, and Taylor is in Seattle with his imprint, so we really need you," Sam asked, apprehensively.

Solace watched as Leah slipped into one of his white wife beaters, which over the lace bottomed slip made a very interesting dress.

"Yeah, sure. No problem, Sam. I can come over tomorrow," he sighed looking at the time, it was still before nine. He would have gone over today, but this was one of the first mornings he had entirely free, free to lie around with Leah all day.

The hardware store he co-owned was expanding at a rate no one had guessed, and even with a slew of new workers, he was overworked. And now there was La Push, calling him home.

Sam was the last thing he needed this morning, calling and reminding him of the reason for Leah's distance; his wolf side.

Leah wasn't broken anymore, she was her own independent and beautiful woman—a real woman, aging and lovely. She had real relationships peppered throughout the years he knew her, but none of them lasted and stubbornly, she still held him at arm's length.

His status as a wolf and a member of Sam's pack made him off limits for anything other than sex. Which is why she made The Rules, laminated them too and hung them for all to see on the door between his bedroom and the hallway to the bathroom.

 _ **Rule 1: I am not and will never be your girlfriend!**_ This one was underlined and written over so many times it looked as if it was bolded.

 _ **Rule 2: No "I love yous" and no presents, gifts or any other thoughtful gestures.**_

 _ **Rule 3: No sleepovers.**_

 _ **Rule 4: No strings, I do not belong to you AND I don't want to see or hear about your other conquest.**_

 _ **Rule 5: Sex is like exercise, no one needs to hear about it.**_

They'd broken almost every rule, but still when she felt like it, she would point to the wall with a serious expression and put distance between us.

Every member of the Seattle pack and half of her yoga students knew they were together. Leah hadn't slept in her own bed for almost a month and the grey dress she was wearing the night before was one of the many things he bought for her. He didn't consider them as signs of affection or thoughtful gestures, he just saw too many things that he knew she would like or reminded him of her. He made a lot of money now, something he never had before, and he liked to spend it on her, leaving the gifts on their bed in plastic garbage bags so that she didn't protest them. Most importantly, though, was that he loved her. He didn't say the words, but it was part of every moment he spent with her.

"I'm off," she said waving and he jumped out of bed, pinning her to the door against the laminated list of rules.

"Lee, you don't have class until tonight. How about a breakfast burrito?" He suggested, placing a soft kiss on her temple. She pushed him away pointing at the list, her finger landing haphazardly between rules two and three.

"Solace, I think we should take a break," she said opening the door and attempting to slip out.

"Is this because of Sam?"

"Don't be a baby, I don't care if Sam or the Pope called you. We've strayed from the rules," Leah said crossing her arms in front of her defensively.

"Fuck the rules." He pulled the rules off the door, trying to rip it in two but giving up when the thick plastic lamination wouldn't give.

"I—"

"Lee, I love you." It was the first time he said it. Not only to her but to anyone at all.

"Solace why did you have to do that? I don't can't see you anymore," she cried, pushing him hard against his chest and running out the house. He thought about following her but in truth he expected this.

He dressed in silence, he was used to the rejection—he didn't bother calling ahead, he just set out for La Push.

Mark answered the door, he looked better than the last time he saw him, but not happy. He loved Mark, he loved all of the wolves and despite his own pain tried to think of ways to bring back Mark's wide smile. In truth, the pack was the only family he ever had, so ignoring the rampant thoughts of Leah, he pulled Mark out of the house and onto the road.

There were only a few things Solace ever used as therapy: sex and driving. Since Mark was bordering on heartbreak, Solace was pretty sure he wasn't ready for parading around the only gay bar in Port Angeles just yet. He didn't actually have a problem going there, he'd been there with Matty, Michael, and Jordan many years back, when Matty was out and proud enough to start looking for a boyfriend. So instead he figured he could get mark to loosen up a bit.

Mark was pretty much the opposite of Solace, and in most ways Solace saw him as better, but there were some things Mark could learn from him. Not driving, although that was one of the best memories Solace had of Mark, teaching the pimple face preteen how to handle his ancient Camaro, but what Mark really needed was inhibition. So, that was the goal, to give his future Alpha a new lease on life.

They drove quietly through the streets, until his phone went off, Leah's ringtone. He tapped the green button but didn't bother with a greeting.

"Are you coming over after my night class?" She asked quickly.

"But you said you didn't want to—"

"Yeah, well… you freaked me out. Why did you have to say that? Can we just rewind?" She huffed.

"I'm not sure, Lee," he sighed. He'd never said it before, but he was pretty sure it was a relationship changing event, and he meant it.

"Where are you staying? A-are you gunna see Leticia—wait, never mind don't answer that, it's not my business. Are you going to be there for more than a day?"

"I think," he would have elaborated but didn't want to give too much away. Even though the Seattle gang knew all about their set up, no one in La Push was privy to their relationship and it was better if it stayed that way.

"Oh," she said sadly, he couldn't help but smile. She wanted him around even if she tried to deny it.

"I could head over after patrol if you—"

"No. Forget just have fun." She hung up before he could respond.

"Okay," he huffed. It was more to himself than to her. Every girl he ever loved pushed him away or chose someone else in the end, so he gave in, he wasn't going to fight the inevitable.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 19: Professor Sex God and the Bedazzled Homo**

* * *

My mother didn't bother waking me the next morning but David did, throwing his body on the bed and rocking it viciously.

"Wake up! You're going to school," he said standing and heading to our closet. He reemerged with a thin black shirt and khaki shorts, tossing them back over his shoulder.

He did this on days when he felt like matching. Growing up we matched constantly, something that I abhorred above all else, but now that I knew better who I was, I didn't mind it when David wanted to play twins. It was like a sign of camaraderie, his way of apologizing.

"Aww, my boys," Momma cried as we piled into the kitchen. She scrambled to get me a plate set on the table. For the last week I hadn't woken before noon so I had been starting the day with lunch, but it was nice waking to my mom's cinnamon buns and thick cut ham again.

I noticed the lemonade on the table, and, for a brief moment, I missed Ethan. The lemonade on the table was a habit my mother picked up for Ethan, he drank it by the liters like Jared. Once my father bought us the truck, Ethan would run here every morning and eat breakfast with my family, then we would drive to school together cramped into the front seat, while Taylor was escorted by Jared or Kim. My stomach turned sadistically at the thought of him, my mind racing through the handful of unanswered questions. How long would he be away? Could we ever be friends again? Did he miss me?

"Oh! My genius is going back to school," momma cooed, kissing my cheeks as she slid a pile of ham and eggs on my plate. They were green for David. It wasn't that he wouldn't eat normal scrambled eggs, it's just that he preferred them dyed green and had since our kindercare program with Ms. Thackeray when we read Green _Eggs and Ham_ and had a picnic of oddly colored foods down at First Beach.

I drank the lemonade, mainly because it was fresh-squeezed, and also as an homage to Ethan who, despite his annoying perseverance, was generally a good guy. David scowled at the big McDonalds limited edition glass full of it but didn't say anything, chugging his OJ in peace.

"I, um, called Jordan last night and asked him to put you on the register for his class. If you don't want to take it its okay, I just thought—" Momma trailed off.

"No, I want to take it," I said, smiling as she flitted away. I more than wanted to take it, I had been thinking about it since the end of the school year when I heard from his brother Michael that he would be teaching a course. I wasn't sure how I would fare as a writer, but I wanted to try, and what better way than to do it with an uncle of sorts. My mother returned with a brown paper bag and a single sheet of paper which she laid to my left.

"Great! I already printed your syllabus from the website and got the books you need from Helen," she said taking a seat next to me and across from David who she smiled at lovingly as he gobbled down a carton of green eggs. I pushed my plate aside picking up the sheet of paper.

 _ **Introduction to Creative Writing**_

 **Weeks 1 & 2 Beginning Fiction**

 _ **Tuesday September 10th**_

 _Introduction, explain syllabus, free writing in class._

 _ **Thursday September 12th**_

 _Select readings from The Giver, writing from prompt._

 _ **Tuesday September 17th**_

 _Garcia-Marquez Short story, attempt at magical realism._

 _ **Thursday September 19th**_

 _Joyce Carol Oates, working with shorts and short shorts._

"What's the date today?" I asked looking up at momma, but David answered first.

"September 10th, 14 days since Trisha has spoken to me," he said solemnly. I ignored it looking down to see that it was in fact the first day of lessons.

"Today's the first class."

"Oh, well, come home before patrol, because I want to hear all about it," Momma called as she ushered us out the door, giving us big kisses on the cheek before we hit the road.

The school looked smaller than it had last year, and that's saying something, because it never seemed particularly large before. We found a spot in the small lot behind the school and the second I slammed the door shut I heard my name.

"Hey Mark!" Jason Fetter my soccer team mate called from the empty basketball court behind the parking lot, which the team used to practice and as a hang out spot before class. "Where have you been?" he asked kicking a ball towards me. It flew high, and I stopped it with my chest, tapping it as gently as possible when I sent it back, afraid of bursting the old thing.

Jason Fetter was one of the reasons I left the team. Not that he knew it, or that it was even his fault really, but he was too good looking for me not to notice, and at that time I really didn't want to notice.

"Sick," I screamed back as he jogged over, keeping the ball in motion as he approached.

"Wow, Uley! Late hormone spurt or what? I thought David was a meat head but damn! My sister is gunna freak," he said smoothing out his closely cropped hair.

His sister, Sarah, also known by my ex-girlfriend Kara as "Mark's Stalker", was the reason I found it necessary to find a girlfriend to begin with. Sarah text messaged me constantly, a steady stream of questions about my hobbies and schedule. She followed me through the halls, and, on occasion, sent me suggestive pictures and limericks.

"Yeah, um…would you mind not telling her I'm back?" I asked, but it was too late. Sarah barged through the crowd completely bypassing David and making a beeline for me.

"Hey, Mark," she smiled pushing her shoulder length brown hair out of her face. She was a pretty girl, and if I weren't gay and she weren't so abrasive, I probably would have went for it, lord knows I tried to get David to bite the bullet.

"Hi Sarah. Bye Sarah!" I called as David pulled me away, chuckling manically.

"You need to get another beard if you're not coming out. Hot guys like us don't go unnoticed," David said cockily with a giant grin.

"A what?"

"A beard. It's a girl that a gay guy dates to keep other girls from bothering them," David said knowingly.

"How do you know that?" I asked in a whisper as we strolled through the hall. Why did everyone know more about being gay than me?

"I did some research when you told us. I Googled till I couldn't Google anymore, found some interesting stuff," David whispered and I smiled. Taylor had done the same thing. I sniffed deeply, hoping to catch Taylor scent but stopping when I got a deep whiff of Ethan. He stood in the hall alone, staring longingly through the crowd. I didn't need to smell her to know who it was. Trisha stood staring in her locker numbly, looking tired in sloppy clothes with messy hair.

"Trisha," David called loudly, she ignored him.

"Why's he staring at her?" David demanded, his hands shaking. Ethan turned down the left corridor and disappeared.

"If you focus on Trisha and not Ethan maybe you'll get somewhere with her," I whispered, pushing him towards her, then following when I saw Sarah heading towards me.

"Hey, Trisha," David said in his best come hither voice, it was so embarrassing I felt myself blush.

"Hi Trish," I said smiling and leaning down to give her a small kiss on the cheek. David growled but she didn't even look at him.

"How are you?" I asked politely, I hadn't had a chance to check how badly she was in trouble after our last adventure.

She sighed, "okay," but her appearance told me everything. I wouldn't say she was a conceited girl but she did take pride in her appearance and seeing her walking around in a big pair of sweats and an oversized gym shirt spoke volumes.

"What's going on?" Sarah asked, crossing her arms in front of her chest. Trisha eyed her comically then grabbed my hand.

"Do you need something Sarah?" Trisha asked curtly with a nod. And that would have worked perfectly, if David wasn't a moron. He ripped her hand out of mine and gave me a childish pouty-lip look.

"Bye Sarah," David said leaning into Trisha lovingly. She glowered, wriggling free and running away without so much as a goodbye.

"Yeah, you might not want to do that whole hand holding thing just yet," I said angrily. No matter how much advice I gave him about Trisha, he was never going to take it. I sighed checking my schedule and heading toward my AP European History in the south corridor.

"Mark! Mark!" Sarah called after me so I sped up, leaving her in my dust. The small classroom was almost empty when I got inside. La Push didn't have the best senior graduation rate. I was a senior andost of my classmates from freshman year had left school for work already and of those left behind not many were taking AP European history, a class intended to give you a boost for college, but Ethan was there. I sat next to him and he smiled politely nodding but not turning to face me.

"Hey," I breathed stuffing myself uncomfortably in the tiny desk that I had a hard time with even before the phase.

"It's best to keep your knees down and sorta lounge," he said sagely gesturing to his legs, I nodded and copied his posture.

"What have I missed?"

"Oh. I made you copies of my notes," he said handing me a stack of paper.

"I didn't know when you were coming back so I copied them every class."

"Thank you, Ethan," I said turning to him.

"We're starting the Franco-Prussian War. Did you ever notice all of our history classes revolve around wars?" he asked conversationally. His eyes finally met mine and I saw my own loneliness mirrored there, the loneliness I carried with me before Taylor came around.

"Yeah, it's cyclical, the names and dates change but the mistakes stay the same."

"That's exactly what Taylor says, he thinks—oh, um, sorry," he said quickly as the class filed in.

"It's okay. Have you talked to him?" I whispered so low only another wolf would hear and he smiled sadly.

"Yeah, he's happy… but he worries about you."

"C-can you tell him I'm o-okay…and that I miss him," I said boldly. I was going to retract the last part when my words got stuck in my mouth.

I felt ashamed of myself for not noticing it earlier, but his hair was gone, chopped just above his ears in a chic mess, a trademark that Leticia had cut it. She cut Taylor's, Embry's, and now Ethan's, the three of them all having hair that, when gelled, looked fit for some runway in Milan, and when left natural, gave off the "just out of bed" feel. Ethan smiled and I tried not to stare, he looked surprisingly hotter than before, which was a big deal because he was always really hot… not that I was looking or anything.

"Yeah, sure…is she okay?" He asked timidly, fiddling with his cuticles.

"I don't know… doesn't really look like it," I said honestly, I found it silly lying about the obvious.

"Can you—"

"Ethan, I can't really do that."

"I was actually going to ask you if you could watch out for her. Make sure she's taking care of herself… and don't let David or Paul pressure her into anything she doesn't want to do," he said a little louder, his fist balled so tightly his fingers were red.

I shouldn't have found it so sexy, but it reminded me of Taylor… not the sad heartbreak but the passion. The passion I felt for him was something I didn't know how to control and, while it was volatile, I missed it. It was almost like liquid fire gushing from my pores, and I wanted to feel that again.

"Don't worry, she's got me…and David wouldn't hurt her, you know that right?" I said, patting his arm.

"I know," he sighed, running his finger through his hair as the class began.

*#*

I didn't really know what college classes were like, so after school I dropped David home I continued on to Port Angeles alone. I was still two hours early, so I chowed down a dozen tacos and three large cokes at Fiesta Jalisco's Mexican restaurant and walked the length of the campus before I came into the classroom, still forty minutes early.

It was exactly what I envisioned a college classroom to be like, lecture style with stadium seating that looked down on a podium and a giant whiteboard.

People slowly started to filter in, no one sitting in the row I occupied. Five minutes before class started, I was surprised to see how few people were in the room. I turned as a new person crashed through the loud double doors with a whoop.

He was almost like a cartoon, with huge Jackie O sunglasses, baby blue jewel encrusted shirt that looked child-sized and tight black jeans. He flounced in the room pulling his sunglasses down but not off, waving limp-wristedly to a tall black guy and winking at a girl that sat in the row behind me.

She was a redhead in clothes that would be more appropriate for a nightclub than a college lecture hall. Her curly red hair was so long it almost reached her thighs. I was fascinated by it, it was reminiscent of the newly turned autumn leaves outside and her glossy pink lips spread in a devilish grin when she saw the raging homo come down the aisle to her left.

"Hey Jace," she blew him two air kisses and he caught them both with dramatic whimpers.

"Hey Baby Doll, looking good."

"As always," she replied pulling out a notebook from a bag that looked entirely too small for it.

"So, I heard this guy did a workshop, and he's like major eye-candy," the child-tee clad blonde whispered theatrically. I could see his hands flailing for emphasis from the corner of my eye.

"Oh he's hot, you're gunna love him, but he's also super weird," the saucy redhead whispered, turning her body to be closer to Jace.

"Ohh, eccentric artist, so hot!" He exclaimed. I'd never thought about Jordan that way before, it was sort of weird, having grown up looking at the wolves as uncle figures.

Jordan sauntered in from the left a few minutes later, and my stomach clenched when I saw him. When I had a moment to examine him from an outsider's perspective.

I have no clue how I missed it before, his dark brooding eyes, the strong angles of his face. He didn't look up at the class, he busied himself with a stack of books and a red attendance notebook much like the ones used in grade schools.

"Yeah, um, great. So this is Introduction to Creative Writing…yeah. We'll be covering a wide range of styles from poetry to journalism… um, cool, let's do attendance," he stammered, never looking up from the book in front of him.

"Brian Ackler," he called looking up for the first time, his roughly cut coif framing his forehead like a crown.

"Here."

"Taylor Brent," a girl with long brown hair sitting directly in front of me called ' _here'_. The mention of the name Taylor made me automatically drop my excited grin and also wonder if Jordan had seen Taylor.

I heard that Jordan had moved into a cabin in the woods between Forks and Port Angeles, but seeing as Taylor was not likely to be far from Melody at any time, I was sure they must have spoken.

"Jace Carlisle?"

"Here," the bedazzled queer waved merrily from behind me. Jordan smiled for the first time, a big white smile that made his eyes sparkle. He pulled out a small flip notebook from the front pocket of his plaid shirt, writing something quickly before he spoke again.

"I heard he does that when he likes something," the red head breathed from behind me.

"See he likes me already, Sophie. Score one for the homos, lezzie."

"I'm not a lesbian, Jace. God, you think everyone is gay," Sophie scoffed elbowing him.

"Whatever, I am _the_ Gay Detector, no one goes unnoticed, Sophie, queen of the Amazons. And B-T-W this teacher is at least half…and so's the giant caramel man in front of you," Jace whispered even lower.

"Marcus Uley," Jordan pulled me out of my eavesdropping.

"Here," I smiled but Jordan didn't even look at me, putting his notebook away and staring down at his feet.

He was dressed in his usual woodsman get up: torn up jeans, under shirt, and a flannel of some sort. It was always a source of amusement for Solace and Embry, but looking at him now, not a damn thing was funny about it. He was big, rough and rippling in a very good way.

"Okay, so I trust you all got the required reading and syllabus. Let's look this over. We'll be starting with just some free writing. The first book we're going to look at is Lois Lowry's, The Giver, as examples of the use of color in narrative," he said looking up from the syllabus every few seconds.

"Professor," a tall thin black boy in the front raised his hand slowly.

"Yes, Lawrence?" Lawrence looked taken aback that Jordan remembered his name but didn't miss a beat.

"I thought this was a writing class. Why do we have so much reading? Is this going to count as a lit course?" Jordan turned to face the class with an indecipherable grin, his beautiful face was extremely expressive, it just happened that I couldn't read those expressions. His voice didn't help, it was flat and dry, not exactly telling.

"If you want to be a writer you have to read. Everyday, anything you can get your hands on," he said sadly as if he were speaking to extremely slow kids.

"Then why are we reading a children's book?" A dreaded guy in a dirty pull over called out without bothering to raise his hand.

"The Giver is a Newberry award winning novel, with simple yet effective descriptive elements and a unique use of color. Any more questions?" He asked cockily, the corner of his lip twitching upward.

His bottom lip was larger than the top, and it stretched sexily when he smiled. I couldn't help but stare at him as he eased into the class, no longer stuttering or staring at his feet but still not looking up at me. It made me uncomfortable but my apparent invisibility allowed me the freedom to watch him, almost completely unnoticed. Almost.

"Hey, stop drooling, big boy," Jace's lipsy drawl rang from behind me, causing Jordan to turn and look at me for the first time.

Jace giggled quietly, and I turned to growl at him, which made him hop daintily in his chair covering himself with his hands. I would have laughed at his over-the-top movements if Jordan wasn't watching us, jotting down something with a blank expression.

I didn't look up at him for the rest of the class, running out of the room as soon as he dismissed us.

"Hey! Wait up!" a loud undulating voice called from behind me. I didn't turn as I opened the truck and hopped in. I knew it was him, and well, seeing as I had no gay friends or acquaintances, having a self-proclaimed Gay Detector around made me a little nervous.

He was cute in his own ostentatious way. He had perfectly gelled pale blonde hair swooping over one eye, which went well with his lingering summer tan.

"What?" I asked rudely, rolling down the ancient manual window.

"You sure are a temperamental closet queen," he sighed leaning into my window so that I had to sit back.

"I'm not a closet queen," I sighed, roughly forcing my keys into the ignition.

"So then you know you're gay?" He asked with a grin.

"Yeah."

"Oh damn! I was going to do my good deed for the day," he said sadly.

"Telling a guy he's gay is a good deed?" I asked leaning in involuntarily. He had the most open face and friendly demeanor, I couldn't help but feel comfortable around him.

"If they don't know, then yeah," he cried with an added 'duh', which made me chuckle.

"Okay," I said archly.

"So Professor Varn is a sex god, true or false?" he asked seriously.

"He's straight."

"No one is completely straight, and a girl can dream, right?" He emphasized each word with a quick flutter of his lashes.

"I'm Jace."

"Mark," I said putting my hand out the window to shake. He took it lightly and sorta wiggled it, making me laugh.

"Well, Mark, next time sit next to me, and we can drool over Professor Sex God together," he winked, prancing away and leaving me staring in his wake.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 20: In Which I am Baby Bear**

* * *

 _ **You're late.**_ My dad's admonishment was the first thing I heard when I finally burst into fur. I was twenty minutes late to patrol, where as David had been hours early.

I had missed the all important Alpha succession meeting where it was announced to everyone that Embry would officially be taking over for my father once Quil returned with Claire from Europe. The blue grey of my giant paws padded silently towards the crowd of wolves and my stomach flipped stupidly, when I saw Ethan shiny white coat.

Taylor was also white, although his paws and left ear held small markings and I thought stupidly that he had returned. Ethan stood on the outskirts next to Brady and far from David, the two of them pointedly not thinking about the others presence. My paws crunched lightly on freshly fallen leaves as I approached, the autumn was young so that the leaves were still soft, making minimal sound as I finally made my way into the disorganized circle in the thick of the woods.

 _ **I had class tonight.**_ I hated this part of being a wolf. Once the tingling vibration of Quileute magic elongated my every limb I felt alive, felt so powerful that I didn't want to explain myself. I was powerful. I was too powerful to be told where to go and what to do, to be asked about my life or my decisions.

 _ **Mark focus. He has a problem with focus, so does Brady, you have to remind them sometimes.**_ He was giving these instructions to Embry, but David stood behind them taking mental note. I could almost hear the wheels in his head turning, replaying everything that went down during his rounds.

 _ **Sorry.**_ Insincere apologies were the name of the game, his assumed mantle of power didn't leave room for back talk. I took my route and rushed away, following David and Solace down the path towards the beach.

 _ **You know we can hear everything, everything in your mind right?**_ Solace said falling in stride with me.

 _ **I know.**_

 _ **You got some balls kid.**_ Solace said falling slightly behind like my beta, David's huge black form took the other flank. It felt nice heading my own small pack. There was no action during my shift, although a small female vamp had been ripped to shreds last night by Ethan, Brady and Collin, and the trio was still reliving it with glee. It was the first action Ethan ever seen as a wolf.

We finished patrol early, David, Solace and I leaving my dad behind to talk with Embry and running back home together. David and Solace were like two big parts of my life that didn't quite fit together. I wouldn't say they disliked each other they just didn't mesh. It was like a puzzle two corners that just didn't fit, but still I sort of wanted them too, so even though it was well past midnight I brought out a six pack and made them camp out on the porch with me.

"How was class?" Solace asked finally breaking the silence, leaning back against the doorframe.

"I don't think Jordan likes me," I said honestly, looking at David, hoping he'd join in the conversation instead of just nursing his beer and staring into space.

"Yeah, everyone thinks that. He's just like that, but you two got a lot in common I'm sure you'll get close. He's a good friend to have, but he's not a real people person, so you just gotta let him warm up to you," Solace said with a yawn. His phone rang, a soft classical tune and he smiled a huge genuine smile.

I saw the name Leah across the screen as he jogged off calling, "Later guys," as he went.

David looked at me with his big drowsy eyes and I stood, pulling him up with me. My experiment didn't exactly work. I started up the stairs with David just behind me, dragging my feet as I went up and into our room. For the last week the curtain that separated the two sections of our room was pulled across but tonight I pushed it open, sitting on my bed so that I faced him. We used to talk about nothing for hours but with the summer from hell behind us we hadn't talked much at all.

We fought, fought more than we ever did in our entire lives. We ignored each other and on occasion even gave each other support but we never talked about it. So we did. We talked. We really talked for the first time, about everything from Ethan and Trisha to the triplets and Jordan, the last item on the agenda as the dazzling hot orange rays of the sun warmed our room.

"Jordan's never been all that nice, he's sorta like a cat," David said hugging his huge frog plush to his chest, it looked smaller now, an enormous stuffed prize won at a fair years ago. It should have been mine technically but he always liked it more so I gave it to him, just like I gave him my last two fair tickets to play the ring toss game to begin with.

"He's like a **what**?"

"A cat. You know he rubs up on your legs occasionally but other than that he ignores you," David said seriously.

"Rubs himself on your leg. What are you talking about?"

"I was using a metaphor Mark. It's crazy that people think you're the smart one," he cried, settling down to try and sleep the last hours before we were supposed to wake again for school.

"I'm not the smart one, I'm the hot one," I sighed, rolling into my green jersey sheets, I hadn't washed them since Taylor and I made out on them, his smell still lingered there.

"You do know we're identical right?" he yawned loudly, his smile glowing in the dim room.

"Sure we are," I said sarcastically.

"Night, baby bro," he giggled.

"Night night Meat Head," I sighed, snuggling up and diving into the dream world. Almost as soon as my head hit the pillow I was out and much too soon I was forced to wake.

"Morning Baby Bear. Morning Pork Chop," my mom sang to the room gently patting us on our backs. David and I often argue about which one of us was Baby Bear and which one was Pork Chop, but anyone with common sense would know that I am SO Baby Bear.

David went to the shower first, leaving my mom sitting lightly on the corner of my bed biting her nails frantically.

"Baby bear," she sighed. He's never in the room when she proves that I am Baby Bear and definitely not Pork Chop.

"Yeah Mom?" I said swatting her mangled hands away from her mouth.

"Um. Helen told me that Collin heard from Brady that Taylor's coming back to school today."

"Oh."

"Yeah…"

"Oh," what else could I say to that? I wanted to see him, but I really really didn't, especially with only a few hours of sleep under my belt.

Ring! Ring! Ring! My simple monotone ringer blared making my mom hop off the bed. I searched the room for it, following the loud annoying sound until I found it under a pair of striped boxers I didn't wear anymore. Being a werewolf meant I had to be ready to explode at any moment making me permanent commando man.

"Hello," a sing-song voice chimed through the phone so loud I had to hold the phone away from me.

"Hello?"

"Hey there sexy, it's Jace." As if there it could be anyone else.

"Hi Jace," I sighed, it was too damn early for his fabulousness. I never met anyone like him before, he was like a tv character and although just his simple introduction made me smile it was not exactly the best time to talk.

"Well don't get yourself too worked up there Big man."

"How did you get my number?" I asked, trying not to sound rude.

"You know I'm quite charming, no one straight or gay can resist my pretty face not even the sweet old ladies in the registrar's office," he said seriously. I could almost imagine him trying to charm the little old ladies at the community college administration office.

"Okay... Can I help you?"

"So formal, we're sisters now. Wanna hang out today? Wait, why am I asking I know you do. You have to meet the gang," he said so quickly my head was spinning.

"The gang?"

"Yes, I'm working on rounding up all the gay in the Olympic Peninsula and you're the newest treasure," he cried so merrily I smiled.

"Jace, I have class today."

"You're smiling. I can hear it," he giggled.

"You can't hear a smile," I said smiling even wider.

"I can too! I know all, it's my gift… I'm not proud of it," he tried to say sadly but failed spectacularly.

"I still have class."

"Skip it. I know you want to," he said conspiratorially.

"I sorta skipped the first week already and—"

"Which means one more day one won't hurt," he said seriously.

"What if I miss something?"

"Nothing you learn in high school you will ever use in the real world, promise." And with that, his flouncy logic started to make sense.

"Okay."

"Okay? Yey! Where do you live? I'll pick you up," he howled. I could almost see him bouncing around excitedly.

"La Push."

"Oh. That's far, so um, yeah, you come here. Kay?" He gave me the address and blew me a loud air kiss as David came in the room, wrapped in a towel.

"I'm skipping school today," I announced simply.

"No! That's so unfair! You already missed like a week!" He screamed pulling off his towel.

"Whoa! Whoa, cover that," I shrieked throwing a pillow blindly in his general direction.

"What? Were identical twins, yours looks just like mine," he said indignantly, pulling on a pair of shorts.

"Nuh-uh! Just cuz we're twins doesn't mean our junk matches," I said rolling my eyes.

"Ya-huh! I've seen it, its—"

"Okay can we not talk about my penis?" I asked as Solace glided in our room.

"Wow, walked in at the wrong time," he said holding his hands up defensively.

"Solace, what do you think? Do twins have identical man meat?" David asked seriously, Solace stared at him blinking wildly before he shook his head and spoke, his words directed mostly to me.

"Alright, on that note I'm here to say goodbye. Taylor's coming back today so I'm heading back to Seattle, my girlfriend… Leah, wants me to get there before her evening yoga class," he said quickly looking around for our reaction. There was a loud crashing noise from below, but other than that silence.

"So thing are official with Aunt Leah?" I ventured after a long bout of blinking silence.

"Yup," he popped his P merrily, smacking my shoulder and heading out. I followed him down, watching the intense stare-war between Solace and my father as he sauntered towards the door.

"Can I talk to you for a moment Solace," my dad said calmly, his knuckles turning white from their grip on the metal back of our kitchen chairs.

"Sam I—"

"Solace, she can't go through that again," I heard my father say as I slithered back up the stairs, keeping my back to the wall. I motioned for David to backtrack and we listened at the top of the stairs.

"I love her."

"I did too, that doesn't change anything Solace, she doesn't deserve—"

"I'm going now," Solace growled his soft footsteps leading straight to the door.

"Solace I'm not finished."

"Yes you are, Sam. You don't know about us," Solace shot back, slamming the door seconds later.

"Leah?" David whispered. He was dressed for school in a simple white tee and the stupid Hawaiian shorts I hated, navy blue with white flowers.

"Yeah, I think its cute," I hissed, like a neighborhood gossip. David's bright smile lit up the hallway as we giggled, listening to my dad pace the room.

"Can I ditch with you?" He asked.

"Nope but you can cover for me." I said heading to the now free bathroom to start my morning routine. I didn't do much in the primping department. I brushed my teeth and scrubbed my face and spritzed myself with a cologne my mother bought me for my 16th birthday.

I started at my closet in frustration.

I wasn't trying to look good for Jace, but I didn't want to look like an idiot considering he looked like he just walked out of a poster advertising some stupid Disney show for tweens. I settled on something I thought would be Solace approved, simple and fitted.

Jace told me to come whenever I was ready, but it was still early so I sat down on the corner of my bed, contemplating Taylor's return. The open window at the foot of David's bed permitted wafts of crisp autumn air in the room making me long for the outdoors.

"Why are you getting all dressed up?" David asked with a dramatic wiggle of his eyebrows.

"I'm not."

"You are. Is it for Taylor? You coming to school? You gunna cuss him out, maybe cause a scene? He'll never live it down and we only got a few months of school left." He was way more excited about that possibility than he should be.

"I'm going to hang out with a guy I met in class," I said running my hand through my hair, trying to get the unruly bits to lie flat. When I phased for the first time I was too upset to think about how shaggy my coat was, so it wasn't until a few days later that I let my mom go at my head with a pair of kitchen shears the end results were laughable, but still better than the buzz cut my father sported.

"Oooh, so is this one gay?"

"It's not like that, I just want a friend." I checked the time, pushing him towards the door but he didn't budge. He stood firmly in place looking at me with crossed arms and a pouty lip.

"I'm your friend," he insisted sadly.

"You are, I just… want a gay friend."

"Oh so he is gay," he said with a big wink.

"Okay, okay you're gunna be late," I said ignoring his implications and pushing him towards the door.

To keep up the charade we hopped in the car together after our mother loaded us up with a basket of honey nut muffins, which we devoured before we even got to parking lot. David jumped out of the car with a mouth full of muffins, tossing me the keys over the hood and walking straight into Taylor.

"Huya," David mumbled through a mouth full of honey nut goodness.

"Hey," Taylor said side stepping David and walking around the front of the truck to meet me. I hadn't seen him in a week and it was worse than I imagined. It's sort of cruel how your mind numbs the pain, shadowing your memories as time goes by, he was sexier than my memory allowed me.

"Hey," I said using the last of my oxygen supply, I seemed to have forgotten how to breathe.

"Hey."

"You said that already," I said jingling the key ring tensely. He giggled nervously running his hand through the shaggy side of his asymmetrical haircut.

"Yeah… Mark, I'm sorry. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you. I didn't think anything through and I did so many things I shouldn't have, I wish—"

"That you hadn't done any of it," I finished the sentence, walking past him and to the driver's seat.

"I didn't mean it like that," he said. I couldn't look him in the eyes so I let my eyes memorize the defined tendons of his neck.

"I know what you meant, Taylor, we can just forget it." I hadn't prepared for this. I secretly thought I was going to have something nice to say to him, maybe to form some sort of bridge between relationship us and friendship us. Being with him though, seeing him, feeling the way my body reacted to him made it clear that there really couldn't be a friendship us again, that was done.

"Mark I don't want to forget it, I just—"

"No I get it. I'm out," I said jamming the key in the ignition.

"So you're just dropping out of school and forgetting all the things you wanted to do with yourself just because of some summer fling gone wrong? This is ridiculous, Mark!" He grabbed onto my shoulder roughly, his tight grip making a loud viscous growl erupt from my stomach. He let go of me and stepped away, giving me the golden opportunity to drive off, employing Solace's driving techniques to squeeze between two oncoming vehicles. I drove so fast I almost expected a ticket but I encountered no problems between la Push and Port Angeles.

The address Jace gave me led me to a small old looking blue house with cracked white windows and embellishments, it was tidy though the barren lawn was clean and the stairs were swept.

"Hey, it's my own sexy Squanto," Jace squealed from the doorway, ushering me inside. The small hall was lined with shoes, at least fifty in varying sizes and colors and even had a few heels, which I was hoping were not Jace's. To the right there was a decrepit looking staircase with a thick metal banister and the left an arched doorway to another room.

He pulled me inside and led me to a large living room which was actually two rooms. It seems Jace and his roommates had no need for a dining room so they cleared it out and filled it with more ugly mismatched sofas than the Salvation Army. This was probably not only because they didn't cook, but also because the living room could literally be called the _living_ room. I counted the human shaped blobs on all of the paisley and checkered print sofas in the large double room. There were five sofas, and two love seats as well as five forms, though two of them shared a black framed futon, twisted into each other like a sculpture.

"So you don't live at home I presume," I said scanning the room again for life.

"This is my home, it was my grandma's. She raised me but she died when I was nine, when I got out of the foster care system I got the house and whatever else she left me," Jace explained. The couple that was intertwined artistically arose; a small Mediterranean looking boy no older than me, and a lanky redhead boy with a crooked smile.

"So then you just entertain a lot?" I asked.

"Yeah, sorta. I like to think of this as an unofficial fraternity, Tau Kappa Fag," he said waving grandly to the room of sleeping students. A tall thin black guy I recognized from our writing class kicked off a tiger print sheet and sat up with a disgruntled huff.

"I'm not gay, Jace," he sighed rolling off the couch and stretching. It surely was a sad thing he wasn't, he was thin but oh so yummy.

"Yeah, what's up with the girly top Lawrence?" Jace asked his hand resting on his bony hip.

"It's unisex!" He screamed pulling at the collar of his fitted butter cream yellow top.

"Lawrence, that's just what we fags say when they want to wear women's clothing, **"** Jace said passively, giving me a sly wink. Lawrence sighed exasperatedly but still hugged Jace when he put his arms out.

"Not gay," Lawrence whispered to me as they hugged.

"Lawrence this is Mark, he's in our class with Professor Juicy cheeks. Mark this is my brother, we were in foster care together," Jace explained as they separated.

Lawrence nodded seriously, slapping Jace on the back of his head and racing out the room. Jace hissed with a smile and lead me farther inside.

He gave me a tour of the house which was in a circular layout and included a small but very tidy bathroom and a second floor with three bedrooms that belonged to Jace and two people I hadn't met yet.

If I thought the living room looked like a used furniture showroom that specialized in sofas then the basement was the chair department. There were desk chairs and folding chairs and big squishy lazy boys all surrounding a big round coffee table and a mounted flat screen TV, the only thing that looked nee in this entire place. There were two guys and a willowy girl sitting in the circle passing a joint and discussing music when we made our way down.

"Ladies this is the guy I was telling you about," he said dropping down on a pink and green polka dot kid's stool and I took a seat next to him on a gold lame chair shaped like a giant hand.

"Hey Mark," the girl waved, she had the body and the simple grace of a ballerina with short black hair, bohemian attire and shockingly white skin.

"Hi," I smiled waving around the circle as two more guys stomped down the stairs holding hands. It was the cuddling couple from above, now fully dressed.

"I'm Emma, this is my brother George and this one over here with the terrible taste in music is Vlad," the ballerina smiled sticking her tongue out at the tall European looking boy to her left.

"So Jace said you're playing hooky today," George said nodding at the two love birds as they settled into a big comfy chair seat next to Jace.

"Yeah," I said softly. I'm not a shy person, but sitting in the circle with everyone watching me was making my hands sweat.

"Why haven't we seen you before, are you a transfer," Vlad asked with a thickly accented purr.

"He's in high school, down boy," Jace winked, elbowing me gently.

"Speaking of hooky, I'm going to class even if you lazy fucks aren't," Emma said standing. She was lithe and glowing which made her potty mouth even more discordant.

"Come on, finish the joint first," George whined. She slapped his hand away.

"Finish it on the way to class, let's go go GO!" Emma cried pulling her brother and Vlad with her.

"Hey are you moving in?" One of the two newcomers asked his head resting lightly on his lover shoulder. They were both young, they looked younger than me but then I didn't really look my age so that didn't mean much.

"No. I live at home in La Push. How many people live here exactly?" I asked no one in particular.

"Well Jace is a collector, so only he knows for sure. I'm Charlie," the older of the two spoke. He had a tuff of curly red hair atop his lightly freckled face and a warm smile.

"Not that many… like nine paying roommates and a few stragglers," Jace said looking pointedly at the red head's companion.

"Yeah, yeah I'm the moocher Sebastian," Charlie's boyfriend said sitting up and reaching across the circle offering his hand to shake. It was soft, warm and lightly tanned, and it brought me painfully back to Taylor. His soft touch on my cheek, my chest, and his lips anywhere on my body.

"Whoa! Where are you?" Jace cried snapping his fingers rhythmically in my face.

"Oooh, someone's thinking about a… boy?" Sebastian asked unsurely.

"Yeah… my sorta ex, Tylor," the four of us, relative strangers sitting in a circle in a poorly lit basement gave me a sense of anonymity and I found myself bursting to talk about him.

"Okay, Queen spill still the tea " Jace urged crossing his legs and resting his head on his hand as he stared at me.

"It's complicated, we ended it recently," I sighed moving my chair to make a closer U shape.

"Ended it?" Charlie inquired, his bright green eyes settling on my face and with that minimal prodding I launched into the story, editing only when it came to the imprint, adding a decade plus to Melody's age for good measure.

"He's trying to make peace and you just left him hanging like that?" Charlie asked incredulously.

"He deserved it. If he wasn't gay he shouldn't have led him on," Sebastian defended me, turning to roll his eyes at Charlie, whose lap he was sitting on. I waited for Jace to voice his opinion but he just sat back, his arms crossed firmly across his chest.

"Jace?"

"Oh honey you don't want to hear what I gotta say," he said coolly, it was the first time he said something to me without being accompanied by a huge smile.

"Well now I really do!"

"Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you," he paused, inhaling deeply before he spoke again.

"Well from what I heard you're being an ass. He was the first real friend you ever had, which is sad by the way, but we'll get back to that later, and he obviously cares about you very much, enough to try out this gay thing, even though he is **so** not part of this posse!" Jace said crossing his legs at the hip.

"Not gay? Jace come on! You think everyone is gay. Roommates, teachers, janitors and the one guy who is actually making out with men is not even bi?" Sebastian cried incredulously and for the first time I heard a soft tinge of a Spanish accent, like Leticia's but better controlled.

"Okay, I don't think everyone is gay! Professor Varn and the janitor in Newton hall are both at least bi and get Lawrence half way drunk and he's staring at my ass, but that's besides the point!" Jace screamed turning back to me.

"He's not gay. He's not bi. But he loves you. It's easy to confuse love and in love, when you are a hormonal teenager but he's not gay. And you're throwing something really special away because he doesn't want you, Poor boy."

"Poor him, how about poor Mark, eh?" Sebastian asked reaching across the circle to pat my thigh.

"Oh come on, Sebastian! How many times did you try doing it with a woman before you gave in to the sparkly side? How about those girls? And look at him. Look at him," Jace said pointing at me frantically, I could feel the blush creeping into my cheeks.

This was not even remotely how I imagined him to reply. I had expected some 'oh honeys' and some promises of future loves to come and maybe even a hug. I had gotten none of those and now I just felt like an ass.

"Please don't," I whispered and George smiled at me sympathetically.

"And he's modest too," Jace said turning back to me, and placing his delicate hand on my shoulder.

"Mark you are sexy as all get out, believe me you won't have a hard time finding another lover, but friends like that don't fall outta trees. Besides, you got some nookie out of it so what are you crying about? It's just plain selfish and if you really love him the way you say you do, you'll support him and little miss Starshine or whatever hippie name that girl was called."

George broke out into laughter, lighting a cigarette as Sebastian casually ran his hand up and down his leg. They were really nice to watch. I had watched gay porn yes, but they were the first real gay couple I had ever seen in action, snuggled comfortably together, so painfully into each other they couldn't stop touching.

"So what do you propose I do?" I said trying to pull my eyes away. The thick edge of anger was painting my voice but I didn't care. Taylor broke me and he was getting the sympathy?

"Well first I'd drop the stank attitude. You have a lot of gay points to earn before you can be a diva," he said seriously using his pointer finger to scan my body disapprovingly.

"Then you can drive your luscious ass back to that sad little town of yours, which I need to visit by the by because it seems to be producing a proportionately high number of world class queer studs, and apologize to that boy," he screamed the last few words, rolling his eyes when I huffed.

"Okay."

"Okay?" He asked holding his open hand against his chest.

"You're right," I surrendered, my shoulders drooping in shame.

"Of course I'm right," Jace said still obviously surprised by my surrender.

"You're always right, Jace," Charlie said patting him on his arm.

"Don't tell him that. He already has a hard time walking with that big head of his," Sebastian giggled as I stood.

I needed to leave now because Jace was right. Righter than I ever wanted to admit. It was sad. It was pathetic that for so long I had no one. I never had friends like those that seemed to surround Jace. Taylor was it for me and I had pushed him away. I said hurried goodbyes and Jace saw me out, patting me on the ass as I went.

I checked the time and put my keys in the ignition and hauling ass back to La Push.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 21: Jordan 1, Mark 0**

* * *

By the time I got to the school, the day was already over and I saw David was hanging out in front with a few guys from the football team. As soon as he saw me pulling in behind other cars of waiting parents, he broke away, jogging towards me.

"Hey, I thought you were going on a date," David called slapping my back as I hopped out of the truck.

"Not a date, Pork Chop," I said, searching the lot for Taylor. He was nowhere in sight and I couldn't smell him, but then I didn't really expected it to be that easy. I was, however, painfully reminded of how terribly unpleasant a swarm of high school students could smell.

It was a brash mix of colognes and perfumes, sweat, BO, pheromones, and cigarettes that mixed nastily with the exhaust fumes of the parking lot, and, quite frankly it made me nauseous.

"Okay, you are Pork Chop and I am Baby Bear! Baby Bear! Pork Chop!" David screamed, digging his finger into my chest dramatically for emphasis.

"Yeah, right," I ignored him, adding his rightfully earned Pork Chop in my head.

"Cha, yeah," David scoffed.

"So anyways, not a date. And now I'm going to find Taylor," I called back, throwing him the keys and walking towards the main building. The original structure was small, not large enough to house the growing youth population of La Push, meaning that the main building was now flanked by trailers, where smaller classes, like home ec, were being held. I didn't know his schedule but the odds were he was taking class with the rest of the freshman in the main drag. When I broke through the front doors, I tried not to rely on my sense of smell, having just had my fair share of nastiness for the day.

"Mark!" Sarah squealed, as I dashed through the main hallway of the school. I didn't look back at her, hoping she would get the hint, but I could hear her soft footsteps as she continued to track me.

"Hey, yeah, I'm sorta busy right now," I shot back over my shoulder, keeping up the pace.

"Mark, where were you today?" Sarah asked, rubbing the back of my arm in a circular motion. I didn't like being rude to her or any girls really, my mother didn't raise me that way but desperate times call for desperate measures.

"Sarah, please go away!" I growled. I gave into my wolf senses and inhaled, attempting to track his scent.

The halls were filled after the end of last period. A handful of dawdlers strolling through the halls were making it exceedingly difficult for me to snake my way through and away from Sarah as quickly as I would have hoped.

"You okay?" Ethan asked, popping up in front of me and stopping me from getting any farther. Sarah, who had been running after me, crashed directly into my back with a loud thump.

"I need to apologize to Tay," I said scooting closer to him so that Sarah was at arms distance, she just scooted closer.

"Okay," he stretched the word out looking at me in confusion. Since he and Trisha were forced apart, Ethan had been pretty much absent from the pack and its circle, including his own family. It was sad because he used to be so close to Taylor, with everything that had happened though, I wasn't sure exactly how much he knew about us.

"Yeah, so, do you know where he is?"

"He's supposed to be waiting for our dad out back. It's family night," Ethan said smiling, looking around me at Sarah who stood with her arms crossed, she was obviously unamused by our sandwich position.

"Family night?" This was totally not the right time to ask about their family rituals but I had never actually met a family that did that kind of thing, it was so Full House.

"Yeah, once a week all of us have to be there; no patrol, no work. It's Amber's turn to choose, so we'll probably be eating hotdogs and playing hide and seek," he said with a shrug, eyeing Sarah again as she stood silently listening.

He tipped his head towards her as if to ask 'what the fuck', but before he could say more, a waft of apple scent from our left announced Trisha's arrival and Ethan disappeared.

I don't know how he got away so quickly but it was a skill I apparently did not have. I noticed it when we fought, he was lithe but it was even more impressive now with such a densely packed hall. Trisha couldn't have even seen his hair, he was gone so fast. As far as I knew they hadn't seen or talked to each other since the fight between him and David, both families were making sure of that.

"Hey, Mark, where were you?" Trisha asked, hugging a stack of books to her chest and subtly sniffing the air around her.

Could she smell his lingering scent? She wasn't a wolf but being half wolf, did that give her even the slightest bit of edge on normal humans? I wanted to ask but thought it would be insensitive and distracted from my eventual goal of finding Taylor. All the supernatural contemplation took my opportunity to speak and Sarah jumped right in.

"So, are you two dating now or something?" Sarah asked, loudly just as my ex-girlfriend Kara and her sister Tiffany passed by. I hadn't seen Kara since I came out to her and this was the least opportune time for her to join the conversation. She stopped in her tracks, Tiffany attempting to pull her away but she stood her ground.

I looked between them, Trisha, Kara and Sarah, all looking on for my response. Seeing the fear in my eyes, Kara smiled sadly, we communicated non-verbally, something we had done a lot during our friendship, it was one of the reasons I picked her for my "beard" as David called it. Our eyes discussing the predicament as the rest of the group watched on and she made a decision winking slyly and moving to grab my hand. I gave her an appreciative smirk and reached out to her just as another hand broke through the circle and grabbed me.

"He's mine," Taylor said stepping between Sarah and Trisha. Kara smiled at him and allowed Tiff to pull her away as I followed Taylor out, my head spinning on high.

I didn't know what to say, which was probably for the best because my mouth was frozen in shock and there was no way I'd be able to get anything out. Sarah was shouting as he pulled me out the back door but I wasn't listening, fully enthralled in his skin on mine sensation I had been sorely missing. His hands were soft and warm, and he held me firmly as we walked through the crowds. People parted like the Red Sea, watching on as we passed.

"What are you doing?" I howled as we finally made it to a secluded area of the parking lot. I hadn't really planned on coming out to the school just yet, or at all, really, but it wasn't my choice anymore.

Five months ago the fact that everyone at Quileute Tribal School knew I was gay probably would have freaked me out, but Taylor was holding my hand and what could be bad in the world when Taylor was holding my hand? And he had called me _his_. This couldn't have meant what I wanted it to mean, but I savored it for as long as humanly possible.

When at least a minute of silence passed I dropped his hand a little apprehensive, turning to face him. I love his face. Really, it's the very best face I've ever seen, every soft curve and valley was perfect; symmetrical, smooth and vibrant.

He leaned against a rusted, old yellow Mustang and looked up, silently appraising me as I watched him. Could he hear my heart accelerate? Did it bother him that I couldn't stop examining his perfect face?

"Well I'm saving you from your stalker, and probably saving myself from three years of unwanted sexual advances," he said nervously, chewing on his thick bottom lip. That beautiful pink lip would be my downfall, so soft and inviting, I leaned into it instinctively but stepped back before I got too close.

"I'm sorry." Simple apologies were about all I could get out right now, distracted by the way his agile body stretched across the hood.

"What?" He stepped away from the car, gliding towards me. It was a quality he and Ethan shared: their natural state of locomotion was a graceful glide, something I couldn't do with my size.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry about the last time we talked and everything I said to you. I'm sorry I keep having to apologize. You're my-my best friend and I keep fucking it up." Not looking at him was doing wonders for my vocabulary. I hadn't said it particularly eloquently, but it was everything I needed to say.

He was pacing but I didn't want to look up at him, afraid of what I'd see. When he finally stopped moving, he stood in front of me, placing his hands on either side of my face and forcing me to look at him.

His eyes…god, this was so much harder than I remembered it being. I forgot what it was like before he kissed me, before we crossed that line. It was torture then, this sweet torture where I would perpetually dance the line trying to get as close to him as possible without him noticing how much I wanted him.

"Mark, I fucked up. I should have—I don't know, been clearer from the beginning. I shouldn't have play a game my heart wasn't in. I don't regret what we did, I wouldn't change it even if I could. I do love you, _so_ much… Not the way you want me to, but maybe even stronger than that. You are my best friend, you're the only guy I would ever go gay for and I miss you so much." His voice cracked on the last word and I couldn't stand being so far away from him anymore. I pulled him in; hugging him so tight I was afraid I would hurt him.

"I missed you too."

When we finally parted, the parking lot was empty and we walked back to his place together. Jared and Ethan were out on the lawn, each carrying one of the girls above their heads while Kim watched from the porch.

"Hey Mark," Kim called from the top of the steps with a smile. Taylor went to his father's side across from Ethan, signaling for him to toss Amber to him. It was a game Princess Pretty Face (as Amber demanded we call her) had invented called 'Space Astronaut.'

She had tons of games which center on her being thrown around by wolf men. On occasion, when there was an extra wolf, Taylor kneeling between them and pretend to try to catch her. It was called Princess Pretty Face and the Dragon, Taylor being the dragon.

"You're looking good," Kim said as I reached her side.

"Thanks, I… feel good." And I meant it. I hadn't felt this light in weeks, watching Ethan and Taylor tossing their six year old sister across the lawn giving her big kisses on the cheek as they caught her.

"I'm happy for you," she said, placing a soft kiss on my hand before intertwining it with her own. "So I have someone I want you to meet."

"Cute abused gay boy? Another social worker at the community center with a little bit extra pep in his step?" I joked with a smile.

This is one thing about being gay that I know for sure, I'd seen it in countless movies and television shows. Almost everyone has one gay friend or co-worker and they always think it's a good idea to hook any new gay acquaintance with the only other gay in their life. The idea was actually exciting, the possibility of meeting a new guy—a gay one this time. Spending however short amount of time I had with Jace had showed me just how narrow my world was.

"I'm not trying to hook you up, Mark. I mean, he's gay, but he's twice your age and married. It's my brother Matthew, he's coming to Forks to see Jordan's new place, and I think you two would have a lot to talk about." I couldn't quite explain it, but the mention of Jordan made my heart skip a beat and my face flushed; it did not go unnoticed by Kim. She raised her eyebrow at me and smirked.

"So your brother and Jordan are friends?" I asked casually and she elbowed me before she spoke.

"Something like that, what's it to you?" she teased, but she didn't elaborate.

"Kim," I whined. There was no use trying to hide my attraction or whatever I was feeling for Jordan, because Kim pretty much knew all.

"I don't really know all the details or I'd dish. They say they were just friends but it was a lot more serious than that. Not unlike you and Taylor—not sure if they got as physical as you and Taylor, but it wasn't a secret that my brother was in love with him… and, I think, in the end Jordan felt the same way. You can't be sure with him, and Jared says he's very Voldemort in his mind control so no one's for sure," Kim said throwing one last glance at her family before ushering me to follow her inside.

"He's very what with his mind control?" I asked, tripping on a long green rug that lined their hallway.

"Sorry, Harry Potter reference. It was Taylor's favorite book as a child and not Amber's got us reading to her. Just finished book one and Ethan started two with her last night. It means…well he's grown very good at controlling his thoughts, you'll see—this is my brother," she said, pointing to a picture on the hallway between the living room and the kitchen.

I had run through this house a million times growing up but I never took time to examine the pictures there. The picture she pointed to was of a lanky but attractive guy in his early twenties sitting with his arms around a snow leopard.

"Why is he hugging a leopard?" I asked, my eyes wandering to a small picture of a young Ethan and Taylor wrestling with their father. Jared was flat on his back in the same patch of grass he was playing in now. Little Taylor, no more than five, was attacking his legs, while Ethan took his torso. Jared's mouth was twisted in fake pain but his eyes held the same joy as his little boys. I didn't have pictures like that and I remembered painfully why I had always pretended Jared was my dad.

"Matty's a zoologist. He specializes in marine mammals, him and his husband work at the San Diego Zoo," Kim walked a bit farther down the hall to where newer pictures hung to point at a wedding photo. The lanky boy was older, in his mid twenties and more filled out. He was dressed in a simple black tux his arm linked with a large and extremely pale white man. The man was exceedingly handsome, with a warm and loving smile. Their eyes, much like those of the wrestling Cameron boys, were happy. And my happiness, my light feathering feeling, was gone.

Would I ever find someone to be with me like that?

"Come on," Kim said pulling me into the kitchen. "You know these things don't get better overnight. You're doing great, and I'm really proud of you," she said filling a pot with water and settling it on the fire before she sat down with me.

"You're the only one." I don't know why I said it. I guess it was the stabbing jealousy I felt when I saw their family bonding or pictures displayed so prominently of their love, it made me think of my own family where the only constant I had was my brother.

"Mark," she said almost scoldingly. "Honestly your parents are being assholes right now, but I know we all have one thing in common, we are all so proud of you. Being gay sucks in La Push, believe me I know. Matty went through so much shit in school here, and to top it off, you have first love heartbreak and being a wolf when you never wanted to be. None of you could have handled this situation any better. Ethan's only really got one of those problems and he hasn't slept in weeks."

She was multitasking, as she spoke to me she was removing enough packs of hotdogs to feed an army and patting my back lovingly every time she was in arms length.

"We are all rooting for you kid. We're all supporting you so take your time and figure out who you are."

I helped her fix dinner but for the most part I just chopped and mixed things. My mother is the queen of the kitchen so I never really had an opportunity to test my cooking before.

We ate dinner as a family at a table, when the girls grew tired of being tossed about and trying to find hiding spaces on the barren lawn. It was hotdogs (veggie dogs that looked disgustingly green in Ethan's case), garden salad (my contribution), white cheese macaroni (Taylor's favorite) and Jared's famous apple cake. He was well known for his baked goods, a fact that did not in any way make him less intimidating.

We settled in for a movie after dinner, Amber sitting between me and Taylor which was great for my concentration. Unfortunately, it was a G-rated movie about a dog that played soccer with a lovable team of misfits for some reason or another, and I could have used the distraction his glorious profile would have provided.

When it was time for patrol, I left, Jared giving me a manly half-hug on my way out. Taylor and Ethan had the late night shift, so I was on my own. As I left, Kim offhandedly mentioned my shift would be Jordan's first shift back as a full-time member of the La Push pack, and I tried not to blush as Taylor watched the interaction with interest. Knowing Jordan would be in my mind terrified me.

At first I couldn't really figure out why that worried me, but when I got back to my house and found him in the kitchen, leaning stoically against the back door as my mother fluttered about cleaning, it became much clearer…I wanted him. It could have been, and probably was, only a sexual thing that would pass, but even just his large but delicate looking hand placed casually on his thigh, made my mouth go dry.

He didn't acknowledge me when I walked in the room, but I could tell by the way his back tensed that he could hear and/or smell me. It made me angry, I know it shouldn't have but like in class, he ignored me too. He wasn't the first or only person in my life that didn't seem to know or care about my presence, but his indifference made my hands shake. I clenched them into fist, leaning against the counter on the opposite end of the kitchen and looking directly at him until he couldn't ignore me any longer.

"Hey," he jerked his head up using his chin to recognize me.

"What are you doing here?" Usually I wouldn't have dared be so brash or rude but it seemed to be fair, seeing as he continued not to look me in the eye. He did on the other hand let his eyes wander, examining my body as if looking for some sort of clue. His hands went to his little back pocket, and he pulled out the same little red flip notebook he had at the hospital.

"See something you like?" I asked channeling the fagilicious aura of Jace, as I stood confidently before him. He didn't look up, continuing to write before examining me again. Months ago, this would have bothered me but there was really only one thing I was confident about now and that was my body (thank you Taha Aki).

"Marcus Antonio Uley!" My mother cried, turning back to Jordan and apologizing with her eyes.

"Thanks for dinner, Emily," he said crossing the room and kissing her lightly on her scarred cheek before sliding out the door without so much as a glance back at me. I followed him out, not only because it was time for my shift but also to prove that Jordan didn't intimidate me with his little notebook and annoying impassivity. When we got to the meeting spot, he turned slightly to look back at me and began to strip.

His back was like art, cut and toned in ways most models would jealous of. His shoulders were round and broad, extremely broad and my fingertips danced lazily imagining what they would feel like. They looked satiny, his skin had a sort of sheen that emphasized his V shape.

The pack came in three types: the Embry's, the Jake's and the Quil's, or at least that's how I categorized them. I was a Jake, tall and muscular, Taylor was an Embry, lean and toned. Jordan was a Quil, shorter (by pack standards, meaning just around 6 feet) and broad, Quil liked to call it "compact."

His skin was light, much lighter than mine and even lighter than Taylor's, but it still held this sun-kissed quality. As if he were testing me, he stripped slowly, starting with his Timberlands. I was gone before his belt hit the floor, panting with my back pressed against a rough tree half a mile away.

Jordan: 1

Mark: 0


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 22: It's a Tie Game Professor Giant Cock**

* * *

"Marcus Antonio Uley! Where did you learn to be such an ungracious host?!" My mom screamed as soon as I came ran back through the door skipping patrol. She was washing dishes, big pink rubber elbow gloves on each hand, which she waved at me in frustration.

"Jordan started it!" I called back, it's not the best of defenses but it worked in a jam.

I slid past her and ran towards the stairs. I got about half way up before I was cut off by David who bounded down, taking up more than half of the stairway so that I couldn't pass him and forced to head back.

"Mark!" Momma howled from the foot of the steps.

"What's going on?" David asked cracking his knuckles warningly, ready to defend our mother.

"Ask your brother."

"I was a little rude to Jordan, but he deserved it," I reasoned.

"A little?" She spat sarcastically.

"Yeah, a little, and it was justified. He started it."

"MARK!" My dad's scream filled the house, and I was suddenly surrounded, so I trudged to the kitchen table waiting for the lecture.

"Why aren't you patrolling?" The question was valid and I was slightly relieved for it, because I had no idea how to even begin to explain this situation with Jordan.

"I'll go for you if you do my Spanish homework," David said taking my dad's flank at the back door.

"He will go on his own rounds like everyone else." Again he had a point, except not everyone else was drooling over the naked forms of their fellow pack members.

"What's wrong with you today?" Momma asked with a concerned pout. "Is this about Taylor?"

"What did Taylor do to you?" David asked menacingly.

"Is this why you don't like Jordan, because he's Melody's uncle?" My mom asked, grasping to understand.

"Wait, you have a problem with Jordan?" My dad asked in Alpha-mode.

"What does Jordan have to do with Taylor?" David was obviously confused, excited about new reasons to beat up Taylor in lieu of Ethan.

"Nothing. Taylor's fine, he didn't do anything," I said, making sure to look David in the eye. I didn't want him bursting into the Cameron house again, especially since I knew this time Jared wouldn't be so understanding.

"Then what's this Jordan thing?" My mom asked crossing her arms over her chest.

"What happened with Jordan?" My dad demanded.

"Mark came home after dinner and he was just awful to him, really. I was embarrassed."

"Mark, he's a member of the pack, of your pack, the pack you will inherit and—"

"His pack?!" David howled.

"David, we'll talk about that later," Dad warned.

"No! Fuck no, that's not fair!" David stomped.

"Aw, Pork Chop you—"

"I'm Baby Bear dammnit!" David snapped, he _did not_ just snap at my mom. It made my father growl and the commotion was so hectic it made my head spin.

"SHUT UP!" I screamed in a powerful double baritone that made even my own stomach turn just a bit. The room was too small for all the noise, and unsurprisingly, my command was quickly obeyed. They all sat at the table, looking at me with varying looks of pride, fear and annoyance.

"Mark, I understand that you have a busy life, but you have four shifts a week and you are expected to attend all of them. If you need to call off, it is your responsibility to inform us ahead of time," my dad said calmly as if he were talking to a manager or customer at a company.

"I'm sorry, Dad. It won't happen again, and for future patrol scheduling, I would like to put in a request not to have rounds with Jordan," I said equally calm.

"Okay, Mark, would you care to inform the family what issue it is you seem to be having with Mr. Varn?" My mother asked in mock professionalism.

"I don't have a problem with him per se, I would just rather not patrol with him, if at all possible," I continued with our formal articulation, keeping my inflection to a minimal.

"Why? The guy doesn't talk, how could he piss you off?" David broke the business meeting atmosphere screaming wildly, his hands flailing a bit.

"I'd rather he didn't hear the thought I have about him," I admitted, keeping my head high my chin titled upward.

"Oh," my mother arrived at the conclusion first, dropping her stern look.

"Oh…" Dad got their second, wringing his hands nervously for a while before looking back up at me.

"What?" David demanded looking around the table.

"You can't—you can't ask to be kept away from the pack because you're… attracted to one of them. This is part of wolf lifestyle—the mind sharing I mean, not the… lust," Dad finished lamely.

"Wait… Jordan?" David asked, understanding finally bursting through, it was a look that did paint his face often. I nodded yes and my mom chuckled a little, stopping when I glared at her.

"Jordan," my mom sighed, hiding her mouth with the back of her hand. "Good choice," she whispered.

"JORDAN? Come on man! I could understand Taylor or maybe Solace—shit, even Ethan, but Jordan?" David asked pounding on the table.

"What's wrong with Jordan?" My mother asked the question on the tip of my tongue. "He's sweet, respectful, responsible, smart, attractive… more likely to be gay than Solace or Ethan so the chances of a relationship are higher," she continued and my ears perked.

"No dating within the pack, I'm making a rule," Dad said looking around the table wildly. He obviously didn't like where this conversation was heading.

"You can't make a rule like that after a gay has joined, that's workplace discrimination," David said elbowing me proudly. He wasn't kidding when he said he Googled gay lifestyles, he knew my rights better than I did.

"Okay, it doesn't matter Jordan doesn't like me so if you want patrol to go smoothly kindly inform Embry that Jordan and I should be kept apart," I said standing, signifying the end of the conversation and hoping no one protested.

I helped David with his Spanish homework and did the late night shift with the Camerons in peace. Patrolling with Taylor did have the uncomfortable side effect of having to see firsthand just how indescribably in love he was with his little Melody, and since my mind control was non-existent Ethan, Taylor, Embry, Seth and my Dad got to see just how much Jordan's body affected me though none of them commented.

After patrol I ran home, finished my writing assignment for Jordan's class— our assignment for the night had been to record our first memory of snow, no matter how foggy the memory was. I wasn't sure if I was going to attend class tomorrow or again even but I wanted to keep my options open. When I finished I changed into a pair of basketball shorts and tried to settle down to sleep. The cool autumn air whistled through the open window by David's bed and I kept my eyes shut tight but sleep didn't seem to come.

I slithered out my room, down the stairs (which for some reason were sticky clinging to my feet as I went) and out the back door which was already cracked open. The air smelled crisp, the coolness of the wind tingling on my skin. I didn't know where I was going but I just started walking, through the woods which seemed endless in this dark night. The crescent moon didn't serve as much help, my wolf eyes adjusting to the pitch. I could hear the water beside me running parallel to my uncharted course, crashing against the rocks.

I hadn't been walking long, or at least it didn't feel like I was walking long when I came to the cabin. It was small and wooden, the kinds of cabins you saw in movies and on TV. Outside there was a pile of wood for the fireplace and inside, through the wood framed windows I could see the glowing orange light of a roaring fire. It was as if I had been pulled here, called here by him—I knew it was him, Jordan, I could smell him clearly. I entered without knocking, the thrilling feeling of pumping adrenaline fueling me through his front door and into his living room which was empty. I sniffed to follow his scent but when I turned he was already there, leaning against the door staring at me. His expression was incomprehensible and I started to panic, I had crossed a line, breaking and entering. He stepped closer forcing me back with the power of his glare.

"I'm—" He cut me off with a kiss, taking my bottom lip between his teeth roughly, I could feel it swell under his pressure and it made me hiss. He pushed me against the wall my lip scraping roughly away from his hold. I pulled him towards me, my hands frantically working at his jeans, he slapped them away turning me around roughly so that I was facing the wall, my hands above my head as if I were being held by the police. He used his knee to force my legs apart, the loud unzipping of his jeans making me uncomfortably hard.

He kept one hand holding my clasped hands above my head and the other to pull at the elastic of my shorts until they were down at my ankles. I moaned as he took one painful bite at my shoulder, smoothing it over with his burning hot tongue. He laughed once like a bark, using his free hand to grab my cock and jerk it roughly. I bent forward offering myself to him.

"Mark, will you stop making those noises?" David cried from somewhere near the living room, I turned to find him but the living room was gone and so was Jordan. A dream.

I lay flat on my bed, soaked through by sweat, my shorts uncomfortably tight.

"Sorry, nightmare," I whispered grabbing a towel and heading to the shower for some alone time, which was sorely needed.

After that embarrassingly sexual dream I decided not to go to class anymore, afraid of seeing Jordan, of him possibly discovering he was the source of my first wet dream in five years. During my 8th period French class though, I got a text from Jace that was hard to overlook.

 _ **Party at my house after class. Hot single gay guys all dying to meet you.**_

I wasn't going to get a Taylor in the end, and Jordan was a dream, he wouldn't take me even if I did throw myself at his feet—so a house full of eligible gays seemed ideal. One lonely jerk in the shower was not going to satisfy this left over sexual energy which Jordan seemed to magnify dangerously.

Jordan wasn't at my house when I got home, I inhaled deeply to double check, so I was free to eat dinner with my family before I dashed to class. Jace was already there and I was almost ecstatic to see him, waving for me to take a seat once I entered.

"So, did you talk to Mr. Lover Boy?" Jace asked, leaning into me slightly.

"Yeah…thanks. So what kind of party is this?" I asked flashing the text he sent me earlier in the day, but he still wanted to discuss Taylor .

"Did you guys make out?"

"Nope," I chuckled, as he placed his head on my shoulder. It wasn't in the way girls had done before—this was nothing sexual—he was like a kitten and his physical displays of affection didn't bother me at all.

"Then he's definitely not gay," he said confidently.

"You weren't sure before oh wise one?" I said sarcastically.

"Yes, well my powers do have a ten mile radius," he huffed as Lawrence came down the aisle. Lawrence slapped Jace over the head lovingly and took the seat on my left.

"You're totally his type," Jace hissed slapping my arm playfully, but I saw something in his eyes when he said it—something that flashed hot and powerful. Jealousy. I looked back and forth between them, Lawrence reviewing the night's reading, Jace trying not to look at him.

"Shut up, Jace," Lawrence said not looking up from his copy of _The Giver_.

"You're intrigued, Lawrence and you know it," Jace said snidely. Jace grabbed onto my arm possessively. Lawrence looked down at his hands on me and turned back to his book ignoring him.

The exchange was entirely silent though it played out much like children on a school yard. Jace slammed himself back into his chair with a hiss and I turned to him, raising my eyebrows in a question. He nodded his head infinitesimally as if to answer my silent surprise and crossed his arms like a pouty toddler. I tried not to watch them as the classroom filled with students but it was difficult, there was definitely something there that I hadn't picked up on before.

Jordan waltzed in the room then, a simple white shirt stretched across his chest and a pair of corduroy trousers. He looked younger, buoyant even, but like always he looked straight through me. His eyes passing over me as if I were part of the architecture of the stadium style classroom.

"So, I've asked for a different classroom, this is a little too big for us, but for now I, um, want you to move to the first three rows center," he said loudly, more confidently than last class with a sense of authority.

He brought his seat to the middle of the front row, looking up to face us. From his brown leather bag he pulled out his red attendance notebook and took roll, looking at everyone as he checked them in. When he got to the end—to Uley—he just wrote a quick check and put the book away; switching it for his small blue flip book with the silver spiral across the top edge.

"What's with the cold shoulder?" Jace asked clinging onto my arm as we relocated to the second row.

"Huh?"

"Professor Giant Cock," Jace elaborated though it was unnecessary, I knew he picked up on it but preferred not to discuss Jordan's obvious disgust of me.

"Jace!" I hissed afraid to look up and see if Jordan was listening.

"What? You know he does."

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said trying to sound aloof.

"There's totally some hating going on," he prodded.

"Jace, leave him alone," Lawrence scolded, but I noticed that he chose Jace's side to sit when we relocated to the second row, resting his arm out as if he were waiting for Jace to take it. He didn't, but he did lean into him when he said, "He's my new BFF so I have the right to ask."

"BFF?" Lawrence said looking up. He had honey brown eyes, almost golden which contrast beautifully with his mocha skin and as he spoke I noticed his teeth were starkly white next to his big soft looking lips.

"Yeah, you jealous?" Jace asked. Lawrence ignored the question but looked put out all the same.

Sophie, the redhead from the last class came in late, running down the aisle and taking the empty seat next to me. It must have started raining since I had arrived, the crisp smell of freshly fallen rain clung to her ass-length curly copper locks. She was wearing equally revealing clothes so that when she leaned forward to remove her rain jacket I had a clear view down her shirt. I turned away quickly and she leaned across me, passing Jace a small paper bag that smelled strongly though I couldn't identify it.

"Miss Sophie," Jordan nodded acknowledging her arrival. She smiled at him seductively but he ignored it completely. She sighed raising her shoulders briefly as if to say, well it was worth a try.

Jace leaned across me, his hand rested on my thigh which made Lawrence's heart speed loudly. "Told you he was gay," Jace whispered softly, Sophie nodded in agreement and defeat.

I wanted nothing more than to relay every bit of information that I had obtained about Jordan and Matty's relationship with Jace, to put our heads together and see if there was even a microscopic possibility of us doing all the things I had unwillingly dreamed about. I wouldn't though, I wanted to but I couldn't, my honor and loyalty to him as a member of the pack didn't permit it.

She brought out her assignment as Jordan looked at me for the first time. He didn't look in my eyes, he focused on my lips which made me instantly a few degrees hotter, imagining our lips battling for dominance. It wouldn't be much of a fight, I didn't want to win, I just wanted to participate.

Jordan flipped open his notebook and began to read, warming up the class with his earliest memory of snow. It was intended to make us more comfortable sharing our work with our partners, but after hearing his short piece—less than 200 words if I had to guess—I was suddenly more self-conscious. I partnered with Sophie, and she read to me a tale of moving from Texas to Washington as a teen and feeling the first wet sloshes of snow soak through her hair and onto her scalp.

Her work was extremely descriptive but sounded more like a step-by-step manual than a story. I mumbled mine as quickly as possible, aware of Jordan standing half a row down; his face blank and beautiful. My piece was about a day with Ethan, David and Jared, somewhere covered with a thin layer of white mush. It was vague, but sentimental, I had been no more than five when it happened.

Jordan stood silently, I knew he was listening; his jaw was clenched slightly. His face had a devastating symmetry to it that stunned me in its perfection, it was hard to look away. His eyes were dark and brooding, his cheeks and jaw cut and defined. In ways he was the opposite of Taylor whose features were large and childlike, angelic even—Jordan had a frightening intensity to him, although they were both equally worshipable.

"What was that last line again?" Jordan asked, not looking at me, but I could tell by his posture the question was directed at me.

"I don't know where my father was but Jared was a fine replacement, throwing the three of us on his back so that we were closer to the wet clumps of snow that fell through the trees?" I asked. He tilted his head, repeated the sentence softly then jotted something down before moving on.

I turned red, everyone turning to look at me as I read. He hadn't responded or questioned anyone as he walked through the aisles. I was done with being amazed by his beauty, he had gone too far. He pointed me out to everyone, then watched and made notes of me as if I were an animal in a zoo or a science fair experiment.

When class was over I asked Jace to wait by the car, and he wished me good luck. I dashed to the front of the room, some students still lingering in the aisles, desperate to get to him before he could escape.

"Jordan?"

"Professor Varn," he said quickly not turning to face me. The last dawdling student exited, leaving us alone in this huge room. I tried not to let my heart give me away but it still sped.

"Professor Varn," I said, stiffly. He turned back around to face me, a slight blush painted his cheeks.

For some reason that small sign of humanity made me angry and the little bit of calm I had dissolved.

"I get it, okay?! You don't like me being in your class, you don't like me, point taken! You don't have to act like an ass, it's called professionalism, learn it," I screamed, turning to exit.

"Why do you think I don't like you, Mark?" He asked poker faced.

"Why, as in what don't you like about me? I don't know, you tell me?" I asked crossing my arms over my chest.

"Answering a question with a question, interesting… what gives you the impression that I have something against you?" He asked examining my face, I didn't move.

"The notes! Ignoring me—pretending I'm not even here! Calling me out to embarrass me! If you have such a problem with me then be a man and tell me you don't want me here and I won't come back!"

"You think everything is about you, don't you?" He didn't give me enough time to answer he just went on. "Why wasn't your father there, in the snow," he asked, walking back towards me. I took a step back immediately, my heart thumping loudly in my chest as I remembered my dream.

"I-I don't know. He was probably busy. It doesn't really matter," I said backing up farther, till I was met with the wall.

"If it didn't matter, why mention it?" He asked moving even closer.

"You wanted it to be accurate, I wrote what I remembered." He was now so close I was almost pinned against the wall, his smell was just as vivid as it had been in my dream. I had to stop myself from inhaling loudly, although my body screamed for it.

"How old were you?"

"Five or so," I said checking my surroundings. In my dream this was what I wanted, this trapped feeling, Jordan surrounding me. Unlike the dream though I wasn't only turned on, Jordan cornering me like this was triggering an animal instinct and I could feel myself adopt a crouch like pose, my throat preparing a massive growl.

"Why do you always do that?" He asked taking the desired step back.

"Why do you ask so many questions?" I shot back, straightening out my shirt and standing straight again.

"You're intriguing," he said, looking me directly in the eye for the first time. It made my stomach knot, the way the edge of his lip curved upwards ever so slightly.

"Like an animal in a zoo?" I asked sarcastically.

"Is that how you see yourself," he asked calmly and I forgot why I had been so attracted to him. He singularly the most annoying person I had ever encountered.

"No wonder you're alone," I breathed heading for the exit.

"It's better than falling for someone who would never want you, then jumping on the first gay guy you meet thereafter," he hissed. I had pushed a button, he was angry and I was glad for it, though his words stung painfully.

I had ruffled his feathers, the apples of his cheeks were red and his hands were shaking slightly. If I kept my cool, I would win this round, this round in the battle of what, for what I wasn't sure, but I don't like to lose.

"I'd rather live life than record other's in a notebook," I said calmly, exiting the room with my head held high. My heart though was pounding, pumping so hard it felt like it would burst through my chest.

Jordan 1, Mark 1.

By the time I reached Jace, my heart had settled a bit but my cheeks were still red, and I ignored his questions motioning for him to get in the car.

I remembered the way to his place and when we arrived the party was already in full swing, loud music on the top floor and in the basement competing for attention.

"Jace!" The loud collective scream of the partygoers announced our arrival and I was passed around, introduced to more people than I could ever possibly imagine: hot guys, happy girls, and interesting people who stood somewhere in between.

Alcohol and pot, something I had never tried before was passed around freely, being consumed by me as quickly as possible, unsure of how they would or could affect someone of my size.

"Slow down there big boy," Emma, the ballerina like hippie I met last time, warned as I chugged what Jace called "a forty"—which was just a huge bottle of piss like beer. I felt a little dizzy as I placed the bottle down on window sill. She smiled at me warmly, wrapping her arms around mine and leading me out to the porch.

"Thanks," I whispered,

"No problem. Gosh you are warm… I'm always so cold. Do you mind if I cuddle you? Not hitting on you or anything," She said leaning her head into my arm. She was very thin, almost frail and I pulled her in, the night air was cold and her body didn't look like it could take it.

"You could wear more clothes ya know?" I joked, letting my arm rest casually around her shoulders.

"Yeah, but then I would look fat," she giggled. "I'm happy you came."

"Me too," I admitted, all thoughts of Jordan gone, lost behind this curtain of blissful intoxication.

"Jace is the best huh? You're lucky to have met him," she said proudly, like a mother talking about her son.

"Yeah. He's something else. How did you meet him?" I asked, I had learned throughout the night that Jace never meets anyone through the normal channels, and everyone had a story.

"He was in juvie with my brother George," she said looking up at me, her head rested in my armpit.

"Juvie? As in juvenile correction center?" I asked as she lit up a small pink joint, puffed and passed it up to me.

"Yeah. We were in foster care, George got in trouble and the state wouldn't take him back, so they put him in juvie," I didn't ask what he or Jace had done to get in there though I wanted to.

"Do you remember your family?" I don't know why I asked it. I didn't really know her, but the question seemed pressing.

"Yeah, my mom. We were taken from her when I was nine… she didn't try to get us back," Emma said taking the joint from my hand. Her fingers were cold and pale, it made me think of vampires and then of course Jordan.

"I'm sorry I did—"

"No it's cool. Jace saved us though, ya know?" She said her voice changing, it sounded softer, almost like it floated out of her mouth. I'd never been high before, this feeling was hard to explain.

"How did he save _you_?" I asked emphasizing the you, because in ways he saved me too, from myself and my stupid pride.

"Without him we wouldn't be here, in school, together as a family. Lawrence, too. The four of us, this is the best family I've ever had," she said yawning.

"What's-what's up with Lawrence and Jace?" I asked since we had become such good friends in the span of minutes.

"Love, I think. I don't know…Lawrence is…odd. I think it's love though," she said sadly. "I hope so, at least." I liked the way she said it, so honestly, it was evident that she didn't care they were both men, she just wanted them to be happy like a real family should.

"Emma darling, you're hogging our newest pledge," her brother George called grabbing my hand and pulling me inside. My hand automatically reached for her and she giggled as Lawrence came outside and picked her up, taking her in with us.

"Ever played 7 Minutes in Heaven?" George asked when we were inside.

"No," I answered looking around the room, tons of people were watching me, including Jace who stood oddly straight-faced at the foot of the stairs, his body turned as if he were about to bolt.

"Do you want to?" Everyone was watching me, so I couldn't back down. I nodded yes and I was pulled by strong hands from behind and into a closet.

It was a coat closet, and the light was off but I could see him. Lawrence, leaned against the other side of the closet waiting for me.

"Um, so how do you play?" I asked stupidly and he pulled me towards him kissing me roughly. He was warm, not as warm as me but warm all the same. His lips were big and soft like Taylor's and his big hands pushed me against the opposite corner. I gave in to the kiss, imagining a mirage of men: Taylor, Jordan, Lawrence, and to my surprise, even Jace touching and kissing me the way Lawrence was now.

He rubbed my pecks through my shirt and slid his hand down, grabbing me through my jeans. I gasped into his mouth and sighed. Then I realized why I was seeing Jace. Guilt washed over me and I pushed him off, reaching for the door.

"Your seven minutes aren't up yet!" Someone screamed as I dashed out the house, I didn't look back.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 23: He Likes Me?**

* * *

 _Jace Carlisle Comes to La Push_.

If there was a newspaper called the _Gay La Push Daily_ or something to that effect, this would be the headline, though admittedly there would be very few people interested in reading such a newspaper.

The series of events that led to his visit stemmed in part with where I woke up the morning after the "7 Minutes in Heaven Debacle of 2024" (which would incidentally be the headline of the second most pressing article of the _Gay La Push Daily_ for September 10th 2024).

As one would imagine with a belly way too full of drink and head spinning from the smoke, I didn't make it all the way home on foot. I didn't really want to either. My father tended to be harsher with punishment on me than David. I suspect it was not only because of his preference for my brother but because he believed me to be smart enough to know better while David, bless his huge heart, could be quite obtuse. So instead of home I came to the next best place, the Camerons'.

I stumbled into Kim's house around 2am, where I found Ethan moping in the living room. He set up the sofa for me without any questions, and I passed out soon thereafter. So I wasn't surprised when I woke up with Amber laid across my chest playing 'Barbie Does the Runway on Mark's Pecks'.

"Morning, Amber," I groaned, my mouth was dry and scratchy; a side effect of smoking no doubt.

"Morning," she squealed, making her topless Barbie dance merrily on my chest.

"Princess Pretty-face, you need to get dressed now," Jared called from the kitchen where I smelled bananas and pancake batter— all-around deliciousness, a great way to start the day.

"If Mark isn't going to school can I stay with him?" Amber asked sitting up so that her bottom was firmly rested on my abs. Amber was not dressed, though the position of the sun in the window told me she should be, she was still clad in a one piece pajama with a big picture of a strawberry on it.

"No!" Kim cried, rushing into the living room with Annabelle on her hip. The girl was dressed in a colorful little romper adorned with a frilly lace bottom. She was calm and subdued in the early morning hours, ready to go to Leticia's where she stayed a few days a week while her parents worked.

Leticia showered Annabelle and Randy with presents, which for Annabelle meant a wide variety of adorable clothing matching shoes. Leticia, perhaps the most painfully beautiful woman I had ever encountered, inside and out, spoiled the littlest members of the wolf pack as a substitute for her own empty nest. This arrangement was something that worked out very well for Jared and Collin's families, which were all still working full-time while Leticia only occasionally joined her husband Embry in his autoshop.

"Mommy, please!" Amber howled, but with one stern look from Kim she dashed away.

"Get breakfast, you're going to school. I don't care if you are smarter than most of your teachers, you still need that diploma. I'll drop you guys off after I take Annabelle to Leticia's," Kim called to me. She wasn't asking and I wasn't arguing. I learned their family's schedule well over the summer, they were a well oiled machine, pumped forward by Kim and greased by Jared.

I dragged myself to the kitchen, fueled by a desire to eat whatever lie waiting for me inside. Jared, wearing a very manly apron turned to me with a smile as I entered.

"Rough night, Son?" He asked, gesturing to an empty chair with a plate that he slid a huge stack of banana-nut pancakes on.

"Yeah. Sorry," I said embarrassed, I don't know where my shirt went during the night, and I knew I smelled terrible, it wafted up towards me as I sat.

"You're always welcome here, you know that," Jared said, patting my back as Taylor came in.

"I thought I smelled you," Taylor said brightly, taking a seat next to me and smiling. His smile still made my heart sputter, stopping and then speeding up to make up for lost beats. I coughed loudly, hoping he didn't notice, pouring myself coffee as he blushed next to me.

I wished it was as easy as saying I'm over him but I'm not—not completely. Yeah, I dreamt and thought about Jordan, and I could kiss a thousand different guys in a closet, but Taylor was my first love. He still made my stomach turn, my heart swell, my head feel light. I had come to terms with the loss, yes, but he was still equally gorgeous, more even as he got bigger and the roundness of his face disappeared.

"Do I smell that bad?" I joked and Kim who had just taken a seat to my right turned to me with a smirk.

"I don't have to be a wolf to smell the pot," she said half-amused, half-disapproving.

"Where did you smoke pot?" Taylor asked, looking at me his head tilted to the side.

"My friend Jace's house," I answered through a mouth of delicious pancakes.

"Who's that?" He asked sounding a bit nervous. I washed down my food with a huge chug of ice cold milk before I answered.

"I met him in Jordan's class. He's gay."

I don't know why I added that miscellaneous information at the end, I guess it was a way to prove to him that I was moving on. I know he wanted me to move on, it would make our transition back to best friends much smoother, but the way his face changed when I said it made me wish I hadn't. He had no right to look the way he did now, jealous, but he did. The look went away quickly, but it lingered in my mind. When… or more likely IF I ever got a boyfriend, how would that affect him and our struggling friendship?

"Speaking of your future boyfriend Jordan, he—" Kim started this sentence casually but the words, (something that I simultaneous dreamt of and was disgusted by), caused me to choke on a walnut bit hidden in my heavenly pancakes. Taylor slapped my back hard, dislodging the death walnut in question.

"Wh-what?" I stuttered unattractively, spitting the bit of walnut back on the plate.

"Tonight, I'm having a dinner party. Everyone will be here: Solace and Leah, my brother, his husband, your new boyfriend, your ex-boyfriend," Kim said pointing to Taylor, it was Jared's turn to choke this time.

"Sounds like a night we won't soon forget huh?"

"Wait, I thought you were dating a guy named Jace, which isn't even a name by the way," Taylor said passive aggressively. I rolled my eyes at him and then Kim, who looked as if she were ready to burst into a speech about Jordan or possibly Jace.

"I'm not dating anyone. Not Jace and definitely not Jordan," I said a bit more sadly then I should have. Jordan was infuriating, entirely maddening, but I wanted him. Taylor and Kim both picked up on my disappointment, though their reacting expressions were exactly opposite. While Taylor look rather put out, Kim looked as if Christmas had come early.

Jared came back with a clean shirt for me to wear, and after a quick face and mouth rinsing, Kim stuffed us into her Suburban driving wildly until we were pushed to the front doors of our school.

After a morning of pancakes and chatting with the Camerons, most things from the night before seemed different, less terrifying or guilt riddling. So much so that by the time my last period was over, I was sure that I had overreacted. Jace liked Lawrence but we were friends, new BFFs even. He would understand.

"Are you going to pick up your vehicle sometime soon or are you going to be donating to the Save-a-Fag Foundation?" Normally an opening line like that from Jace wouldn't have stirred concern but the stiff and curt way he said it made me break into apologies before he was even finished with the last syllable of 'foundation'.

"Jace, I'm sorry. I was so out of my mind, I had no clue what was going to happen, and I would never do anything to hurt you, you know that, right? I'm never smoking or drinking again!"

"No idea what you're talking about," Jace said softly.

"I know you like Lawrence… I feel so bad and—"

"Lawrence and I are nothing, as you have proven. He jumps on any hot guy in pouncing distance when he's drunk," Jace said swiftly. He was still too short for my liking.

"Jace, but still you have to know I'm not that kind of guy."

"I know, Buttercup," he said a bit more brightly.

"I guess I'll come over there tonight, I have to have my father drive me up or something," I said, remembering the dinner party.

"Well, I just happened to be heading in the direction of La Push to demand an apology from someone… but since that has been cleared up it seems I'm free. I could pick you up," he said quickly.

"Really? That would be great!"

"Yes, I require a payment of eye-candy though, meaning I demand to see a few hot guys on the rez before we can be even," he said back to his old happy self.

"You'd really want to come down here," I asked as I walked back home alone. David would be stalking Trisha today against his better judgment, we had argued his plan during lunch but it seems the pull to her was just too strong. The streets between my school and the small home I grew up in were progressively rough and barren, and I couldn't imagine Jace in all his glory stepping foot anywhere near this place.

"Hey Mark, dinner's at 6, sharp," Kim called from the window of the community center as I passed. She worked there as the straight talking social worker, a favorite with teens.

"Sure thing!" I screamed back.

"Did I hear dinner party?" Jace asked excitedly. And what could be better than the Bedazzled Homo and Professor Giant Cock bonding over dinner rolls?

"Wanna come?" I asked hopefully.

"Well, I'll have to pretty up first," he sighed, but followed with, "hell fucking yes!"

"Hey Kim. I've got a date," I called up, she hissed but didn't oppose, and that's how Jace Carlisle made his way to La Push.

"I've got a dinner thing tonight, won't be home till after patrol!" I called to my mom as I rushed back down the stairs, showered and primped. I took a long time getting ready, settling on a fitted long-sleeved black v-neck t-shirt and a pair of tight and distressed jeans.

"With Jordan?" My mom asked brightly stopping me at the door.

"Yeah, Jordan will be there," I said dismissively.

"Okay, well then you might need a little bit of product in your hair," she said cheerfully returning with a can of mousse. She tousled my hair expertly and pushed me out the door where I found Jace waiting for me, leaning against his tiny blue car with a smirk.

"So, where's the eye-candy I require as payment," he said as I met him, he kissed me softly on the cheek.

"What? I'm not enough for you?" I said in mock hurt. He checked me over and almost as soon as he turned to get in the car David strolled up the driveway.

"Whoa, whoa! Double vision! You have a twin?" Jace screamed looking between us with wide eyes. I had somehow forgotten to mention the boy I'd shared a uterus with. David smirked, cocking his head to the side arrogantly as Jace checked him out.

"I'm the hotter one, right?" David asked, stopping directly in front of Jace, I was surprised he could keep his big head stable on his shoulders.

"Well, I don't know, let me see the backside," Jace said seriously. David looked at him dumbfounded for a long moment, his eyes glazing with that all too familiar confusion before he finally giggled.

"Oh right, gay guys like butts." I slapped my head in embarrassment but Jace was obviously smitten.

"Just how I like 'em," Jace called as we got into car. For someone who should be worried about his safety Jace drove ridiculously recklessly.

"He looks just like me, so please don't elaborate," I said with a grimace.

"No, you're hot too, but I'm a sucker for the big dumb jock," Jace smiled. "The less going on upstairs the better."

"That's my brother you know?" I asked trying to fake insult but it was difficult with Jace so cheerily accepting me.

"Yeah, and he's perfect… too bad he's not the gay one, eh?" he said elbowing me.

We swerved onto the road leading to Jace's house not long after. The house seemed almost entirely empty when we arrived, only Charlie and Sebastian were there, sitting on the front porch huddled close together.

"Hey there, Destraightenator!" Sebastian said through a thick accent.

"What?" Jace and I asked in unison.

"Lawrence has decided to come out of the closet," Charlie filled us in.

"WHAT!" Our collective outburst caused both of them to hop back in surprise, perfecting timing considering Lawrence's arrival. He was followed by Emma, dressed in the cutest pink and purple dress, jingling keys in her right hand.

"Mark!" She cried, hugging me tight. Her arms weren't long enough to get all the way around my broad chest so she sort of grasped as much as she could before letting go.

"Hey," Lawrence breathed shyly.

"Hey," I said back automatically as they left.

"Awkward!" Sebastian hissed when they were out of sight, and very uncharacteristically Jace didn't respond. He smiled coldly at Sebastian and smacked Charlie's arm as he walked right past them. I waited for him on the porch chatting about pop stars and other things I didn't know much about.

When Jace reemerged he looked even more extraordinarily flamboyant than the first day I met him and that was saying something. I could just imagine Jordan's reaction when I brought him to Kim's. I don't know why that excited me so much but it did. Jace was in a pair of tight blue jeans and an even tighter pale yellow t-shirt that was only shades darker than his hair. The shirt had a picture of one of those 80's hair salon ladies with the neon eyeshadow and Flock of Seagulls haircuts.

Sebastian and Charlie hugged me and Jace goodbye and this time around I drove my truck (which David had named Lucy) back to La Push, having to employ some of Solace's driving techniques to keep up with Jace. We parked down the road, closer to Sue's house than Kim's but it was the only place we could find and as soon as I hopped out of my truck Jace sprang forward taking my hand in his.

"Hi," Taylor said a bit stiffly as I introduced him to Jace. Jace appraised him openly, looking him head-to-toe and shrugging as if what he saw wasn't all that impressive. He obviously had terrible taste in men, because any one who couldn't appreciate the beauty of Taylor was a fool. Solace on the other hand made him speechless.

"Uh-yo-oh," Jace stammered when Solace, followed closely by Leah arrived in Kim's backyard where we were all waiting for Matty, the man of the hour. Truth be told I was waiting for Jordan, some childish part of me wanted to showcase Jace around him, though I wasn't sure what kind of effect that would cause.

"Hey Mark, hello Mark's friend," Solace said smoothly when he took a seat across from me.

"Hello, big sexy man," Jace said finally after the initial shock of Solace's presence was registered.

"I'm Solace," he offered his hand for a shake.

"I'm Jace, not Mark's boyfriend," Jace cooed putting his hand out daintily. Solace looked at it for a second like he didn't know what to do with it, then with a smile he took it, a la black and white film, and kissed it.

"Matty! Oh, Matty!" Kim cried running to the back door. Matty emerged from the back door, flanked by a tall man I recognized as his husband Nicolli and—to my body's intense pleasure, Jordan.

"Professor Giant Cock," Jace gasped and Solace standing next to him burst into a deep velvety laugh. He threw his arm around Jace's shoulder using him for support, as he held his stomach through rounds of rolling laughter. Jordan didn't look impressed. He eyed us for a split second and his expression grew surlier, following Nicolli in Kim's line of hugs.

"Oh man, this kids a keeper. Professor Giant Cock," Solace sighed, wiping his eyes clean from tears of laughter.

"Leah, come meet Jace," Solace called pulling Jace away and leaving me with Taylor in silence.

"Your new best friend interesting," Taylor sighed turning to walk away. I grabbed him, pulling him in for a hug.

"The BFF position is already filled," I chuckle as he wraps his arms around my torso.

"Good. Just don't forget that," Taylor said softly as we parted. Jordan stood across the way writing something in his notebook as he watched us. I wanted nothing more than to give him the finger but as it wasn't likely to go unnoticed, I refrained.

I was so tired of him judging me with that stupid little book. I wanted him to talk to me, to ask me what I felt or thought (if that's what he was noting) instead of just speculating, it was exasperating. I threw my hands in the air with a huff when Jordan put the spiral away and slinked into the house again. Matty watched the interaction with Kim-like sage eyes, and turned away with knowing a smirk.

"Why didn't you tell me PGC was your uncle?" Jace whispered.

"Not my uncle," I said a bit too loudly. Matty and Kim turned to look at me, then to each other with matching knowing smirks. It seemed everyone knew something I didn't.

"He's a family friend," I added lamely.

"Then why does he hate you so much?" Jace hissed.

"Jordan's like that with everyone," Solace answered, letting go of Jace and Leah as Matty approached. Solace pulled Matty into a hug and when he let him go, smacked Nicolli hard on the back, I'd never seen Solace so happy in my life. It was hard to believe that Leah, who stood sulkily nearby could be the cause of such exuberance but I was grateful for it all the same.

"Hi, I'm Matt," Matty—Matt said as Solace released him, putting his hand out to shake. I took it, nodded politely as I was introduced to his husband, engaging in small talk, all the while casting sidelong glances at Jordan who stood with a beer on the opposite side of the backyard. He looked happier than usual, though that didn't mean much for him, he still wasn't smiling.

Kim and Jared had set up two long tables in the middle of the back yard, and after a few rounds of bringing food out of the kitchen, they were covered so fully it looked like the last supper. When we were all settled I sat between Taylor and Jace, across from Jordan who sat between Matty and Solace. The spread was pretty impressive and I tried not to be too much of a slob as I dug in, Jace eating lady-like next to me.

"So Mark, how are you liking Jordan's class?" Matty asked as I tore into a hamburger. I chewed trying to think of an appropriate answer, Jace was kind enough to find it for me.

"He loves it. He's always so passionate about it after class," Jace smirked, slapping my knee. I smiled and nodded in agreement.

"Passionate, interesting adjective," Jordan whispered more to himself than anyone else though I heard him.

"I'm sure Jordan here just loves having you in his class too," Matty said watching for Jordan's expression. Jordan nodded uncommitted either way and continued eating.

"Are you going to be staying in La Push long?" Taylor asked quickly.

"Yeah, well I'm not really in La Push, but, I guess," he grunted. The added, 'I guess,' made me surprisingly nervous.

"Jordan's working on his second book," Nicolli informed the table speaking for the first time tonight. His accent was thick.

"What's this one about?" Jared asked shooting a little glare at Amber was playing with her curly fries.

"Um, love," Jordan said vaguely.

"Love?" Leah asked after a long bout of silence.

"Yeah," Jordan said a little defensively and Leah dropped it. Jordan looked at me a lot after that. Long unabashed glances, as if he were searching for something on my face. Jace and Taylor noticed, looking between Jordan and I, and once even smiling widely at each other.

"Mark loved your first book," Taylor said testing the waters. Jordan looked up at me again and smiled a bit, it made my stomach clench, and I grabbed at it subconsciously.

"What did you like about it?" Jordan asked quickly. I blushed, it was deep, I could feel it rising to my ears and although I wasn't hungry I grabbed another hotdog, the closest food to me.

"It—it was good." Great job Mark, possibly the most intelligent literary review of the century. The conversation around me roared to life again, a mirage of different topics from books they had enjoyed to movies they had just seen, but everyone was still looking between us.

Solace who was finished eating and was dividing his time between kissing Leah and talking to the group finally decided to show his uncanny ability to speak uncomfortable truths and ask inappropriate questions when he said, "So what's going on between you two exactly?"

"Nothing," Jordan answered all too quickly and the conversations around us continued again, though less enthusiastically. I was so tired of all the secret looks around me that I was relieved when dessert rolled around. Dessert was served in the house, Ethan showing up just as Kim started to pass around little bowls for everyone to serve themselves.

"Stalking Trisha?" Taylor asked, pulling Ethan to his side. Ethan elbowed him but didn't answer helping himself to one of the many cakes on the table.

When I was growing up Ethan's birthday was always special not just because it was his birthday but because Ethan didn't have normal birthday cakes, he had 3-5 tiered cupcake cakes. Not normal cupcake either, Jared's famous buttercream frosting cupcakes with sprinkles, possibly the best dessert on the face of the planet. Tonight the kitchen counter was covered with delicious treats but that's what I went to first, feeling still unpleasantly full but not being able to resist. I almost ran to them and in the process of lunging at one (a pink one with multicolored sprinkles and silver foil), my hand collided with Jordan's. I knew it was his hand because I could smell him, cold like the frosty bite of winter with a touch of spice like ginger.

If I could stop time—which I always thought was the best supernatural ability for its endless money making possibilities alone—I would have then, so that I could turn around and inhale it. I didn't just want to sniff, I longed (and longed was not a word I used lightly) to curl into his arms and completely nuzzle his neck absorbing, as much of him as possible. A complete masochist. I jumped from a heterosexual who was my best friend to a heterosexual who couldn't even stand me.

At that second, my hand poised on cupcakes that I have dreamt of, his smell was more appealing to me. He pulled his hand away too quickly but to my great relief and surprise he didn't move far. I turned with the cupcake in my hand, the soft frosting dripping onto my finger as I was distracted by his eyes which were less black up close.

He watched me, no one around us taking notice as I leaned against the counter, pink sprinkled cupcake clutched in my hand like gold. I passed the precious pastry from my right to my left hand slowly savoring the rogue frosting on my ring finger, licking it clean in one slow movement.

I wasn't being fresh. I wasn't trying to make him look or even think anything naughty, though I wouldn't mind if he were, so I was more than a little confused as his eyes followed my movements focusing on my tongue for a long time before he looked back into my eyes.

"What?" I asked quietly, trying hard to keep from sounding arrogant, something he had pointed out in our last conversation. He leaned forward pressing me momentarily against the counter as he reached behind me, took a light green cupcake and walked away. My heart didn't go back to a normal pace for the rest of dessert.

When it was finally over, when Solace and Leah broke off and drove away, I felt safe heading out, Matty stopped me at the door. I looked down at him, I was worried exactly what he would need to say to me. He pulled my chin down so that I would look at him and he reminded me so much of Kim when he smiled that I relaxed.

"Jordan's a great guy, but he won't change," he said simply.

"What?" I asked dumbly.

"He likes you, but he's not going to change."

"I don't want him to," the words exploded from my mouth like broken faucet. It was the first time I admitted that I wanted to be with him to anyone but my family, so it took me a while to realize what he said.

"Wait? What'd you say?" I asked eyes wide, my heart pounding hard in my chest. _He likes you._

"Bye Mark," he breathed as Jordan came to his side and followed him out

"Wow, good thing Professor Giant Cock isn't your uncle cuz the giant hard on you have for him would to totally be inappropriate if he were," Jace came from behind while I watched them drive away. I looked down at my crouch in horror, but it was a metaphor and in my dazed Jordan haze I had been too daft to pick that up.

"Whatever, Jace." I tried to say it dismissively. Jace hugged me, gave me two huge kisses on each cheek and walked around to the driver's side of his car.

"See ya next week," I called walking back towards my truck.

"Spend some time with that cute friend of yours," Jace said warmly. I knew he was talking about Taylor and not Solace by the way he said it and I smiled.

"Will do," I called back. It was an easy enough request to follow because at that very moment I was heading to patrol, where Taylor would no doubt be recounted with countless images of Jordan that had been burnt into my mind during the night.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 24: Bonus- The Many Subspecies of Gays**

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Jace: The Many Subspecies of Gays

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"They got chickens, real live fucking chickens…with feathers!" Emma's bemused warning welcomed me as I sashayed into the house.

Rule number one to being Jace Carlisle: _Always, always make an entrance._ Even if you are returning to your home to find a bunch of drunken idiots with potential infectious poultry.

I shared this house with more people than I could count, actually that's just a figure of speech I know everyone who lives here and why, but it's one of the best ways to convey the fact that my house was fucking full. Nine at the moment, including the five drunk homos in my kitchen who held three different sized chickens in their hands as if they had just gotten ribbons at the county fair.

Current paying boarders at _La Casa de Carlisle_ : Me, of course, the disproportionately attractive queer with a heart of gold.

Emma, the only girl and campus drug dealer—the best source of high quality edibles outside of Seattle.

Emma's brother, George, the infinitely confused bi-sexual who harbors a crush on me so large it's difficult to ignore and I wouldn't, if my heart didn't already belong to a big chocolate idiot.

Emma's boyfriend, Tripp, our highest paid and highest paying resident. Tripp works for the state as a "Parking Enforcement Officer" which was just a fancy way of saying a meter maid. He is one of only two heterosexual men lucky enough to live within our pack of gays. I don't discriminate.

Rule number two to being Jace Carlisle: _never judge a guy by who he wants to put his dick in._

The second straighty in our bunch would also be our only resident who considers themselves religious: Vladimir Rabinovich, our resident Russian and Jew, whose name was too cool not to say in its entirety. Vladimir Rabinovich, frugal by birth, searched the city three times over for affordable housing for an international student. He stayed in several cheap motels before being blessed with an invite to Tau Kappa Fag.

If you can ever find yourself a gay roommate, consider yourself lucky, because while they won't usually live in anything less than fabulous, they make for great housemates. Homosexuals are by and large a very tidy and considerate group of people, who will rarely judge you for whatever stupid or weird shit you do.

Rounding out the lineup of hot homo studs of Tau Kappa Fag, was my ex-boyfriend cum confidant, Charlie Asher, a member of the Gay Jock subspecies that is a rarity you must see to believe, as well as a redhead whose carpet definitely matched the drapes.

Charlie's new boyfriend, Sebastian, our second taste of international flavor, hailed straight from Sao Paolo, Brazil and was a queen that should not be messed with.

We also housed Mr. Mason Cleary, a different kind of rarity in the gay subspecies known as the Hot Gay Nerd. The "Hot Gay Nerd" is often so shy their hotness can be overlooked. If you did happen to find a Hot Gay Nerd, weasel out the fact that they were gay and get them to talk to you for any extended period of time about anything besides games like World of Warcraft or Anime, you would have a treasure. For any man who can capture the heart of a Hot Gay Nerd and has the patience to handle his ridiculous obsessions and terrible sense of fashion is rewarded with the most fiercely loyal lover the world has ever seen.

And finally there was the newest proclaimed member of the gay club Lawrence, _my_ Lawrence. I met Lawrence the year I turned sixteen at my fifth and final foster home where we lived with a beautiful and rather rubenesque Granny from Barbados. Miss Powell loved all of her foster wards with equal fervency, there was never one moment in her home where her "baby boys" felt like a paycheck.

There are many types of foster homes but the most common was the kind that took in kids like it was a paying job. Miss Powell worked though, for a middle school as a lunch lady and there was never a lack of good hearty food or anything else growing boys would need. However, Miss Powell sent us back in the system when she caught me blowing Lawrence in the laundry room, because, while Miss Powell was lovely and warm and caring, she was not down with the limp-wristed mob.

Lawrence and I only were separated once since, during my brief but memorable stint in Clallam County Juvenile Detention Center. It would be nice to say we have been dating all that time, but aside from a few gropes and stolen kisses here and there, Lawrence and I have remained almost entirely platonic in the six years since.

He wasn't officially gay until yesterday, when a good kiss from a King-sized Native American brought him to his senses. Apparently I just didn't do it for him, but I wasn't going to allow myself to be bitter about it, because that's just not my style.

Rule number three to being Jace Carlisle: _never dwell on things you can't have._ It's a waste of energy and will make you prematurely wrinkle.

"Jace!" The excited screams from my roomies brought a painfully large smile to my face as I headed to the fridge in search of a cold beer before I addressed the issue of wild game in my kitchen. It took almost a full minute for me to stop looking, and for the anger of my missing beer to register.

"What the—"

"George drank 'em," Mason answered quickly, passing his tiny chicken to Lawrence and exiting to the right. The Hot Gay Nerd has an innate ability to sense and avoid all danger.

"Fucking shit! I just bought those!" I squealed, a bit nasally, kicking the island that lies in the middle of our kitchen. On the other side of the island stood Vlad, Sebastian, Charlie and Lawrence all cowering from my growing bitch-fit.

"Not me," Vlad said solemnly, holding the largest of the three chickens which was white and rather pretty as far as chickens went.

"Ay, Jace, it's just beer, I have some Corona in the bottom drawer," Sebastian waved dismissively. Charlie turned to him, his big green eyes bugged out as if to say 'don't aggravate the queen!'

"And the chickens? Why the fuck are there chickens in my kitchen," I asked and when Sebastian looked as if he were going to say something smart-assed I added, "Chickens that aren't fried or kung pao-ed?"

"Chill, Jace," Lawrence's velvety voice piped in for the first time and I didn't look at him. I couldn't look at him and I didn't want to. I was done, fucking done with following that big idiot around. He didn't want me and I wasn't going to waste my youth and beauty on an idiot who couldn't see the perfect that was moi.

"Here, a joint as an even trade for the beer?" Emma offered and when I glared she pulled out another, dropping two of her famous double wide pink joints rolled in papers that smelled of strawberries when you burned them, though didn't improve the taste. I stomped off, not getting a straight answer about the chickens but too flustered with Lawrence to care. He followed, I could hear his footsteps so I walked faster reaching the stairs and trying to get to no-man's-land before he caught me.

Lawrence doesn't come into my room, not after the time we almost did it against the door of my closet, while tripping on magic mushrooms. My heart sped when I heard his big heavy footstep on the creaky stairs still following me.

I have a wild imagination, a side effect of having way to much alone time as a child—but tonight, with Lawrence's determined steps leading to my private domain I was coming up blank. If it were anyone else, I might come up with a witty or snide comment, but right now all I could think to say was, "fuck me, please" and that wasn't going to happen.

Rule number four to being Jace Carlisle: _never beg for sex unless it's royalty or a rock star._

When I reached the door, I turned to him. He still held the tiny chick in his hand, a bright yellow that clashed against his soft mocha skin. He didn't look up at me, holding the chick as if he were giving it as a present. I watched it too, sitting calmly in his large palm which I imagined was soft and warm, though a bit dry because he was the kind of gay that knew nothing at all about toiletries.

Lawrence was of a different gay subspecies all together, the same subspecies as Mark: the Barely Gay gay. Famous Barely Gay gays include Rock Hudson and Abraham Lincoln, whom other than their phallic desires remain completely undetectable. The Barely Gay gay is the most coveted of gays because of the difficulty involved in obtaining them for more than a one night affair.

"Where were you?" He asked not looking up from the chick which was now pacing small circles on his hand.

"I was at Mark's," I said quickly, my hand resting on my doorknob.

"Are you guys… together?" he asked casually, letting the chick down gently on the floor as it started to hop dangerously near the periphery of his hand.

"No, he's all yours," I sighed, slowly turning the knob, it groaned like all the ancient parts of this house. He stepped closer, putting his chiseled arm up against the door frame so that I was sandwiched between my semi-open door and his broad chest.

"Shut up," he hissed, grabbing me by the back of the neck and pulling me to him, kissing me hard. I clawed at him, trying to pull him closer. He stepped forward forcing me back and farther into the room.

"He's into the professor, you know?" I asked as he stepped back to pull off his shirt.

"Jace," he warned, his big hands working their way under my shirt and across the flat plains of my stomach.

"He is," I insisted, unable to process the reality that Lawrence was kissing and touching me.

"I don't care if Mark's in love with the Pope, Jace, it's you," he said running the tip of his tongue from the top of my pale shoulder up to me ear.

"What's me?" I asked dumbly, fumbling with the button fly of his jeans.

"You know what," he huffed, pushing my hands aside and pulling one edge of his fly down quickly so that all the buttons came undone at once. He turned me around, pushing me against the door as he worked my pants open and down.

"No, I don't know," I insisted pushing him away half heartedly.

"Jace."

"Jace what? I'm the one you want to fuck? Why? Because you know I'm stupid enough to be in love with you?" I screamed. That's a funny thing about bravery, most of the time we have running dialogues of shit we'd love to say but are too afraid to voice, but when you finally do gather up the nerve to say something truly epic you never whisper it, why half ass a proclamation of love.

"Goddammit, Jace!" he breathed using the door behind me to push himself away.

"Just go," I sighed, stepping away from the door and motioning for him to leave me. He stared at it, at my hand and at my naked upper half. I crossed my arms over my chest feeling dinky and underdeveloped next to him. He didn't move.

"I love you, Jace." He had said it before, but then he also called me his brother much to the confusion of almost everyone who met us, so this didn't mean anything.

"I'm IN love with you, so just don't okay? If you want a quick meaningless fuck, try George," I advised searching for my shirt in the dimly lit room. He walked slowly towards me, picking up the shirt by his feet and holding it out for me to grab. When I went for it he pulled me to him, placing one soft kiss on my lips.

"Please," I pleaded, pushing at him, he stood firm.

"Don't make me say it again, Jace," he whispered, placing another quick kiss on my lips.

"Don't fuck with my emotions, Lawrence, please," I whimpered, as his hand led a hot trail down my back.

"I _love_ you, Jace," he said pulling me towards him with my butt.

"No, you don't," I cried, silent tears trailing down my face. I could feel myself getting red, entirely unattractive, so I tried to turn away but he held my face firm in his hand, forcing me to look at him.

"Two years," he whispered, kissing me once again, his tongue poking out to trace my bottom lip.

"Two years what?" I asked, closing my eyes as he touched me.

"Why are you making this so difficult?" He asked, pushing me onto the bed. I let him undress me, lying naked in front of him with my eyes closed so tight he'd have to pry them open.

"I don't believe you," I admitted opening my eyes half way so that I could see him staring down at me.

"Fine, whatever. I knew you liked that Mark kid," he hissed, picking up his shirt and heading for the door.

"Say it again," I whispered as his hand reached for the knob.

"No. If you don't believe me then, fuck it," he shouted.

"Oh, for the love of fucking God, just say it again, Lawrence!" Emma screamed from the other side of my wall. This house is old and poorly built, the thin walls unforgiving when it came to noise.

"I love you! I fucking love you. I am in love with you!" Lawrence screamed, stomping his foot with every 'love' he uttered.

"Fuck me, please," I moaned and he smile, the biggest whitest smile I'd ever seen as he launched himself towards the bed and on top of me, Emma squealing merrily on the other side of my wall. Our walls, the thin but loving walls of our home.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 25: Cute Fish, Nice Ass**

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As September turned into October and then November, I settled into a routine. On weekdays I had school during the day, family night with the Cameron's on Mondays, Jordan's class on Tuesday and Thursday nights followed by patrol directly after, and Friday's with Tau Kappa Fag. I knew Jordan's patrol schedule the like back of my hand as well, he had shifts Mondays and Wednesday meaning there was never a chance for us to cross paths.

Jace and Lawrence's budding relationship was the only visible change in my newly formed life, though it wasn't immediately apparent anything had changed with them besides some sidelong looks and a quick public peck on the lips at Jace's annual Halloween party called "All the Colors of Gay". Which was incidentally, the name of his book, if he ever got around to finishing it. Jace and Lawrence were cute together and I was ecstatic for Jace but it made me feel all the more lonely.

This loneliness (read also as horniness) was particularly pressing as Jace relentless tried to play match matcher. He round up all the single gays in the tri-county area but other than a few makeout sessions and a good round of groping, I was still on the market.

With my growing Jordan obsession, only one of the guys Jace threw at me peaked my interest: Mason. He was my partner for most of the secret kissing and touching, though we were not an item. I thought he was cute, hot actually, but that was before he spent the better part of the hour explaining the finer points of bird watching and filling me in on the fascinating life of the bonobo monkey.

The bonobo monkey is the only other known animal in existence that has intercourse face to face and bonobo monkeys, native to the Congo, are known to use sex as a way of greeting. Fascinating creatures but his Discovery Channel information on them sucked the sexy right out of him and, damn, he _was_ sexy. He had Taylor-pouty lips, pale skin with rosy cheeks, messy sandy brown hair and a cute little upturned nose. We talked for most of the night, though it was him that did most of the talking. It was nice to have someone talking about things other than celebrities and fashion (both things I knew little about) but the end of the party, we found ourselves alone. As one of the only options for shutting him up, I kissed him but I didn't want him. I wanted Jordan.

Jordan no longer ignored me in class but that made it worse. I'd rather have him use his energy ignoring me than have him treating me exactly like everyone else in public. It had been two months since the "Cupcake Incident of 2024" but the memory of his warm body pressing against me still lingered and was a staple of my personal gratification fantasies…that's a nice way to say that's what I thought about when I jerked off, which was often now.

He didn't call me out in class anymore but he found other ways to communicate with me. He started by writing, in almost mechanically tidy scrawl, on the margins of my stories. It began with nice comments, suggestions and nicely phrased criticisms that I could correct in my second draft. Over time they became post-its and progressed in the last two weeks to become full-on attached letters, starting with one which was filled not only with criticism or suggestions for my piece but questions ranging from my opinion on certain political issues to my preference in television programs. I pounced at the opportunity to prove to him I wasn't an idiot and I researched the issues before I wrote back, including an in depth analysis of his book as if I were writing a thesis on him.

Jace noted the post-its and attached letters but stayed surprisingly silent, and in the class after I attached my shining critique, there was some sort of progress. His eyes smiled at me brightly, (though they were only the eyes) when he called my name for attendance. That eye smile was added to my wank fantasies and pushed me through to the holidays.

I got better at blocking out my naughty thoughts, so I played with the idea of changing my patrol schedule. Of course I gained mind control much too late for it to be kept a secret. Apart from my family, the Camerons, Collin, Brady and Embry all knew how I felt about him, meaning all of the wolf-girls also undoubtedly knew.

I spent the Wednesday night before Thanksgiving with Taylor and Jace in Port Angeles because I wouldn't be spending the holiday with them like I would have liked. Jace was throwing a Thanksgiving bash at his home which he called "Pilgrims, Cowboys and Indians", a costume party where Jace would take the opportunity to wear his chaps—I didn't ask if they were assless, I didn't really want to know. I borrowed Lawrence a traditional black and Quileute vest that I hadn't worn since I was a pre-teen.

We went grocery shopping, Jace attaching himself to Taylor, almost as if he were trying to force Taylor to love him. The two had gotten closer, even going so far as talking and meeting when I wasn't around, though at times I couldn't shake the feeling that Taylor was still a bit jealous. He liked Jace, most people who met him liked him, but he was jealous that we shared something he and I didn't. We still hung out in our free time but things weren't as strong as they were before our first kiss, I wanted them to be, but part of me knew it was likely possible we could never go back.

Thanksgiving Thursday there was no class, but I knew I would have the immense pleasure of being able to watch Jordan and maybe even get to talk to him at our pack's annual Harvest Day festivities, so I was even more excited than most Thursday nights when I went to Port Angeles. He arrived early with his brother Michael, Michael's wife Anna and their infant triplets. Since the party was being held at my house, I had the home court advantage and time to get ready. I sneakily asked Jace for advice and he happily took the chance to dress me. He loved dressing me, he called me his big homo life size Barbie—which should have offended me but when Jace dressed me I always looked better and I wanted to look my best. Jace gave me a bag with a shirt and a tie and instructed me which of my jeans to wear with it.

He tried to tell me about moisturizing my face and something about cleaning my eyebrows with tweezers but I didn't listen. I knew the clothes he gave me were borrowed from Lawrence because of the size and the strong smell of anise. Lawrence smelled like anise cookies, it was a nice sweet smell that radiated off of Lawrence pleasantly when he sat next to me in class.

When I came down I knew Jordan was already in the house, I had smelled him as I changed into the black button down, which Jace had pre-rolled so it rested at my elbows and thin silver tie, also pre-tied so all I had to do was slip it over my head. I tried to do something with my hair now that I had an excuse to dress up, thank you land-stealing white devils, but it wouldn't comply with anything but a messy comb back.

Jordan was leaning against the rounded archway between the kitchen and the dining room when I came down and he turned his head slowly to me. He looked surprised to see me, as if I didn't live here and his face did a rapid transformation from confused to pleased, then from dawning recognition to cold indifference. It burned, he hadn't given me that look for awhile and I fiddled with my hair as my mother fluttered around Jordan's niece and nephews.

"Hey," I said testing the water, he nodded gruffly then leaned in slightly, inhaling before he pushed himself off the wall and walked away.

David came down then, excited about football and the possibility of Trisha coming to dinner. I had it on good authority, as in I talked to her the night before, and knew she wasn't showing up. She was staying locked in her room even though the Cameron's weren't showing up either. Jared's family was skipping all festivities to avoid any awkward situations. Taylor was particularly displeased about being forced to visit Grandma Cameron even though his imprint Melody would be here with her parents. With Jordan pointedly avoiding me now, I wish I had gone with them, Kim had offered when she asked Brady.

"Talk to him," my mother urged pushing me gently towards the living room. Jordan stood near the couch where my father, Paul, and David were all squished together staring at the idiot box. Paul was staying only for the game, Rachel was at home with Trisha, making a small dinner for her family. This was the first holiday in my life where we wouldn't be all together as a pack. Jordan wasn't looking at the game, he was glancing out the window watching as the light drizzle became a steady pour, he looked back at me coolly then returned to the rain.

"I give up," I sighed grabbing an apron and heading back to the kitchen. Leticia sat at the table chopping, while Collin and Helen peeled potatoes looking at each other so lovingly it was a bit sickening. My mother was attempting to replicate Jared's famous cheddar potato bake and after having watched Jared make the dish closely a few times I felt confident taking over.

"You know, I'm not just trying to hook you two up," my mother started as I worked on making the cheese sauce.

"Yeah cuz that's not going to happen," I said with a roll of my eyes.

"Okay, yeah maybe not, but he's a member of your pack and it would be better if you can at least learn to live with him," she said throwing a dash of oregano over my shoulder and into the pot before walking away.

"We're talking about Jordan, right?" Helen whispered standing on her toes to keep it private. I huffed and nodded yes, shooting Collin a death glare. Just because he heard it in my head didn't mean he had to share it. He shrugged his shoulders in a half apology and bowed out to the living room.

"You should go for it Mark, he's obviously gay," Helen said seriously.

"Obviously?" My mother and I said in unison.

"Have you ever seen him with a woman?" Helen looked around, my mother and Leticia both shook their head no.

"Well have you ever seen him with a man?" I shot back and her lips curled up mischievously.

"In fact I have," she said slyly, leaning in to whisper. "I saw him and Matty kissing," she hissed lowly.

"Really?" I asked unable to hide my excitement, which vanished instantly when I realized it didn't mean anything because he was obviously uninterested in me.

"Mark, ju are so handsome, ju don't need him. He has what do ju say… a big head, no?" Leticia said quickly and I smiled. She wasn't wrong. I was a bit young sure but I wasn't bad looking, in fact I was sort of a catch, and he thought he was just too damn smart and gorgeous for me. And he might have been too smart and gorgeous for me, but he didn't have to act like it.

"Yeah, huge," I chuckled. He could hear me, I was sure of it, but I didn't care, I was tired of him and his multiple personalities.

I text messaged Jace, resigning myself to finding someone that was not Jordan. Every time I thought we would take a step forward, we'd take seven back and I was done trying to walk with him anywhere.

 _ **So, do you think Mason is interested in going on a date with me?**_ I texted, slipping the phone back in my back pocket before I settled down to watch football with the men. I never enjoyed this male bonding stuff, growing up David loved it, he always made sure he was the center of everything and now that he was part of the pack, he loved it more.

Collin, Embry, Michael, Paul, Dad and David sat on all of the seats around the television so I slid down the wall to the far left making sure not to look at him, but when I felt his radiation against my arm I couldn't exactly ignore it.

"You're entirely incomprehensible, I just don't understand you," he breathed so low I barely heard him.

"Tsh," I made a sound half way between a hard breath and a scoff. It was the seventh grade way of saying 'I know you are but what am I'. He made to leave and instinctively I grabbed him, holding his muscled forearm between my thumb and forefinger, he flexed.

"What do you want to know?" I whispered as my father, sitting on the couch turned to us. He was shifting uncomfortably to watch us out the corner of his eye and Jordan noticed. He pulled his arm free of my grasp and slipped out the front door, I followed, ignoring my father's stares.

"You know what pisses me off?" I asked his back. He stood on the porch looking out onto the street where buckets of rain were pouring. I stood waiting for him to acknowledge me but he just shrugged, not turning back to face me.

"Every time I think we're…I don't know, becoming friends, you—"

"You want to be my friend?" he asked turning to me, his arms crossed casually in front of his chest. I wanted to pull them away, to physically force him to be open and accepting of me.

"I don't know…yeah," I admitted and my phone chirped, announcing a text. He eyed me as I pulled the small phone out my back pocket, smiling when I read.

 _ **Of course he wants you. Who isn't interested in your fine ass? Good choice with Mason though… if you can overlook his obsession with nature that is…**_

"Lawrence?" He asked stiffly.

"What?"

"Your boyfriend?" He asked more casually though his eyes burned me, leaving fiery heat along my cheeks. Then it all came together… sorta. The confusion when he smelled me, the attitude: he smelled Lawrence all over me, but why that upset him was still kind of a mystery. He was a complete mystery to me.

"Lawrence is Jace's boyfriend. I—I'm single," I said feeling so stupid I wanted to fall in a hole. He leaned in again, the heat from his breath washing over me, I turned my face towards it and as he exhaled again. I inhaled him getting the strongest whiff of vampire I had smelled since I became a wolf.

"Leech," he hissed straightening his stance. The hairs on the back of my neck and along my arms all stood and without thinking about I started to strip, phasing before he turned back to me. I followed the scent and I didn't have to go far, they were in plain sight almost gliding down the road. Two females, one young, turned at no older than 15 the other older, not quite old enough to be her mother but like an aunt. They probably weren't related but they did have two very distinct traits: their unnaturally white skin and black eyes. They didn't immediately register my presence, the younger of the two caught my scent first, her lip curling before she released a growl so weak it made me want to laugh.

 _ **Don't get cocky.**_ Jordan's mind came in from behind me. I hadn't registered it when he phased I was so caught up in my primal need to destroy. It felt electrifying as if this, this track and hunting cycle was what I was born to do.

 _ **You're not Alpha yet, so pay attention.**_ He said as if he were about to school me, and he leapt crossing the huge divide between us, landing on the smaller vamp with a thump. I ran forward, staying low and gathering speed to attack, the older vamp swiped at me and I grabbed her arm in my mouth causing a sick metallic groan to ring through the street. She punched my face with her remaining arm causing my body to do a complete 180 and allowing my legs to kick out, making her fly back. At a speed I didn't even know I was capable of I reached her, ripping her throat out in one swift movement. So much power and adrenaline flowed through my veins I felt like I was high, actually I was sure it was better than alcohol or any drug could ever feel.

Embry's mind popped into view. His mind was entirely visual, like a collage of pictures so I knew it was him before he directed us.

 _ **Get them off the street.**_ Embry instructed and although I instinctively hated taking instruction from him, I grabbed the vamp by the neck and sauntered off, dragging her like a ragdoll. She continued to struggle but it was no use I was too strong for her to fight off with only one leg remaining. Embry helped Jordan finish off the younger vamp and I continued dismembering mine in the cover of the forest behind my house. The rain still poured, soaking through my fur and down to my skin but I ignored it, taking sick pleasure in each metallic sound that rang through the forest until she was just a pile of stone.

 _ **You okay, Son?**_ My dad was proud, I could feel it through his thoughts, I had never once felt that from him.

 _ **I'm always proud of you,**_ he sighed but I ignored him turning to see that Jordan was okay. He and Embry were busy taking the pieces of the younger vamp to the pile and I rushed to help him. Even as a wolf he was gorgeous, solid russet brown with no markings. Control your thoughts… control your thoughts… a song! A song would help. What song? Oh god why can't I think of a song?

 _ **I think I did it again, I made you believe we're more than just friend. Oh baby it might seem like a crush…**_ I sang out of key even in my head. _**Oh shit not that song. Why did I even come up with that song? What is wrong with me?**_

 _ **So cute.**_ It was almost like a whisper, a whisper of a thought that I barely registered over my rousing rendition of a classic pop favorite and stupendous freak out session. I turned to look for Jordan but he was gone, already half way up my back steps. My mom met him, passing him a big beach towel from the top of her pile. He phased back, giving me a quick view of his round behind before he covered up.

"No tracks in my house," Momma said coming down with an umbrella in one hand and a stack of towels in the other.

I was back standing in human form before I remembered I would be a naked human. I grabbed a towel from my mom before but I know he saw be because as he walked in the house in front of me he chuckled. He turned back to look at me, his broad bare chest glistening from the rain.

"Cute fish," he noted. David and I both had small birthmarks on the edge of our hips just before the main attraction, mine was shaped almost exactly like a fish and David's looked sorta like a dove.

"Thanks… nice ass," I whispered, heading upstairs for a shower and some alone time to savor the image of a half-naked Jordan.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 26: Homomatics AKA Gaygebra**

* * *

When I came back down showered, sexually relieved and dressed in my own clothes, he smiled at me. Jordan wasn't waiting for me at the bottom of the steps like I longed for him to be but he stood with his back against the window, his face half turned so the first thing I saw was his profile as he watched the rain turn into slush from the corner of his eye.

The dying day highlighted the chiseled yet boyish features of his face and when he smelled me reenter he turned fully, his lip curled up casually in a smile that exploded in his dark eyes. I tried to keep myself calm and casual as I slid in next to him, placing my back against the window like his. I turned my face to the side so I could look out the window with him, watching the slush as it made a slick layer over the grass.

I didn't look him in the eye, so close to his lips I didn't trust myself not to kiss him, but I had to turn, or risk looking like an ass, when he spoke to me.

"Seth left for Europe yesterday night. He said Quil and Claire are coming back tomorrow and that um, Nessie's having a kid." He was obviously struggling for something to say and I jumped at the chance to join in. I knew from patrolling with him that Seth was going on vacation to Europe to see Jake and the Cullen family.

The Cullen family was divided in different parts of Europe now and Seth was going to see all of them as a solution for his still ailing heart. He and his ex-girlfriend Jessie had broken up months ago but his thoughts during patrol still swirled around her.

"Yeah…I hope he comes back feeling better. It's hard," I don't know why I added that, I felt stupid talking about Taylor with him.

"Do you and Taylor still… I mean…Sorry. A werewolf, half vampire mix that's a first," he said awkwardly. _Do you and Taylor still… do you and Taylor still what?_

"Dinners up," Leticia called looking at us a step longer than necessary before returning to the kitchen. We didn't move right away, allowing the other wolves to run to the kitchen watching silently as the slush started to stick.

The topic of conversation at the dinner table kept on the safe side which meant we talked mostly about Quil and Claire, who had been travelling Europe for the last two months and the next day like clockwork Quil and Claire returned. They brought presents for everyone and in a surprise move the Cameron's—minus Ethan— and Trisha accompanied by her father, all showed up. Before they arrived there was a lot of mumbled discussion and small talk, Trisha spending her time running from David.

David was now in what he called "retrieval mode." He was determined to pull her out of her slump and claim her as his own, though his method of stalking her like an animal in the wild was questionable. Actually questionable is the nice way of putting it. It was possibly the most idiotic name and plan David had ever implemented and he wasn't exactly known for his bright ideas.

The Cameron's left pretty early in the night, so they missed all of the night's big announcements. The first piece of news, Quil and Claire had eloped in France.

The second big announcement: The pack would be losing another experienced wolf because Quil would be leaving with Claire again after the winter holidays to attend Whitman College in Walla Walla, Washington. Quil knew now that he just couldn't live without his Claire and he was going wherever she was. I was happy for him, going down the road of academia. It seemed imprinting was the only real way to get out of the pack, and though I didn't want it, he was living my dream. I left before the night's biggest announcement overcome by a sense of loss for the future and life I had once dreamed of. I want to be a lawyer, sounds like a mundane job now that I exploded into a giant wolf at will, but to lose that was still hard.

My brother filled me in on what I missed when he got home, checking in with me before going back out to stalk his prey. My dad's patrol that night was his last, Embry would be taking over as full-time Alpha, effectively immediate at the stroke of midnight.

I didn't leave entirely because I was depressed about no longer having a future, Jordan's absence was also an attributing factor. I was so sure he'd be there but he didn't show. Anna and Michael did though, and when I plucked up the courage to ask about him, Anna told me Jordan didn't do parties. She was right, of course, actually growing up I can only remember a handful of times when Jordan attended any social event but I still hoped that he would find the prospect of time with me appealing enough to drag himself over. He didn't.

I thought about him non-stop, my jumbled multi-layered thoughts and the snow outside my window kept me company as I went to sleep that night. After patrol David ran the borders of town until he collapsed in the woods behind Trisha's house. When I asked why he hadn't gotten closer, he admitted quite angrily that Ethan had already taken the spot by her window, so he had no other choice. This Trisha thing had gone on for too long now. I didn't know it was possible to fight the imprint so stubbornly and while it was impressive I felt for them, both of them…all of them.

*#*

Tuesday after Thanksgiving classes at Peninsula College were cancelled because of snow. So unseasonably heavy snow storms kept me away from him for another day while my body, was going through a painful burn. I was in heat, literally. It was below zero outside and I couldn't even breathe his name without feeling a rising heat coursing through my body so strong I thought I might spontaneously combust.

I slept in the shirt he had left behind on Thanksgiving, pulling it out of the pile of washing and slipping it under my pillow before my mom could remove his smell from it. His smell was as frosty as his demeanor, like the first chill of winter with the spicy, sharp addition of ginger, like gingerbread cookies baking on a winter night. It was comforting but distant so far removed from his body it made me sick with want.

When Thursday night's class came around again, I couldn't sit around waiting so I drove over straight after school making me two hours early. I couldn't eat, my stomach flipping, twisting and turning nastily whenever I thought about seeing him, having him see me. I went to Jace's house to wait out the time.

"Hey," Jace said brightly as I walked into his house before he motioned me in, it was like my second home now.

"Do I look okay?" I asked quickly.

"Mason's not here," he informed me giddily. I had almost forgotten about him. I liked him. I did, but in the end he was not Jordan.

"Oh yeah, no—it's about Jordan," I admitted and as he pulled me upstairs to prettify, I told him everything.

Jordan was waiting in the classroom when I arrived, a first for him; he liked to make an entrance a few minutes after class was supposed to start.

"He was waiting for you, too," Jace hissed and I elbowed him, sending him flying a bit down the aisle before he caught his balance. I didn't really know what the best expression should be. Was I supposed to smile, nod, maybe even say hello? When he actually did look up at me, I was frozen so I just sorta nodded, and again as if the gods were rewarding me, he smiled.

We had no writing assignment due from the previous class, just a short passage of reading which we got to first. I made sure to raise my hand to discuss the piece and he called me each time, saying my name so seductively with his velvet voice I started to strain in my boxers.

When the reading discussion was over, I was unpleasantly informed that we would be preparing for our end of the semester writing portfolio for the final three classes. These classes weren't like my classes in high school, for one it was two hours long and two it only lasted until the second week of December meaning after the 21st I would have no reason to see him again unless I chanced sharing a patrol shift.

Our final portfolio project was a compilation of the four best pieces we had written since we joined the class put together with one premier piece. He wanted us to re-edit all of the stories we chose to include in our portfolio and place them in an order that was supposed to flow. We also were intended to write an introduction to bring the collection together, as well as name it. Of the seven pieces I had written I knew which ones were Jordan's favorite, they had become my favorites too, after he praised them so highly. Maybe that was his job but he did it well, making me feel so confident in something I was never really interested in doing.

There were four pieces among his favorites. I'd written about snow and wishing Jared was my father, which after it was edited became less about the snow and more about feeling ignored. I wrote a funny piece about having a twin who was the polar opposite of me called "Dinner for Two". It was funny, a compilation of humorous moments around the dinner table but when you looked closer it was really about being on the wrong side of favoritism and never feeling good enough. That's not what I intended to write but according to Jordan it came out clearly in my words—apparently I was an open book.

I had two fiction pieces that stood out to Jordan and Jace, though I didn't know how they would fit in the portfolio. One was about a boy lost in an amusement park who decided to stay and become a carnie. The other was about a girl undergoing intensive plastic surgery to look like someone completely new. If I went with those pieces I had absolutely no theme, but among my other pieces, I couldn't find anything that worked.

Jace was using this class as a way to write his book, so for him it was quite simple: four chapters of "All the Colors of Gay," with a forward. Lawrence, who was studying to be a middle school science teacher, wrote urban sci-fi with people of color. Sophie, the vixen redhead, wrote memoirs that read like softcore porn. I had shit. A jumble of mismatched stories: no theme, no flow, no nothing. The class discussed their projects which were apparently outlined on the syllabus but I hadn't noticed. When it came time to talk about my portfolio, I came up blank.

"Um, I'm not sure if I have a centralized theme as of yet," was all I said and Jordan's head cocked to the side, examining me before moving on to Jace. When class ended Jordan surprised me again by calling for me.

"Mark, can I talk to you for a second?" he asked as Jace kissed me good luck, prancing out the door.

"Yes, Professor Varn," I called, walking towards him. I couldn't look up, my chin almost touching my chest as I got to him.

"Your portfolio, the um, theme…I think it's transformation and self-discovery," he said clearing his throat, I got the hint and looked up at him. He was looking at me, not examining, not glaring, just looking, it was nice.

"Oh, okay," I said nodding.

"It could be something else, it could be whatever you want it to be but from what I read that seems to be the constant," he said quickly as I turned to leave, his hand brushing mine. My heart accelerated, it was so embarrassing. I knew he could hear it strong and fast against my chest, but I couldn't help it.

"I don't know, none of them seem to fit together," I sighed, inhaling his scent with abandon.

"No, no, they do. The first piece is about you, an introduction to you…your insecurities and your family issues, then you could follow it with the piece about the boy lost in the park. He doesn't really want to be found, does he? He loves the park not because of the rides but because of the anonymity," Jordan said passionately.

"I—I don't know, maybe?" I breathed, I hadn't actually given the boy a back story.

"He's you." He moved, it was almost unnoticeable but it was a move, closer to me.

"Yeah…I think so," I whispered moving ever so slightly closer to him.

"Then the piece about David. It's not a comedy, it's a funny story yeah but then it isn't," he said coming even closer.

"No, it's not," I admitted, taking an even bigger step towards him.

"Then your portfolio should be about you, and the last piece should be like a culmination. The essence of you now…who you've become after the transformation," he said, so close to me now I could kiss him if I took one last step and took the plunge.

"You don't think that's narcissistic?" I asked looking him square in the eyes, he moved even closer. We had never been this close, I could see the defined muscles through his shirt, could almost feel his heart beat which was in sync with my own.

"No… you're fascinating," he whispered and I took that as enough. I my head brushing my lips against his before I thought about it too hard and chickened out. He didn't move away but he didn't lean in and I applied pressure once more before I pulled back. As I backed away he leaned forward and I doubled back to meet him in the middle.

His lips were a little rough and warm, his breath coming out in soft puffs against my lips. I put my hand on his cheek and he stopped breathing all together. His heart stopped with it when I slipped my tongue out, lightly brushing the tip against his bottom lip asking for access, I was denied. He pulled away. We didn't say anything and instead of running like I thought I would, I stood still allowing him to watch me as he gathered his stuff and left out the back door.

I drove home in a daze. Heat still coursing through my veins. I stumbled past my parents and into me room without a word. David was crying and I wanted to join him. He didn't cry often, my father had raised him to be strong and tough, but months with Trisha completely ignoring him had caught up. It was a good distraction, pulling me away from the rough warmth of Jordan's lips. I spent that night babying him, talking him through the rejection that I knew so well.

I didn't start my final piece right away but I knew what I wanted it to be and I spent the weekend locked away finishing it. It was me, it was every part of me I wanted him to see, to love, to understand. The piece was me offering myself to him for the last time, I wouldn't push it again. It had Taylor, yes, but it was about me, about being gay and lost. About finding love and losing it, about being young and lonely.

I called it Transformation, and wrote the introduction like a letter to Jordan, though I didn't say it was to him, I left it open ended. I edited all the other pieces to fit the theme and that Sunday I had Jace look them over. He was impressed. I had finished everything but the only thing due that day was the final piece which he would edit. It was a bold move, I was never so honest in my writing before and I was anxious that he wouldn't like me once he knew more about me… not that I was sure he liked me now. He let me kiss him but he didn't kiss me back. There were many people I would let kiss me: Jace, Ethan, Collin, Seth… but that didn't mean I liked them.

Tuesday didn't come fast enough, and in the stressful build-up, I chewed holes in the side of my cheek and destroyed my fingernails. When I finally got to class and passed him my final piece for editing, he didn't look at me. Part of me wanted him to, but I also sorta knew he wouldn't.

Most likely he regretted it and wanted to forget the whole thing. It could have been terrible for him… but at least I had experienced it. I wasn't going to push it, but I wasn't gonna give up on it either until he made it so clear even David would understand he didn't want me.

*#*

It's clear. A hundred percent clear that I fucked up. Yup, kissing Jordan, worst mistake of my life and he proved that by returning my paper Thursday covered in red corrections, with a big C on the left hand corner. I had never gotten a C in any class, for any project, ever.

Asshole.

Fine I fucked up, I shouldn't have kissed him, but this was beyond childish. It's not like he's never kissed a guy before and he could have stopped me, I didn't force him.

"What the fuck, Jordan?" I wailed the second the classroom had cleared out. He leaned against the table, crossing his arms in front of him as if preparing for a tantrum.

"I've marked the points that need to be changed," he said calmly.

"You're being such an ass right now. I shouldn't have kissed you. I know that now! But this is so 8th grade homophobe!" I spat, turning to leave, this was getting nowhere, he wasn't going to respond I could see it by the way he stood blankly watching on. I was pissed, but most of all I felt overwhelmingly rejected.

I had tried to treat the kiss like a thing, just a casual occurrence that I would be able to forget if it never happened again, but deep down I had invested hope into it being the beginning of something big.

"Okay… if you think you shouldn't have kissed me then maybe you shouldn't have, but it's not about that, Mark," he said to my back. I refused to turn because my eyes were watering, so quickly that if I didn't get out soon they would spill over.

"It was sloppy," he said coming closer, I could feel him, warm and close behind me.

"Fine, whatever," I sighed blinking rapidly.

"Here." He grabbed my arm and curled my fingers around a stack of papers.

"I don't want any more letters from you. You're such a fucking tease," I cried, but my fingers wouldn't let go of the papers, holding tight as if it were my last dollar in the world.

"Tease?" He breathed and it incensed me so quickly, I felt as if I were going to explode. I turned back to him, spinning so fast that he back away.

"Yeah a fucking know I like you and you were playing me. Does it make you feel better about yourself?" I screamed and he backed away again as if I had punched him.

"I thought you wanted to be my friend. I didn't—"

"Whatever, Jordan—Professor," I corrected snidely. "Take it, I don't want your letters," I howled urging them back into his hands. He pushed them back to me. His hands on mine starting the tears again and I turned so he wouldn't see them.

"It's not a letter, not really. It's an assignment I wrote in college, it's not amazing, but I think it might help you with yours. It's the same, kind of— Goddamnit Mark, will you just look at me?!" he shouted. It was the first time he ever really raised his voice in front of me. I didn't look back, racing to my car and to Jace's house before I exploded.

"What's wrong with me?! Why doesn't anyone I like ever like me? Seriously, just lay it on me, what am I doing wrong?" I cried, throwing myself across one of the many sofas that lined Jace's living room.

"Stop being such a crybaby queen, you don't have the figure for it," Jace said with a sigh, throwing me a pillow.

"No one wants me, seriously! You don't want me, what's wrong with me?" I whined, not that I wanted him to want me, but it would have been nice.

"Shut up. Mason wants you and you're acting like he doesn't count. I have known him for years and you would be lucky to have him. Besides, for me it's not cuz you aren't hot, our gaygebra just didn't add up, we wouldn't have worked," Jace said seriously.

"Oh God, not the gay math theory again," Lawrence cried, pulling Jace down onto the futon with him. Jace kissed him sweetly before speaking.

"Don't question my math, it always adds up. Mark, you are a zero," Jace said simply.

"Okay, great. I'm a zero, that's nice," I said snidely, rethinking my decision to come here for comfort.

"You're not helping," Lawrence laughed, leaning forward to pat me on the arm.

"No, no it's okay. I'm a zero, too," Jace said quickly. I was more confused than before, because if there was one thing I knew about Jace was that he had a healthy view of himself.

"Okay well… at least I'm not the only loser," I sighed.

"You're not a loser. I'm a zero and so is Sebastian, it's an age old position, vital even," Jace continued, slapping Lawrence when he scoffed.

"It has nothing to do with quality, it's about preference. I find the terms 'top' and 'bottom' so antiquated, don't you? And I mean with so many possible ways to be facing it's also inaccurate. So I have created a simple system of math for gay relationships."

"Which he has named gaygebra," Lawrence added.

"Or Homo-matics, I haven't chosen the name yet, but the math is time tested. Gays or the dreaded bi-sexual male, of course—I have no clue what lesbians do— can be divided into three simple numbers for placement in an equation that will give you an overall idea of how well your relationship will work…sexually. There are ones," Jace said, pointing to Lawrence before using his pointer finger to make a one. "Ones are tops obviously. Then we have zeros like you and me," he said holding his thumb and pointer in a circle shape, inserting his other pointer to make a crude gesture.

"Well what's the third type?" I asked.

"The rare but lovable half or .5, the versatile top or bottom, the switch," Jace explained.

"And where does the math come in," I asked so engrossed in Jace's world I forgot momentarily about Jordan.

"So for a gay couple to work physically they have to add up to at least .5 and no more than 1.5, unless it's a ménage troupe situation, then division has to get involved and it's a bit more complex," Jace said with a serious nod.

"So how do you know I'm a zero when I haven't had sex."

"Because I just know, sweetie, I just know. You're big but it's not all about size, you like having someone take control, you like to be handled, I can tell. Wait, I have it outlined," he called hopping out of Lawrence's lap and running up stairs. He returned with a stapled stack of papers, which brought me back to Jordan. I didn't look at the papers he gave me, I wasn't sure if I should even bother.

"So I know you're upset about professor Varn, but Mason's upstairs, he's a really good guy and he likes you a bunch… And he's a one so the math is in your favor."

I didn't answer, so enthralled in Jace's writing. It was chapter four of his book and at the top the title was circled in read with a big question mark: _Homomatics or Gaygebra?_ It was long and included a very detailed chart with a color coded legend.

"You're amazing," Lawrence beamed, pulling Jace in for a kiss. I was happy for them, but the sight burned, making me think back to the slightly salty taste of Jordan's lips. When I finished the chapter and the sweet touches between Lawrence and Jace became too much to bear I followed Jace's advice and went upstairs to find Mason. Mason was attractive and polite, and smart and most of all interested in me, it was the smart choice. Who knew if anyone better would ever be even remotely interested in me.

Mason must have heard me heading up because he was waiting for me at his door.

"Hey."

"Hey," I breathed back and without another word he pulled me in, closing the door behind me.

There wasn't much talking, there were hands, there were mouths, there was humping that wasn't too dry, there was sweating and there was panting. I hadn't been intimate with someone like this since Taylor and I wasn't surprised to find it didn't feel the same.

It was good, I needed it, physically—but it lacked everything that made my experience with Taylor so beautiful. It was like being starving and being fed white rice, it satiated the need but that was all. I stopped him before condoms were needed and he didn't push it, letting me leave without any pressure.

In the car on the way home, with the letter from Jordan sitting solidly in the passenger side, I screamed out the open windows.

I hated feeling out of control and I wasn't sure it if was the wolf hormones anymore.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 27: Fuck Matty!**

* * *

I didn't read the story Jordan gave me right away, I threw it in my desk drawer and hit the bed. David, my mother and even my father tried to get me out of my funk but I mourned Jordan much like I mourned Taylor, alone in my room. I didn't cry again, I just slept. I slept a lot and I dreamt of him, though they were often unpleasant.

I analyzed, dissected and reevaluated every move, word, glance, comment in our entire time knowing each other- going back as far as I could remember to the times he used to pick me up from school with Solace and Michael. He used to round us up as a duty to our father then and as a way to shut us up he would read us stories or teach us the finer points of soccer... maybe that's why he didn't want me. He had seen me at my worst, pre-teen pizza face with a barely masked stutter AKA Truly Tragic Mark. After at least 24 hours of this I came up blank; just one big fucking question mark. He did things that screamed I like you, or I'm at least interested in you but then as soon as he could he would make sure to push me as far from him as possible.

After a few days monastic silence, the first couple days of winter vacation for my high school incidentally, he text messaged me, something I never thought would happen.

It was short and direct, something very much like a professor would write... if professors were in the habit of sending texts: _**The final edit of your piece is due no later than Wednesday night–Professor Varn.**_

He wrote that Tuesday night after I had skipped the final class where I was supposed to turn in my completed portfolio. On Thursday, after having ignored his first text and not turning in a portfolio at all, he sent another: _**I missed you in class...**_

I ignored it and his paper until Friday when I finally decided to reenter the world. Before I left my room, before I went on with my life single and fancy free, I caved and read it. It was a letter, but it wasn't to me. On the first page however, there was a note, written in his tidy scrawl across the bottom that read:

 _It's old and not very well written but it's real. The feeling and the emotions are honest. No one has ever read this besides the professor who assigned it, but I wanted you to see it because I think it can help you._

 _Your story was not bad. I don't want you to think I disliked it, or you— in fact if anyone else had written it, I would have given it a B. Mark, I know there is a lot more of you to share, and I really want to see it. You are capable of so much more and I expect to see it. If you want to talk the piece out, you know where I live, my door is always open to you,_

 _Jordan_

*#*

 _Professor Greene,_

 _To tell this story, to really tell it, is difficult. Not because for the shame associated with it or because I can't remember it. It's difficult mostly because it comes across disjointed. An incomplete story, because after so many years of mulling it over, I still don't entirely understand what happened and there was never a resolution. You've asked us not to write a story but to relay a memory and I'm certain many students (majority males) will write about sexual conquest. I write about my first and only sexual experience not as a conquest but a battle, the final battle in a war I fought for years, culminating in a struggle for power, for affection, for companionship; a battle I lost._

 _In the past you've expressed that my writing is overly flowery, I apologize in advance for what you're about to read but when describing love, one tends to be flowery._

 _I open in media res. This is not a stylistic choice but because, Professor Greene, you asked us to stay as close to reality as possible, and I can't remember what we were doing before this point, it doesn't really matter._

"Why are you being such an ass, Jordan?" Matty screamed at me, slapping the notebook out of my hand. In later years I went back to that notebook trying to find what page, what passage I had been writing before his outburst but I could never narrow it down, all the pages are a cluttered scrawl of emotion, ineptly scribed clichés copied by an amateur.

"I haven't done anything!" I screamed back more fiercely than the situation warranted.

"Yeah, you haven't done anything. You haven't said more than one sentence to me at a time for the last week! You keep writing in that fucking notebook instead of just telling me you're angry," Matty screamed something to this effect. The exact words are not important, the sentiment is what mattered and the accusation.

He sat with his legs crossed at the thigh, I remember that, and he looked down at me as if he was revealing some big secret, but he couldn't know. Matty knew me better than anyone in the world, but he couldn't know what I was going through because I didn't know.

I knew it hurt. Physically the emotion soaked down to my joints making it difficult for me to move, to eat, to work, but there was no anger. At times, fleeting moments in the weeks preceding, I felt sick and other times I couldn't breathe, but not once was I angry. Worried. Anxious. Sad. Never angry and not surprised; he had left me before and I always knew he'd leave again. I have known Matty almost my entire life, and I've loved him for just as long. I had only been _in_ love with him at that point for a few months but that's a different story for another time.

"Don't project your anger on me. I'm not angry," I said picking up the notebook and shuffling to put it away. I didn't want him to read through it. Back then, Matty was the only person I ever allowed to read my writing. It was the time in my writing development when the thought of someone else reading my words made my hands sweat.

The notebook in question though, a small spiral flip book, was filled with him. Things and feelings I didn't understand then, things I'm only half sure about now. Like the way my stomach flipped sometimes when he looked at me, or waking up to scribble down thoughts and sequences that occurred during my dreams. In my dreams he always touched me. My face mostly, his thumb gliding across my cheek always stopping just at the corner of my mouth. We never kissed in my dreams, or in real life either, we never did anything that could be considered sexual but the intent in my dreams were clearly intimate.

My bag was on the top stairs and when I turned to grab it, he pulled me. He was weak, much smaller than me but I allowed him to do it, mostly because we rarely touched and I enjoyed it more than I would ever admit.

"Don't run from me."

"I'm here, Matty, I'm not going anywhere!" Again the emotion in my voice didn't quite fit the setting.

He didn't respond, just held onto my arm as if I were trying to bolt and I settled back down, the notebook still clutched in my hand. I remember vividly that his hand, settled on my forearm, gave me a light fluttery feeling in my chest. I had read about this feeling, heard songs and recited poetry that described this feeling, but this was my first time experiencing it.

The setting sun was an intense red-orange, so bright I couldn't look at it, but I didn't want to look at him, either. I chose a safe spot, gazing down at his lightly tanned hand which held my arm tight. It was a small, delicate hand, his fingers were thin and defined. They aren't like that anymore, but when I think of him, those hands, and that Matty, is the Matty I see. He held me tight, the skin under his nails was turning white from the exerted pressure of holding me still, although I didn't attempt to move.

"Jared's driving me down to school at 5, I should probably get some sleep," he said, releasing his grip, but the tingling sensation lingered. He stood and arranged his things, the small gift I had brought him was still unopened on the top stair, he put it in his bag and turned to walk away. I don't remember what I bought him, but it was likely a book, we shared a love of literature.

I had decided the week before, when I finally admitted to myself that he _was_ leaving, that I wouldn't say goodbye. I did, however, think he would at least try. He didn't though; he brushed my shoulder sadly and stomped away.

He walked away as if it were just goodnight, as if in the morning, he wouldn't be 1,347 miles away. I had calculated the distance on Google maps, and the exact distance is etched in my memory forever. Watching him walk away without even so much as a "see ya" made my stomach boil. I decided not to say goodbye because I wasn't going anywhere. He was leaving me, so this was his responsibility— it was his job to say all the things that needed to be said, to do the things that needed to be done. I ran after him and blocked his path, forcing him to stop his determined march.

He was crying, fat silent tears streamed down his chin as he pushed past me. Again, I let him do it, covering his hands with mine so I could prolong the contact.

"You're just going to leave like that?" I asked keeping my voice leveled but I wanted to scream. I don't scream, actually if you ask most of the people who have ever met me, they will say I don't talk at all, they are half-right.

"I don't think I can say goodbye to you, Jordan. I can't handle it," he said pulling his hands out from under mine.

"You have to," I stomped my foot like a child and he stepped away.

"Why? Why do I have to?" He asked, crossing his arms and adapting an equally childish repose.

"Because you're the one leaving me!"

"We're not breaking up! I'm not leaving you, I'm going to school and you could have too but you decided to stay here, so who is leaving who?" He always did that, compared our friendship to a relationship, and I always corrected him. That time though I didn't fight it because for once it fit, for once it did feel like he was dumping me.

"I have a duty to my family," I recited one of my many practiced excuses without thinking.

"And I don't have a duty to anyone, I'm free, so stop making me out to be the villain in your fucked up little story!" He continued to cry but his face was hard and with one last sideways glance he started off toward his house again. I followed him. I begged myself not to but I couldn't help it, I didn't want to allow too much distance between us because I knew it could be the last time we were ever close again. He would be going to university and he would make friends and probably find boyfriends.

When we got to his front door, he turned back around to face me, dried tear tracks on his right cheek led directly to his lips. I had debated taking the step before, but at that point, I couldn't delay it anymore. Matty had told me he was in love with me years before that day and I let it pass. We ignored it but it didn't go away. Today was the last day we had together though and I couldn't dance around it anymore.

 _I'm not gay or at least that's not how I think of myself Professor Greene. By the time you are finished with this I'm sure you will have come to the conclusion that I am confused or in denial. I assure you, Professor, I hold no delusion. I have had sex with a man. I have loved a man, but I am not gay. I'm asexual on all accounts save Matty… sex is of no interest to me now and it never was before. On that day in particular, June 29th 2013, I was a 21-year old virgin who could count the times I'd masturbated on one hand, all innuendo intended. He wanted it though, the physicality that completed our relationship, and if it kept him near me, I would do it. Actually, if it made him happy I would have done just about anything, because Professor, though I'm 100 percent asexual, I still loved him. Love and sex are two completely different worlds and I lived on the planet of Matty._

I leaned forward, still on the second stair but tall enough to reach him and I took the dive, placing my lips against the corner of his. He pushed me away with both of his hands settled on either side of my face but he didn't move far, placing his forehead against mine.

"Please, don't do this now," he simpered, my stomach still twisting from the contact, another feeling I had only ever read about.

"Sorry," I whispered, but I kissed him again. I wanted to this time, I wasn't testing the waters I was pushing my limits. I had kissed before, a few girls in middle school when it seemed like I should, but that kiss was different.

He pulled my face closer using my hair, turning his face to get a better angle and I took another stair trying to get closer to him. When I still wasn't close enough I dashed up all the stairs crashing him against the front door. He was smaller, a few years younger and still slightly childish in his physique, but he felt good. He fiddled with the doorknob behind him, pulling me through the house and into his room.

No one was there, but even if they were I wouldn't have stopped. I didn't want to face reality knowing my body and heart could feel so light.

"I love you, Jordan. I'll always love you, no matter what," he whispered into my mouth as I snaked my tongue forward tentatively tasting him for the first time. He tasted like lemonade and as we gravitated to the bed, his shirt discarded in the flurry, I tried to memorize that taste and his smell. His smell was like the ocean breeze at the cliffs and alluring citrus. I memorized them well; I can't go to the beach or drink lemonade without remembering him.

"Matty, I—"

"Don't say it unless you mean it," he warned pushing me away. The room spun into view as he released me. It was dull and dark, bleak compared to the vibrant crash of emotions I was feeling. I loved him. I felt it stronger then than ever, though he was wrong. He assumed I was going to say it aloud but I wouldn't dare. I was going to say I want you, also true, as true at least as the explosive love I felt for him which was going off at terrifying intervals in my chest.

"I want you," I commanded, pulling him on top of me and running my hand along his back.

"About time," he sighed, kissing me again, his small hands lightly tracing my arms.

We had never touched like that, it was something Matty kept from happening. After we ignored his proclamation of love and continued being friends, stronger friends than before even, he kept a safe distance physically. He treated me almost as if I were a leper, avoiding my bare skin unless it were imperative.

He pulled away panting for air, covering my hands with his and adding pressure so that it was clear he didn't want me to stop. I brought my hands around to his front trailing them from his shoulder to his pecks which were smaller than mine but defined. I flipped him over, and he helped me remove my shirt, grinding his hips up and into me as he did.

"I don't know what I'm doing," I admitted as his tongue drew light circles on the spot below my ear.

"What do you mean you don't know what you're doing? Jordan, don't do this to me," he pleaded.

"No, Matty, I mean—I'm a virgin," I said turning so I didn't have to face him. We didn't talk about sex, we didn't talk about the men he met or what they did, it was the only taboo subject in our world. I knew he had dates, and that on occasion, he met boys he found on the Internet but I didn't ask for details and he didn't provide them so I was more than embarrassed to admit to my inexperience.

"Me too," he said kissing my cheeks which were red and hot.

"I thought you—I mean… there were other guys, right?"

"I love you," he said simply as if that were the answer. His hand trailed down the middle of my body and I stiffened so quickly it was painful.

 _Professor Greene, I don't know your political or social leanings, I'm not sure of how comfortable you will be reading the next section, so I will warn you that in attempting to relay this memory, I leave no detail untouched. Proceed with caution._

He grabbed me roughly, holding on to the base and without hesitation he leaned down, his tongue surrounding my head and making me buck forward from the shock. Sounds were coming out of my mouth without permission and the room was soon filled with loud gurgling nonsense.

I have a pretty vivid imagination. I had imagined sex before, not often and always with Matty but my imagination proved greatly inadequate. I was exploding. I had masturbated before (any man who says that he hasn't is a liar), infrequently and mostly to see what the fuss was about, so I had experienced orgasms but I had never experienced this. It was pain. It was pain that was met with equal parts unrivaled pleasure.

"Matty," I whined trying to stay still as he took me farther into his mouth, my tip hitting the back of his throat. One of his hands held me at the base as his other snaked down softly teasing the inside of my thigh. His fingers were the source of electric pressure and it was building, more intense. I felt like a wind up doll, the knob connected to my navel and I was swirling into pressure so high I was bound to burst.

He scraped his nails across the underside of my thigh and I finally came. He continued sucking, pumping me dry and helping me ride out this colossal wave of pleasure that almost broke me. I understood then why Shakespeare used death as a euphemism for an orgasm, because this felt like the end, a summit so high there could be no way back down.

I lay naked and uncertain.

"I wanna see you too," I breathed in his ear.

I was mostly curious, the childish kind of curiosity of touching and feeling someone other than myself. He undressed quickly and moaned softly when I grabbed him, gulping audibly as I jerked my hand down pulling back the skin. It was strange holding someone else, the size and shape so different that your hand didn't quite mold.

"Jordan, how far do you plan to take this?" Again he was asking questions I had no clue how to answer.

"How far can I go?" I asked.

"I love you." It was his answer to everything.

"Here," he said passing me a condom in a black foil package.

"I don't know how to use it," I admitted, sitting up on my knees. He smiled, ripping the package open with his teeth and placing it on my tip using his thumb and forefinger to roll it back towards the base.

"I'm sorry I sorta suck at this." He wrapped his arms around my neck and pulled me back down to him kissing me very sweetly once, twice, three times as if he were experimenting with the pressure.

"Jordan, just touching your face is amazing."

I stuffed my tongue into his mouth inexpertly. I didn't feel like I had to know anything I just had to feel; and I felt so much.

Love mostly but everything, every single emotion; though some where stronger than others.

Jealousy, for every man who ever touched, held or kissed Matty before me was a close second.

Anger, for giving into something that I didn't understand, but at the time, the same anger that I hadn't done it sooner.

Fear. What was I doing with him and what would that mean for us? But those all followed the love and the lust, which was so powerful all I could care about was joining with him, feeling him all around me.

"I love you, Matty." I don't know why I said it then, or at all, but it was true. I loved him then, I love him now and I would love him always.

"You didn't have to say it," he sighed a large tear trailing down his face and back into his hair.

"I love you," saying it again felt even better. I kissed his cheek and he smiled, tears still streaming into his hair.

"I love you too," he breathed placing his hands on my hips and urging me forward. I had to push much harder than I expected to enter him. He covered his face with his forearm and I couldn't bear it, I pulled it away holding it above his head and searching his eyes.

"Are you okay?" I asked kissing the tip of his nose which was all I could reach from that angle. He smiled a smile so wide and white, it lit up the dull room around us and fought with the moon sparkling through his window.

"You love me." I nodded and he smiled even bigger, pushing his hips to meet me.

He fell asleep in my arms and I watched as the moon was replaced with the sun. he never returned.

*#*

A week ago, if someone had told me Jordan had been with a man, I would have been surprised but thrilled. I thought it would have been encouraging, but it wasn't. I wanted to know that there was a possibility that we could be together, but it seemed all that more improbable that he could feel for me the way he felt about Matty, and it just made the burn of his rejection that much more evident.

I could tell by the way he wrote that he was young when he wrote this, less experience as a writer, though it far out-shadowed anything I had ever written, it was not up to the quality he was capable of and his voice was missing. His written voice was what I fell in love with, honest, raw, bold, insightful but I knew it was him and that every word he wrote, he meant.

Did he mean to hurt me by giving this to me to read? Or was it his way to let me down easily, to tell me without having to tell me that his heart belonged to someone else?

When I looked at it as a student, reading it again and seeing how he had put every intimate detail out to pasture made me see why he had given me the C. I had written a puff piece, with veiled revelations and insights into my life, but I didn't really say anything at all. I made reference to sex, to kisses, to love, to heartbreak but I didn't show them, in essence I didn't show anything and I wanted to.

I spent the night rewriting it. It was too late, the due date had already passed but I had something to prove. I skipped my patrol and Embry called my cell many times, but I ignored it, printing out the final draft sticking it in the presentation binder and hopping in my truck.

I had never been to his cabin but I knew the direction and I let my sense of smell guide me the last half of the way. It looked almost exactly as I had dreamed it would, small, quaint, hidden.

He was inside, alone though I could hear him talking. At first I thought it was to himself, but when I got closer I heard the distinct pauses of a phone conversation. There was a fire burning in the fireplace, I could smell it although the overcast night clouded the smoke from the chimney.

"No, not like you Matty... it's different." The way he said his name was enough to make me want to run. Matty. Matty. Matty…fuck Matty!

I forgot why I even bothered coming here, sprinting towards my truck and trying to leave before he smelled me but I was too late as my hand touch the handle he stopped me.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 28: The Grey Light**

* * *

A/N: Okay so again I will warn you **this chapter also includes graphic sexual description** but seeing as you are reading about a gay werewolf I assume you would be expecting that, just being safe.

*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#

He stopped me, dashing out the door after me and pulling my hand off car door handle, not releasing it when I turned to face him.

"Mark," he sighed, putting his other hand on my hip, it burned like a ball of fire on my skin. I wished he would stop, it was the cruelest form of punishment, gentle touches that meant nothing to him.

There was this static current between us, magnetic in the way it drew me closer to him, my head tilting forward until our foreheads almost touched. He breathed through his nose inhaling deeply as if he were trying to memorize my scent. It made me self conscious; did I smell good to him?

"I-I wanted to give you this," I stumbled, finding any reason to break away from him. I turned over leaning into the open window of my truck and passing him the portfolio.

"Better late than never," he smiled, taking it from my hands. His finger brushed mine very deliberately, but I tried to stop myself from reacting this time.

"Um, yeah," I said grabbing the door handle again when he stepped away. There wasn't really anything else to say, he was still hung up on Matty, and I wasn't going to be his Mason. I wasn't going to be there for his pleasure, I wasn't sure if that was what all of this touching and this flirting was about, but the idea burned nastily in the back of my mind.

I didn't want to be a body, I wanted him to like me, I wanted him to fall for me, the way I was falling. Actually falling was the most blasphemous understatement, I was stumbling, crashing, colliding into him and it wasn't like Taylor.

Before I thought I would never love anyone the way I loved Taylor and that made me sad. I was right, I would never feel the same about anyone but Taylor. This new feeling though, this bone melting, lung expanding, knee weakening emotion was stronger.

"Did you think um…did you like my— my piece. I mean did it help you with yours?" He asked as I hopped into the cabin of my truck.

"Yeah, it was good. Thank you, Professor," I said coolly, desperate to put more distance between us.

"You kissed me," he said loudly as I turned the key in the ignition. It sounded like an accusation but I wasn't denying it, we were both there.

"So?" I shot back. I had no idea what he was trying to get at.

Was he asking for an apology? Did his supposed asexuality make the kiss unbearable and he wanted my sincere apology. Or was he at a point where he knew he couldn't have Matty and he wanted a cute little gay boy to be his undercover lover? Was him pointing out that I had kissed him his way of saying I should just blow him while I was at it? Or was he trying to discuss it with me like a professor would? _I'm flattered but it's not appropriate._

"So nothing... Never mind…Bye Mark." He turned away, his shoulders slumping a bit as he went. I nodded to myself, my sign to keep strong. I wouldn't melt into him just because he was scrumptious in his tight jeans and undershirt, which stretched dangerously over his developed chest. I was going to learn to be strong and independent. I huffed to myself while adjusting the mirror and shifting the truck out of park. He was beautiful. So so beautiful, life was truly unfair. If I had been born earlier, much much earlier would I have been his Matty?

I drove a few feet before I heard him speak again, "Asshole."

That was it, the last fucking straw. After days of mourning for him he had crossed the line. I stopped the truck halfway down the path and dashed out not bothering to close the door. He ignored me and continued to walk back toward his door so that he was turned away when I pushed him hard, so hard that he almost fell face first in the dirt.

"I'm the asshole? Really? Fuck you Jordan! You are such a fucking douche! You think you're so enlightened, so fucking mature, you're not! You're just a scared little gay boy. I don't care what you say, you're gay! Even if it's just Matty you want… maybe you'll never be interested in anyone else, but that just makes you even more gay! And I'm not going to follow you around like a hopeless pup waiting for you to get a clue!" I screamed pushing him again.

"I'm not the scared one," he breathed grabbing my hands before I could push him again, and pinning them to my side.

"What's that supposed to mean? You know what I want. I kissed you and—" He cut me off with a kiss, swinging me bodily towards his cabin and crashing me hard against the cold stone siding. It didn't hurt but the passion behind it made my stomach churn. I moaned loudly as he pushed himself into me, forcing his tongue into my mouth. He tasted perfect, like pomegranate and black tea, his round flat tongue rolling slowly around mine.

"Stop it," I whined trying to push him off of me, he pulled back but didn't separate from me. I didn't really want him to. He trailed his lips up the side of my face, nibbling at my earlobe.

"Isn't this what you want, Mark?" He asked roughly, continuing to leave soft but passionate kisses along my neck. I did want this, I wanted him so bad but not if he was imagining someone else while we did it.

"I um—Jordan, I don't… God can you stop? Please, I can't think!"

"Then don't think," he said pressing himself fully against me so that I could feel him completely so hard and warm. "I'm done fighting with you, Mark."

"But I don't want to be your Mason, oh God your lips are so soft," I moaned as he took my ear lobe in his mouth. When he bit down lightly and I regained composure enough to speak.

"I want to be your Taylor, Jordan," I mumbled incoherently as his hand snaked up my shirt.

"What?" He asked scraping his nail over my nipple.

"Uhhh," I moaned, pulling him back for a kiss.

"I don't want to be a replacement, I want you to really like me," I panted pulling my lips away as he guided me up the stairs and into his front door. He closed it behind him, removing his shirt before he spoke.

"I do, Mark… probably too much," he whispered, his breath coming out in hot heavy puffs against my skin.

"Oh, thank God," I moaned, pulling him back to me.

Every movement and feeling after that was amplified, my skin humming every time we touched. He pulled at my shirt, grabbing the brim and slowly urging it upward. I held my arms above my head to help him but when the shirt was over my face obstructing my view, he stopped.

"Do you… _like_ me or do you _want_ me?" He asked while the shirt was still over my face, and I couldn't see him. He leaned in kissing me through the thin fabric of my shirt. It was the most frustrating kiss I ever encountered. I couldn't see him, and his lips still felt so far.

"Both, Jordan," I whispered, rushing to get the shirt off my face. He let his hands fall naturally, his fingertips brushing my torso on the way down, it tickled in the best sort of way. He ran them back up my body again starting from my belly button up to my hard nipples.

"Both," he repeated into my chest, one of his hands rested around my neck and the other on my cheek.

"Kiss me," I begged and he complied, placing the softest kiss on my lips. It was perfect, no kiss before and no kiss after would ever compare; it made my hands sweat, and my pulse race. His tongue was slow but insistent spreading my lips and meeting mine with force.

Everything was soft and slow. He kissed me again and again, pulling away just to come back and reapply the pressure. It was so frustrating and as if he read my mind, he sped up, not pulling back but crushing his lips on mine, faster and hungrier.

When we were shirtless inside and alone, he pushed me hard against his front door, his hands placed on either side of my head so that I was locked in place, though I didn't want to move. I couldn't move and I couldn't breathe and I didn't want to. I just wanted to kiss, to press, to feel. After a while when my panting got noticeably loud, he grabbed my hand, lacing each of his fingers between mine and leading me to his bedroom.

It was probably the biggest of the rooms in the small cabin, and it was perfectly his. The walls were made of the same big stones that made up the exterior, the furniture was big and sturdy made of light wood and the decoration was minimal. There was a silver lamp that looked like a tree on his night stand and one big ink painting in a thick black frame hung low above the bed. I knew by the frame and the signature that it was one of Claire's paintings, it was simple but passionate, it reminded me of Jordan and I thought fleetingly she must have made it special for him.

The room was clean, immaculately clean and simple. His wardrobe was a solid light wood with minimally carved doors that matched the headboard of his bed. There was a big matching desk covered in at least a dozen spiral notebooks, printed papers and a stack of portfolio projects, and pens; a menagerie of writing utensils tossed around so that it resembled a stationary cemetery.

The small old-fashioned television in the corner looked like an antique, from the time before all televisions went flat and digital. It looked as if it belonged in a museum but it just added to the room's charm. I was surprised to see it glowing, providing the only dull light in the room. It wasn't an old black and white, but the light it emitted was almost grey, lighting his face from the bottom and accentuating his beauty. He laid me flat on the bed, settling between my legs which I spread to allow him room.

I was straining so hard against my jeans that it hurt, confined tightly as he let his weight rest entirely on top of me. His kisses slowed again, his tongue slowly coming out to meet mine. He pressed himself into me in a slow rhythm, poking the inside of my thigh with his stiffness.

"You smell like the spring," he spoke into my mouth, not breaking contact with our lips. He breathed so hard, so loudly, my need for him amplified. The television was on mute, so the only sound in the room was our racing hearts and his rough breaths.

"You smell like winter and ginger." I wrapped my arms around his back as he smiled, stretching my hands around his back and pushing him harder into me. The skin on his back was soft, silky and warm, and his scent was positively enveloping. I was entirely encased in a bubble of Jordan.

He was simultaneously hard and muscled, while being soft and snuggly. If this were any other night, a night when we weren't panting and desperate to touch each other, I could see myself cuddling with him, wrapped in his arms watching his ancient television or reading together.

He lifted himself off of me with one arm so that he could look at me again, his eyes automatically went down to my jeans to the tightness in my jeans. He bit his lip and the position allowed me a clearer view of him. I had seen him shirtless before, but being able to see him now felt so much more personal. Jordan was like art; he was extremely broad, his shoulders wider than my own and tanned to a perfect honey brown. He shifted when I leaned down and licked his small brown nipple. When I bit down softly he groaned and the shift in his body added pressure directly to my throbbing erection.

"Your dad's going to kill me," he cried as I bucked up into him, the denim of my jeans making a perfect friction.

"Fuck him," I groaned loudly into his mouth, and he took the hint rolling his body into me, making the pressure more frequent and maddening as he kissed me.

"I'd rather not," he joked smiling as we kissed.

We set a rough, consistent tempo, rubbing our bodies together to the sound of soft moans emitting from both of us as at different times and with varying force. When our kissing and rubbing wasn't enough, when our moans became so close together and loud that it was almost embarrassing he stopped, rolling off of me with a "hmph".

"Sorry, I—yeah," he whispered, rolling on his side to look me in the eyes. I was uncomfortably hard, breathing as if I had run the marathon and my cheeks burned like fire.

"Do you want to stop?" I asked praying he'd say no. Jordan looked just as flustered as I felt, rosy cheeked and popping a pant's tent so large I started to fidget thinking about the eminent possibility of it entering me.

It was scary but I couldn't stand the distance, I felt cold without his warmth against me. I gave him a chance to stop me, scooting closer to him inch by inch until we were lying so close I could see the dark flecks in his eyes. We breathed in unison deep and fast, and when our breathing finally steadied his kissed me again, first soft and gentle then hard and fast. Then we were on again, hotter and more exasperating than before.

His hands were rough and steady as he unbuttoned me, unzipping my fly and diving under the denim until he was holding me. I hissed at the contact and lifted my hips as he urged the jeans down and off of me.

I lay naked, embarrassingly naked in front of him and when he looked down at me, I felt as if I were on fire. He cocked his head to the left as he handled it, firmly tugging and jerking me. The bed was big but we still had the issue of size. He angled himself half on top of me, one hand on my cock the other all over me.

There was pressure everywhere, the pressure of his hands, of his body, of his clothed shaft against my naked thigh, of his lips on my shoulder and neck, of my heart trying to escape my chest. I unbuckled his belt, unbuttoned and unzipped him in such a fevered hurry I didn't even look at him, really look at it before he flipped me over and pressed against my entrance. He gave me a chance to stop him but I leaned back, taking a deep breath as spit at my entrance and thrust inside.

It burned, the intense discomfort of his stretching pressure but we were one. He was connected, like part of me.

Three slow, strong thrust that he accented with small puff of breath was how we began. He held onto my hips, pushing my head farther down so that it rested on the bed, my ass held high. The new angle made each thrust like bolts electricity. I had researched anal sex more times than I'd like to mention, but I never actually knew it could feel like this. I had of course come across words like prostate stimulation and orgasm enhancement, but it wasn't until I experienced it that I believed it.

"Uh!" It was the loudest sound to ring though the house since we got in because every word we spoke was a whisper, every moan was muffled. The sound came from me, strong and deserved as he picked up speed, kissing softly across my back. I turned my head to watch him as he added strength to each thrust.

His bottom lip was held firmly between his perfect white teeth, his eyes closed as he softly kneaded my spread cheeks. When he opened his eyes to see me watching him, his cheeks turned rosy red but he smiled and settled on his knees so that he could reach my lips with his. I turned my face all the way back struggling to kiss him, his tongue snaking forward to meet mine.

The farther inside he reached the better it felt, he stimulated my spot with strong strides. I arched my back and it felt even better but it became almost impossible to kiss. I wanted both, I wanted his soft sweet tongue rolling against my own and his hard member pumping hard inside of me.

He groaned in frustration when the position of my head became too uncomfortable for my neck and I had to turn back. He pulled out of me grunting loudly in disappointment and turned me over gently, kneeling at the foot of the bed so that I could see him fully now.

The glow from the old-fashioned television was still the only source of light, but my heightened eyesight made is easy to see him without straining my eyes. He was perfect, but then he knew that, he had to. His shaft was slightly darker than the rest of his body and his enlarged head was ever so slightly red.

Jordan grabbed me by the thighs dragging me farther down the bed so that I was lying flat on my back knees bent. I felt more exposed than before but it didn't matter, his eyes were appreciative, taking in my erection which was painfully hard and lying against my stomach. When he entered me again, it didn't hurt much and he was free to kiss me, kiss me in cycles: soft and sensual then hot and passionate. He grabbed my cock with the hand he wasn't using for support, and with little skill, he wrenched and yanked me; it didn't hurt but it wasn't ideal. He didn't know what to do or how to do it, and that made me like him all that much more.

"Is that, okay?" He breathed looking down at it.

I chuckled my heart swelling at the sight of him excited and abashed. I reached for him, softly kissing his cheek before I reached my hand down and curled my fingers between his, guiding him to a strong steady pace.

"Sorry," he whispered in my ear and I smiled at him as he thrust again, filling me. I wanted to encourage him, to tell him any touch he gave me was amazing and that I just wanted to be with him, but his strong administrations became too distracting.

"Don't stop, please," I pleaded as I felt myself climbing, my breathing becoming audibly irregular.

He came seconds before me, making one hard thrust before he shot hot and hard inside of me. He stopped his jerking for a second slumping forward and kissing my lips softly as he softened inside of me. When he pulled out he started working on me again and I exploded quickly under his attention, my semen splattering against him chest and on his chin, but he didn't seem to notice, brimming in something that seemed like pride.

Jordan collapsed on top of me, the sweat and sticky ejaculation sandwiched between us.

"Wow," I breathed and he kissed me, snuggling closely.

"Yeah," he agreed. We slept like that, my arms wrapped around his neck, his face nuzzled in my chest, eyes angled up so that he could look at me. We didn't talk again, breathing hard as we watched each other through heavy lids. When he finally closed his eyes, I gave in to the sleep. It was the best sleep I ever had.

The sun shining through the window was the only warmth I woke up to, rolling over twice in the large comfortable bed before I realized where I was. I sat up, covering my naked body with the thin white sheet that lie tangled at the bottom of his bed. I wrapped myself in it like a toga, heading to the bathroom to relieve myself.

I half expected him to be in their showering or something but it was empty, I rinsed my mouth with his mouth wash and took a quick shower hoping he would show up by the time I finished, he didn't. He wasn't in the bedroom as I dressed in one of his undershirts and my beat up old jeans. He wasn't in the kitchen when I came out to get a drink. He wasn't in the living room by the burnt out fire from the night before, where there were a stack of papers from my class. He was gone.


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 29: Baby Bear, Where Are You?**

* * *

He wasn't in the bedroom as I dressed in one of his undershirts, a way to surround myself in him while he wasn't there and my beat up old jeans. He wasn't in the kitchen when I came out to get a drink. He wasn't in the living room by the burnt out fire from the night before, where there were a stack of papers from my class. He was gone.

As ten minutes turned to thirty, I lost all hope of him returning and of us being together, the flourishing joy from the night before was destroyed. I would have gone straight home but I didn't want to face questions about where I'd been all night.

I knew they would all ask, though they trusted me enough not to call. I also had the sneaking suspicion that his smelled covered me though I showered thoroughly, so I called the Cameron house, which was always my go-to- place.

"Kim, um…are you busy?" I asked nervously tidying his room so there was no sign of me when he returned, I guessed that was what he would prefer, it made me feel dirty and out of place. I left my shirt though, on the foot of his bed not being able to bring myself to remove every part of me. I also wanted a reason to come back, to talk to him even though he had run like a coward.

"No honey, just hanging out with Leticia. Do you need me?" She asked with an edge of concern and the tone made my eyes water, it was the loving tone of a mother.

"Yes," was all I could say. When I got there I expected explanations if not from her then from Matty. Was this his style? Is that what happened at the end of his piece, did he runaway?

"I'll be waiting for you then." When I finished making his bed, I crept through the house like a cat burglar just as he decided to return. He was topless in a pair of black short that were soaking wet, dripping water down his legs.

"You're leaving?" He asked, passing me in the threshold to get inside.

"Um, I thought you—I mean…yeah," I stumbled over my words, not sure what the proper decorum was for one night stands. Was this a one night stand? He did say he liked me, right? I didn't imagine that, did I?

"I'm sorry I left, I thought um—you looked like—I mean, I thought you would be sleeping when I got back," he explained, grabbing my arm.

"Did you want me to be?" I asked nervously.

"Yes," he nodded, pulling me into a kiss; my entire body relaxed. I didn't realize how wound up I had gotten since I realized he was gone. I kissed him back with an intensity that seemed indecent for the early morning hours. He moaned, almost like a growl coming from his gut.

"Minty," he smiled, pulling away. I couldn't help beaming with him, so relieved he hadn't run from me.

"Yeah, I used your mouthwash, I hope that's okay."

"Yeah, of course…you have the most illuminating smile," he breathed and I kissed him again.

I had wanted to kiss him for so long, it was a desire in the back of my mind since I had become a wolf. This awkward discomfort, this need to know what he was thinking, my desire for him was at the core of it, and now that I could kiss him without any guilt, I was blissful.

"Where did you go?"

"Where were you going?" We asked in unison as he pulled away.

"I went for a run… and a swim," he said looking down at his shorts.

"I'll be right back, okay?" he asked as if he feared I would run. I nodded more times than necessary and took a seat on his futon which was white with a chrome frame. When he returned he was wearing the shirt I left in his room, my green shirt with a small Amnesty International symbol on the corner. Ethan had made us all donate to them as Christmas presents to him, my father sent a check and in return, we got four different colored shirts no one ever wore but me; he looked good in it.

"I like your smell," he explained with a bit of a blush, settling into the couch next to me. It was awkward, I didn't know whether to scoot closer or stay at standard pack member distance.

"I like yours, too," I said pointing to his shirt which was stretched across my chest. I juggled with the idea of telling him I had his shirt under my pillow at home but decided against it.

"I think it's biological, like a wolf thing…it probably means we're compatible," he whispered taking the step to move closer, I sidled in, angling my face so he could kiss him. This all felt so much dirtier in the light of day, young boy offering himself to his professor, but I didn't care. He leaned down to kiss me, it was more casual than our greeting, as if he did this every morning and it was comforting.

"I thought you were running from me," I blurted out when he pulled back and the silence became too much to bear.

"I'm sorry." He placed his hand on my knee, and it burned, I wanted him to touch me so bad but it wasn't enough. He shifted towards me and I leaned in instinctively. It was never like this with Taylor, this magnetic need to get as close to him as possible. I wanted Taylor, that was not a question, and part of me still wanted him, but that lust was a watered down version of this.

"I really like you," I said seriously.

I wasn't quite ready to tell him I kept his scent under my pillow for daydreaming and masturbatory purposes, but I did want him to be sure how I felt. He didn't respond with words, I wasn't sure if he could. I was starting to understand him but it was slow, I had never met anyone like him in my life. Solace was a bit difficult to communicate with at times but Jordan made him look like a social butterfly. He kissed me again, urging me down onto my back caressing my face before he kissed me again.

"Ditto," he whispered in my ear as I grabbed at him, rubbing his erection through the soft material of his sweats.

"So then—I mean, are we like… together, then?" I asked as he bit down on my neck. He groaned, rolling off me, it wasn't a good groan of pleasure, it was the kind of groan my mom used to make when David annoyed her with his constant questions as a child. He stood, pacing the small corner of his living room.

"Yeah, the problem with that Mark—"

"Don't say my father, please don't say my father—or Matty, don't say Matty," I added sitting up.

"No, no! It's me…I'm…just not like that," he said leaning against the large stone fireplace.

"Not like what?" I asked more alert.

"I don't…date." He didn't date, of course he didn't. He liked me but not enough to settle for me and why should he? He was an adult, this is what adults did.

"Yeah, yeah, I know, I get it," I said scrambling to my feet. I felt so childish, embarrassed I even mentioned it.

"I don't want you to go Mark," he added following me to the door.

"I- I'm supposed to meet Kim," I said waving as I left, I didn't look back.

"Mark," he called after me but it wasn't until I got to the truck that I faced him. "Can you just stay, just a little longer?" he asked, placing his large hand against my shoulder.

"I'm really… confused," I sighed, leaning against the driver's side door.

"I'm…I'm not good at this. I'm sorry," he whispered as I opened the door.

"I know. I-I don't know what I'm doing either. I um, I'm just gunna go. I think I need to talk to Kim," I said turning to open the door, he turned me back around and kissed me hard but quick, leaving without another word.

I had no idea what just happened. This wasn't like Taylor, Taylor was confused but he told me everything he was thinking. I know Jordan knew what he wanted, he lived in his head, he had a lot of time to figure it out but he hadn't explained and unless we started to communicate through letters, how could we work?

"Hey, cutie," Claire greeted me at the door, she had a few weeks before she started school, and she was spending it showering everyone with love and stories of her travels, most of which came after Quil arrived because the month before had been just as miserable for her as it had been for him.

The kitchen was full, Helen, Leticia, Kim, Taylor and Quil sitting around the table.

"Mark's here!" Claire called merrily as she entered the kitchen in front of me.

"Where's Jordan?" Quil asked looking behind me as if he were trailing behind.

Taylor coughed on his drink loudly, placing the cap on his soda before he sniffed loudly and let out a barking laugh.

"Why do you smell like Jordan?" Quil asked quickly then as if the dawning light of day shone down on him his eyes lit up. He stared first directly at me and then Taylor and when he realized how impolite that was, he stared down at the table in utter shock.

Leticia and Helen who had put two and two together earlier looked at each other with battling expressions humor and elation.

I felt as if I were on display to everyone in the circle. Claire was still in the dark, actually it was possible (having been away when the whole Taylor thing went down, that she didn't know I was gay at all) and she smiled an awkward smile before I blurted it out.

"I'm gay Claire, you know that right?." I actually hadn't said it to anyone since I told my family, it had sorta just spread through the pack so that it wasn't necessary for me to repeat.

"We should have a coming out party," Claire said earnestly. "Ooh, and we can make it like a gallery showing and exhibit all my new work too."

"That'd be nice," I said dully, waiting for Kim to say her peace. She poured herself another cup of coffee and smiled, putting her arm out as if to say _please elaborate_.

"Well was it good?" Taylor asked with a pouty lipped smile, the smile I missed.

"Was what good?" Claire demanded stamping her little foot until Quil pulled her in a whispered.

"Oh my god, you and Jordan?!" She squealed, hopping up and down and holding her hand out for a high-five.

"Did you do full deed?" Helen pressed above the roar of chatter.

"I'm not sure you want to hear this," I said to Taylor and Quil, giving them a chance to bolt as I took a seat next to Taylor. He smiled and curled his legs up tightly to his chest as if he were waiting to hear a bedtime story.

"You don't want to share your stories of man-love? I can take it, I'm a big boy," he said with a huge grin. I laughed, he had said this same exact sentence to me the day I came out to him, the first time I really shared anything with anyone.

"It was really, really…. nice."

"Nice? Nice is boring, details give me something to work with," Taylor said, his eyes sparkling so much like Kim's it was uncanny.

"Hot. Magnetic. Confusing," I added uncertainly.

"What was so confusing about it? I mean, it's pretty straight forward," Quil joked leaning in for more deets.

"I don't know…I have no clue what he's thinking so it's like I'm free falling in the dark. One minute I think he doesn't like me, then I'm drowning in him and I like him so much but I have no idea what he's thinking," I sighed.

"Oh he likes you but what does that mean for everything else? The pack is already shot to hell," Kim said sagely.

"Are ju sure he's he officially gay or just having a bit of fun with my bebe? I don't trust him," Leticia said and the motherly way she looked out for me warmed my heart.

"I don't know," I shrugged.

"Are you two going to be like out and proud? Sam's going to flip," Helen said mirroring Kim's concerned face.

"I have absolutely no clue but you can't tell anyone, I beg you. I know you have husbands but I beg your from the bottom of my pathetic little gay heart please don't say anything yet," I pleaded and they all begrudgingly agreed chatting excitedly between themselves while I stuffed my mouth with finger foods they had spread out on the table.

"Seems to me you left before you had anything figured out," Kim prodded and Taylor nodded in agreement to her right.

"Ju don't have to, he has come to ju," Leticia said with a roll of her eyes as Jordan poked his head in the kitchen. The sight of him made my stomach burn again, and I popped out of my seat like a compulsion moving toward him before I thought it through, stopping halfway to him so that I stood stupidly in the middle of the kitchen.

"Can we…" He didn't finish, looking around at the circle for a second before looking back at me. It was terrifyingly quiet, the nervous air of a group of people who knew something embarrassing but were too polite to discuss it.

"Yeah, um—see you tomorrow, Tay," I called waving as Jordan pulled me gently out the back door.

It was the middle of December, the crisp air almost identical to Jordan's scent but with the addition of decaying leaves. It was early afternoon, but it was starting to get darker already. I had patrol tonight, I had to be there in a few hours but before I did I was going to have to man up.

"I'm sorry," I started because I had made the last week almost impossible by ignoring how similar we really were. How scared I would have been if I had had him in my life just five months ago.

"Can we talk, no fighting just talk? I don't want you to think that—I don't know. I don't know what you're thinking," He said quickly.

"But I have these," he said passing me a stack of three identical red spiral notepads, the type you would leave by a phone for messages, the type he used to record his thoughts.

"You're giving these to me?" I asked confused, he smiled.

"No, I um need them for my new book, but these three are all about you," he whispered as my phone rang snuggled tight in my back pocket.

 **Home.**

"Hello?" I said giving Jordan an apologetic smile.

"Baby Bear! Where are you?" My mom cried and Jordan turned, trying to bow out without a goodbye, but I wasn't going to let him go.

"Hey mom, I spent the night with a friend, um…I'll be back for dinner but I gotta go," I promised hanging up before she could argue.

"These are about me?" I called and he nodded, not turning to face me so I ran around the front.

"I want to know you better," I said honestly.

"Okay," he whispered.

"And I can respect your need for privacy but I don't want to be treated like a dirty secret." This was important to me. I could understand him not wanting everyone in the pack knowing about us, but I also didn't want to be hidden like what we were doing was wrong.

"I don't care what they think," he said stepping closer.

"And I don't want to communicate with letters, I want words, spoken words. I want you to tell me what you're thinking," I demanded with a little stomp, he smiled, cupping my face with his hand and kissing me softly.

"I like you. I like you very much," he whispered and that was enough, I didn't care who was watching or what they'd think I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him to me. It was bliss.

"I'm not trying to keep you secret but do you mind moving this back to my place," he panted, kissing me again.

"Yes, please," I breathed pulling him towards my truck which I sped off in, forgetting all about my house and family.


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 30: The Notebooks**

* * *

In the light of day, without the dreaded fear of abandonment, his cabin looked different, larger, warmer, softer, and more modern. The outside was made of huge stones in differing shades of grey and the roof was made of wood. At first glance it was like a fancy cabin you rented with friends in the middle of the woods but when you looked closer you could see the obvious money put into it and the hints of permanent inhabitants; the touches of Jordan that painted every corner of the room.

It was laid out like a loft apartment, one floor with minimal walls and high ceilings. There were two walls that sectioned off his room and bathroom, in the middle of the cabin there was a half wall that divided his seating area from the kitchen/dining area. It was tall and wide enough to obstruct the view of the kitchen but it wasn't high enough to reach the ceiling which was high and had bare wooden beams visible so that it reminded me a bit of a barn.

The divider walls were the only traditional dry-wall walls and they were all painted a very light sage green, so light in fact I thought they were beige until I looked close. His living room was small, the smallest room in the house other than the bathroom. There was a large fireplace, huge bookshelf and a futon which took up most of the space.

Against the half wall were two matching multi-leveled bookshelves that looked like more complex versions of his coffee table. They were glass with twisted chrome frames. They had four rows of glass shelves for the huge variety of books he possessed, the bookshelves were placed side by side so that they looked almost like one really wide case. In the middle of the room a simple coffee table with a thick glass top and bowed chrome legs. His futon had thick, comfy looking white pillows and a simple chrome frame, and sitting just beside it was a miniature version of his coffee table which held the telephone and internet router.

The only real decoration is this room were paintings, not Claire's, these were scroll paintings; the type you seen in Chinese restaurants, except authentic and not printed on glossy paper. There were four of them, about two and a half feet long and one foot wide, each encased in simple glass frames and placed vertically side by side depicting a mountainside during the four seasons in water colors with grayish undertones and bright accents. They hung above his simple fireplace, suspended by steel wires from the ceiling because the wall behind it was made of stone.

"Who decorated your house?" I asked, embarrassed I didn't notice it's obvious splendor earlier.

"Do you like it?" He asked nervously and when I nodded he sighed, "Andy."

He said it with meaning, as if the name had weight, scratching the back of his head while he watched me.

"Ex-boyfriend?" I asked quietly, he was sort of a mystery to everyone. As far as I knew he had a harem of boys before me, and I should be prepared for it, though I doubted many people would put up with his courting rituals.

"I don't um, date, but she was sorta like an ex, yeah," he said latching the door behind me, his hand grazing my arm.

"She?" My heart gave me away, accelerating at an uncomfortable speed. I don't know why it upset me more than the idea of another man, but it did.

"Andrea." He nodded twice, pulling me further into the room and kissing me, what I imagined he wanted to be reassuringly, but it didn't work. This house was new and if she decorated it, she was not old news.

"She um... she lived here?"

"No-no! I'm the live alone type and we, um, didn't work. She's an artist though, and she helped me with the place," he said obviously trying to change the subject, I didn't bite.

"So, you're like… bisexual." I wanted to be blunt, I didn't have a problem with bisexuals but I needed to know that he did at least **want** me, that it wasn't experimenting.

"I'm Jordan," he said pulling me to him. "And Jordan like Mark. I'm not researching or testing, I like you."

"How many people have you been with?" I asked, trying to sound as if it didn't matter. It was the adult way to approach it, for safety, not because if his number was over five I might die of insecurity.

"Just the two you know about... and you?" He asked looking up at me from behind his thick charcoal lashes.

"Just you," I pouted and he pulled me closer, taking my pouted lip between his.

I had enough talking, I wanted him all over me and now. I walked backward, pulling him to me until we were in the middle of the living room.

"God your body," I gasped urging my shirt off of him with such force I heard it rip... I didn't care.

We weren't making it back to his room, everything was wound up so tight I was straining, close to the popping point. I wanted him, on me, around me, under me, on top of me, inside of me, I just wanted him in every way. I dropped to my knees, almost on instinct; it was something I knew he liked though, having never done it, I wasn't sure how I would compare to Matty. Did he compare me to Matty… or worse Andrea?

He kept his eyes on me as I unzipped him, pulling him gently out of his boxers, which were a surprise for me, blue and soft cotton like a t-shirt. I didn't know any wolf who wore boxers, or any underwear really, but then Jordan was different in many ways. I was so tall that even on my knees I had to crouch and he took the hint taking the two large steps and dropping down on the futon which creaked under his weight.

I tasted the tip first, unsure of how I should begin, he sucked in breath as I enclosed it with my mouth. I decided to mimic Kara. She had done it once, the weeks before the end of my junior year, I didn't ask, actually I didn't really want it, but I watched her as she did it, simultaneously fascinated and mortified.

I don't know if there are different styles to oral sex, but I went with what I knew. I'm sure there was a whole chapter of Jace's book about it and I reminded myself to ask when I saw him next, but now I was on my own and I liked it. I liked the way he moaned keeping his mouth closed so that it was like he was humming. I liked the way he grabbed my hair. It wasn't demanding or possessive, it was as if I were his anchor, keeping him from floating away. I liked the way he squirmed and clawed at the white pillows of the futon. I like how he bucked wildly, sliding farther down my throat, pulling me off of him before he came. I liked that he apologized for cumming and I like the sweaty warmth of his body when he pulled me to him. I like that he kissed me without hesitation, and in a way that said without a doubt he appreciated my effort. And above all else I liked Jordan and his... man bits.

"You liked it," I breathed rolling on top of him with a smile. He traced my back with his fingertips and when he got to my ass he squeezed grinding me into him.

"I love it when you smile," he said digging his nails in my back urging me closer.

"You know that's what people usually say about David."

"I, um, never noticed his," he said kissing me softly, it was so nice, this mutual need to kiss, but I still felt shy under his heavy gaze.

"Well we're identical so I guess it's the same."

"It's not your teeth or lips, it's um- your eyes. And you guys aren't exactly identical," he scoffed.

"Really?" Most people couldn't see the difference at first glance, actually most teachers confused us, until they heard us speak and it angered me. Not that there was anything wrong with him, I just hated losing that essential bit of me.

"Yeah... I mean, I see the similarities, but you're really... _Mark_ ," he said as if my name was an adjective.

"I have a whole notebook about your eyes... I mean- sorry." He blushed and I kissed him on the apple of his cheek. We rolled over on the small futon which we were only half on top of so that I could grab the notebooks he gave me. I had dropped them on the coffee table when we entered, before kissing and fellatios got involved.

"Not those... I didn't give you all of them," he admitted, pulling me even closer still.

"You have more than three and one of them is entirely about my eyes?" I asked skeptically.

"No, it wasn't all about your eyes, I mean the way your eyes looked when you did things— that's embarrassing axctually, can I not tell you?" He said distracting me with a kiss.

"Sure, it's just… wow!"

"Sorry, I just... I haven't felt this way for a while... I wasn't sure about it, so I guess I was a little reminiscent of a stalker," he admitted and I kissed him with force, rolling my tongue against the roof of his mouth.

"I have your shirt under my pillow for...fantasizing and practical use," I admitted with a wriggle of my eyebrows to make sure he got my gist, he did, his eyes turned black, dilated with lust and it made my stomach drop like the final fall of a rollercoaster. He growled, hopping out of his futon and kneeling before me, pulling at my pants.

"Show me how you do it, how you like to be touched," he breathed. He said it with such fevered determination the hairs on my arm stood at attention.

"Could we maybe do it in your room, under the covers?" I pleaded turning my face away, it felt awkward, impossible even to be so naked when the sun still shone in the window like a spot light on my junk.

"Come on." He put out his hand helping me up and guiding me to his room naked and hard as stone.

When we got to his room, like a fire had been lit under him, he threw me down on the bed, panting heavily. I pulled him down and pressed him against me, I never felt anything so perfect in my life, me and him, almost as close as we could get, skin on skin.

"I've never wanted anything as bad as I want you," he whispered, barely a breath floating past my ear.

"Do it please, I need it," I begged spreading my legs a little wider. He came closer but didn't enter and I felt weak with anticipation, dropping my hands between us to urge him forward.

Today, not caught up in lust we took longer, we went slower until slow was too hard to maintain and we had to race to the finish. When I shot off, he had a shirt ready, the broken one from earlier, to stop it. After he took the shirt away, he cleaned my tip with his tongue. I got hard again, much faster than should have been possible.

"You taste…do different people taste different?" He asked allowing me to settle into his arms.

"I don't know, I've never tasted anyone but you," I said honestly.

"You taste good."

"It's a wolf thing, it means we're compatible," I mocked and he laughed, his laugh was beautiful and I realized as he did it that I had never heard it before. In all the time I knew him I'd heard him chuckle, giggle, growl and event grunt but never a real laugh.

"Have you ever studied the theories of biological attraction?" There was something new in the way he talked to me now, something that made my heart patter, something natural and comfortable and familiar.

"No," I said memorizing the line of his jaw as he spoke, before I remembered something.

"Questions about me?" I burst out without explanation

"What?"

"You have a notebook of questions about me?" I asked tracing his cheek with my index finger. I couldn't stop myself from touching, pressing, holding him in some way, it was magic.

"Yeah…you're difficult to read," he admitted. He rolled over, reaching for the bottom drawer of his night stand and giving me the nicest peek of his ass.

"Here." He handed me a fourth red spiral notebook like the ones he'd given me earlier.

"How do you keep up with these? They all look the same?" I asked flipping the booklet open.

"Color and order. You're red… the questions are number 2 of 6," he said pointing to a small number on the corner. I flipped it open and the first question burned, a nagging question that I never imagined he or anyone would think to ask: _Did he know on some level that Taylor wasn't gay?_

"Sorry, I forgot what was in there," he said trying to pull it away I stopped him.

"Yeah…I knew but it didn't make me want him any less. How 'bout I answer every question in here and you answer one each for me?" I offered and he nodded, kissing my collarbone as I spoke.

"What happened with you and Matty, how did it end?"

"I ignored him. When he came back home for the first time at Collin and Helen's wedding, I didn't know what to say or do, so I just… avoided him. When he came back for summer, he was already in love, the first guy after me was Ryan. They dated for two years then he got Tyler. Tyler lasted through most of his master's degree, then Niccoli once he got to the zoo." He told the story with little emotion, though the way he memorized each boyfriend and time period told me he still thought about it. I turned back to the notebook unsure of how to respond, there were a few questions on the next page, the thing that stuck out was Taylor's name again. _How many times was he intimate with Taylor and to what effect?_

"To what effect?" I chuckled and he nodded, grabbing the notebook back from me.

"Never fully, not like us," I said liking the sound of us.

"We messed around twice and to the effect of sexual gratification," I answered with a smirk.

"How about you and _Andy_?" I said her name a bit childishly but I didn't care.

"How many times did we have sex? Or what was she like?" He asked running his hand from my ribcage to my hip. He didn't wait for me to narrow it down he just plowed on.

"We were together for about a month, I met her through the publishing house, she did the cover art for my book. We um… were together many times but we, I don't know we're too similar, it made things difficult."

"And the sex?"

"Was sex," he said simply.

"Was it good?" I pressed.

"Mark, when I… I don't just do it, unless I like someone, like really like—if you like someone then the sex is good, right?" He was reasoning with me, but this roaring jealousy was making it hard for me to see his reasoning.

"Was it better than this?" I asked pointing between us.

"Different… it was— I liked her, but I didn't love her… and I didn't want her as much as I want you. I've never wanted anything as much as I want you," he said seriously.

"Flip to the back," he instructed, licking the periphery of my ear. I gurgle like a baby, I'd never felt anything so amazing in my life. I flipped to the middle.

 _Lawrence or Jace? He smells like Lawrence but leans into Jace._

"Farther," he said flipping a few pages until I was at the back. _Why did he kiss me? Did he like it as much as me? Is there any way he thinks about me as much as I think about him?_

"More. I think about you more, all day sometimes. You're entirely consuming," I breathed, adjusting myself so that I was on top of him, his hard shaft sandwiched between us. The sun outside was setting, making the room darker by the second as if someone was dimming the lights in a movie theatre.

"I have to go," I groaned.

"Don't," he pleaded, pushing his hips up so that he was pressed against my entrance. The warm wetness of his tip coated my hole and with a _what the fuck_ kind of sigh, and I eased myself onto it. Every time he entered me I had to adjust. I thought it would get easier and that it would stop hurting but it didn't, but then other than the pain of loving and losing Taylor, I had never experienced any pain that was so worth it. The heat from our bodies made it feel almost as if I were melting, and our lust made everything, painful or not, intoxicating.

"God, you feel so good," he moaned, at the moment I could think of no better compliment. I never could have imagined wanting, needing or feeling so much for anyone in so short a time, there was no other word for it: I was in love.

"Food," he announced after I collapsed. I was drained, entirely drained of energy but full of Jordan the best way to be in my opinion.

"Do you want me to cook?" I asked as he slid out of bed.

"No, I always cook…do you want to get cleaned up?" he asked pointing to the bathroom which was just off the side of his room.

I followed him in and we showered in an oddly platonic way, kissing a few times under the cool water before we got out. His shampoo was ginger carrot infused blend for deep conditioning that promised a shiny gloss and it made me giggle. He didn't seem to care about his appearance at all , not that he needed to worry because he was so handsome, but he took good care of his hair.

He was an anomaly and I wanted to know everything about him. He threw me clothes casually but watched me with heavy eyes as I dressed. It made me feel oddly powerful that someone as smart and gorgeous and seemingly unattainable could look at me the way he did.

The smooth wood of his floor gave way to cool tiles as I entered the kitchen. Each room in his cabin had a different feel. His living room was like a futuristic waiting room, everything white, glass, chrome, clean and slick. It had a hint of oriental style, with the small zen garden on his side table, this hidden bamboo plant that was nestled into the left hand corner of his futon, which I only noticed as I went down on him, and his coaster which were white but had large black calligraphy characters in the middle.

His bedroom was very bright and warm. The large French windows, the unvarnished light wood furniture, the grey stones of his walls, the stark white sheets on this bed, his desk covered in papers and pens, it fit him so well, a reclusive writer's den. His bathroom had the most real cabin feel, with wood walls, a big stone sink and a full glass shower.

The kitchen, however, seemed entirely discordant; beautiful, yes but somehow wrong. _Andy_ apparently had an eye for decoration, the nasty bitch, but it didn't seem like him. It was small, lots of cupboards and shelves covering the walls to maximize storage, but it looked essentially like a family kitchen; a place where a small family would settle every night to talk about their days and eat casseroles. It was bright, yellow and white accents offsetting the dull stones of the wall, with oak cabinets and a large island in the middle where Jordan was taking out ingredients. In the far corner there was a small breakfast nook with a round wood table that had four chairs, though the top of the table barely looked large enough to hold enough food for one wolf.

I walked around, as he worked. He was making pasta with mint sauce, which sounded weird but I was starving so anything would have done me. There was a distinct "country style" motif going on in the room, down to the spice rack, but unlike the set of cooking shows which seemed so manufactured, this had a natural flow like Jordan. Maybe she knew him better than I did, maybe she knew him well enough to know that this was him. He certainly looked comfortable here, chopping dried mint leaves that hung upside down near his spice rack, humming as the water began to boil.

"Don't bachelors usually eat pizza every night?" I asked.

"Healthy body, healthy mind," he recited as he crushed garlic with the back of his knife.

"I'll sorta just eat anything," I said standing next to him so our arms touched.

"My mother died when I was very young, and my Grandmother raised us. She grew up just outside of the rez, her family foraged for wild flowers and roots, and she cooked everything from scratch…. She died when I was like 14, then my sister died a little later when I was like 16. Sue Clearwater took us in on paper, but it was sort of on the understanding that the whole pack would watch out for us. Jared's mom, Cindy, taught me how to cook and I raised Michael after that. Kim made sure we were on track and your dad played the authoritarian with us, but after Crystal… I became the dad," he sighed. I kissed his cheek, not sure what to say. I was ashamed how little I knew about him.

"Are you worried about what he's going to say?" I asked and he laughed, it was a real Jordan laugh my new favorite sound.

"It wouldn't stop me," he said casually, as he stirred the sauce. I came up from behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist and resting my head on his shoulder.

"Ahem-hem-hem!" A loud, fake throat clearing cough sounded at the doorway and we jumped apart, startled more than embarrassed, or at least I was.

Solace stood in the doorway with crossed arms and a wide grin.

"Don't you fucking knock, Sol? What the hell?" Jordan howled taking the noodles off the fire and concentrating on the food, his face now a shade of deep pink.

"You gave me a key," he protested then turned to me.

"You're daddy sent me on a mission to find you. Your phone's dead," Solace informed me.

"Oh— um, I should go then," I said, attempting to slip past Solace he stopped me, pulling me and Jordan into a manly three way hug.

"Aww, guys. I'm so happy," Solace sighed only half jokingly, holding us tight until Jordan pulled free.

"Are you busy tomorrow?" Jordan asked a bit more formally then I was used to with him. I shook my head no, nervously fidgeting as Solace watched us.

Jordan sighed, taking a determined step to me and placing a soft kiss on my lips before I left. Solace did a little whoop and left us alone to say our goodbyes which were awkward and a little sad, I didn't want to leave him and I told him as much, but I was 17-years old, I hadn't been home in over 24 hours, and I had patrol tonight, I had no choice.

I stomped off with the notebooks from Jordan tight in my hand and my head held high; ready to face the music.


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 31: Ice Cream Anyone?**

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Pathetic Ramblings of a Homosexual Werewolf: Act III

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[Chorus] The final act is upon us faithful readers but again I must warn things do not and can not stay perfect for long. So prepare yourself to see some fluff, a few lemons and a family battle the likes of which La Push has never seen.

 **He is my most beloved friend and my bitterest rival, my confidant and my betrayer, my sustainer and my dependent, and scariest of all, my equal.  
-Gregg Levoy**

"I ran from La Push so you think you can give me a ride?" Solace asked, pulling on a shirt I hadn't noticed was attached to his ankle.

"Sure," I said tucking the three notebooks in the glove compartment before I started the car.

"You need to check your battery, you know that light doesn't flash for nothing, right?" Solace said tapping the glass above my flashing battery sign on the dash.

"I'll have Embry check it before I go back to school," I said turning onto the highway.

'H-how is he…Embry?" Solace asked casually. The two of them hadn't spoken or been in the same room for two years now because of an imprint but before that they were very close.

Imprints were pretty much curses around here, first my father's imprinting on his girlfriend's cousin, then Quil imprinting on a baby. Embry imprinting on the love of Solace's life. It was pretty much the same story of Trisha and Ethan, but instead of moping in her room for months over her lost love, Leticia gave in and came back for Embry. That should have been it, the end, happy ending for everyone, but Embry and Solace still couldn't look at each other when they used to be brothers.

"He's fine, his shop is good and um—Leticia's happy," I said bluntly. I knew he thought of her, that he worried about and still loved her, even if he was happy with Leah.

"Great."

"How's Leah, I mean, how's that working out?" I asked.

"Okay…she's, um…sorta crazy," he chuckled. "But that's the way I like her. You want me to, um, hang out for a while?" Solace asked uncomfortably as we drove into the driveway.

"Do you think I need protection from my dad?" I said a bit arrogantly. I was floating so high on cloud-nine, there was nothing that could touch me. He could scream, and he could huff and puff, but this house was made of disgustingly adoring love for Jordan and he couldn't blow it down.

"I was thinking more like defusing the situation, but if he decides to go to Jordan's cabin, well then Jordan might need some protection," Solace said scratching the back of his neck nervously.

"Solace, seriously?" I huffed and he smiled, the big brightly toothy Solace-grin.

"You're his baby bear," he said simply.

"I'll handle it," I said with a confident nod, he smacked his lips loudly, hopping out of my truck and walking towards the front of our house where his car was parked.

"Hey Mark," Solace called back when he reached his car.

"Yeah!" I answered my hand on the round handle of the back door.

"I'm happy for you," he said sliding in his car and speeding off before the door I was holding was wrenched open from the other side.

"Go, shower now, I'll cover you," David hissed pushing me half up the stairs after pulling me through the threshold.

"Wha-what's going—"

"Now, Gay-mo, Dad's gunna kill you!" David growled pushing me up the stairs two at a time.

"Shower!" He instructed. I was shoved in the bathroom with a fresh change of clothes and a towel without an explanation so I took David's advice, a first in my long history with David.

I didn't scrub too hard, it didn't really matter to me if he found out now or later, it was going to happen and I wasn't going to hide it. I'm gay— extremely, one hundred and fifty percent gay and it was invigorating.

"Where the hell were you?" Dad screamed on the other side of the door, I didn't answer. I changed and combed my hair out before I felt ready to face him.

"I was at a friend's," I said evenly, passing him to make my way to the kitchen. Chicken, I smelled chicken and I was starving after today's vigorous activities, we could argue over dinner and I was sure we would, my father wasn't in the habit of just letting things go.

"Which friend? The prancey one with the blond hair?" My dad asked as my mother entered, simultaneously kissing and scolding me. He didn't say it in a bad way but it still made me angry, who was he to go around using slightly derogatory made-up adjectives about my gay friends?

"Prancey is not a word," I said dully.

"I'm sorry Momma, I won't do it again." I apologized automatically when she released me and headed back to the stove, scooping out huge portions of chicken with mashed potatoes. Everything smelled delicious, and I was so hungry, I felt faint. There was corn, and potatoes that smelled like garlic, and 'shake and bake' chicken. That crispy magical chicken was known far and wide to be my favorite, in fact Leticia always made it at parties just for me, but David was not a fan of chicken, so the alternative 'shake and bake' pork chops were more common in our house. That this is most likely where he got the stupid nickname Pork Chop, but I digress.

"Answer me, Marcus," his voice was calm now as he took a seat across from me at the table. My mother placed the plate in front of me, tentatively looking between us with worry-clamped lips.

"If I said yes, would you be angry?" I asked digging into warm butter buns as he stared me down.

"Mark, you can't just run around shirking your responsibilities. You didn't even call us, when you're older and you've paid your dues a bit then you can retire and…prance around in Port Angeles all you'd like," my dad said with only partially hidden disgust.

"I wasn't _prancing_ …I was with Jordan, at his cabin." Everyone else seemed to know it was only a matter of time before he heard so I just put it out on the table so to speak. My mother dropped on a seat to my left looking confused but pleased. I had at least one person on my side, but I was trying not to think of it that way, as me versus my family—my lifestyle versus their love.

"You—you were at his house doing what?"

"Doing Jordan I'd guess from the smell of him," David chuckled from behind me.

"Thanks," I shot back at him and he shrugged with a look that read 'meh, I wanna see what's going to happen'.

David has been… the best way to describe it would be odd lately. His prolonged rejection from Trisha was starting to affect him. He hadn't talked to me or anyone from what I can guess in weeks and at times there was almost a crazed expression in his eyes that scared me.

"Mark, you can't—Emily you take this one," my dad turned looking to her for back up.

"Were you safe?" She asked casually, but a little creep of blush washed her face and before she could stop herself she burst into a smile. "Oh my God! I wish Kim wasn't still mad at me," she sighed.

"I saw her this morning, I bet if you talked to her she wouldn't—" My father stood up quickly, ripping off his shirt as he went.

"Where are you going?" My mother screamed after him, I followed.

"You're 17 years old!" He reminded me, turning back to me as he kicked off his shoes.

"Sam!" My mom called. He was turning red, something I hadn't seen since I was little and David broke and/or smashed things.

"He's a grown fucking man, he-he babysat you, the sick fuck!"

"Oh come on, Quil and Claire have the same age gap. That's not the problem the real problem here Dad. I'm gay and you can't stand it," I said with my hand placed firmly on my hip.

"Sam, you can't phase, you're retiring so get back in here!" My mom screamed from the doorway but she didn't get closer.

"Emily, he's," He stopped, pacing back and forth as we watched him. "I'm going to tear him in—"

"I'm not a child!" I screamed pulling him away from the lip of the forest behind our house where he was making a beeline.

"You're my child, you're my boy—he…I'm going to kill him!" My heartbeat was racing as he ripped free of his clothes phasing for the first time since he retired in the fall, and without premeditation I was tingling. The shimmery magic of elongating limbs and transforming spines lasted only a few seconds and I had him tackled and pinned to the floor as soon as I was done.

The night air was crisp, filling my lungs with the cold biting air that made your chest tingle. It was my favorite sensation in the summer, the feeling you got when you stuck your head too far inside the freezer looking for popsicles or hidden treasures.

 _ **Sam, calm down.**_ I warned, pushing my paws deeper into his shoulders, pinning him to the ground.

 _ **Sam? I'm your father, Mark, whether you like it or not, and you will respect me. Get off of me now. This is between me and Jordan.**_ He used his super-Alpha voice but it didn't affect me as it once had.

I rolled off of him when I was good and ready, a power play I wasn't entirely sure why I was playing. We weren't fighting for Alpha, but it did feel like we were fighting for something.

 _ **What Jordan and I do is our business, you know this is about me being gay and not who I'm gay with.**_ I said darkly, squaring my shoulders and preparing for the possibility of him trying to lunge past me.

 _ **Mark.**_ He was exasperated, unsure of where to begin, how to even start this fight, I felt the same. I hated these talks, they never got better, we just circled and circled until we were back at the same stupid impasse. I was a disappointment and he was a bad father. That's what everything boiled down to. My 12 hour bubble of happiness with Jordan was busted by my father in the first hour home, typical.

 _ **I can't let you just go around beating up my boyfriends because you're uncomfortable with me being gay.**_ I tried to stay calm, stick to the facts—he couldn't hurt Jordan, but I didn't want trouble.

 _ **Your boyfriend? He's not—this is not happening!**_ He howled inhaling deep to track him, he was determined to find Jordan tonight and settle thing. I mimicked him both ecstatic and worried to smell Jordan near, coming towards us from the northeast. He could have been driving, on foot or in wolf form, we wouldn't be able to hear him as a wolf, my Jordan was the master of mind control.

 _ **Your Jordan? Ugh god, I can't deal with this. He's my brother, Mark. I've—I've fought by his side for over a decade!**_ My dad howled in anguish, loud sick screams that filled his brain when a slip, a mind-slip I wasn't entirely sure was mine, flashed vivid images of Jordan and I together.

It wasn't mine. I knew that from the view of me from above, looking down at me. I looked better, in his mind than I actually did in person, almost as if I glowed in his eyes but the image was in and out before I could examine it. It was a memory from Jordan, and he was heading towards us.

 _ **Ha! Jordan's coming!**_ David joined in, his mind a flurry of painful thoughts about Trisha not wanting him, disgust at the very idea of giving a blow job, fantasies about getting one from Trisha and comical observations about my predicament.

 _ **Jordan if you want all your limbs you better stay where you are.**_ My dad instructed and I pushed him out of my way so bored with this show. It was a rerun of Taylor that would probably be repeated for every boyfriend I'll ever have for the rest of my life. What did he even think it proved? Was it supposed to be his way of proving he cared, because a few hugs as a child would have done the same thing?

 _ **And would you quit the wounded son act already! I get it, okay? You wish Jared was your father, everyone knows it and that's—that's fine. I never had a dad, maybe I don't know how to be one, but stop blaming me for all of your insecurities. You don't feel loved, well you are, very much. You don't feel good enough, but you are, you're better.**_ My dad said angrily pacing as Jordan's smell got even stronger.

 _ **Dad, I didn't say that you weren't a good father.**_ But I had, I hadn't said it now but that's how I felt. He crouched low readying himself to fight and Jordan emerged as a man, pulling on a pair of sweats and nothing else.

 _ **NO!**_ I howled leaping to stop my father before he reached Jordan, but I was too late. He ripped a deep gash into his arm seconds before I could stop him.

"Did you get that out of your system, Sam?" Jordan asked evenly as he approached, I shook my head to stop him but he ignored it strolling past my father and up towards the house where my mom was waiting with clothes. Jordan casually waltzing into the house and I phased back, dressing and following him inside.

"Jordan, what the hell?" I hissed and he smiled, closing the distance between us and kissing me sweetly.

"You okay?" He asked, tracing my cheek with his thumb. I nodded and kissed him again before my family reentered and he stepped back crossing his arms in front of his chest casually, his arm already healing.

"You've got a lot of fucking nerve coming here," my dad called barging into the kitchen. My mom grabbed him around the middle pulling him back towards her and he let her, settling into her side with a sour grimace.

"Sam, we're going to handle this," my mom whispered in his ear, he growled but when she groaned he stopped struggling.

"Wow, if you guys start shacking up I'll finally get my own room," David said purposely trying to stir the pot. I glared at him.

"Yeah, that'll be great since you're gunna live here forever," I said calmly pulling Jordan closer, I didn't like being in the same room as him but being so far away. His arm had stopped bleeding and it was almost entirely healed so it was easy for me to wipe the blood that dripped down his arm. He smiled at me, it was the kind of smile that reached his eyes and made my stomach flop.

"Hey! I'm on your side about the old man humping, don't gotta rub in my rejection," David said sadly, taking a seat at the table. The rest of us were at a standoff. Jordan and I stood together by the sink, my parents side by side at the door, neither side willing to budge.

"Let's eat," my mom said brightly breaking the standoff and coming towards the middle.

She stopped at the stove and grabbing a stack of dishes from the shelf above it. My dad sat at the far end of the kitchen table and Jordan and I followed his example taking seats on the other end. Under the table Jordan grabbed my hand.

"Leg or breast, Jordan," my mom asked from the oven, where she was pulling out the chicken that she had left inside to keep warm.

"Anything's fine, Emily," he said politely.

"I don't think he's a breast man," David said casually, passing me the piled plate of food I had left on the table before my father's outburst.

"David," I warned before I dug in, ripping into my chicken with my free hand. When my mother sat down and food was all handed out, Jordan let go of my hand, looking me in the eye before carefully eating his food. Like a caveman, my father tore into his food roughly with a look that clearly read he wished he was biting into Jordan instead.

"You're not allowed to date," my dad said firmly halfway through the meal after an uncomfortable half-hour silence.

"Since when?" I shot back. Jordan put his hand on my knee giving me a look that said let it go, but I wasn't going to.

"If I'm not allowed to date, then neither is David."

"Way to throw me under the bus man," David whined his mouth so full of food I couldn't look at him because it was just that obscene.

"There's no dating in the pack it's—it's just too messy," my father said more calmly then before though the tapping of his feet could be heard clearly around the table.

"You're not the Alpha anymore," I said calmly, but when he didn't seem to see that as an issue I got angry. Who did he think he was?

"You know what, _Dad,_ if you're going to go around trying to make up rules and using Embry as your puppet then maybe I—"

"I'll retire," Jordan said quickly, taking my hand under the table again, and squeezing it twice before releasing it.

"You don't have to retire unless you want you, Jordan," my mom said quickly.

"Sam, Mark is a man and he can make his own choices, but while you live here, I expect a phone call if you aren't coming home, do you understand me?" My mother said seriously eyeing us for a while before she stood up and skipped to the freezer.

"Great, now that that's settled, ice cream anyone?"


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 32: You're Mine**

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"What classes are you teaching next semester?" I asked, rolling over to see his face, he covered his naked body with the thin sheet of his bed putting it between us when I pulled him closer for a kiss. It had been a week, and other than Christmas Day which was spent with our respective families, we didn't separate, I was drowning in him and I loved it.

"Are you thinking of taking one? " He asked, running his hand down my back, making every pore of my body constrict and tingle.

"Um, would that be weird?" I asked throwing back my head as he left hot kisses along my shoulder.

"A little," he admitted bringing his face to rest on the pillow I was using, our faces close enough to kiss.

"What do you think I should take… I mean should I bother studying?"

"It'd be a waste not to, you're so smart… what do you want to be?" he asked tracing my peck with his thumb.

"Anything but a wolf," I sighed sliding under the sheet with him.

"You are a wolf, it's part of your nature, once you've phased it'll always be there even if you try to deny it," he said as I grabbed him. I couldn't help it, when we were this close, naked and together, I had to touch him. He hardened in my hand, growing as I gave him more attention.

"I love when you talk like that," I breathed in his ear, taking my spot on top of him, between his legs.

"Did you call Emily?" he asked positioning us so we were poised just on the brink of penetration. As she had requested, I had kept up my end of the bargain and called her whenever I was spending the night, which was every night.

"Yeah," I moaned, hot from the anticipation of our merge when my phone rang. He exhaled a rush of air he had been holding in his lung, and I grabbed my phone from the night stand.

 _ **Jace**_

I hadn't seen him for a while, since Jordan and I had started…doing this.

"So, what, we don't have class together anymore and you forget all about me?" Jace screamed into the phone, Jordan laughed, rolling us over and slipping on his shorts before heading to the kitchen.

"I've been…occupied," I sighed, sitting up and waiting for him to make a scene or ask with what.

"Not too busy for Taylor, he said you hung out yesterday. What? Do you think I'm going to be weirded about you bagging your uncle Professor Good in Bed?" Jace asked slyly. I could almost see his smile.

"Amazing!" I confirmed and he screamed.

"I KNEW IT!" He howled. "Okay, so tomorrow is New Year's Eve and if you aren't here, at my small private party, I'm going to have to hurt you, wolf-man." My heart raced, this thumping painful pumping filling my chest. Wolf-man?

"Wolf-man?" I croaked the back of my throat sticking together painfully. Had he seen something he wasn't supposed to.

"Um yeah, the Quileute men are like descendants of wolves, Taylor told me all about it," Jace said merrily. I was going to kill him.

"He told you about being a wolf?" I said stiffly.

"Well, yeah, that's the story right? I read up a little on it before Taylor, when Professor Gives Good Head…" he said it like a question and waited for me to respond but I just chuckled, and he continued, "was still on the market."

"So what kind of party?" I asked as Jordan came back in the room with two mugs, tea for him and hot cocoa for me.

"Just my family, Taylor, you and Professor Giant Cock?" He was insistent and Jordan, who was sitting next to be almost choked on his tea.

"Um, I can drive up with Tay, I don't think Professor Sitting Right Next to Me will be up for it," I said smiling weakly at him.

'Tomorrow?' Jordan mouthed as Jace filled me in with more details on the night's festivities, I nodded a simple yes.

"I'll go," he whispered and it was my turn to choke.

"Really?" I said loudly, and Jace, who I hadn't been listening to, continued with his one sided conversation more loudly.

"Fuck yeah, nothing says New Years like a chocolate fountain to cure our munchies."

"Um…Jordan's going to come," I said with a tone of uncertainty, he nodded in encouragement.

"Well great, grass circle with Professor Likes 'Em Young. Since um, since he's your boyfriend now do I have to start calling him his name or like Mr. Varn…wait, is he your boyfriend for real, because Taylor was being hella vague," Jace said so quickly it was hard to keep up.

"No…we're um, just um… well—"

"Just fucking?" Jace said sadly.

"Yeah," I said with more sadness. We weren't dating, we were sleeping together until…I don't know when. That was a sad thought I didn't want to explore.

"Well that's better than nothing. But how are you ever going to top that? I mean other than bagging that delicious Solace, I can't really see you doing any better," Jace said honestly, I laughed.

"Thanks, Jace," I sighed and he laughed a peeling childish laugh.

"Unless you are hiding other ridiculously hot wolf-men in La Push," He prodded.

"Better than Solace? Naw, not much tops Solace," I chuckled with him.

"Mmm, he is too gorgeous for any one person to possess, not even that sexy Amazon woman of his," Jace said seriously.

For the remainder of the phone conversation droned on about Lawrence, it made me jealous. Was I asking for too much wanting to know where we were or if he felt the way I did? When Jace was done filling me in on everything I had missed in the last week and a half, we said our goodbyes and I rolled over, straight into Jordan's arms.

"I can't believe you're coming with me," I smiled.

"I have an ulterior motive," he admitted pinning me under him. I love when he pinned me, pushed me, slammed me against things.

"Hmm?" I smiled and he chuckle, kissing along the side of my face as he took up where we left off positioning himself between my legs.

"I don't want you to be surrounded by guys when the clock strikes twelve," he said as I flipped open the bottle of lube and passed it to him.

"Heh, I wouldn't you know—I only want to kiss you," I said pulling him down to me, he smiled against my lips.

"Are you sure? I think you might be able to work on Solace," he breathed so quiet that his warm breath on my cheek was the only indicator he spoke at all.

"I love you."

I hadn't planned on saying it, actually I'd been holding it in for a while trying to ignore these crashing waves of _I love yous_ that washed over me during random moments in the day. He exhaled loudly in my ear as he thrust inside me, his loud moan breaking the thick silence since my exclamation and starting the long string of noise that would fill the cabin for the rest of the night; another I love you was not among the sounds.

We ate breakfast with my mom after my father was left for the day, he wasn't exactly thrilled about his 17-year old high school junior playing house with his 'ex-friend' as he had started to call him, so we avoided any situations where they had to be together. I wasn't going to let it bother me anymore, my entire life I'd been trying to get his approval and I'd given up, it would come in time or it would never come. I didn't care anymore.

We hadn't really spent very long apart but we had to for a few hours while he visited with his niece and nephews, so I spent the time finishing up homework that I had before break. This was technically my junior year, but with classes I had taken over the summers and AP classes before, I only had six more classes before I graduated. I was being called a senior but I didn't get to enjoy any of the perks of being a senior like not having to care about the tedious homework they gave me.

I finished getting dressed for the night just before Taylor arrived. Taylor and Jordan hadn't really hung out or been in the same room since we had started…whatever it was that we were doing. I was a little worried about it but Taylor was a big boy, even nicer than Jordan who was a bit tight lipped.

I wore all black as Jace had instructed, I would say suggested, but it was more of a demand.

Jordan at a party. A party with music and laughter. Something about that even sounded wrong, but he was a good sport from the start, when Emma jumped up and wrapped her legs around me riding me into the house.

It was decorated very simple, all of the couches covered in black, fancy masks for all the guests strewn on every table. Taylor, who had been hanging out with Jace a lot lately, was the life of the party, dancing with Mason and Sebastian and drinking beers he definitely shouldn't, all while Jordan stood by my side.

Jordan loved the mask thing; it was the best way to hide among groups of students from the college he taught at. He said it wasn't against the rules specifically, teachers were encouraged to build relationships with their students and could 'fraternize with them' outside the campus, but the joint being passed around and the possibility of people guessing that our relationship had gone a step past _fraternization_ was the worry.

"So, um, Professor Varn I was thinking about taking your composition class next semester," Emma said smiling, she was the first person to speak directly to him.

"It'd be nice to see you there," Jordan responded as she sucked on a fat pink joint.

"Do you want to get out of here?" I asked after an hour, in which two now fairly large chickens danced around Jordan's feet and an extremely drunk Taylor impressed all with his spastic dance moves.

Jace, who was to my left and apparently listening, flipped out.

"You're not leaving yet, so chill out Professor…"

"What? Too drunk to think of a good one?" Jordan asked with a warm smile and Jace, who I knew from counting, had drank at least a six pack, giggled turning red.

"Varn," Jace finished lamely.

"I like Professor Giant Cock best," Jordan said seriously.

"Yeah, I think it's a classic," I agreed, my cheeks hurting from the wide smile.

"So, you heard about that then?" Jace said blushing.

Lawrence came out from the kitchen behind him, pulling Jace into his body and kissing his cheek as he passed him another drink. Jace giggled adorably and the green-eyed jealousy monster reared its head again.

"You two are so cute together," I sighed sadly taking the joint Emma offered me as she passed, she was like the marijuana fairy dropping colorful hand-rolled confections as she tinkled around the room.

"You two, um…yeah, you too," Lawrence said clearly unsure what to say.

"We're not dating, he's just a family friend," I said automatically. It was the official story we were supposed to tell everyone but every time I repeated it, it made me sick, so I sucked down my present from the marijuana fairy even quicker, coughing on the thick sweet smoke.

"Sorry," Lawrence said quickly looking between us awkwardly.

"I think I am going to head out," Jordan whispered in my ear, it made my stomach fall but in the bad way.

"Okay, let me just make sure Taylor's got a ride," I answered quickly but he stuffed the keys in my hand.

"I'll run."

"I thought you wanted to stop me from kissing other guys," I joked, it was a few minutes from the New Year and I wanted badly to be with him, but when he turned back the passionate eyes behind his mask stopped me short and my smile failed me.

"You're a free agent, Mark. Enjoy the night," he said ripping his half mask off and bowing out. Was he mad? Was I not convincing enough in my friend explanation? Was that him breaking up with me?

"Jordan? Babe?" I called through the house following him out onto front porch which he hopped off the railing of, bypassing the people that were crowded out there waiting for the strike of midnight.

"Babe?" He said dully, he stopped six houses down but didn't turn back to look at me.

"I mean, Jordan," I back tracked, it was getting harder to control myself and be this calm casual guy when I was so in love it surrounded every molecule of my being.

"Do we have some sort of…expiration date I'm not aware of?" he asked his eyes focused on the darkened tree line across the street.

"What?"

"You're always talking about your next boyfriend or when we _stop doing this_ ," Jordan whispered, his baritone voice was even sexier in a whisper.

"What?!" I didn't talk about that ever, I didn't even like to think of the day he grew tired of me and pushed me to the side.

"It's as if you are waiting for me to dump you or planning an escape date," Jordan said turning back to me, his arms were crossed blocking me off.

"You can't technically dump me Jordan…we're not dating because you don't date remember," I smiled despite the cold feeling in my stomach.

"Words, stupid semantics—you're my _boyfriend,_ Mark, whether you like it or not," he said the word 'boyfriend' as if it were an insult, or if it hurt him to say it; entirely ruining the sentiment. The painful rejection of him not returning the 'I love you' started to creep in, and darken my mood.

"Oh, yes, because I'm the one not committing? And why do you have to say it like that? Like it would be such a terrible punishment to be my boyfriend," I howled turning back towards the house not looking back to see if he were following.

"Where are you going?"

"I think I'm going to go home too, I should probably spend some time with my family before school starts again," I said fumbling with the car keys he gave me as I made my way back the opposite way towards the car.

"Are we fighting?" Jordan asked from behind, he sounded as confused as I was.

"No, we're fine," I lied. Actually I don't know if I was lying, I know it just didn't feel fine.

"This doesn't feel fine," he breathed, a soft whisper as he made his way back to me.

I could smell him approach and it froze me. I didn't really want to be away from him, but I had put myself out there and been rejected. It sorta burned, and it made every insecurity I had about being with someone so handsome and intelligent and talented and all around perfect, come to the surface.

"It's nothing… Bye, I'll see you tomorrow?" I asked, my back was to him, I couldn't see his face but I could hear his accelerated heartbeat. When he didn't respond I marched off towards the car again to leave, and he was there- breathing hard in little puffs, his eyes a little scared as he blocked me from getting into the car.

"I love you."

Has anyone ever told you they love you when you least expect it? It's like an explosion. The fire starting near your navel and traveling up to your heart which constricts and triples in size. It sounds terrible, grotesque even, but it is the best feeling in the world.

"I love you," I answered dumb-founded, staring back at him through big shocked eyes.

"You're mine," he said more forcefully pushing me against the door of his car.

"Yeah?" I asked squirming from the quick growth in my pants and his heat against my body.

"Yeah."

I heard the countdown start in the background but I didn't wait, kissing him as the crowd inside screamed 6.


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 33: The Queer Parade Lands in La Push**

* * *

"A date?" I screamed, maybe a little bit overly dramatic.

"Well, sorta, um…you, me, my brother, his wife, dinner," Jordan listed with uncertainty.

His face falling as I reacted with added horror at every addition. It's not that I was opposed to a date, I mean, he's amazing and any time with him was treasured, especially now that we were both back in school and my mother had come up with the 'no sleep-over during the school week' rule. It's just that from Jordan's telling, Michael wasn't all that comfortable with the idea of us together. Michael and my father seemed to be the only ones that minded, life in the pack went on like nothing had changed. Our official union, which had just passed its one month mark about two weeks ago on the 1st, not that I was counting or anything, was marvelous. I didn't really want anything to change that.

"I get the concept," I chuckled darkly. Meeting the family was a big deal.

I mean, I'd met them before, Anna babysat me every week until like fifth grade but it was different now. I was his…lover. We were in love; I was his other half, meaning his family, which just really consisted of his brother's family, was going to be judging me.

My age would probably be discussed, my father definitely liked to bring it up whenever possible. My past relationship with Taylor would be another, and my continuing relationship with David.

When David found out that Michael and Anna were advocating for Trisha and Ethan's relationship, he had some not too nice things to say about it, and like the genius (read idiot) that he is, instead of keeping it to himself, he had to go ruin it for me (by proxy )and say it to their faces. He made Anna cry, which meant he was now much loathed by the entire Seattle pack, so much so that Michael and Solace were discussing breaking off as their own pack rather than have David as their Alpha. That added to my worries, which were piling up. Embry and Leticia, unaging as they were would have to leave eventually and if the line of succession didn't get sorted by then we would be in trouble.

I wasn't mad at David, I mean it's just who he is, he can't think far enough ahead to realize how making someone's wife cry might be a strike against him. Even Paul was pissed. He was always aggressive, that was just David but he had crossed the line into being a complete douche, because of the prolonged rejection by Trisha and no Ethan there to balance him out. They had that kind of relationship before, David would do or try to do something stupid and Ethan would stop him or smooth it out. Now he was just a jerk, even I was finding it difficult spending time with him; I'd never seen him so surly in my life.

Trisha and I hadn't had many encounters since we lamented the loss of our Cameron's what felt like years ago, so I didn't really feel comfortable asking her about it, but we were all praying for an end to this. Taylor even suggested magic, some magical imprint breaking. I laughed at the time but if someone told me it was possible, I'd pay for it, everything cent I had 'cuz it seemed she was too stubborn to ever being with him. So either finding a way to break it or put him out of his misery seemed preferable…

Part of me thought if she just gave in, she might get used to him—her family and David for that matter weren't going to let her be happy with anyone else, so she might as well resign to her fate, but then another part of me knew, if it was me, I wouldn't stand for it either. If my father tried to keep me away from Jordan for any reason, I wouldn't take it.

If I were Alpha, I'd change the rules.

If I were Alpha…

If I were Alpha…I'd been having that thought more and more lately. I didn't want to be, but part of me kept coming back to it, especially now that Embry was in charge.

He wasn't bad, he had been my father's second or "Beta" since Jared stopped phasing but he wasn't an Alpha, not really. He was too relaxed, too indecisive and too quick to make one sided decisions, much like my father. Worse of all, during patrol, I didn't feel any compulsion to follow him, when with my father I had, and the rest of the pack were feeling it too. It was no real secret that he was a lame duck Alpha, taking the spot until one of us stepped up. People were taking bets, the odds were in my favor, unfortunately…

Whispers had it that Embry would take off soon to travel the world with his wife Leticia, to find some of her other half-vamp siblings and he was just waiting until our graduation. It was my dad's request. He wanted us to finish our schooling before we thought of taking his place, so after a very interesting convo with the college counselor at my school, I was set to stay another year at Quileute Tribal School, though I could be done after a few summer courses. If I prolonged my time in school I could keep people from pointing in my direction, and it served the dual purpose of giving me a chance to watch after David and make sure he graduated. Truth be told, I wasn't sure if he capable of doing it on his own.

Once he was done all I'd have to do would be to patch over the Seattle pack thing and I would be free of this place and its mystical obligations. So then, if Jordan was still putting up with me, maybe we could travel before I went to college. I could lie on the sandy beaches of Mallorca, Jordan at my side with his notebook in hand.

I was getting ahead of myself, the first most important thing was to make sure David didn't fail anymore classes, even if I had to do the work myself. Then I could garner David a following, I think Embry, Seth, and Brady would be easy to sway… and what better way to start than dinner?

"Forget it," he hissed breaking me out of my daze.

"No, no, sorry I was thinking about Mallorca," I admitted and he smiled down sweeping in for a kiss. He had told me about his trip to Mallorca last week and I couldn't stop daydreaming since

"There are bigger, better places, you know?" He said allowing me to pull him down on the floor with me. He was at his desk grading papers but we were going through this kissing stage where it was impossible to keep our lips apart.

"I want to go to them with you," I whispered into his mouth. He sighed, rolling us over.

"Then finish school now and stop worrying about your brother," he huffed.

"I'm doing college stuff too," I whined. I was taking two classes at the community college until summer, and then I would be doing a full time summer load.

In truth, I was still holding out hope that I could eventually go to a real a school full-time far away from here and avoid being Alpha, but he saw that as me babying my brother.

"If you graduated this year, I could take you to Mallorca as a gift, I'm not teaching this summer," he breathed in my ear as I sucked and nibbled along his shoulder.

"If David doesn't finish school- hey wait- if they hate me because of David, you won't hold it against me right? Because seriously other than some DNA and a uterus, we share nothing," I said quickly, he chuckled rolling us so we were close to the fire.

There was no heat in his cabin, his ex Andy, was in the middle of getting it contracted when they disbanded and seeing as he didn't need it, it never got installed. The fire in his fireplace crackled but we barely noticed, running our hands over each other as we kissed, this sensual battle of tongues we had gotten addicted to.

"Anna loves you," Jordan whispered as I moved my lips to his ear, he liked it when I dragged my teeth along his earlobe.

"Do you really have to go?" I whined, looking at the time. It was 4:45pm, we only had a few hours after school together and now he was going to have to teach a class.

It was Thursday, and tonight, he would be having Intermediate Creative Writing with Jace, and I couldn't sleep over because I had class in the morning, stupidest rule ever! Besides this writing class, he also taught two composition classes and another beginning creative fiction class. I was taking two classes now: Sunday morning Eastern European History with Jace's Russian roommates: Vlad, Sebastian and Emma's brother George. It was a fun group to sit with even though, well... the topic sucked and a composition class (not taught by Jordan), apparently the class was mandatory at every school for pretty much every major.

Jace and Emma were taking the Comp 101 with me on Mondays and Wednesdays so that I wasn't the only one taking a course with Doctor Toupee as Jace officially pronounced him the first day of class.

"I've still got twenty minutes," he whispered working the buttons of my jeans.

"Great." And it was, though too short like all of our nights together now. Every amount of time with him seemed to short.

He kissed me one more time before I phased, running back home to finish my homework and most of David's. By the time morning came, I was anxiously, tapping my foot for two major reasons, one, it was Friday and I could be with Jordan all night because and two, because just as I rolled over he sent me a text message simple but terrifying.

 **Dinner plans set for tomorrow at 8:00 3**

Okay, admittedly the heart wasn't scary but the rest was making me nauseous. David, however, seemed to be in higher spirits, it was Trisha's birthday today, as he made sure to inform me at least five times before we arrived at the school. He waited for her to arrive and I stayed close behind to make sure he didn't do anything stupid…well, not too stupid at least.

Turns out I was needed; the exchange between them, if you can call it an exchange, went something like this.

Trisha: David, may I speak to you for a second?

David: [Shocked silence followed by deep breath and stupid cool guy face] Yeah, babe, whatever you want.

Me: My God [utterly perplexed at the idea that we came from the same place and shared even a splattering of DNA]

Trisha: Okay, first off, I am not your 'babe,' so you can never call me that again, okay? Secondly, I was wondering if you had plans tomorrow evening. I know there's a really cool werewolf movie playingin Port Angeles and I thought you might like to go…With me...If that's okay.

David: Holy Mother.

Me: Say something! [Literally pushing him forward]

David: [Slack faced silence]

Me: He would love to go. Did you want to do dinner and a movie or just the movie?

Trisha: Both, I suppose. He does know he'll actually have to talk for himself though, right?

Me: I think he should be able to manage some sort of conversation. [Lying my ass off]

So, it was set, the two of us had dates for the following night. David's date was first, and I think less stressful, she was obviously jumping on the imprint train, so all he had to do was show up—I, on the other hand, had to make someone like me.

The crisp wind from the open window provided the only sound in the room as he nervously arranged and rearranged his outfit. My Dad came in and played the good dad giving him a condom, and begrudgingly passing me one in an attempt to pretend my sex life didn't bother him. When David wasn't even two minutes out the driveway, Jace pulled in, towing Taylor, Emma, and Sebastian.

The queer parade had landed in La Push.

"Okay, I've brought reinforcements," Jace said seriously, looking over my Dad in obvious appreciation before prancing up my stairs like he owned the place. The rest of the crew followed, except for Taylor who just wanted to wish me luck before he went to babysitting Melody with Leah and Solace.

"Jour dad is sex. Not sexy, he IS sex," Sebastian squealed, casually kicking aside some of David's clothes before sitting on the edge of his bed.

"Yeah, très cute…good genes Mark," Emma said propping herself up on my desk.

"What are you guys doing here exactly?" I asked now over the initial shock of their arrival.

"Tay said that you were meeting the fam, huge move, so we're here to support you," Jace said quickly.

"And dress you, of course," he added flouncing to my closet which was half open, its contents pouring to the floor as David had left them.

"Of course," I added sarcastically.

"And I needed to meet with my new 'shroom supplier, he's not far from here," Emma added sweetly, there was something wholesome about drug-dealing when she did it.

"I'm already dressed but if you wanna… I don't know, do my hair," I suggested.

"You are **so** not wearing that to meet a homophobe! You need to be less fab more farm, straight guys relate to that," Jace said seriously.

"Oh don't get him started on the farm/fab thing, it's a whole chapter in his book," Sebastian sighed.

"He's right, it's all about presentation," Emma giggled passing me a perfect little pink joint. "Here, it'll calm you down, it's a new blend guaranteed to make you smell like mint."

"Thanks," I giggled placing it safely in my trinket box and watching as Jace sorted through my things.

"Okay, first, the jeans are too tight, they ain't gunna be looking at your ass, honey," Jace instructed, throwing me a pair of black pants that were once baggy.

"I think his tushy is nice," Sebastian defended.

" _Second,_ your shirt screams fashion-forward and I'm proud, believe me I take all the credit, but you need to look more…Midwestern," Jace explained. Emma laughed, throwing her head back while Jace attacked me with a clean grey shirt.

"TA-DA! Here we go, a sensible Barely Gay," he said holding the outfit against me. He was right, like Jace always was, the clothing part was only like one-eighth of the battle though, and the other eighths were the actual battle. Lucky me, it turned out to be a battle of words, a passive aggressive dance over casual dinner.

"So how was school?" Michael asked simply.

"Good, thank you." What else can you even say to that? I was at a loss from the gate. It was undeniable fact that by Western standards, I was too young for him, 17 years his junior and what's more, a literal junior in high school.

"What ya studying now, like geometry?" he asked, a veiled attack.

"Calculus," I corrected coolly, Jordan cleared his throat like calling off the dogs and we were silent.

"Did you get heat in your place yet, it's getting cold?" Anna asked warmly.

"No, we don't really need it," Jordan said quickly. We, it was nice to hear we, but Michael hadn't missed it and it put him on the attack again.

"How is Andy?" Michael asked eyeing me.

"Fine," Jordan said stiffly, it burned a little knowing they still had contact, but I tried not to look surprised.

"She was really beautiful," Michael said quickly.

"Yes, she is."

"Too bad that didn't work out," Michael continued.

"I think I'm okay with that," I said casually, Jordan chuckled.

Appetizers were filled with small talk about the weather, a welcome change to the wonder that was Andy. She sounded amazing: educated, beautiful, talented, cultured, well-traveled… I was none of those things. Soup/Salad time was easier, Anna steering the discussion to sports that both Jordan and I were ignorant to but we tried.

I was pretty sure I was home free when half way through dinner David came up, literally, he passed the wide glass window of our restaurant Trisha walking a safe distance away, but looking not entirely depressed so that was a good sign. Michael growled menacingly and a hiss I didn't plan escaped my lips as soon as I heard it. Jordan put his hand out pushing me back into my seat, though I hadn't planned on attacking. The hiss itself had been involuntary.

"Michael, you said we wouldn't—"

"I didn't know _**he**_ would be here," Michael said glancing at Anna, she was surprisingly silent.

"Michael, don't. It's not worth it," Jordan sighed.

"Yeah cuz the Uley's can do whatever they want. That's bull Jay, this isn't a monarchy, there is no royal family of La Push," Michael continued.

"Mike, babe, really," Anna warned. This was going nowhere so I took a different approach.

"I understand your anger, but he is my brother and **I** was raised to support my family," I said laying on the subtext thickly.

"Yes, when they are right, but it's also important to point out their mistakes," he said laced with meaning. He eyeballed our clenched hands and looked away, that was it for the night, enough subversive bullshit for me. I wasn't going to pander to him or play ping-pong all night around the real issues.

"So, you think our relationship is a mistake? Is it any gay relationship or just me?" I asked harshly, Anna threw her hands up, covering her face in embarrassment.

"I have no problem with gays, but Jordan isn't gay," Michael said sitting back as if he had won.

"Well, I'm not forcing him, so he—" I said my hands shaking violently one clutched in Jordan's hand, the other on the table rattling the dishes.

"So, what is this then, research?" Michael asked not bothering to look back at me.

My whole body started to shake, the chair creaking as I moved, I needed to get out of the room fast. I dropped Jordan's hand and was two steps away before he pulled me back, spinning me around to face him and placing one soft kiss on my lips as everyone watched; I stopped shaking.

"Oh, come on!" Michael howled and Anna smacked him hard on the back of his lead.

"Shut up and enjoy the meal," she hissed, and just like that he was silent for the rest of the night, she wasn't his imprint but she wore the pants.

When we got back to Jordan's place, he tried to avoid a discussion by pushing me against the door and settling on his knees, unzipping my pants with his teeth which was, yeah hot, but wasn't getting him out of shit.

"You said he was sorta uncomfortable, _Jay_ , **sorta**!"

"He'll get used to it _Marcus_ ," Jordan standing back up and walking sag shouldered into the living room where he started making a fire. He took off his crisp white shirt as he handled the left over embers and I shuddered at the sight of him, his broad smooth chest and back.

"You could have warned me!" I was shouting, I didn't want to be, but I was embarrassed, worried, insecure. I never felt like I was enough with him and Michael had pressed that button the entire night.

"You wouldn'tve come," he said turning back to me when the fire was roaring.

The window behind the futon was open allowing a frigid winter air to blow against my neck as my feet grew toasty. I turned bringing my feet onto the futon so that my left side was warm, and my right side cool as I counted the bright white diamonds, sparkling in the dark blue sky; I got to ninety before I broke down and spoke.

"I would have gone, I just would've been more prepared to look like an ass."

"You didn't look like an ass, he did…I'm sorry, I really wanted you two—well it doesn't matter," he said settling on top of me.

"I love you," he whispered against my lips, it was only the third time he'd said it, and I never get tired of hearing it.

"Are you attracted to me?" I asked uncertainly, I always wondered but it wasn't until tonight that it started to worry me.

"What kind of question is that?" He spat, using his hand to push himself off of me.

"Are you?"

"Mark," he sighed grabbing my hand and placing it on his growing member.

"Yes. Yes. Yes," he sighed thrusting into my hand.

"Not research?" I pouted.

"Not even a little," he breathed in my ear.

"And you don't miss the talented, beautiful Andy," I asked childishly.

"I don't even think about her anymore," he promised climbing off of me. I readied myself to head to the bedroom but he forcefully turned me, flipping me over and ripping my pants down past my hips and to my ankle where I stepped out of them. He reached around front loudly sniffing the hair at the base of my neck as he lifted the shirt off of my back.

"Wanna try something new?" He asked, turning me back to him and dragging me to the room.

"Yeah, sure." My voice was weak with anticipation; it broke in the middle of the word sure.

"What?" I asked when the door to our room was closed behind him, making a vacuum like sound behind us.

"Maybe…you can be Alpha tonight."


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter 34: Bonus- Live with Me**

* * *

 _ **Jordan- Live With Me**_

"Do you—maybe…you can be Alpha tonight?" I whispered unsurely. It was something I had been thinking about for a while.

When it came to sex or being with Mark, I thought only of making him happy, anything—and I mean pretty much anything—would please me as long as we were together.

I had been thinking about our sex life a lot more since Jace Carlisle handed in the eighth chapter of his book about the politics of gay sex. While on the surface the book appeared to be a fluff piece, a novelty for gay men to display on their coffee tables there were some very insightful sections that made me questions the trajectory of our relationship. We had launched in head first into this overwhelming situation but we never had a moment to truly discuss or experiment.

Did this work for him, did I give him all the things he wanted and needed, and was sex…as enjoyable for him as it was for me?

"Really?" He gulped, watching me as I very slowly removed my belt, pulling one side of the buckle to the right and meticulously removing the metal peg.

"If you don't want to, we don't have to," I said simply, my belt lying limply on either side of my button. I would actually prefer if we didn't, but I never wanted him to feel like he was missing out on anything with me. I was his and Mark could have me in anyway he wanted.

He grabbed me, his four fingers slipping into the front of my jeans and using them to steer me to the bed.

"No, we can try," he breathed, roughly removing my pants.

"Inside of you," he confirmed in disbelief. I giggled, he was so indescribably perfect yet somehow always so uncertain.

"That's the idea." Maybe I was committing some sort of gay faux pas. I didn't know anything about being gay except from what I read in Jace's book. Maybe I had messed up our ' _homomatics_ '.

"I think I can do that," he said shyly, guiding me gently to sit back on the bed. He straddled me, this was like the beginning of every night we spent together.

I was inches from his entrance, my cock growing from his proximity. He kissed me, lacing his fingers through my hair, his tongue invading my mouth forcefully. He laid me back, one hand still in my hair, the other on my shoulder, vibrating warm and electrifying.

"It hurts," he warned, removing his hand from my hair and reaching for our nightstand where we kept all of our aids.

"I know," I panted losing air quickly as he covered his finger with thick lube, slipping it easily inside of me. I clenched, nothing had ever entered me before. His finger didn't hurt but the nagging discomfort made me wriggle.

"Are you sure?" he asked softly.

His eyes bore into mine. I used to think they were so much like Matty's light and gentle but now they ruled me, they belonged entirely to him and they were the center of my world.

I nodded twice, and he added another finger. It burned and I jerked, my body attempting to dispel his long thick fingers, they slipped halfway out. He squirted a cool dollop of lube onto his fingers and pushed them back in. I grunted involuntarily from the combination of electrifying pleasure and shooting pain.

"Are you sure?" He asked again, this time roughly, pumping his fingers inside of me again. He wanted me to speak, to say yes maybe or to ask for it. A power play, the first he ever made in the bedroom.

"Do it, Marcus," I breathed, adjusting myself to kiss him.

"I love you," I whispered into his mouth, grabbing his wrist and thrusting his fingers back inside.

"Me too," he said gruffly pulling his fingers out of me. He licked my dry lips, and kissed my neck before he spoke again the deep powerful command of an alpha.

"Turn over." I couldn't and didn't want to deny him.

I turned over still feeling broken and yet empty. He grabbed me by the waist forcing me to my knees and spreading them roughly with his leg. He'd lost it—he'd lost the fear and inhibition. Now he just wanted release, he got this way during sex.

Most days, and in pretty much every public venue, he behaved like a man twice his age, propriety, decorum, but I loved it when he lost control. Even tonight when he shook violently, wanting to attack my brother—who he could easily annihilate—I found it sexy.

He entered me, jerking forward once, hard and determined. It felt like I was being broken. He stayed inside of me, stagnate and breathing hard and heavy, hot puffs of air washing over my back. Then he roared to life, pushing my shoulders down and pulling my bottom up farther to accommodate his height.

Intrusion. It was like having shards of glass cutting along my nerves as he pumped hard inside of me.

"UH!" The pull out was worse than the thrust and I cried, sounds that could be taken as pleasure or pain. "UGH….unh!"

"Are you okay?" he asked through gritted teeth, I didn't answer. I could feel myself mend, this was the magic of our blood, it was like being put back together each trust hurt less than the last. He grabbed at my member which had softened, holding it tight at the base, I reacted. It was remarkable the way he could make me react, make me hard and ready even when I was in pain.

"I'm sorry," he apologized and I wasn't sure for what until he shot hard and hot inside of me. He dropped his hefty weight on my back kissing the base of my neck as he softened and pulled out. I turned over, keeping his heavy body half on top of me.

"I love you, I love you so fucking much, Jordan. I don't ever, ever want to be without you," he whispered in my ear nibbling roughly at the lobe. He had this way of speaking when he wasn't worried what anyone would think, it was simple and honest and it touched me like nothing else.

I never knew I needed this. I didn't know what it was like to feel complete until I had him, I stupidly thought I was happy but there was so much more to life than the comforts of home and money. There was so much more and it was beautiful; it was perfect in all its imperfections. We weren't alike, not really. Odds and society were against us but it didn't matter, not much did outside of him.

"Me too," I whispered back when I realized he was waiting for an answer. I didn't like saying it, the word 'love' with him just seemed so meaningless, what I felt was something so much rarer. I assumed this is what an imprint felt like, I couldn't be entirely sure but the feelings I experienced second hand from the guys were similar, they were not as strong as the feelings I had for Mark, like my entire world was being solidified, but close.

"Shit, I have morning class, my mom wants me home tonight," he said pulling me closer, my hardness hitting his pelvis. I hate not sleeping with him, hearing his heavy breathing or the way his inhaling and exhaling shifted the bed. It was cold and wrong without him. I loved him more than he loved me, I knew this. In our relationship he had all the power because whether I was at the top or bottom I was at his mercy, I needed him.

"But tonight is our only night," I whined. Months ago, I would have let him go and sulked about it alone but I was past any sense of pride with Mark.

"Now Saturday is our only night," he pouted, grabbing onto me and guiding his hand from the moist tip to the base, before adjusting his body to lick down my shaft.

"Don't distract me Mark. Did you beg?" I asked as he took me into his mouth completely, fuck he was good at that. He avoided my question by inhaling and letting me slide to the back of this throat.

"Fuck!" I am a master of words but Mark made me into a blubbering fool.

"I don't want to test her patience now," he said between a bob, sucking at the tip before taking me in again.

"I can't sleep without you," I admitted pathetically.

"Well, the plan is if we don't press her too much, then I can spend all of Spring Break and the summer with you, Baby," he said affectionately and a combination of his finger softly caressing the inside of my thigh, his lips around my cock and him calling me baby did it, I shot off without warning and he didn't even flinch, wiping the side of his mouth as he pulled me back to him.

"Live with me." I hadn't actually thought the whole thing out as of yet but I would make it work.

"What?" He said it with a bounce, the adorable excited kind he did when I brought up something new like vacationing in Europe.

"I want you to live with me. If you don't like this place I'll buy another, or redecorate so it's more you. If you want it bigger we can add, Andy was going to add two rooms for our family—" Sometimes even I'm surprised by the stupid shit that comes out of my mouth.

"I just mean, I don't care where we live as long we're together," I said trying to smooth over the Andy wrinkle.

"You were planning a family?" he whispered, biting his lip.

"I mean…that's sorta just what guys and girls do, they have fam—" SHUT UP NOW!

"Do you… still want that?" He asked unsurely.

"I want you, you're enough, you're more than enough, so God, Mark, don't make me ask again."

"My dad's going to freak," he said with a smirk, nodding his okay.

"Fuck him."

"Can you fuck me instead?" he asked rolling us over so I was on top.

"Really?" Part of me thought once we switched he'd never want to go back.

"Please?" He didn't have to ask twice.


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter 35: My New Home**

* * *

The end of the school year and two weeks before summer courses started, there were only three real changes in my life.

First: Jordan and I, and by Jordan and I, I mean _I_ was looking through furniture catalogues for the home I would be moving into…when I got the nerve to tell my parents.

I wasn't planning on changing everything, just some key pieces so I didn't have to think of Andy every time I read by the fireplace or ate dinner with my Jordan. I wanted it to be more homey. My first step was replacing the cushions on the futon from futuristic white to a light sage green and planting an herb garden in the back…yeah, I was just that gay. We'd, and by we'd, I mean **I'd** , also made a deal with the original contractor about getting two rooms added in the back for guests, like his niece Melody and nephews Levi and Dev, when they stayed over in the future. It cost a fortune, large grey stones being imported all the way from Norway, but since it made me happy, Jordan didn't complain.

Construction hadn't finished yet, but we were going through the company Jared worked for, and we knew eventually it would get out to the pack circle. Would they be able to piece together what it all meant? We weren't sure but we had decided almost directly after Jordan asked me to move in with him that we should wait until I graduated to bring up moving in together. We were together, we were in love, we didn't have to rush and push my parent's over the edge. They were being relatively tolerant now, not accepting but it was a start.

Second: David and Trisha were kinda sorta dating.

This also happened to coincide with a new bright chipper outlook from Ethan, which got my spidey-senses tingling, but since David was happier than he had been in years and she was tutoring him in Spanish so I didn't have to, I kept my mouth shut.

Jordan had a notebook on the DTE Sitch as we called it, but I didn't want to see the contents. Because if it was what I suspected (Ethan and Trisha having a secret love affair and using David as a spawn), I would have to do something about it… and David would be crushed. He was also likely to become violent, which would be another strike against him taking the position Alpha.

So I sat with her at lunch, I kiki-ed with her and tried my best to make her feel like part of the family, but I didn't trust her.

"You look… nice," Jordan whispered behind me as I fussed with my hair. It was Jace's goodbye party, which was the last and biggest change.

Third: It was the end of the college school year and Jace was leaving Port Angeles.

We were having a huge party but I wasn't too happy to be attending and Taylor, well Taylor was at a lost. It was as if we were going to a funeral.

Taylor sat on my bed, his knees clutched to his chest as if her were trying to hold himself together. Jace would be doing a summer internship at Logo TV and the whole Port Angeles crew, which Taylor now belonged to, seemed to be scared about life without him.

I was moving in to keep order, it was a request from Jace and seeing as he'd done so much for me and never asked for anything in return, I couldn't see a way to refuse. It was my first step towards independence and I worked it out with my family with a surprising lack of resistance. Seeing as they had cursed me with the wolf gene and made it so that I would never be able to have a normal college life, it was pretty easy to convince them to let me stay for the summer, closer to Peninsula where I was enrolled as a full-time student. It didn't hurt that about the drugs, the live-stock or exact number of inhabitant at the home on Grant Avenue… or their sexual preferences for that matter.

Momma wasn't thrilled, her Baby Bear was flying the coup, but she had been distracted lately so her heart wasn't in the argument and I won quickly. Jordan wasn't entirely overjoyed with the decision either. He wanted me all to himself, which I loved, but everyone in the house knew that we were an item and, on nights that he taught, he could come straight to Jace's house and stay with me instead of going all the way back to his cabin outside of Forks. Also, I promised to stay with him twice a week at least, now that my parents couldn't monitor it.

"Why do you say _nice_ like that?" I asked smiling. I knew why he said it so shyly, but I liked to tease him.

Jordan wasn't comfortable being affectionate with me in front of Taylor. I'm not sure why, but he just wasn't. He'd rather make out with my in the middle of the grocery store, which we had done, than even so much as hold my hand when Taylor was in the room. They were friendly but Jordan was very reserved around him.

'You look hot' he signed, using his hands quickly to form the letters. It took almost three months for the Varn family to realize there was something different about their oldest son Levi.

Levi was gorgeous, a gorgeous doe eyed baby boy, but he didn't respond well to music, clapping or any other forms of stimulation his family gave him, and while his brother and sister were already starting to make incoherent baby noises, he remained silent. After a line of different doctors' appointments, it was determined that he was almost 100 percent deaf. They considered giving him a cochlear implant when he got older, a device that may help him recover some of his hearing, but they weren't sure how much of it. It was a big change for the small family. Now like any devoted uncle would, Jordan was learning sign language with Michael and Anna.

Jordan was great with the triplets, such a huge guy snuggling three little ones securely in his arms. He took classes on ASL, American Sign Language at Peninsula and watched tapes. I watched them with him, trying to pick up as much as possible for when they got older, and it turned out to be a great way to connect with Jordan's family.

It was the first step in bridging a bond between me and Michael. He was touched by my dedication and over time he'd pretty much taken me in as part of the family. He even joked with me about positions and lube, which was disturbing, but comforting all at the same time. I wish I could say the same about my Dad, but tension still filled the room and Jordan only came here when he knew Sam would be nowhere in sight, like today.

"I think you look hot too," Taylor joked from the bed and Jordan blushed, hanging his head. Taylor, who knew Melody would have to learn sign language for her brother, got books too, something Jordan had forgotten all about.

"I'm ready then I guess," I said unsurely. There was something so wrong about saying goodbye to Jace, no matter how short the period of time. Jace was a fundamental part of going to school at Peninsula and now he wouldn't be around as I filled my plate with gen ed classes.

The summer was here, beautifully symbolizing an end of the old and the start of the new. The air smelled like blossoming flowers, effortlessly mixing with a warm sea breeze as we packed into his car for the night. My mom was sitting silently at the window when we passed, nodding to us as we left. She was pale, a little sickly looking but she waved me away when I asked about it. I worried about her more and more lately. It was all fine and good to have an imprint, but my mom needed friends and the wolf-girls were still on the splits.

Rachel stayed away from both Kim and my mom so she wouldn't look like she was picking a side, and both Kim and Momma were waiting for the other to apologize. In the process they had brought the other wolf-girls, Helen and Leticia, closer together, but my mom was still alone. They needed Claire to push them all back together, but Quil and Claire were staying at Whitman College for the summer, attempting to finish the four year course in two or three years.

When we got to the restaurant, a gaudily decorated Mexican joint with deals on pitchers of strawberry margaritas, Solace was the first person to greet us. He came alone, Leah was not up for partying with a group of college kids but Jace wanted him around and why would he refuse? Other than Phil and Krys, Solace didn't have many friends left in Seattle, and Krys would be leaving soon, taking a job in New York for a marketing firm. Everyone was there from the close like Emma and Lawrence to the obscure like Solace and Emma's boyfriend Tripp the meter-maid who I had only met twice in the ten months since I'd known her.

There were big sombreros and lurid ponchos tacked on every wall, murals of merry Mexicans riding burros, baskets of chips and salsa at every table, which was now filled to the brim with fabulous gays. We were a sight to be held, a menagerie of orphans, tops, bottoms, jocks, nerds, students, drug dealers, professors, wolves and law enforcement officials filling up the entire back room.

We were not only celebrating Jace's success but also my move as a new member of the unofficial fraternity. I would be packing my things first thing Monday morning, only three days away, and it was electrifying.

With three full pitchers of frozen strawberry margaritas sloshing in my belly, I kissed Jace goodbye… literally. I don't know why I did it. I'm not attracted to him, and I am more than madly in love with Jordan, but it just seemed necessary in my intoxicated state of being. Jordan and Lawrence weren't too pleased with it but Jace gushed, slapping my chest effeminately as Jordan pulled me away claiming my lips for his own even though Taylor watched.

It was Jace's night and basically he got what he wanted, so following my drunken display of affection Jace demanded kisses all around: Sebastian, Taylor, Mason (who I had it on good authority AKA Jordan, was in love with Taylor, but that's a story for another day), George, Jordan, Tripp and even Solace, and other than Tripp, they all complied, leaving him the happiest homo in the entire universe.

The other patrons of the restaurant, sitting in the six tables not occupied by our party had one of two reactions, complete horror or utter amusement. An older gentlemen and his pretty younger wife actually bought us a big bottle of Cuervo, coming over to dance with us when Jace got the urge and pulled half of us up with him. None of us knew how to salsa dance but we tried; the graying man and his wife giggled and sashayed with us.

"This is going to be good for you, Buttercup," Jace shouted in my ear over the loud music blasted through the speakers just for us.

"What?"

"Living in the house!" Jace clarified.

"You think? I'm not sure I can fill your shoes," I admitted nervously. I was now being entrusted with the duties of the household, it was scary.

"Yup, you'll be wrangling up the boys and keeping them from getting too out of line, it's going to be good for you. You're a natural born leader, you just haven't had anyone to lead yet, I can tell!" Jace screamed kissing my cheek quickly before jumping back to his Lawrence.

Lawrence was the type of guy who didn't like to let people in on his emotions, but the whole night, I didn't have to be in his head to know he was hurting. Jace would leave in the morning for three months and Lawrence was devastated. He touched him as much as possible, his arms, hair, ass; but his eyes read sadness. By the end of my night, he casually offered to help me move in but I declined, hoping to give him a few days in Jace's room to mourn before I invaded it.

When the restaurant closed and everyone headed back to Jace's house to continue the party, Jordan played the parent and drove us underagers back to La Push, being the only one among us not drunk, though it wasn't even 10 pm. yet. Taylor danced up his driveway, and with one final steamy kiss, I stumbled up my front porch alone. I passed out in my cold bed. I wanted to stay with Jordan but he was having a professory type meeting very early the next morning and thought it would be better not to test my parents before I moved out.

I packed the next morning, not everything, just a few bags. I didn't plan on staying there forever, just about three months, three month where I would come back every Monday and Wednesday for patrol as my father demanded when he agreed to let me move to Port Angeles. Around lunch time David and Trisha showed up, holding hands, I examined it, the way she held her hand farther away from her, and if my Jordan was welcomed here, he probably would have noted that in his. It seemed somewhat significant but I could have just been looking for things, especially since I smelled Ethan in her hair when I went in for a hug.

"Que gusto verte, Trisha," I greeted her, hoping to stir memories of Spanish class in David's mind, it was one of the obstacles standing in the way of his graduation, but it was no such luck.

"What the hell are you two saying?" David asked thickly. I wasn't really in the mood to explain so I smiled when Trisha did, she was patient.

"Oh, good, you're all here. Why don't you guys have a seat?" My dad said entering the kitchen and pointing for us to take seats at the kitchen table.

David, Trisha and I took seats on one side of the table and my dad sat on the other, pulling my mom over to him; she sat on his lap.

"Well, kids, we have some exciting news," my dad said. Any announcement that started that way was usually not good news.

"What's the good news?" I asked hesitantly.

"Before I tell you, you two have to promise you won't get mad or upset. This is _good_ news." Yup, this was going to be bad news, it was pretty much clear that whenever someone asks you not to get mad, it wasn't gunna be good news.

"Um, are you sure I should be here? I'm not really family," Trisha said quietly from between David and I agreed but said nothing.

"Please stay, Trisha of course you're family," Momma smiled. It burned knowing Jordan would not have been afforded the same welcome.

"Dad, you're scaring us. What's going on?" David asked nervously.

"My beautiful boys…I love you so much! And I know you'll be here for me during the rest of my pregnancy," my mom whispered.

Pregnant.

It was completely irresponsible, self-indulgent, and short-sighted, but also kinda nice...

Besides, there wasn't exactly very much room in this house so my leaving might be seen as a good thing now that there was another little Uley on the way.

"Eww…you two still have sex? That's disgusting!" David, always seeing the big picture gagged comically.

"You will be excellent big brothers," Momma beamed kissing my cheek directly after David's.

We all congratulated them, I mean what else could we do and when Trisha left I made an announcement of my own.

"I'm going to move in with Jordan after graduation…maybe earlier if you consent." I didn't really need their consent after graduation, and I could legally move in after my eighteenth birthday, but I was hoping they would give me their blessing.

No such luck.

"You're gunna move in with a thirty-something year old man and you want our consent?" My dad scoffed, I hated when he talked to me like this, as if I were stupid, especially since he never used that tone of voice with David.

"Well, seeing as I tried to be happy for you two having kids at like a hundred years old, I thought you'd give me the same courtesy. How stupid of me expecting my family to support my loving and committed relationship. I forgot, I'm not imprinted so obviously my love is not valid," I said scathingly, grabbing all of the packed bags in my room and driving off before anyone could respond. It felt good to tell them off, to curse them as a collective unit.

When I arrived at the house on Grant Avenue, two days early, I got the kind of warm welcome I never got at home.

Mason, Sebastian and Vlad helped me unpack, Emma supervising from the top of my dresser where she kicked her little bare feet with gusto, telling me about her day as she took hits off of a long purple bong. George and Tripp cooked dinner together because it was their scheduled duty, and when Jordan arrived, dressed in his best professor-like clothes, he rolled up his sleeves and helped, salvaging their chicken alfredo with a little bit of elbow grease.

We ate dinner as a family around the new television in the living room, each settling with a partner on one of the many couches and futons that lined the room. No one looked at us strangely, or, well even looked at us at all, when I curled into Jordan's side snuggling in for a movie. No one hissed, scoffed or laughed when we kissed, giving up on the pointless action movie and settling in for a make out session.

And best of all, we didn't have to hide or make up excuses when the kisses got too hot and we needed release. Jordan pulled me up the stairs, guiding me to my new room with only a few cat-calls hurled in our direction before we locked the door behind us and christened my new room, in my new home.


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter 36: All The Reasons I Shouldn't be Alpha, Part I**

* * *

 _ **Part One: Bribes, Chickens and Generic Cereal**_

The pipe was destroyed, snapped in two and sending a deluge of cold water spraying onto the countless chairs arranged around the small basement which was used for entertaining, studying, smoking, a guest room and the occasional secret sexcapade.

I wanted to cry, I hadn't wanted to cry like since…well, since the Melody imprinting fiasco, but at the moment, if it weren't for the fact that I had an hour before I had to be in La Push for patrol, I would have happily laid in the flooding water and prayed for it to sweep me away.

"Mark, we need to get the drugs out before it's ruined! That's two thousand dollars of merchandise!" Emma shouted shrilly from the stairs.

"Mark, the police are coming!" Lawrence added.

"What? WHY?" I scream like a girl when I'm frantic.

"Neighbor Bitch called about the music!" Lawrence said heading back towards the door and running up the stairs.

"Where are you going?" I asked in a childlike voice, I couldn't do this alone.

"Getting dressed and ready for the police, the black man always gets arrested. They sure as hell ain't gunna take the skinny little white girl and I'm not getting arrested while soaking wet in my pajamas." I couldn't tell if he was serious but I turned back to my mission heading for the back entrance.

"Mark, the chickens will drown, do you see them?" Mason screamed down. The basement was flooding hundreds of dollars of water we'd have to pay for later, little bags of drugs floating past. I scurried to grab the tiny bags, like miniature zip-locks, sticking them in my cargo pants pockets. If Jace was here this would not be happening.

 _The first week in the new house also happened to be rent/bills collecting week. Jace had left an envelope, a large envelope with cash and a bundle of instructions, phones numbers, and a photo to bribe Tripp if he got out of line._

 _The cash was his share of the bills for all three months which he instructed clearly in his letter needed to be divided into three equal parts and supplemented by the fulltime boarders: Vlad, Tripp, Emma, George, Charlie, Sebastian, Mason and Lawrence. I had no clue how hard that was going to be._

 _Mason was the only boarder to hand it over right away, even though Jace had posted signs in every room. Emma gave me half when I asked. She was the one I was closest to, so she was the one I was most comfortable asking._

 _It was so weird trying to play landlord with a group of people that were older than me and that I'd partied so hard with. I'd made out with half of them and, with the exception of Emma and her boyfriend Tripp, I'd seen them all at least half naked. Emma's excuse was that she had to use half her paycheck to buy adderall to push during the summer semester, and her brother George would give me the rest till then._

 _George made good on the promise but Lawrence had just bought books, so I slinked out of his room empty handed. Charlie paid for him and Sebastian with a sympathetic smile so by the end of the night I had $894 of the $1600 I needed. Roughly five hundred of that was for groceries but the rest needed to be deposited so I could pay the bills by tomorrow night. Tomorrow's mission—besides attending my first class, going to the bank and grocery shopping with Emma and Sebastian— was collecting the remaining $706 and running back to La Push for patrol. I definitely thought I could do it…_

"I got the pipe!" Taylor screamed, a monkey wrench in one hand and a wide handful of prepackaged pills and weed in the other. He looked like a stoner-girl's wet dream, half-naked handy man carrying narcotics.

"Do you actually know how to fix it?" I screamed, looking back as Emma jumped from the stairs where she had been staying dry and into the now ankle deep madness that was our basement.

"Yeah, I think I got this," he said passing the packages to Emma as she trekked by.

"Taylor… I'm completely incompetent! I can't do this. What the hell was I thinking?" I was freaking out, rightfully so after almost 24-hours of pure chaos where I bribed a law enforcement official, had rough sex against a wooden desk, got my first real job and phased in front of outsiders.

 _I woke up early, or at least early for me, because Jordan had a class. He'd decided to teach a few courses seeing as I wasn't exactly allowed to travel with him like he wanted. We played morning kissy face for almost an hour before he pulled himself out of bed and finished the coffee Tripp made before heading to work._

 _I cooked vegan omelets for the house because I was on breakfast duty this morning. Don't even ask how you vegan an omelet, it sounds more disgusting than necessary, taste alright though._

 _It was my first day as "commune Mommy" as Jace called it. Everyone had chores, there was an Excel sheet posted on every door, so it was supposed to be smooth._

 _My first class was Economics, a general education class meant to fulfill my math requirement that I would be taking with Charlie. I looked for a job on campus directly after class, which turned out to be a challenging class at that; the first academic challenge I'd ever faced. I'd always breezed through classes in La Push._

 _I got lucky, my only piece of luck in a day I was sure would go down in history as my worst. A girl in the bookstore had fond memories of Solace and La Push, and she sent me straight to her manager, a Chehalis Washington native who was an enviromentalist and activist in the Native American community. I was hired on the spot, the first time my brown skin played as an advantage. It all went downhill after that._

"Shit! Shit! Shit!" Emma pulled her skirt off, using it as a net to catch the dime bags that floated in every direction. Taylor blushed, looking away as he fought with the nuts and bolts, trying to get the pipe back together. He was taller now and didn't need a stool to reach the pipes that lined the ceiling. The small muscles along the side of his stomach were soft but defined and the water streaming down on him made him look like a romance novel cover or the lead in homo-friendly music video. He was distracting me as I searched for the key hole on the basement door, hoping to release some the excess water. The back exit leads to a stairway that conveniently had a storm drain, which we were hoping would be our savior in this water fiasco.

"GOT IT!" Taylor screamed, just as the rusting skeleton key slipped in the door and, with a bizarre whooshing sound, I forced the door open with my body. Taylor, Emma, and Mason whooped in victory.

"What, what's happening?" Sebastian called down from the top of the stairs with his lispy-Brazilian drawl.

"We got it open!" Emma cheered, the smiling didn't last long.

"The police are here!" Lawrence called from somewhere inside.

 _I went to Jordan's office for lunch. We were past the kissing constantly phase of our relationship and into the uncontrollable quickie stage, where lunch often consisted of no food at all. His office was dreary and windowless so it provided an amazing place for this kind of thing._

 _He took me against the door and bent over against his desk, roughly pounding me into the wood with vigor._

 _He'd never been so forceful with me, the thrill, the overwhelming feeling of being wanted made me hard and hot. I wanted to scream, to grunt and groan and proclaim my love but I had to stay silent watching a copy of Hamlet on the desk next to me as he hammered me into the desk, before kissing me goodbye and sending me off with a book and a smile._

 _That smile was soon wiped clean when Emma called me to tell me that she and Tripp had broken up, for good this time. I wanted to be there for her as a friend but right now, first things first, was rent, which he still owed me before he left._

 _I ran home at half-human speed, barging into Tripp's room without a knock._

 _"I'm sorry to hear about you and Emma," I said neutrally, they were both upset so I had no clue who ended it._

 _"Before you leave I'm going to need the rent for this month and the utilities. Don't worry about food," I said with as much authority as I could muster, he hissed._

 _"I don't even sleep in this hell-hole. I'm not paying another three hundred dollars to live with a bunch of fags prancing around like a Goddamned homo-brothel!"_

 _SHIT!_

 _I went back to my room shaking, inhaling deeply as I paced around the room, it was a habit I picked up from Dad and shared with David. It wasn't the gay remarks, they were shocking seeing as he was encircled with gays for like the last 9 months and didn't seem to mind in the least. No, that didn't bother me, it was the fact that I was preparing to blackmail someone for the first and hopefully last time in my life. Jace had left the picture for a reason and now I needed to be man enough to use it._

 _The picture a nice 8x10 of Tripp snorting a line of coke off a unfamiliar coffee table while wearing his police outfit._

 _On the back it was titled, "The Illegal Drug Use of a Public Service Official" in Jace's tidy scrawl. It was and printed nicely in black and white, with a post-it that had the address of his boss and Tripp's full legal name: Reginald Arthur Roller III._

 _When I barged back in his room he was half way packed._

 _"I have three copies of this, one of which Lawrence has labeled and ready to deliver to your boss down at the sheriff's office," I said smoothly though my insides were exploding. I would have rather just beat the hell out of him till he gave me the money, there was something so weird about threatening him like a soap opera villain._

 _He sized me up, looking me up and down a few times before deciding he wouldn't risk a physical altercation with me, smart choice._

 _"Here take it stupid prick. You'll regret this," he warned snatching the picture out of my hand and pushing Emma hard as he passed her in the doorway. I vibrated from repressed anger—too fast and too powerful to stop myself before I exploded into fur._

The red and blue flashes from the police car made like an ominous light show against the pallid curtains covering the window as I approached the front door. Emma ran up behind me still in her pink undies ripping all of the bags of drugs out of my pocket and bolting out the back door, just as I turned to face the front door and with a theatrical sigh, I opened it.

I was met by a robust African American woman with an air of seriousness and a pimply white dude who could not be much older than me, but it didn't make their badges any less daunting.

"Hello officers, what can I do you for you?" I said calmly as if I weren't half naked, dripping wet and in a house full of drug paraphernalia.

"We've got a noise complaint from next door," the guy said, his voice was nasally and it instantaneously annoyed me like nails on a chalkboard.

"I'm sorry, sir, we had a bit of trouble with a water pipe in the basement, everything is okay now though," I said quickly. I listened as Taylor made his way up the basement stairs, taking out his cell phone to call Solace in Seattle about borrowing a wet-dry vac from his hardware store.

"Water pipes don't play music. This is the third time we're coming about noise this month and that's just during my shift," the female officer said dryly.

"Yes, we'll take care of that too," I answered gravely as Lawrence crept down the stairs in a new set of dry clothes. When Lawrence saw the officers he let out an audible sigh.

"Ain't no music now, Wanda," Lawrence said to the cop who he seemed to know.

"Lawrence, ya'll been causing trouble since Halloween, Imma have to come in and see what ya'll are working with," she said hitching her gun belt menacingly.

"Well, I know that _you_ know you can't really be bustin' in my house without no warrant. But you do what you gotta do. We don't got shit to hide." I cringed, as Lawrence waved them in.

Taylor and I grew up with the most respected citizens of La Push so we never once encountered law enforcement outside of Seth's stepdad Charlie Swan. I was wishing it was Charlie by the time Wanda turned the corner into the kitchen where Emma was standing frozen by the door half naked, like a kid caught in the candy jar.

 _Luckily, if it could be considered lucky, only Emma was in the room when I phased. She ran out the door, slamming it behind her before bolting down the stairs and into Taylor's arms._

 _By some stroke of luck my sweat pants didn't entirely shred. I lied on my side, breathing through my snout and out my mouth until I was me again. I ran after her, holding the ripped seams together as I stood looking down at them._

 _"A bear, a big mother fucking bear thing ate Mark!" She screamed cuddling into his chest as she pulled a joint out of the back pocket of her jean skirt and lit it up._

 _"You probably shouldn't smoke another one," Mason said grabbing the joint from her and holding it far away from him like it could hurt him as he tried to pry her out of Tay's arms._

 _Taylor stared up at me for a few seconds, his expressive eyes terrified before I nodded a simple yes. She wouldn't budge, holding onto Taylor like a life preserver as Mason tried to take her away. Taylor lifted her effortlessly, bridal style and bringing her back up the stairs._

 _He brought her into my room and I slid into the closet shimming into a shirt before I faced her._

 _"Mark just tell me, I'm not going crazy."_

 _"You're not going crazy," Taylor sighed._

 _"The story. The story you told Jace about your tribe you—no fucking way!" She shouted grabbing her hair agitatedly._

 _"Emma, this is very important, you cannot, cannot tell anyone, PLEASE. The government, if they have found out we'd be bagged and tagged," I said seriously._

 _"Or we'd be taken and used as someone sorta military guinea pigs," Taylor added, he had a wild imagination._

 _"You too? Oh God! I need another joint," she said pulling up her skirt so that it was around her waist like a belt. Taylor turned, and she giggled, unzipping a little pocket in the front of her underwear and retrieving a small plastic bag with two joints. She pulled the skirt back down before she sat. She was taking this better than I could have expected._

 _"Okay, the story… so then… cold people?"_

 _"Vampires," we said in unison._

 _"Cool!"_

 _"Not cool," Tay rolled his eyes._

 _"Well some of them are," I amended, thinking of Leticia and Edward._

 _"You've met some?" She gasped choking on her smoke._

 _"Well yeah, some of them can be okay… but our job, a job we take very seriously, is to kill them," I elaborated, making sure she got the point that we didn't exactly have tea parties with them._

 _"YOU KILL VAMPIRES!" She screamed which led Mason straight through my door._

"You gotta license for them chickens, young lady?" The pizza face cop spoke with authority, which would have been more effective if he wasn't picking at a zit while he said it.

"Um, no, sir," Emma said standing proud in her blue boy-cut undies.

Taylor grabbed his shirt off of the counter where he had dropped it when he rushed down to help me with the leak. He threw it in her direction but didn't look back, she pouted a little at him as if she wished he would look. She caught it in the arm she wasn't using to hold three full grown chickens. She placed them on the counter and threw the shirt over her head. It was long on her, almost mid thigh so it was pretty much like a slutty miniskirt.

"Lawrence, I know your momma raised you better than to go around having farm animals stompin' around your kitchen," Wanda the pudgy police officer moaned.

"My momma didn't raise me at all. We're all orphans in this house—" Rule number two in Jace's guide to commune living was to play the orphan card whenever there was trouble, Lawrence was well versed in this methodology apparently.

"What? Orphans?" She asked in genuine shock.

"Yes ma'am, living three to a room trying to get an education," Lawrence continued laying it on thick.

"And the new one too?" She asked pointing her thumb at me sadly.

"Dad hates him cuz he's gay," Lawrence answered quickly.

"Aww, baby, my cousins gay," Wanda said sympathetically patting my arm, I nodded with a pitiful pout.

"How many people do you have living here Article 16B of the—"

"Ah, shut up Marvin, they ain't hurting no one," Wanda called pushing him towards the door.

"Ya'll need to get rid of the chickens and keep the noise down alright?" She said giving me the sad look before turning to Taylor.

"You homeless too honey?"

"No ma'am, this is my cousin. I'm just visiting, Lawrence and Mason tutor me." I was surprised at the fluidity of his lie, it was endearing in a sense.

"Well at least he got some family. Get rid of them chickens, can't have them in a private residents without a license since the Avian X flu in 2020," she said reverting to her professional demeanor before she added,

"Ya'll be good to each other," Officer Wanda waved as she made to exit through the front door.

"We can't get rid of Wendy, Peter and Rufio!" Mason shouted with a childlike stomp as soon as they were out of sight.

"Mason, we'll apply for a license okay, I'll look up the procedure tomorrow."

And that was it for me; all the energy I had been using to stay cool while I stood with police officers in a house full of illegal shit seeped out of me. I fell into a heap on the nearest couch, directly on top of Charlie's diorama.

"NO!"

 _"Is she on some sort of hallucinogenic?" Mason asked nervously, eyeing Taylor every few seconds._

 _Jordan was very right—he usually was—Mason was crushing on Taylor. He watched him as if any second Taylor would leave and his world would collapse, I knew the look because just months ago, it had been painted all over my face. Taylor was a heartbreaker without even trying._

 _"Yes, so stay away from me before you get high by osmosis," Emma said dryly, crawling up on the bed and snuggling into Taylor. Mason was a straight edge vegan, no meat, no dairy, no smoking, drinking or drugs of any type. He was also a pacifist but he looked like he could smack her right about now as she casually rolled into Taylor._

 _She was always physical, I'd seen her in lingerie snuggled between Lawrence and Jace but with Taylor it was a bit different. He was straight and this was the flirty kind of snuggle. I wasn't jealous, I was way past that, it was just difficult to imagine him with a girl now that he was imprinted, and he stiffened a bit when she nuzzled her face in his neck, so did Mason._

 _Mason threw me an envelope. "It's from Vlad, he's at some Jewish thing tonight," he said giving Taylor one last fleeting look before bowing out, Taylor looked out the door after him in confusion._

 _"What's wrong with—"_

 _"I think he's in love with you," I answered before he could finish. The room was silent, all of us contemplating different things before Emma inhaled deeply and spoke._

 _"I won't tell anyone, not even Jace or George," she said honestly. "But… you think you could hook me up with a sexy vamp?" She asked looking up at Tay with big doe eyes._

 _"Deathwish much? They aren't like the movies Emma," I smiled, grabbing her and pulling her out of Taylor's lap and through the door. Now that she was recovered, had promised to keep our secret and we were fully paid it, was time to do our grocery shopping and deposit some cash, there was no time for dilly-dallying._

 _"In love with me?" Taylor asked in disbelief from the bed where he sat frozen._

 _"Grocery shopping Sebastian!" I called down the stairs before closing the door behind me, leaving us alone in the room. "Yeah, Tay."_

 _I dressed for a day on the town as he thought. No shoes, no shirt, no service is serious concern for wolves because it was hot and stifling wearing them but we had to, so I compromised on flip-flops (difficult to find in a size 14) and a white undershirt._

 _"I… I didn't… do anything," Taylor sighed._

 _"You did, you just didn't mean to. You can't help being you and you're, you know, fucking perfect," I sighed. It was the first time we'd even tiptoed in this kind of conversational waters since the imprint._

 _"What should I do?" He asked sadly, I turned back to him. Sometimes I forgot how young he really was because he blended so well with the rest of the Port Angeles gang, but he was just on the edge of fifteen._

 _"I think you need to take a step back. You can't just… I know you don't mean it, but you don't put enough space between you and your friends. With Jace and me that's okay… but the rest of them aren't used to being treated like that by a straight guy, it mixes the signals," I said without taking a breath. He nodded and I hugged him before running down the stairs._

 _Sebastian sat next to Charlie on the red and green hideous Christmas couch, leaning his head against Charlie's broad back as he worked on some project that looked like a diorama from fifth grade but with electrical shit, I didn't ask. Charlie was getting his Associates Degree in Business Management, but at night he studied at ITT, a technical school where he learned about automotive-engineering._

 _"Ay, my work is never done," Sebastian sighed, poking Charlie in the back so he would turn around, and give him a big kiss. They were an oddly matched couple but it worked, swapping saliva for a while before Charlie threw us the keys to his minivan._

 _"Where we off to, Captain?" Emma asked merrily._

 _"Umm… Albertson's?" I said unsurely, it was a big supermarket that would probably be easiest. There was a grocery list but it only contained about ten items: shampoo, condoms, cigarettes, tape, printer paper, milk, tampons, peanut butter, tuna and ranch dressing, I was pretty much on my own after that._

 _I have never been shopping before so maybe this is common knowledge but food is expensive! Vegetable were for rich people, and fruit was a luxury!_

 _"You can't skip tortilla chips, it's an essential," Sebastian squealed._

 _"We have real food to buy, and the shampoo and hygiene stuff is already up to a fifty dollars," I snapped looking down at our half empty cart. I was trying to keep a close tab and what we had, added up to about a fifty buck and we had yet to add anything edible._

 _There had to be a way to stock the pantry for eleven people on three hundred dollars a month. Jace did it every month so I just had to figure out how. Emma and Sebastian were no help so I called him but the line was busy._

 _I called Kim. My dad worked as a bricklayer and brought in enough money for us to live modestly, so my mom was probably as clueless as I was about stretching a dollar, but with four kids, the Cameron's always had to be creative. Kim made Amber's entire wardrobes out of Jared, Ethan and Taylors old clothes, cute clothes too._

 _"How do I buy enough food for eleven people, for a whole month, on three hundred dollars give or take?" I skipped intros, she had caller ID._

 _"Well, what are you trying to buy?" She asked with a chuckle._

 _"Kim, I have a cart of at least a fifty dollars of junk and there isn't food in it yet, just shampoo and shit."_

 _"That's where you're messing up. You've got eleven people you gotta buy generic or bulk or both," she said expertly._

 _"Generic as in not real?" I asked ignorantly._

 _"Yes honey, Toaster Pals instead of Pop-tarts, it does the trick," she sighed._

 _"Kim… can you come with me?" Kim had walked me through quite a few firsts in my life, if I could choose anyone for this it would be her._

 _"Aw Mark, of all the boys I think you can handle this. If you wanna move out on your own with Jordan like a little bird told me you do, then you gotta prove yourself. Start at the dollar store. Get everything you can there, then go to Aldi's. Anything you can't get there head over to Costco, if you don't have a card get a one day pass and next time I'll give you mine, okay?"_

 _"What little bird?" I asked nervously._

 _"Get shopping," she ordered, hanging up on me with a giggle._

 _A complete lack of real world experience made a one hour trip into a four hour journey through Aldi, Dollar Tree and Costco, resulting in the largest bounty Emma had ever seen and a belly full of Costco hotdogs in celebration._

 _I was exhausted, it wasn't carrying the ridiculous amounts of bags or the walking but the stress of calculating and recalculating the price per unit or fluid ounce or debating the merits of Fruity O's over Fruit Loops._

 _With three hours left till patrol, I dropped down on my bed for a nap but Taylor came in shortly after, he hadn't left as I suspected but stayed behind with Charlie, who called him "Bro."_

 _"Was it that bad?" he asked sitting at the edge of my bed._

 _"I have double patrol in three hours and I feel like I just ripped apart an army of vamps," I whined rolling onto my side._

 _"I can do the first shift for you," he offered._

 _"Naw, dad's been an ass, I don't want him to get on me about my responsibilities."_

 _"Well at least you got everything done, right? Now you can relax," he said brightly, but I could tell he was hiding something, his eyes read sadness._

 _"Mason will find someone, he's cute and nice," I assured him and he smiled a little wider._

 _Something didn't feel right though… not with him, Taylor would be fine… I was missing something. I had gone to class, collected the rent, did groceries, bribed Tripp and… the bank!_

 _"What time is it?" I asked sitting up quickly._

 _"Seven, why?" Fuck! The bank!_


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter 37: ll The Reasons I Shouldn't be Alpha, Part II**

* * *

 _ **Part Two: Hazel Eyes, Green Cast and The Double Fucking Fuck!**_

I think it goes without saying that I didn't mean to destroy 48 hours of hard work, not intentionally. If I weren't built of pretty much all of muscle, then my ass probably wouldn't have crushed the miniature motor so entirely, and we all could have laughed about it, but with my heightened senses, the complete destruction was amplified.

Jordan, who had rolled in just as the police were leaving, rushed up the stairs and to my side seconds after Charlie's scream filled the house.

Charlie, who is a reasonably sensible and laid back kind of guy, tried not to explode, he really did, but that was his last chance to pass. He had been working himself thin between attending two different schools and keeping the high maintenance love of his life, Sebastian, happy and healthy.

He lunged at me, and if I weren't six foot three, supernaturally strong and quick, that would have been an issue but I was on the other side of the room before he even had a second to come to his senses. Jordan pulled him up by the scruff of his neck, and if it weren't for Taylor, he would have been thrown straight through the window.

Taylor pushed Jordan back, dusting Charlie off absentmindedly, and the truce was off. They were back to not liking each other.

"FUCK!" Charlie howled, no longer seeing red but entirely devastated. Sebastian, evil-eyeing Jordan something fierce, pulled Charlie out of the room murmuring to him in soothing Portuguese though I was sure Charlie didn't understand.

"I'm sorry," I called after him but I knew it wasn't enough. George, now sporting a green cast on his arm tried to apologize to me but I was too preoccupied to even look at him.

"What do you know about cars?" I asked Taylor and Jordan when they were both out of sight.

"Umm…" Jordan scratched the back of his neck, pulling out his notebook to jot something down before saying, "Not much."

"Nothing, but I know someone who does and he's headed here now," Taylor said with a smile.

"Solace." The name was like music to my ears.

" _What time is it?" I asked sitting up quickly._

" _Seven, why?" Fuck! The bank! I was supposed to go to the bank after groceries so that I could pay all the bills online that night, but groceries had ended up taking about three hours more than I thought they would._

" _Where you running to?" Jordan asked merrily, he was just coming in from his afternoon class, his signature plaid shirt and dark jeans, he looked good and I wanted nothing more than to cuddle into him and call it a day but this was panic hour. He grabbed me, kissing me on the cheek as I flew past him with Taylor at my heel._

" _Gotta go to the bank, I don't know—maybe they have like a night window or—fuck! I fucked up!" I stopped, standing with a wad of money in my hands and a horrified expression on my face._

" _What's going on?" He asked. I pulled him close to me, and he sighed placing his forehead on my shoulder, I was taller than him now and broader, I liked the way he felt in my arms._

" _I forgot to go to the bank like an idiot and I was supposed to deposit this money so that I could pay the bills." I said this all really quickly, not taking even the smallest of breaths, it made me a bit dizzy._

" _It's okay. You got the money?" He asked, looking at my hand._

" _Yes," I released the pent up air in my lungs._

" _Here," he said digging in his back pocket and passing me a blue plastic credit card and exchanging it for the money in my hand, he didn't even count it._

 _"Just use my card and calm down, okay?" He sighed kissing me and patting Tay on the back as he came back into the house. Charlie was still on the couch engrossed in the shoebox thingy he was working on. He'd explained it was a miniature motor, which if he got working, would put him back on on track for the three weeks of class he had missed when Sebastian got pneumonia._

" _When's dinner, Captain?" Charlie asked with two tiny tools in his hand. I'd forgotten about dinner, things were just piling and apparently the nickname "Captain" was sticking._

" _In an hour," I sighed, Jordan growled at him and I smacked his arm. It wasn't Charlie's fault he was hungry and I was completely incompetent. I collapsed on a creaky futon, opening Lawrence's laptop where all the sites for payments were bookmarked._

 _There were five monthly bills: water, gas, electricity, mortgage and cable/internet. I signed on to each one, putting in Jordan's card number more times then I felt comfortable with. I knew he had money, a lot of money, first from the hardware store he owned part of and second from his book deal, but we never had money run between us. On occasion he would cook or order food for us, but I would usually buy a movie or something to cancel it out—he didn't think about these things but I did, I wanted to be his equal and not his dependent especially with our sixteen year age difference. I didn't think about the age difference except for points like this when I was so obviously immature._

" _Why do you guys have it all separate and complicated?" Jordan asked from behind me._

" _Hmm?"_

" _Tomorrow, when you have time go to the bank, just go with your account numbers and set it up so that the electric and cable company and stuff just remove the bills automatically every month," Jordan said kissing my cheek. I sighed, leaning into him and feeling so stupid, I wasn't doing anything right._

" _I'm so fucked, I did everything wrong today," I curled up feeling close to tears. This was why I couldn't do this, in the months since I'd known Jace, I'd never once seen him cry or even lose his cool._

" _You're doing your best."_

 _"You're doing fine."_

 _Jordan and Taylor said at the same time, smiling awkwardly at each other from either side of me._

" _Are you going to be okay for patrol? I can take it," Tay offered._

" _I can do it," Jordan said immediately as if it were a competition for my affection._

" _No, I've got an hour, I can run there in 20. Let's eat," I sighed rolling myself out of the comfortable but faulty futon. It was my day for cooking, usually it was one person's duty morning and night and if it wasn't such a shitty night that would have been fine._

" _I'll help," Taylor and Jordan said in unison, not so much smiling at each other as glaring this time, following me into the kitchen. They had a weird sort of struggle going on that I didn't quite understand. It was like a tug-of-war with me in the middle and I didn't know how to stop it._

" _You can both help. It's vegan, and I pretty much have no clue exactly how to cook for a vegan," I said grabbing the cookbook from the top shelf._

 _"How about tofu tacos?" I asked them, mentally double checking we had everything we needed from the days haul of groceries. We did. We had enough food to feed a platoon._

" _Tacos are fine," Tay said brightly and Jordan nodded. Sitting side by side at the island looking to me, they reminded me of soldiers waiting for instructions and I got an idea._

" _Okay, how about you two do the chopping to make the salsa and I can deal with the tofu?" I asked politely, though it wasn't really a question. They obeyed immediately, standing and collecting the produce as I called it out. They stood at the sink, working together in silence. By the end of the process they were talking. They weren't exactly telling their life stories and joking, but they were discussing the size of tomato cubes and the amount of lime. It was definitely more than before and that was something._

Solace waltzed into the house like he owned the place, it was his natural form of locomotion, and at the moment, it was well deserved. He was my savior, and he came bearing two things that would save the night: a wet dry vac for the basement and Phil.

Phil is another former member of the La Push gang, and also the only one that could be trusted to fix just about anything.

When we called Solace to explain the miniature motor mishap, Solace turned back and dragged Phil with him, because, well, Solace is the best "Uncle" anyone could have. To my surprise Phil didn't put up a fight or even question why he should come to Port Angeles to help the gay son of his former Alpha fix a motor for his roommate's auto class.

I only really know five things about Phil. He was a wolf. He was half Irish, something apparent in his crystal clear hazel green eyes and pale skin. He's smart, this I deduced from his business prowess by opening a hardware store that was expanding at a rate I couldn't keep up with and the fact that he had edited Jordan's first book Journey to the Northwest. He was Solace's best friend, something anyone who had ever seen them together was aware of. And he was hot.

I was not the only one to notice this. Sebastian and Mason, who sat in the living room waiting for Solace's arrival, both sat up just a bit straighter when he walked in the door and Mason even blushed.

I added to the list of Phil facts when he got there. He was shorter than I remembered as a child and he was also apparently a car whiz. With Charlie looking over his wide back he had it fixed and running in less than half an hour, while Jordan and Solace evaluated the significant damage to our basement.

It wasn't the end of the world, the cost of the water would probably be the worst of it, but there were some blocked drains and all of the cloth chairs placed down there needed to be thrown away before mold started to grow on them.

"How the hell did you guys bust a copper pipe?" Solace asked, examining the repair job Taylor had done, which included him using his wolf strength to bend it back to the right shape.

"It's a long story," I sighed, checking the time. I had less than thirty minutes before I had to be back to La Push.

 _We ate dinner scattered through the house, me, Jordan and Taylor in the kitchen around the breakfast island with Mason, who ate half-heartedly, watching Taylor whenever he thought no one was looking._

 _George, Emma and Lawrence ate in the basement, helping Emma cut, weigh, separate and bag up her huge blocks of marijuana and put pills in her signature floral print baggied. They were almost done when I set out the taco buffet, but they still retreated to the confines of the basement where I could smell them smoking a good deal of the product while giggling manically._

 _Charlie and Sebastian claimed the living room, Charlie's tools, parts and books sprawled out as Sebastian chowed down and filled his ear with a tale of our shopping adventure. He took particular relish in telling the room about Emma almost bowling over an old woman to get the last bottle of 50% discount laundry detergent._

 _I had about an hour and a half before patrol and I was tired so I didn't say anything when the stereo in the basement was put on at full blast. Jordan cringed at the heavy metal but I was used to it, because despite Emma's waify, bohemian appearance, she liked her music hard and I'd gotten an earful of it on many a party night._

" _What kind of music do you like?" Taylor asked Jordan conversationally. Jordan looked surprised that he was addressing him but answered automatically._

" _I don't really listen to music."_

 _That wasn't a hundred percent true. While cleaning his cabin a few months back I had come across and old fashioned digital music player, the ancient kind used before smartphones made them unnecessary. It still worked, surprisingly, though its storage was embarrassingly low at only like 4 gigabytes. His playlists were outdated like my father's clothes, bands I'd never heard of, but a few that were prehistoric like the Sex Pistols, whom I'd only ever seen on t-shirts._

" _Yeah, I sorta could've guessed that about you. You don't do TV either, right?" Tay asked sweetly._

" _Does the news count?" Jordan asked a little abashed. At times with the Port Angeles crew, he felt ancient and out of the loop but I liked that about him the most, he was entirely unaffected by the superficial._

" _I guess we can count that garbage. It's so fake it could be considered a drama. American media is so controlled—" But Taylor didn't get to finish telling Jordan how he felt the American media was controlled by the government and aimed to mold people into a massive groups of brain dead idiots, because there was a huge crashing boom in the basement that caused me to drop my plate._

" _Idiots," Mason hissed, and I shot out of my stool, heading down the back stairs that led to the basement. Lawrence, George and Emma were stoned. Now I'd seen them high before but this was "swing-from-the-trees" high and since there were no trees they were settling for the many pipes that ran along the ceiling._

" _What the fuck, guys?" I screamed only Emma turned, smiling at me between her leap from one of the many chairs to another._

" _It's the Lava Game. Mark, get out of the Lava," she screamed merrily, motioning for me to join her on the chairs._

" _Get down from the pipes! Are you out of your fucking minds?!" I asked, turning the stereo off angrily. They stared down at me, first in shock then in deviance. Lawrence dropped down from his pipe and onto the closest chair before he apologized, but George, who did not take authority figures well, as Jace had outlined well in his instructions, rolled his eyes swinging his legs with force to propel himself at another pipe a few feet away._

 _It all happened really quickly, one second he's glaring and swinging, the next he's on the floor holding what looked like a broken arm and getting pelted by a rush of cold water from the broken pipe above him._

" _SHIT!" Lawrence and George screamed together, but for different reasons. George was staring at the piece of bone, protruding out the side of his arm, and Lawrence, now completely sobered, stared at the broken pipe in horror._

" _I told you to fucking get down, you asshole!" I screamed kicking George right in his ass._

 _Emma went to yell at me to stop, he was her brother after all, but gasped when she saw the white jagged bone and almost instantly fainted, right into her reclining chair._

 _Jordan, Taylor and Mason came down with the shouting and their reactions were mixed. Taylor looked almost amused till he saw George and became disgusted. Jordan was calm but not happy and Mason was panicked._

" _Jordan, we need to get this fuckhead to the emergency room," I said, the metallic smell of his blood filling my nostrils. Jordan nodded once, picking him up not entirely as gently as he could have and heading out back up the stairs._

" _What do we do?" That question or at least three other varieties of it all rang through the room, everyone looking to me for answers. Yeah,_ _ **now**_ _they wanted to listen to me._

"I'm going to have to phase to run and get back to La Push in time, can you make sure Taylor get's back home?" I asked Jordan at the door.

"You don't have to torture yourself, Marcus, I'll take your shift," Jordan insisted, but again I liked balance in our relationship and I couldn't ask him to do this after saving me time and time again.

"I can do it, just leave the door open for me tonight okay, I want to snuggle with you in a nice big warm comfortable, chaos-free bed, okay?" I yawned. He smiled a huge Jordan-smile and nodded once.

"Too cute. I'm a sucker for love, you know," Solace chuckled, walking directly between us and grabbing my cheek playfully.

I smacked his ass just as playfully and Phil, who was walking behind him, laughed loudly, a deep chesty kind of laugh that made me smile, possibly for the first time today.

"House meeting tomorrow afternoon, no exceptions," I said seriously looking at the line of my roommates who stood staring at me like children on their way to the principal's office.

"What time?" Lawrence asked calmly.

"10 am.," I answered, giving myself at least a few hours of sleep with Jordan. No one protested. In fact, Charlie nodded to me warmly and Sebastian added a, "whatever you say, Captain."

The run back was quick and painless though mentally I was exhausted and I had to spend a few minutes clearing my thoughts. Turns out, I didn't have a few minutes because before I made it to the clearing where we met for pre-patrol instructions, I smelled vamp. Like rotting compost and salmonella infected cake batter, it was close. Just my luck.

The werewolf in me, this big part I tried to ignore, kicked into overdrive and I took it out, quick and painless, ripping its head straight off its body before it even knew what I was or could register danger.

 _ **Good job, Mark.**_ Collin's thoughts were clear, I liked that about him though it tended to get him in trouble. Embry joined the collective mind soon after, we were the only three currently shifted, turns out I was early.

I knew it was Embry because, well, his mind was unique, entirely images like a silent movie, unless he was trying to relay a specific message as he did the second he realized I was there.

 _ **I talked to your dad… this isn't working out. He figures by the end of summer you'll be ready to take over because I'm resigning.**_

Double fucking FUCK!


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter 38: Flesh Payment**

* * *

"What the FUCK, Dad?!" I burst into my house through the back entrance right on the other side of his door, knocking once before I screamed. I'd kept myself calm and collected throughout patrol which of course was silent because that was just my luck, I killed the only vamp in town and everyone else gets to stroll around like we were here for exercise.

Since the Cullens and our pack had made the final truce, we'd expanded our patrol grounds but still with that it wasn't very busy around here lately. That single vamp was the first I'd seen since last Thanksgiving.

My mom came out of the room first, tying her robe, her deep red scar stretching unpleasantly across her face as she frowned at me. My dad came out after her, tying the drawstring of his pants hurriedly.

"You can't volunteer me for jobs without asking me! What the hell?!" I screamed, David raced down the stairs. He'd obviously been awake, probably just trying to drown out my parents' lovemaking. We'd been doing that since we went wolf, music was the best solution to cover the horrifying sounds of their…togetherness.

"You don't really have a choice, the pack needs you as Alpha, and it's your duty to—"

"Why's it his duty? WHAT THE FUCK, DAD?! I spent the whole year doing double patrols and watching you guys so I could be Alpha!" David screamed stomping his feet like a child but I agreed with him. He wanted this, and well, with his skill set, there was not much else he could do.

"David, this isn't the right time to talk about it," my dad said in a voice that clearly told him to drop it, but David was pissed, he wasn't going to let it die.

"No! He doesn't even like being a wolf! This isn't right!" It was a bad idea coming here, I should have waited but after a day like I had, I wanted to vent. It wasn't fair to have my life planned out for me.

"Come on, David," I pulled him up the stairs leaving my dad and mom staring after us.

"This is so fucked Mark, I know I'm not the smartest guy but I want this," David whispered from the bed after throwing himself violently upon it.

Strategizing. I hadn't strategized with David in years, not since we'd made elaborate schemes to find our Christmas presents, though my mother never hid them well. The best part of it was always the hours we spent making childish blueprints and creating checklists to aid our search. I was always the brains of the operation, but David was possibly the best second in command in the world…second in command.

"David. Fuck him! I got this, think about it…if I'm Alpha then I'm **Alpha** , he can't tell me how I run this. He can't stop who I choose as my second and what responsibilities my second has," I said slowly, realization dawning on his face about half way through the second sentence.

"Like who makes the schedules?" David asked slowly.

"Yup and Alpha doesn't have patrol much, I mean, we can alternate… revamp this whole system together," I said quickly.

"You really are a genius," David said with almost shocking pride.

"Stop bashing yourself, okay? And I think it's pretty obvious this is between you and me for now," I said standing and dusting off my bed.

"I sorta miss you," David said casually.

"Me too. I'll be back here, stuck in this place with _him_ in three months," I sighed smacking him on the back and heading back down the stairs. My dad sat at the kitchen table arms crossed in front of him watching me. I passed him, set on not saying another word.

"I know what you're thinking," he said quickly when my hand hit the doorknob.

"I'm pretty sure you don't or you wouldn't be smirking at me," I said with an arched eyebrow.

"Trisha's still seeing Ethan, not sure if they're having sex but the laws clearly say _any_ amorous contact between a wolf and another wolf's imprint is grounds for a fight," my dad said seriously pointing to a seat, I dropped in it. David and Trisha had been working on her car together, hanging around each other pretty much non-stop. I knew it was happening, but it's different to _know_ know it without a doubt.

"Right…" I stretched the word out long and meaningfully. I didn't know what to say to it, it was pretty much an impossible situation that I was not equipped to handle. I was tired, physically and mentally after the longest day of my life and I didn't wanna even try to figure out the drama that was the Ethan, Trisha, David love triangle.

"When the shit hits the fan, he's—everything's going to get ugly. David can't be impartial and the pack needs you," he said looking over at me.

"I'm not ready for this now, Dad," I whined.

I had come to the realization about two weeks ago when I had dinner with the entire Seattle pack, when they told me stories of their time in La Push and I thought, even if it was momentarily, that I could have handled the situation better. I would and could be the Alpha, just not now.

"I disagree, I think you're taking your personal life way too seriously and you don't want this position getting in the way of your…relationship with Jordan," it was almost painful seeing him trying to say his name without cringing.

"Yeah, fine, but I **am** 17 and I deserve to have a personal life," I said calmly.

"Your brother's going to need you," he said simply.

"As a **brother**! And as a brother I'm going to be there for him if or when everything blows up but I can't be in charge of this cluster fuck right now. Get Embry to wait till I graduate then I'll try to figure it out," I compromised and he smiled, a huge white Uley smile.

"Yeah?" He asked taking his hands away from his chest and placing them on the table.

"Yes, but not till graduation…and after I've moved in with Jordan," I added quickly. He rolled his eyes.

"Can you stop doing that? I know you don't like him but—"

"I just don't see why you need to move in with him to take your rightful place as Alpha," he said angrily.

"Because I _need_ him. I know you don't get it but I'm gay, Dad. and nothing's gunna change that. You can wish the gay away forever, but I love him so much and—"

"I can't hear about this," he said rubbing his eyes wearily.

"Fine, Dad, whatever, but that's the deal, take it or leave it. I want to graduate and I need to have a life outside of the pack," I said firmly. He extended his hand and I shook it once before walking out the door.

It was the beginning of summer, the sweet smell of blossoming flowers and lingering sunshine filled the air, it was a warm citrusy smell that mixed with the trees beautifully. I was tired, I had a long day but the warm breeze and the sound of the crashing waves against the cliffs made me slow my pace as I made my way towards Jordan's cabin. When I got there he was waiting for me, watching TV on the new modern big-screen digital set I made him buy.

I'd moved the bookshelves to the room and now he spent more time in the sitting room, casually watching the idiot box and getting reacquainted with the world and pop culture. He watched the news at night and followed it with a celebrity gossip show which made me laugh, though I'd seen him hold a whole conversation with Sebastian about showbiz parents and the famous child star Jett Matthew, just six years old and one of the highest paying actor in America. He was adorably in the know now.

"Hey," he said all sexily from the couch. I love his velvety voice. At times it made me weak in the knees.

"You're up," I smiled dropping on the futon with him.

"Yeah, I wanted to see if you survived," he joked, standing and turning the TV off with a flick of his wrist.

"Come on," he breathed, kissing the corner of my mouth lightly before tugging my hand gently towards the bedroom.

"Jay, I'm exhausted," I whined and he smiled mischievously.

"Then let me take care of you," he whispered holding me tight from behind. His lips were centimeters away from in my ear, his warm breath escaping in soft hot puffs against neck made me dizzy. He lifted my arms slowly removing my shirt and letting his big warm fingers brush against my sides the whole way up. It made hot and lusty until he brushed my underarms and I burst into laughter collapsing on the king size bed topless and giggling.

"You did great today," he said, coming from behind me and firmly massaging the tense muscles of my back.

"Are you joking?" I chuckled, then shivered when he moved his hands down my back, his fingers tracing the curve of my spine.

"No, not at all. You kept your cool and did the best you could in the situation, definitely better than I would have," he said letting his hand snake around front to my hip so he could turn me to face him.

"I spent three hours grocery shopping, broke someone's final project, let the house get flooded, watched someone break their arm, had the police almost find thousands of dollars of illegal drugs and basically all around failed," I laughed, it was easier to laugh then crawl up in a ball and die.

"You got the best most adult groceries I've ever seen them stock in their pantry. This month they aren't going to have to scrounge for Taco Bell money when they run out of junk food. The basement floor, the motor and the broken arm were not your fault. They are a bunch of children and you couldn't have stopped them from whatever craziness they were going to get up to but you handled them well. And I know for a fact Phil wouldn't have come down here if it was anyone else in your family in need. Solace likes you enough to convince him to come and Solace is a good friend to have," Jordan said kissing from my peck down the top of my six-pack.

"Well, I guess that will be an asset when I become Alpha," I said a little high-pitched as his tongue traced the 'V' shape from my hip down to the top of my shorts.

"Are finally giving in? Because a pack with you as leader is a pack I know we would all want to join," he asked sitting up and slowly unbuckling my shorts.

"After gradu—ation," I whined as he pulled my shorts off in one swift movement.

"Hot," he breathed, grabbing me at my base and sending a pulse of electric energy through my body that I didn't think possible today when I was so very tired.

"I'm happy you approve," I breathed as he pumped my member from base to tip.

"I like everything about you," he said before taking me in his mouth, the best end to the worst day of the summer.

I woke, naked in a very empty bed. The house smelled like bacon and maple syrup, and I made my way across the cold floor to his side where he stood in the kitchen over the stove making a batch of eggs. There were three men at the back door, working through a pile of construction equipment but Jordan didn't pay them any attention as I slid in behind him kissing his broad bare shoulders.

"You Jared's nephew?" a thick waisted Hispanic man asked from the door.

"Yeah," I answered brightly. They were here to continue the ground work on our two guest rooms.

"Are you two planning a family?" he answered conversationally. I wasn't used to people talking to us like that, as if we were an entirely normal adult couple, it was nice change from my Dad.

"Maybe," I answered, searching Jordan face from the corner of my eye. He didn't react other than smiling a little bigger as he set out food on the small table overlooking the garden that I had attempted to plant but failed epically.

"We can get a gardener, Mark, no need to pout," he smiled, giving me a soft kiss on the cheek before taking a seat.

"My cousin Manny's a landscaper, I can give 'em a call," the jolly construction worker continued, still sorting through his equipment.

"Yeah that'd be great, Tony," Jordan answered, not taking his eyes off of me as he dug in to his stack of pancakes. It was the most peaceful relaxed morning of my life, absolutely perfect.

"See you in a few hours okay?" I asked clutching Jordan's keys in my hand after an adventurous trip into shared shower land.

"Yeah, I'll run over after your night class is done," he said escorting me barefoot to the car. He was writing today, it was Wednesday, which meant making up for all the time he wasted with me not writing like he should be. He was three weeks behind schedule on his book and his agent was not pleased.

"I'm sorry 'bout about borrowing your car again, I just don't have the energy to run today and the crew might ask questions," I said kissing him through the window. My brother and I had one car to share between the both of us and as I was no longer in La Push I was left on foot.

"It's cool, we'll get it taken care of soon," he smiled in the way that clearly told me he had plans I wouldn't like. Before I had a chance to protest, he pointed out the time and reminded me to drive safely and I was off.

To my immense surprise and pleasure they were all inside, waiting for me when I arrived at 9:55 am.

Vlad and Mason sat quietly in the corner, looking as if they knew for sure they hadn't done anything but they were here because they were responsible. George sat next to Emma with his green cast all graffitied and accessorized, because of course he would find a way to gay-up a cast.

Charlie and Sebastian were snuggled up in pajamas looking a little tired but ready all the same and Lawrence sat alone near the door looking lost and sad without his Jace. I almost felt bad for him, until I saw the chickens wander into the room like a pack, Mason scooping up two and holding them to his chest waiting for me to begin. Emma grabbed the other and pouted at me, as if begging me to go easy on her boys especially George.

"Look, I don't know how Jace led the house, I know it seemed smooth and all of that, but it's not working for me," I started.

"I don't see why we need a _'leader.'_ We're all adults," George said with a huffy face, using his one hand to make quotation marks.

"You broke your arm and a fucking water main by swinging from it like Tarzan, and now we're all going to be out of at least an extra twenty bucks next month," I spat at him my hand shaking, Emma stared at it with wide eyes before she turned to him and told him to apologize.

"Look, what's done is done and this is Jace's house and he wants someone watching over it while he's gone, so I'm going to do as he told me to. We all respect him and we're going to have to make sure their it's still here when he comes back," I said calmly. Charlie and Mason both nodded seriously.

"I'm not paying extra money for the water bill. I didn't do anything wrong," Vlad said through a sternly accented voice.

"I can understand that, but we work as a family and family's have to deal with the consequences. Twenty is an upward estimate, I'll be cutting corners and if you don't want to pay more, you can all do the same by turning off the lights, taking shorter showers, unplugging things when you aren't using them and not running the water while you brush your teeth." I'd looked up a few money saving tips when I printed out the paperwork for keeping exotic animals in your commercial residence.

"I agree, some people eat more than others, some use more water," Sebastian said glowering at George before we continue. "But we all live here so it's even shares for community bills."

I smiled at him waiting for someone else to oppose, no one did. They just looked up at me, waiting for me to continue.

"I printed out the paperwork to keep Peter, Wendy and Rufio. There's a fee and I think it's time for us to discuss their safety and place in this house," I said sitting on one of the chairs that were saved from the basement. They now lined the side of the living room, waiting for reassignment.

"No, that's not fair. I take good care of them," Mason said angrily and I didn't disagree, he took great care of them.

"Yes, but the license does cost money and so does their food and honestly it isn't sanitary," I countered and Emma nodded fervently to his left.

"That's bull, Mark. Jace said if I took care of them, I could have them!" Mason screamed.

"Okay, well, then we'll just have a vote, everyone who votes to keep them has to pay for the license and keep them clean, birds have baths too," I compromised.

"Fine," Mason said smiling, looking out at everyone around us, certain he would win the vote. I wasn't too sure but if he did, I would have to accept it.

"Okay everyone willing to pay and take responsibility for the chickens raise their hands," I said evenly. Lawrence, Vlad, Mason, George and Charlie raised their hands, leaving only me, Emma and Sebastian.

"Fine, Mason, I'm putting you in charge of the paperwork, building the appropriate enclosure and collecting the money. You need to have it in by next week," I said firmly, Mason nodded taking the paper from my hands.

"I wanna talk about laundry!" Sebastian said raising his flailing hand.

"Okaaaay," I said pointing at him.

"Okay, so whenever I try to wash my clothes the machine is full of clothes that someone left in there. Sometimes they're wet so I can't just throw them in a bag before I start mine. I have to hang them or put them in the drying machine, but I left my clothes to dry while I went to pick up beer for YOU GUYS and when I got back my clothes were just thrown in the basket not even dry yet," he said eyeing the room viciously, his eyes staying extra long on George.

"Whenever I want to wash my clothes, people's shit is all over the place and I have to go to the laundry mat or take my time moving people's shit," George countered.

"Well, okay, whenever I want to dry my clothes the machine barely works cuz it's full of lint and I'm the only person that ever cleans it!" Emma added, looking at all the guys around her with angry lady eyes. This went on for another hour before a new Excel worksheet including shower drain and dryer lint duty was made. When everyone was satisfied, I dressed and went to the bookstore doing my first 4-hour orientation and heading to my evening class.

A great salad and soup made by Vlad and Sebastian was waiting for me when I got home and I scarfed it down, feeling tired but satisfied. I'd accomplished more in the last 48 hours than I had in my entire life and still I'd managed to have hot sex with my gorgeous boyfriend and hangout with Lawrence while I waited for Jordan to arrive. I smelled him before he drove up in a car I didn't recognize and it made me smile.

"Hey, babe," I whispered against his lips as he leaned down and pressed them hard against mine.

"Heeey," he dragged it out, pulling my bottom lip between his teeth and grabbing my hand. I thought he was leading me upstairs so I moved to stand but I felt a cold metal object in my hand. A key.

"What's this?" I asked dumbly looking down at the key and out the window to the car. I knew, but then I didn't, because there could be no way in hell he would actually believe I could take a present like this from him.

"Don't make a big deal out of it Marcus, just be gracious and fuck me…I missed you all day," he whispered in my ear pulling me to him.

"A car, Jordan?" I sighed in defeat.

"It's a cheap old used KIA, isn't nothing fancy but it will get you around—see told you Solace was a good friend to have," he smiled dragging me up the stairs.

"I can't," I whispered.

"You can. I make enough money a year with the store and school and my book sales to buy you 10 new cars if you wanted them, but since you wouldn't take those I've got you something you have to take. I can't bring it back," he sighed throwing himself against the door and pulling me to him.

"I'll pay you back," I said automatically.

"Good, I take payments in flesh so stop talking already," he moaned ripping off his shirt, one button flying across the room. I helped him out of his undershirt, ripping mine off as he undid his belt. We were fevered, clothes flying as we made our way to the bed, it was less than 12 hours apart and we were in need.

"God, I love you." It was like a mantra and I repeated it as he passed me the lube, turning to position himself. Entering him always felt good, we didn't do it all that often but when we did it was great. He was warm and tight and pretty much perfect in every way, another great end to a busy day.

"Shit," he hissed pulling at a pillow and holding it tight against his mouth to cover some of his screams. He came before me, a first, and I let go soon after, collapsing with him.

"Thank you," I breathed in his ear, running my knuckle down his bare back.

"You welcome," he smiled kissing me again, this made everything better. I could get through this insane summer workload, work double time during the school year, be Alpha, shit, do anything, as long as I had this every night.


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter 39: The One With All the Heartbreak**

* * *

"Is everything arranged down there?" I screamed down the stairs to the basement where Vlad, Mason and Lawrence were frantically trying to rearrange the furniture and spray air fresheners to remove the last signs of the flood. We had been living the last two and a half months, extremely smoothly might I add, without the basement. Now that Jace was coming back though, the house was abuzz; primping and fluffing every corner to make it even better than when he left.

We had gone to garage sales as a unit, each of us putting in an extra 30 dollars to make sure the basement was up to the standards it once held. We had purchased not only a wide array of plushy armchairs but also a coffee table, a big fake potted plant that reminded me of Sesame Street with its gaudy neon colors and Solace had given us free range of the paint at his hardware store for the two solid plaster walls, which were now yellow and pink respectively.

The doorbell rang as I was washing the last dish in the sink from breakfast, probably Jace's form of a dramatic entrance, and I could hear crashing and scrambling in the basement as I rushed to answer the door.

"Solace?" He looked like shit. Honestly, I'd never seen him look anything less than delicious in my entire life, but right now he looked like hell.

"Is it Jace?" Lawrence screamed almost falling on the long rug that lined the hall as he crashed into the room.

"No, it's Solace," I answered, looking back to Solace who was swaying.

"Oh," Lawrence said with a pout, heading back to the kitchen and down to the basement.

"I…I don't have any…can I stay here?" He asked, leaning against the doorframe as if he might collapse.

"Solace, are you alright?" I gasped, grabbing him under his arm as he stumbled into the house. He grabbed me, holding me tight; he reeked like alcohol, pure alcohol.

"Leah," he said through gritted teeth and no more elaboration was necessary. I pulled him up straight and turned him towards the stairs so I could lay him down on my bed in private. The guys in the house were all huge Solace fans, he was pretty much the definition of gay fantasy man, and if I left him on the couch, he would be surrounded with adoring fans by the time he woke up.

"I'm sorry, I—I don't know what to say," I stammered as Jordan's scent, chilly and sensual, filled my nostrils, utterly distracting me.

"Jordan," Solace breathed, turning back to greet him but tripping over the two steps he'd climbed since I started leading him up. He landed on me and the force of his body crushed me to the wall next to the door.

"Shit—sorry," his words jumbled together, still pressed tightly against me.

"It's okay, man," I said grabbing his shoulders firmly, he pressed himself even harder to my body. "Solace?"

"I jus—don't wannabe alone," he slurred his words, the pungent smell of high-proof alcohol burning my nose. His warm heft felt good though and while it was only for a millisecond, his lips were inviting.

"Uh-huh-hem," Jordan boisterous fake cough brought Solace back around. He twirled quickly and collapsed, Jordan didn't catch him before he fell to the ground though he had enough time to.

"Jordan," I scolded lightly, moving to grab him but Jordan lifted him first, pulling him up by his shoulders and dragging him up the stairs, letting his feet sag and hit every step as he ascended.

"Phil called…Leah broke up with him and kicked him out of her house," Jordan announced, dropping him carelessly on the bed and walking out of the room, leaving us alone. As if deciding it was a bad idea he came back, grabbing me by the wrist and pulling me out with him.

"Jay, don't be silly," I teased, pushing him against the opposite wall of the narrow hallway and planting the kind of kiss on his lips that usually ended with hot sweaty sex.

"Kiss me again," he commanded, pulling me tighter to him.

"Are you jealous of him?" The front door opened and slammed shut followed by a loud greeting from Jace, before he could answer.

"Hey Bitches, I'm back!"

"It's Jace," Jordan said merrily, sneaking out from under my arm and heading back downstairs.

Jace brought us all presents, some small, some personalized and some outrageous but he didn't miss any of us, not even Jordan. He gave me an extremely cute green t-shirt that was trendy but not over the top, he knew me well, and he gave Jordan a personalized pen that had _Professor G.C._ inscribed on the side.

"Do you like it?" Jace asked airily as Jordan examined the inscription. "The G.C. stands for Giant Cock, but you can still use it in public," he said proudly.

"I love it," Jordan said sincerely, hooking the pen onto the inside of his shirt pocket with a grin. When the presents had all been cleared, Lawrence could take it no longer and he shot up, forcing Jace to stand with him and pointing upstairs.

I had packed my bags and actually had them stowed in my new car so that they could have this special time together, but that was before a drunk Solace darkened my doorstep.

"Wait, there's a—I gotta get Solace out of there," I said but almost as soon as the words hit my lips Solace's footstep approached, padding softly down the carpeted hall.

"Ohh! Solace is here?" Jace perked up and instinctively, Lawrence held him closer. I could tell the half an hour or so that he had of rest had done him well, his werewolf heat burning off the alcohol in his system. He looked, well like a sad Solace, but more or less Solace-like; he was never the chipper type anyways.

He loved her, I knew this by the way his eyes burned with intensity when he talked about her. I didn't see them together often but then I didn't often see Solace, he was an inconstant force in my life. Growing up he was always there, in the background, doing whatever Solace did, but now that we had bonded, I saw him only occasionally but each time I did, it meant something.

At night, nights where we still had enough energy to talk, Jordan would tell me tales from before the split, before the pack was divided for the second time. The first time the pack was separated was when Jacob Black broke off, he left with Leah, Seth and eventually Quil and Embry. After Jake left La Push all but Leah returned, that's when Solace and Leah started their love affair, before I was even born.

The idea was weird, that something could have lasted so long and yet remained so secretive. They "had relations" as Jordan put it, for the first time during my parents' wedding, where Momma was super fat pregnant with me and David. Leah left him, though, for some great spiritual journey. She was still a member of Jake's pack, and she travelled through Asia before settling in Seattle.

Jordan was a member of "the younger pack," the part of the pack that phased within a month of each other while the Cullens housed all of the vampires that were to help them bring down the Volturi.

Solace, Jordan, Michael, Phil, Krys and Anna: they were the second group to break off from the La Push pack after a fight over Embry's imprint, Leticia, who was Solace's second great love.

In the pack no wolf is allowed to harm or have any sort of amorous conduct with another wolf's imprint because of the pain that it would cause his brother…even if the imprint doesn't want her imprinter as the case seemed to be with Trisha.

Solace had tragically bad luck with women but when he left La Push he was reunited with Leah and the Seattle pack had high hopes it would last. The poor guy just couldn't catch a break.

"Sorry," Solace breathed making his way down the last three steps, tousling his hair. It was growing longer, to around his ears and it looked good.

"You okay?" Jace asked extending his hand but not quite touching him.

"Yeah, I...I don't know why I came here. I'm-I'm gunna go," he said pointing towards the door.

"We're gunna have a party, you sure you don't wanna drink?" Jace asked pouting at him, he shook his head and was out the door before Jace could plead.

I followed after him. I'm not sure why he chose to come to me, he could have gone to Phil or Michael or anyone, but he came to me and I owed him one. I actually owed him a lot of 'ones,' first for the way he took care of me after Taylor' imprint, then for supporting me and Jordan so effortlessly, for bringing Phil when I needed him and for finding me a car which was exactly what I needed.

"Wait, come on Solace, come back to Jordan's with me," I said stopping him.

"You should be with Jace," he said sadly, but part of me knew he was just saying it. He didn't want to be alone and I couldn't blame him.

"I'll see him every week for classes," I said demanding he stay put and running back inside.

"Jace, I—"

"That's one broken hearted guy," Jace sighed, Lawrence was desperately trying to pull him upstairs but he was worried about Solace too.

"Yeah, I'm going to take him home," I said looking for Jordan, he stood leaning against the living room archway, one leg against the wood, his worn jeans clinging to him in all the right places. Sometimes, even now after eight months together, when I looked at him, I was knocked senseless, completely stunned, utterly in love with every inch of him.

He pushed off the wall and headed towards me, his hand outstretched for me to grab. It was a new development, after we got through the endless kissing stage, the hour long gazing stage and the quickie sex stage, we had settled into this casual affection. When we were close, he would find a way to touch me, from a gentle hand on my back to locked fingers. I kissed the palm of his hand before I laced his fingers with mine.

"Back home then?" I asked with a smirk and he nodded, leaning into me as I led the way out, waving bye to my first ever roommates.

Complete heartbreak of the heterosexual variety. I have never personally experienced it so I wasn't exactly sure how to go about consoling him, when I was faced with it. For the next six days—days that I pretended to still be living in Port Angeles so I wouldn't have to go home—I got a crash course.

Solace slept, a lot! And when he wasn't sleeping, he was either stoically silent or reminiscing. These were the hardest because they were the only times he smiled, but they weren't exactly helping the situation. He didn't tell us why Leah broke up with him, just that she did, and finally on day seven, the last day before I had to move back home and start my final year of high school, I tried a new approach.

"Why did she want to break it off, Solace?" I asked as he sat quietly looking out the window, his knees brought to his chest so that every muscle on his bare back was stretched and extremely visible. He wasn't built like me or Jordan, he was the type of wolf that I would call streamline: slick and toned but good for running and dodging…not to mention for eye-candy.

I had been looking at furniture for the guestrooms and I placed the CB2 catalogue down with a thud as he sighed for the tenth time in an hour. I was really contemplating the rooms; I knew they would most often be occupied by Jordan's niece and nephews, Melody, Devlin and Levi, but I didn't want them to look like children's rooms, lest Jordan be reminded that he was sorta old and probably wanted a family, a family I couldn't exactly provide. I couldn't concentrate on color schemes though through Solace's sighs which I'm sure was the point. He wanted to talk and I wasn't about to listen to another hour of the wonder that was Leah, I wanted to know why, I needed to really.

Jordan who was flipping through a thick pile of printed computer paper, that he would hide whenever I came close enough to read, stiffened visibly from the corner of my eye. Warning one that I shouldn't have pressed but I didn't heed, I just plowed right on.

"I mean, Solace, you are smart, considerate, compassionate, fun and honestly one of the hottest men I have ever had the pleasure of knowing," I said quickly, turning to Jordan.

"Right, Jordan?" I included him as a two part strategy. Part one for Solace, because I mean, who didn't like to hear they were hot? And, two for Jordan, because if I included him instead of just fawning over the hotness that was Solace, he probably wouldn't get so worked up about it.

Jordan is the jealous type, not something I pegged him for before, but he couldn't stand it when I gave any guy that kind of attention. He had nothing to be afraid of, I knew that and anyone who could see inside my head knew that, but we didn't patrol together as a rule and he was a little insecure. I loved it secretly, I loved knowing that even though he would never have to, he would fight for me.

"Yeah, you're handsome," Jordan said awkwardly.

Jordan, from what David had told me, didn't look at other men, or basically anyone but me, almost like an imprint and this cemented him permanently in David's good graces. As long as he wasn't going to hurt me, David could accept just about anything, from the fact that he was a man to his inability to speak in a way that David understood clearly. Their conversations were often a jumble of misunderstandings and I usually had to jump in for translation. Sometimes I think Jordan was doing it on purpose, but other times, I think it was just nerves.

David was the only person in my family who seemed to accept him completely. My dad was still holding firm in the "Fuck Jordan" camp and my mom was too overcome with this extremely late pregnancy to have an opinion. Having a baby at 42 was a risk and she didn't have energy to fight my battles for me.

"There has to have been a reason. Did she find someone else? Because honestly Solace you are close to perfect but that doesn't mean you're perfect for him—her," I corrected myself. I had been giving a lot of these kinds of speeches lately, but most of them were for George, who tended to fall "in love" and scare guys away quick and to Mason, who sadly just fell for all the wrong people (me and Taylor, for example).

"I'm a wolf and I'm too young," he said quickly.

"What?" Jordan and I scoffed in unison.

"I'm not aging and she is….I'm a wolf, which means I can imprint…. and I asked her to marry me and she freaked out," he gave three very, very good reason in less than two seconds.

She was aging, so much so that Jace was convinced Solace was only into cougars or that she paid for his lavish lifestyle. She looked to be about 35 now and Solace who was still phasing, looked just like me and Jordan: perpetually adult. There wasn't really one age you could say we looked, we just looked generically adult. We as a pack could appear anywhere from our early twenties to late twenties depending on our clothes, attitude and vocabulary.

What could I say to that? She was aging, he was not, that would kill any relationship. He could imprint and she'd be screwed; I could sympathize with that, wholeheartedly even.

"Solace, the two of you have been going back and for for years and she's doggedly evaded every attempt you've made at settling down. I know you love her and I'm sure that under the layer of cold ice that has formed around her heart, she also loves you. But you're forever twenty-one, so stop chasing after all of these wounded girls and find yourself someone sweet who can appreciate you, because as Mark so aptly put it, you **are** smart, considerate, compassionate, fun and… _hot_ ," Jordan said from the floor, he liked to sit on the floor.

Jordan's last word came out a bit forced, but the rest seemed like a speech he had been holding in for quite some time, probably this entire week, during which time Solace slept on the couch. Jordan huffed when he finished, his little way of signifying the end of his advice, which I'm sure he delivered with such force because we hadn't made love the entire time Solace had been crashing here and he was flustered.

"I'm sorry, Jordan," Solace said quickly, moving to stand.

"You have nothing to be sorry about," I answered for him.

"But I agree Solace, you will get over this, I did. You were there, when Taylor… you know, that was the worst day of my life but things got better," I assured him.

"Yeah… I should go," Solace said pulling his shorts off and standing completely nude. This was a wolf thing, it happened all the time, but it never ceased to render me speechless. I didn't look down, though I wanted to.

"You don't have to go," I said quickly but Jordan scrambled to his feet grabbing my ass, so roughly I almost yelped.

"It's cool…I have those meetings to go to with Krys and the lawyers," Solace said quickly.

The splinter pack which included my Jordan had opened a hardware store when they moved to Seattle, and that hardware store sprung two more branches. When it started to get big, bigger than they could handle, a huge mega store chain saw the endless possibilities of buying and expanding. So now they were in discussions, trying to get as much money as they could before they signed it over.

"How's that going?" I asked conversationally when he hadn't moved, I needed something to distract myself from his still naked body.

"Good. Yeah, Jordan you're going to have to come to the last meeting to sign the papers before your book tour," Solace said looking back at Jordan before walking out the back door and phasing.

"Alone at last," Jordan said seductively a few moments later.

"You didn't have to be so firm with him," I scolded weakly, giving into the kiss as his hands kneaded my ass.

"I had one week. One whole week to be alone with you and it was wasted," he whined in short fragmented sentences between passionate kisses.

"May twenty-first," I breathed. It was my graduation date, the day before I was going to move in with my mountain man, something I secretly called him because he lived alone in a cabin.

He kissed me harder, his lips almost crushing mine as he pressed his hand on my chest, pushing me back against the futon.

"Bed?" I suggested, but he already had my pants undone.

"How do you want me?" He asked, I had never heard anything so hot in my life.

I struggled with my pants for a second before he ripped them off, my ass suspended in the air for a second by the force of it. We fumbled toward the room but I stopped when we reached the bedroom door. Something nagged at me.

"Book tour?" I asked but Jordan didn't stop. He wrapped his arm around my waist and lifted me the last steps to the bed, throwing my down on my stomach

He didn't answer me, he kissed a hot maddening trail down my back from shoulder blade to shoulder blade and down my spine.

"I love you," he groaned, it made me instantly harder.

"I love you too, Jordan." He didn't often say the words. I knew he felt them, that was something anyone near us could see, which is why we steered clear of each other at school, but it was still monumental to hear it.

He fumbled with the lube and gasped as he entered me.

"I love you so fucking much, you have to know that."

I gasped, he didn't swear, and furthermore he never used fuck as an adjective.

"I know Jordan. I know. I'm so lucky," I moaned between thrust.

He reached around to stroke me and I came much too quickly under his hand. Pushed me harder into the pillow as he rode out his release, thrusting two final times before he softened.

When I turned around to face him he looked worried, as if he'd done something wrong.

"Jordan?" I whispered unsurely.

"You can't move in with me."


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter 40: That Which Has No Name**

* * *

Six months. Six mother-loving months my Jordan would be away from me, traveling the nation to promote his book, which he had finished without informing me, because he knew, HE KNEW, the whole time he would have to be away from me. He knew we'd have to separate and I'd be here by myself, alone, with my insufferable father and now harebrained mother.

Momma was huge, like a house and about to burst, less than a one month before my Jordan would leave me. Yes, I know I'm being dramatic, or at least that's what Jordan says but honestly, life would not be okay without him. The weeks until he would leave rapidly progressed, one day I'm starting my senior year then the next it's close to Christmas and my mom's due date.

I was nearing depression; he would be leaving from January 5th to June 17th, starting his tour in Hawaii. I'd expressed my disapproval in many ways: first by abstaining from sex, which he quickly put to an end by just being his sexy self. Second by pleading, but that did little to dissuade him and only made me love him more when he explained that this was for us. The more money he makes and saves the better the rest of our immortal existence together is and what kind of comeback can you have for that? And finally, by trying to show him just how much I needed him. I attached myself to his side, which he had no qualms about. I did not take my eyes off of him, even when we hung out with Solace, which we did a lot more lately. I even attempted to write him a sonnet, but realizing how difficult they were, I caved and just scribbled a normal poem, which was rather dramatic but the intent was keeping him, or at least forcing him to return to the nearby area as much as possible and I was desperate.

 _My heart, which is the center of my being, is lit and guided by your hand.  
I have but one need, one single desire, that we spend the rest of eternity together;  
For without your gentle words and rough touch, I am lost, none but a snake without it's charmer,  
a genie without its master._

He sent it back covered in red ink correction, but made passionate love to me just the same. I admit that the poem had been inspired by Aladdin which I had watched the night before with Amber and Annabelle but it was heartfelt and he knew it. He also knew that I had hoped he would cave and stay with me, but he could not. He had agreed to this when he signed his three book deal with Penguin Publishing, and furthermore, this book was about me, and he wanted to share it with the world.

He'd allowed me to read it after quite a lot of whining, he knew I would read it eventually but he was shy, nervous about my reaction, because he said my reaction was the most important to him. I cried, as soon as I read the first page, the dedication, which read, "To M. who inspired, encouraged and supported me immensely. Without your love this would not have been possible," I cried like a girl. He smiled, that sort of upturned smirk that wasn't wide but illuminated his eyes.

The book was about love; his first book _Journey to The Northwest_ was about the suddenness of death and this book, _That Which Has No Name,_ was about the maddening power of love. The characters had no names and no gender, though with his effortless writing it was not immediately apparent. If you read closely each possessed characteristics that could make a reader assign a gender if they so desired, but I did not. I didn't get caught up in the mechanics or the details. I was taken by their romance, which had no physical manifestation but rather burned inside of them so strong at times I blushed, having a hard time believing these feelings, these words, could have been inspired by me.

So I fell harder, effortlessly more in love with him. We didn't have to try we just were and it was perfect, which is why it was almost impossible to think of him not being here. My father requested I spend more time at home and with the pack, which I was sure was his way of ruining my time left with Jordan, but Jordan reasoned that it was probably so I could watch how the pack was run and how to deal with each individual wolf and problem once I took over.

Jordan was amazingly supportive of me being Alpha, he saw it as a way to actually rejoin the packs, because I had a good relationship with the entire Seattle crew. He was probably right but I still held firm that there was part of my father that enjoyed running me ragged until I was too tired to spend the night with Jordan. I needed a bad-guy; I needed someone I could make into the villain, to blame for Jordan leaving.

When Thanksgiving came around again my father proved that my increased patrolling schedule was at least partly because of Jordan when he made a specific guest list for Thanksgiving dinner and Jordan wasn't on it.

We were going on the second year of divided Thanksgivings or Harvest Festival as we celebrated in La Push. Growing up the pack always had three huge joint parties: the Fourth of July, Harvest Festival and Christmas Eve, but since David's imprint, when my mother, Rachel and Kim had their falling out (now being called the "Great Wolf-Momma War"), we hadn't done anything together and I didn't see that as remedying itself any time soon.

I spent the day with the Cameron/Varns and it was nice; simple and blissful. I was planning on spending Christmas with them as well but the birth of a sibling sort of changes things.

I was in third period Physics when I got a text from Aunt Sue that my mom had gone into labor, I was antsy the whole day. My mother had been on bed rest for the last four months because of the position that little Jessica was rested in. My father waited on her hand and foot, and part of me was warmed by that fact, until I realized it was _him_ , the bad-guy, and I remembered to vilify him.

Jordan, who had the evening off and was planning to spend the whole night with me, was waiting for me at the door of the school. I drove with him in the passenger seat, speeding away and leaving David and Trisha to dilly-dally around. I wasn't sure what she was playing at. She kissed him and flirted with him and spent absorbent amounts of time with him but Ethan's glow and the faint hint of his licorice scent on her clothing and clinging to her hair told me she was at least meeting with him, and knowing their past relationship, I doubted it was just for tutoring.

David, the poor fool was clueless, and while I began to tell him so many times, I never had the guts to finish, because I knew with everything I had in me he couldn't handle it. I would likely cry, throw a fit and probably hit anyone who was sneaking around with Jordan. However, David who had little in the self-control department was likely to kill, and if we thought the "Great Wolf-Momma War" had splintered relationships within the pack, I could only imagine what Kim would do if her son was murdered by my hot-head of a brother.

I also felt bad, it was hard for me, an impossible situation because I knew very well forbidden love and I knew if I were in Ethan's position I would do the same. It was Trisha that baffled me, why she led David on when she had obviously made her choice. It made her immediate acceptance into my family that much more infuriating. I played my part as David's brother and future Alpha, I smiled and kept my mouth shut.

We arrived at the hospital about two hours after she gave birth, but Aunt Sue told us that my mother was resting and that Jessica was being checked by the doctors. When my father finally came out to the waiting room his eyes fell automatically on our hands which were clasped. Jordan dropped it, taking an almost imperceptible step away from me, and leaning against the wall.

" _You'll_ be able to see her in about an hour," he said, making it quite clear only I would be able to see her. I fumed, but Jordan just pushed himself off of the wall pulled me into a kiss I was sure was meant to goad him and turned to leave.

"Dad," I hissed truly incapable of thinking of the appropriate words to express my complete disappointment.

I had given up on him long ago, but I stupidly thought that today, on the day my mother brought a precious baby girl into the world, my father would put aside his stupid grudge. He swore vehemently it was the age difference and not that fact that Jordan was a man. This of course was bullshit because he was all on the Ateara Train and Claire and Quil's age difference was within three years of ours, so that explanation fell flat.

My mother defended him, trying to reason with me by saying she was sure I wouldn't be pleased if Taylor fell in love with my daughter, but again that analogy didn't hold up because one: Taylor was my first love and anyone he fell in love with would sting a little. Two: because I could not and would not ever have children; and three: the closest relationship my father and Jordan ever held was Alpha and subordinate and Taylor was the very best friend I ever had. She was pregnant though so I didn't argue my father's veiled homophobia.

"Jordan! Jay, don't go," I screamed running after him.

"I should," he said leaning forward and placing his forehead against mine.

"No, he's being an ass!" I screamed, moving my head up to kiss any part of his face I could reach.

"It's a time for your family, its fine Marcus, seriously. See your sister and call me tonight, okay?" He kissed me softly once more and was gone.

I stomped back into the waiting room and was about to unleash a torrent of bottled up anger but David and Trisha came in just then and the excitement that flowed between David and I was palpable, we had been the only Uley kids for a long time.

Jessica Camille Uley was beautiful, honestly the most precious child I'd ever held in my life, I knew now how Taylor felt when he snuggled little Annabelle in his arms. She was extremely warm, almost as warm as me and I reluctantly passed her to Trisha. My mother looked well and, for once in my life, my father's eyes left my mother for longer than a minute. He had always wanted a daughter; this had never been a secret but because my mom had her hands full with me and David they never got around to it.

I held in all the emotions I was feeling until I went to leave, when the anger let loose. It's not like I was looking for it, he ran after me and I told him how I felt.

"Mark!" My father screamed running after me as I opened the front door of my car. He eyed it angrily, like he'd done since the first day I brought it home. He hated my KIA, he constantly stared at it as if it had committed some personal offence to him.

"What Sam?" My voice, though only momentarily, filled with the deep double baritone of an Alpha.

"When is he leaving?" He asked casually, his arms crossed lightly over his chest, he had stopped phasing almost a year ago and it seemed to be affecting his body temperature, because while I wore only a t-shirt in the frigid winter air, he wore a sweater and was visibly cold.

"January 5th," I hissed, leaning against the hood of my car.

"I talked to Embry, you can have a break from patrols until he leaves," Dad breathed, not looking at me.

"Why would you do that?" I asked. I couldn't just take it as a present, I needed to know what his angle was.

"Because you love him," he said simply turning to leave.

"You can't do that!" I screamed to his back.

"Embry did it, he does the schedule," he said obviously confused.

"No. You can't do _that_! You can't just do one nice thing for me and make it all better! You said it was okay, you said you weren't ashamed of me, but the second I have something nice and real you prove what a liar you are. You can't have Embry take me off of patrol and act like you've done your job as a father," I hissed.

"It seems I don't have to, Jordan's doing just fine," my father breathed.

"What?"

"A car, Mark? And a house? Then what? He's going to whisk you away on vacations and a pay for college too?" He asked sarcastically.

"Yeah, he's my partner, Dad, and the last time I checked, partners did things for each other," I answered.

"He's you're replacement father." He was closer to me now, his face reading like a book, he was disgusted and resentful, but I'd never seen him so vulnerable.

"You're seriously jealous of him, Dad? Really?!" I screamed, waving my hands erratically. "This has nothing to do with you."

"Mark, you think I'm a bad father and the first guy you decide to settle with is double your age and a wolf," he said as if proving a point, it made my blood boil.

"Oh get over yourself, stop acting like you are such a driving force in my life!" I spat back viciously, because it stung. There was uncertainty that darkened the far corners of my mind when he pointed out all of the inequalities in our relationship. If my father saw it, if he knew how unbalanced and one-sided our relationship was then everyone must.

"Fine, Mark, just enjoy your last days with him," he said a little maliciously, it was a side of him I'd never really seen, very similar to the villain I'd made him out to be.

"Yeah, why don't you get back to Jessica, make sure to keep her close so she doesn't end up disgusting you like I do!" I screamed with a childish stomp. There was a man, in the parking lot, slowly making his way to the car with clutches, he tried not to look at us but we were pretty much making a scene.

I hopped in the car and sped off, applying Solace's driving techniques to drift out the parking lot and onto the road. Jordan's house was in my line of sight within half an hour and I was through his door and in his arms seconds after the keys were out of the ignition.

"Not that I'm not happy to see you or anything but what are you doing here?" He asked kissing me back as I pushed him towards the bedroom. When we were together, fitting together perfectly, I didn't feel insecure, I didn't feel like I owed him or I wasn't enough. I just felt loved and I needed that, bad.

He kissed me back hard, his hot tongue searching my mouth while his big hands brushed against the thin material of my shirt.

"My—dad—is an—ass," I panted between kisses and the removal of our clothing.

"Marcus," he sighed, rolling me onto my back and placing a firm hand on my shoulder to keep me down.

"It's hard for him; you're just going to have to cut him some slack, okay?" He purred in my ear, kissing the flexed tendons of my neck.

"He said you were my father replacement like I was using you for cars and vacations and shit," I cried, pushing his hand away so I could sit up.

"Well, we both know that's not true, Mark, so why does that even bother you?" He asked lying back and looking up at me as I fumed, my arm rested on the pillow.

"Because, Jay…because…it's like everyone can see we're not…even," I said uncertainly.

"Uneven? As in age? Mark, I thought that didn't bother you," he said quickly.

"It's not age, it's like the other things. Like the other stuff…you're gorgeous and smart and talented and rich and that stuff doesn't matter to me, I mean the money part, but when people see us they have to think that I'm like some—"

"Some, _what_? Babe, you're not making sense," he said placing his hand over my heart which was beating a step too fast.

"I don't know, gold digger or like the world's luckiest fool."

"Come on," he commanded pulling me up by the arm and out the room. He led me out the back door past the new additions to his cabin and through the thick of the forest; I wore only boxers but the crisp air outside felt good. He stood naked in front of me, and as he reached a clearing in the trees. He vibrated gracefully, exploding into a beautiful grey wolf. I followed suit, nervous to share a mind with him for the first time since before we first kissed.

The last time we shared a mind, I was amazed by the control he had, the tightness in which he kept his thoughts and feelings to himself. We were the only ones phased, too early in the evening for patrols.

Like a flood he opened his mind to me, feelings; mostly feelings, overwhelming and beautiful and frighteningly powerful when combined with my own.

He laid back on the ground and I examined him. He was a much smaller wolf than I had turned out to be. As humans, we were roughly the same size but as wolves I was like a horse, literally.

 _ **Because you're Alpha, Marcus.**_ It was the first time he communicated with me directly, and if I were human, I would blush. He could hear every thought I had right now.

 _ **Like a dialogue.**_ He marveled, running his muzzle up my leg and flashing the want for me to be with him, closer. I dropped down at his side, as close to him as possible so that our flanks touched and his soft fragrant fur was close to my nose.

 _ **Sorry.**_ I answered sheepishly, and he reacted not with words but with joy. When I addressed him there were flashes, like lights going off at different intervals around him: happiness. In the recesses, the dark corners of his mind there was regret, sadness, and loss but it was tucked away safely. His past, his life before me left a residue, like a flavor of loneliness and grief but what was at the forefront now was joy and content. I moved closer still, running my muzzle along his.

 _ **I love you.**_ He said simply, but he showed it, much more powerfully with every new image and memory. _**I haven't shared my mind like this since I was a new wolf.**_

 _ **Will you miss me?**_ I had to ask, I had to know he felt as hesitant about our separation as I did. He didn't respond immediately he replayed the question and then, like a torrent, doom flooded his mind.

 _ **There aren't words.**_ And with that he phased back, lying naked against the half frozen earth, I phased back just as quickly, desperate to kiss him and feel him. We made love in every way we possibly could, our hot bodies thawing the hard ground below us so that it was mud and our bodies, slick with perspiration, adhered to it, we didn't stop.

Fluffy snowflakes started to fall but they melted just before they hit us, making an icy shower, it did little to dim our passion. Against a tree with the harsh bark scraping into my back, creating the dual sensation of perfect pleasure and burning pain, he promised never to leave me again and I believed him. After seeing in his mind, sharing the immense weight of his love I couldn't deny it was real and it was eternal.

We showered together, removing the salted earth from our backs and torsos, twigs and dead leaves from our hair. There were no words necessary, we just didn't need them, we had seen in each other's souls.

He left my side three weeks later. I stayed strong driving him to the airport and kissing him innocently as he checked in and walked through the barriers of passengers and pedestrians. He used his hand to sign a simple 'I love you' and was gone.


	42. Chapter 42

**Chapter 41: Imprints, Birthdays and Tension Relief**

* * *

"I don't want to go to _her_ birthday party," I howled from my spot on the couch. I had not gotten up from here since the start of the weekend, when I returned home from school a few hours ago. It was my new routine, I came home from school did homework on the couch and stayed there watching TV until I had patrol which I ran dutifully before I went home and collapsed to sleep. I never got to sleep right away, I was usually subjected to about an hour of David raving and strategizing about Trisha first.

"Trisha Talk Time" was the worst part of the day, but I handled it like a soldier. They were at this point where David was unsure of what everything meant and where it would lead. They had shared a few kisses, a few gropes and were constantly holding hands but seeing as Taylor reported Ethan coming home late at night smelling like Trisha's arousal, I couldn't get happy for him no matter how hard I tried. Every night I made sure to tell him it could mean nothing but I knew by the way his eyes shone that he was hoping it meant everything.

David was my most comfortable companion. I didn't feel like putting on a fake smile and facing the world. I hadn't spent time with any of my friends, not Taylor, Jace or any of the Port Angeles crew since Jordan left a month ago.

"She's your brother's imprint, she's family," my father reasoned.

"And she's playing him like a fiddle that sneaky slut," I replied, unafraid of his wrath or even David's. I was tired of the façade. To my surprise instead of blowing his lid or demanding an apology or something stupid like that, he chuckled and nodded his head as if to say, 'yeah, but whatcha gunna do?' I laughed with him and for a moment I almost forgot that he was the enemy.

"Come on, you need to get off the couch," he urged offering his free hand to me. In the other hand he held Jesse, tiny and content; she was already a daddy's girl.

"Taylor said he wanted to take me up to Port—"

"Taylor's got patrol tonight and… he said Jace and Sebastian are coming down tomorrow. We'll um…have them over for dinner," My dad said quickly. I eyed him for a long time before I spoke.

"And you're going to attend this dinner with my _prancing_ friends?" I asked skeptically, he winced.

"Yea…I'm cooking with your cousin Claire. She's coming down with Quil for the weekend," he said seriously. I stared at him, weighed the options and nodded okay before heading upstairs to change. If Claire was there, it would be difficult for my dad to ruin it. I only had two cousins, Lana and Claire, but both of them were both extremely accepting of my homosexuality.

My father and I had been on unsteady ground since Jordan's exit. Since I moved back to La Push full-time, we had come to an understanding, it was just better for us not to talk unless we absolutely had to, so I wasn't sure exactly why he'd want Jace and Sebastian of all people in his house.

When I was finished getting dressed I took Baby Jessica from Dad and went down to my parent's room where Mom was pacing. I dressed casually, a flannel shirt that belonged to Jordan and a tight pair of jeans. I wasn't exactly close to my mom anymore since the Jordan stand-off with my dad, but I heard her loud humming from upstairs and she only hummed when she's upset, so I knew she might like some company.

She was nervous and I understood her reservations about the night. She had not talked to Rachel or Kim in quite some time and at least one of them would be there tonight. Neither of them had met Jessica yet, both Kim and Rachel sent her gifts when she was born but neither of them dared to come see her. My mother cried on the third day home, waiting in vain for someone to show. Only Leticia and Helen made the trip. Kim was having a hard time with it too, I had gone over to pick up class notes from Ethan and she almost burst into tears at the single cell phone picture of Jessy that I could share.

My mom spent a long time getting ready, styling and restyling her hair so that it covered the scarred part of her face. She did this whenever there was a special event and she felt self-conscious, I always hated it. When my mother explained it to us, told us for the first time what had caused her scar, I cried. I hated the harsh redness of it, I hated that after all this time it still affected her, and I hated that people couldn't see past it.

Growing up David and I got into more than our fair share of fights with classmates over it, the deep red scar was the only thing most people saw. Ethan usually joined us, defending my mom who he saw as an aunt. I'm ashamed to admit I hated when she picked me up from school, which is why the non-working members of the pack often made the trek to pick us up.

"How do I look?" My mom asked turning to me unsurely. I balanced baby Jessy, placing her across my other shoulder when I came forward and smiled, pushing hair back behind her ear and out of her face. She didn't move it back to cover, and I sighed placing a gentle kiss on the softened scarred skin there. She smiled lovingly, kissing my cheek loudly, it was the first time we'd been done anything loving since I'd separated myself from her and my father.

"You look beautiful, Mom," I said rubbing Jessy's back in a small circular motion.

"Wait! Wait!" My mom called after me as I turned to take Jessy into the dining room, she loved looking up at the green ceiling fan in there.

"Yeah," I stopped turning back to her.

"It—it will get better," she said seriously. I didn't ask her if she meant the painful loss of Jordan or my relationship with Sam, she was probably wrong on both counts but I wouldn't argue it.

"Okay."

"No, it will. You…he'll be back soon and things will be better, and I—I really do like Jordan," she said sweetly. I smiled, how could anyone not like him? It was an impossible notion for me to phantom.

"Me too, Momma, me too." My phone rang as soon as I reached the living room where my father was standing waiting to take the baby from me. Jessica was more beloved than basically any child around, she was never away from a warm body and very rarely slept anywhere other than in someone's arms.

My phone rang again, louder this time as I took it out of my pocket. It was a familiar ringtone that used to make my heart flip… before there was Jordan.

"Hey Tay," I answered patting Jessy's back as Sam rocked her.

"Hey…um, you going to Trisha's party?" Taylor asked with a hint of mirth, though in truth Taylor's mirth was very subdued.

"Are you?" I asked in shock. The Cameron's were still public enemy number one and furthermore Taylor had never liked Trisha, even when we were children. They were the same age, just a few months apart but the contempt for her was always prevalent in Taylor's mind. As a child Trisha had always gravitated toward Ethan which was good because he was the only one among us who could stand her presence. Taylor had the least patience for her, he secretly called her, for as far back as I could remember: The Brat. Brat had recently been replaced with another, much more adult B word, but the sentiment stayed the same.

"Rachel's taking the first step towards reintegration of the wayward Cameron clan. The invitation also might be her attempt as an apology for her loose daughter, who is putting the life of my weak stupid brother in danger. They're going to have fried bread tacos though so that should be a nice toss up for Ethan's life," Taylor said sarcastically, I chuckled. He had a way with summarizing situations with deafening accuracy; he was very much Kim's son.

"So is Ethan invited too?" Rachel was nice but she wasn't that nice, Leticia maybe, but Rachel only had one child, which was totally why Trisha turned out the way she did. In Rachel's eyes, Trisha did no wrong and Ethan was entirely to blame for everything.

"Oh no, didn't you hear? Ethan's not a person and his feelings and rights don't count," he said it so seriously I couldn't help but laugh harder.

The subject matter was far from funny though. When David found out Trisha was more than just seeing Ethan in secret, Trisha would get a few stern words and maybe not even that, but Ethan would be dead or banished. Laughing was the only way to keep yourself from crying at the injustice of it all.

"Oh yeah, of course, how could I forget?" I giggled.

"I know you're not particularly fond of Miss Trisha," Taylor started and I had to stop his silliness immediately.

"I'm not fond of her? And you are?" I howled, laughing harder than I had since Jordan left.

"Okay, so I know _we're_ members of the Anti-Trisha League and co-chairs of the Ethan is a Fucking Fool Committee but can you just come? I miss you," Taylor asked through a smile I could hear on my side of the line.

"Yeah, I'm coming," I sighed.

"Great, um…Mark?"

"Yeah Tay?" I said as my phone beeped announcing a text message in queue.

"I'm really sorry that…well, I didn't know that Jordan leaving would be so hard on you. I'm sorry he's gone and when he gets back I promise to be nicer to him," he said quickly and with a flow that told me he had practiced the speech before.

"That means a lot to me, Taylor," I gushed before saying my goodbyes. I rushed it a bit because I knew the text was from Jordan. Text messages were our means of communication. He sent at least ten text messages a day which made my day complete, I couldn't sleep without his goodnight text.

 **The reviews are unbelievable, M…I can't even comprehend it. You're by far the best thing that's ever happened to me. All my heart.**

I texted him back with teary eyes: **I am not surprised, you are amazing. So proud of you. Only 47 days until I see you again.**

In 47 glorious days I would be with him again, for one whole beautiful month while he toured through Northwest America and bordering Canada. We worked the schedule out every day very clearly so we could maximize our time together. We would run the entire night to be together for even just an hour if we had to and that seemed to be the plan. In Washington, Oregon, Idaho, Montana, Northern California and Canada, he had 13 stops: Victoria, Vancouver, Seattle, Tacoma, La Push, Spokane, Portland, Eugene, Boise, Helena, Eureka, Lake Tahoe, and Sacramento—I would see him each night.

"Let's go," my dad said stiffly, watching me closely as I wiped the corner of my eye and stuffed my phone in my pocket. David patted my back lovingly, then pulled me into a half hug before we settled Jessica into her car seat and headed off. He did that a lot lately, when he saw my sad or teary eyes he'd hug me, he hadn't said anything about Jordan but I knew he was there if I needed to talk, it was nice.

When we got inside I followed David's lead and wished Trisha a happy birthday, kissing her cheek. Taylor was right, everyone but Ethan was present, though his scent clung to Trisha's hair, something David noticed.

"She smells like him," he said calmly. I grabbed his arm, waiting for the shock to wear off. He might burst, any sign of shaking and he'd be out the door.

"Yes." There was no use in lying. "But you need to stay calm."

"She…she smells like him," David whispered, his head dropping.

"Yes." What else could I say?

"I'm—what should I do?" He asked, it came out as a tragic whine that made my stomach churn.

"There's nothing you can do. Right now you definitely need to keep your shape at least," I said honestly. He fumed, his nostrils flaring, his heart beating loudly against his chest. If I were stronger, if I were more willing to stir the pot, I would tell the heifer exactly what I thought, but I couldn't. Even if she was making a fool out of him with Ethan, David still wanted her, and I loved my brother, so I would keep my mouth shut.

"I can't believe I haven't seen her yet. She's getting so big!" Seth's boisterous voice announced from the doorway, where my mom stood awkwardly half inside the house with Jessy in her arms.

Seth didn't really come to these events anymore, when his ex left him about two years back, all bets of socialization were off. I saw him at patrol and around town but he spent most of his free time with his sister Leah in Seattle. Solace told tale that Seth was looking at schools and a whole new life in Seattle but since Sue's husband Charlie's health was deteriorating, he wanted to be here for her.

"Yeah two months old already," my mom gushed. Leticia, who did not hide the fact she was trying desperately to conceive watched on sadly, her fingers reaching out to brush Jessica's wispy hair. Her other arm wrapped longingly over her torso, if there was anything I could do to help her have a child I would, as far as bedding her myself. She looked so sad there, looking over my mother's shoulder admiring the deep brown of Jessy's eyes.

"Can I hold her?" Seth asked, holding his arms out for her. My mother went to pass her over and before she was even secure it happened.

Well you know the deal, there's no real need to go into detail but there was eye locking, world shifting, and the whole bunch of stupid bullshit following an imprint. An incestuous imprint, yeah they just keep getting worse… but then it was better Seth than Jordan.

"You _do_ understand she's like your third or fourth cousin, right," I hissed through clenched teeth. A growl, deep and menacing erupted from my throat followed by one from my right and my left: David and my dad. My little sister, who I vowed to protect and love for the rest of my life was claimed, it wasn't right.

Circling, I don't know when it started it was a natural response I had given into without conscious thought. The first time in years my father, brother and I did something together, we circled Seth who held his hands up defensively. I sized him up, he had been trained extensively but he was smaller than me, of the leaner variety of wolf, we could easily take him.

"Are you fucking kidding me?! Seth Clearwater! My little girl?!" My father screamed, David and I growled in unison, signifying our presence, our willingness to back him up should Dad choose to attack.

Jared and Paul came to his side. I eyed Paul, he would be my target, because I couldn't fight a Cameron.

"Happy Freakin' 16th Birthday to me!" Trisha cried inside, it made my blood boil. Of course she would think of herself in this situation. My baby sister had just been claimed and she was thinking about her stupid birthday.

"David," she said his name sweetly, it made me angry again though I stepped back, Taylor pulling me to his side when I was in his reach.

"Seth is cool," he assured me as David spoke to Trisha.

"Yeah for family," I spat.

"Meh, we're all family if you think about it too hard, even us and we got… hot and heavy," he joked. I smiled, laughing until Trisha threw herself at David, planting a heated kiss on his lips.

"What the fuck?" I yowled, Taylor pulled me away from them, down the road back toward my house.

"I know how you feel…when Brady imprinted on Annabelle, she was tiny and I hated him for like a year," Taylor said with a bright smile, he was still too cute for words.

"And now?" I asked as we turned the corner past his house.

"He's a really cool guy. I mean, it's annoying when you have to ask to hold your own sister but he's sorta like family now, you just get used to it," he said as we passed Quil's shop.

"It's…I don't want her to be like Trisha…she— should have rights. What if she's a lesbian? Or she falls in love with like Randy or something. It's not fair to her, ya know? She's just a baby," I said without thinking it out completely. I was an idiot.

"I mean, Melody's gunna love you obviously but—"

"Maybe, maybe not. It's not a death sentence, she doesn't have to be with me if she doesn't want to. I don't know, I'm pretty charming so I'm not worried but things will change, when you're Alpha, things will be better," he said confidently.

"You think so?" I said in shock. We hadn't talked about the day I would be the leader, when I was his kinda-sorta boss.

"I know so. Jace is still using all of the changes you made at Grant Avenue, every one of them, even George thinks it runs smoother. You're going to be great and, if Jessy doesn't want him, he'll just have to deal with it," Taylor said as we reached my door. It was the first weeks of February, the cool winter air beginning to decline. The night sky was purple and side by side we sat on my porch looking up at the endless stars.

"Thanks, that means a lot."

"If or when…when David finds out about Ethan, you have to stop him, Mark. I know he's your brother but if Ethan dies, I don't—I don't think my family can survive that," he said seriously.

"I'll guard him with my life," I promised as Taylor pulled me in for a signature Cameron hug. There were no lingering feelings of longing, there was just me and my best friend, and it felt right.

"So 'Bastian and Jace are coming down for dinner, huh?" Taylor asked when he released me.

"Yeah, you invited them, right?" I asked holding my hands up in confusion.

"No, your dad called me to ask for Jace's number, then Jace texted me and said we were having dinner and movie night at your place." The implications couldn't be what I thought they were. We had, my father and I…well, we had given up trying to be close, he wouldn't.

"Why?"

"Why, what?" Taylor asked.

"Why would he do that? Why would he ask them over here?" I whispered more to myself than him, he answered anyways.

"Maybe it's his way of apologizing, so just be gracious and try to have fun."

So I took Taylor's advice, in the morning when my father went to the farmer's market with my mom and Jessy, I tagged along. In the afternoon when my cousin Claire and her husband Quil came home from their college in eastern Washington, I greeted them happily and chatted with them about the accelerated program they were taking part in.

I held Jessica as my mother and father chopped and stewed, and dressed up just before our guests arrived.

"Hey there, Dilf," Jace howled, as my father motioned them in. Claire, who stood to my left giggled uncontrollably, snorting twice before Jace turned to her.

"Hello," Claire said through a huge smile.

"Hi... wow, aren't you a looker?!" Jace exclaimed, walking in farther so that Sebastian could walk in. He ran straight to me, kissing my cheek and standing at my side awkwardly.

"Omg this baby is so darn prec!" Jace howled when he caught sight of my mother holding her in the corner. My father tensed, he was always sensitive to people's reactions to my mother but Jace didn't see to notice.

He pulled her into a hug and gave her a double sided Parisian kiss and when we was done greeting the entire family baby Jessica was transferred to his arms.

"So Sebastian, um…where do you come from?" my mom asked conversationally as father opened the door for Embry and Leticia.

"Sao Paolo, Brazil," he said a little more shyly than I was used to.

"Oh really? Leticia is from South America, too," my mom said warmly, waving at Leticia as she waltzed in.

"What is up with this reservation? Is everyone just drop dead gorgeous or what?" Jace cried and my father, with the widest genuine smile I'd seen in a long time, nodded.

"Just our family," he replied and with that, all tension was gone, for now at least.


	43. Chapter 43

**Chapter 42: 5 Facts About The Night Ethan Left**

* * *

 **Fact Number One: It Was the Happiest Day of My Life**

Valentine's Day was a flutter of text messages from Jordan, who apparently was not aware it was a holiday at all. My man is not a classic romantic so it did not surprise me or annoy me in any way. In a way, though, his complete obliviousness made me miss him more than usual.

He was a critical success, more than he ever expected but exactly what I knew he deserved. It was a dangerous position for him, though. With him being immortal, it was not the brightest thing in the world to become a literary giant. His star was rising and everyone on the rez was talking about him. It's not every day one of our own is on a talk show or named one of the most eligible bachelors (yeah, I know! Don't even get me started) in America.

News kept pouring in and his publicist, who was used to dealing with small time authors, was overwhelmed. His tour, now that the book had been available for about a month, was gaining momentum.

 _ **Hey Baby Bear, when you get home, can you call me?**_

It was his last text message of the day, just half an hour before the bell would ring, making the last half of my Honors Physics class tortuous. When I was out the door, I sped past my stalker Sarah, bypassed David who was waiting for Trisha with a Gerbera daisy and grabbed Taylor.

I'd promised him I'd drive him home, wait for him to dress and then take him to Port Angeles. He spent most of his time now with his imprint Melody, but tonight he was giving in to Jace's demands that he go on a semi-date with Emma.

He was nervous, it was his first ever date as a fifteen-year old boy and it was not his imprint. I had a mixed reaction to it, as did Seth, who was now a permanent fixture in my house and always giving his two-cents. Seth was a hundred percent committed to this imprint thing, but then he had quite a bit of life experience prior to it and Taylor had one fiasco of sexual experimentation with me and one little kiss from a girl named Lulu. Now that my little sister was an imprinted baby though, it was sort of different. What would it feel like for Melody knowing that even though she was the center of his world, Taylor couldn't wait the 15 or so years before they could start dating?

"Jay?" I dropped Taylor off in less than five minutes by speeding like a demon so that I could call Jordan as soon as possible. I dialed from my front porch, unable to wait to hear him.

"Hey. What are you doing tonight?" Jordan asked, his velvety voice making my heart skip a beat.

"I guess I'm going to Port Angeles with Taylor, they've got him going on a date with Emma cuz it's Valentine's Day," I sighed hoping to hear an 'I love you.'

"Oh, yeah…Happy Valentine's?" He said it like a question and I was close to tears, I loved him so much, even if, and maybe especially because, he wasn't affected by the nonsense of commercially-created holidays. He felt and showed his love every day, even if he didn't always say it.

"You too," I chuckled. "Where are you today?"

"Close," he whispered and that is when I smelled him, the most delicious smell in the world.

"I love you." His voice came from behind and from my phone. I dropped it turning around so quick I didn't see him before his lips were on mine and his hot tongue was fighting to enter my mouth.

"I already…told…Jace…and Taylor," he panted between kisses.

We didn't have long, two days before he had to be back, and we were not separating. I ran inside, pick up some things and we were gone.

 **Fact Number Two: Trisha-Drama Completely Ruined My Night**

There were no words to describe how much we missed each other. We tried, little speeches going back and forth while we made love and cuddled and ate and made love again. We fell asleep hours after the sun came up, when we were too weak to continue, it was the best Valentine's Day of my life.

"Baby, are you hungry?" Jordan's voice was the best way to wake up in the whole world.

"Now that I'm up I am," I grumbled, turning over to face him.

"Sorry, I didn't really want to wake you, but I only have about twelve more hours with you." He smiled sheepishly, kissing the tip of my nose.

"Twelve hours? You said you weren't leaving until tomorrow morning," I said stretching against the soft cotton of his sheets.

"Marcus, it's four in the evening," he laughed and the sound of my name from his lips made me weak.

"No! No! No! I ruined it, fuck! How long have you been awake?" I panicked, hopping out of the bed and almost falling over the tangle of sheets around my legs.

"A few hours, baby, I…I didn't want to miss anything," he sighed, pulling me back to him so that we were a bundle of flesh on the corner of his bed.

"I missed you so much," Jordan breathed, kissing across my jaw.

"I missed you more, I don't—I don't ever want to be away from you again." I'd never said anything so needy in my life but I had no shame, they were the most honest words I'd ever uttered.

Dinner was a sober affair, we only had hours, mere hours together, and I was at a loss as to how to maximize them. We sat close, any closer we would have been joined and talked. He told me about every stop and every little thing he wouldn't bother typing in a message and I told him about my new training regiment and my Alpha apprenticeship.

"Do you think that's a good idea, Marcus?"

"What?" I had just told him about David being my Beta and how stoked we were to be doing it together.

"David's not ready for that kind of responsibility, he still has a lot of growing up to do… someone from the Seattle pack might be a better way to mend fences," Jordan was trying to be careful with the way he said it, knowing how close I was to David. I knew how he felt about him, though; Jordan didn't quite understand the understated goodness of David. He could be stupid, shit, he was mostly idiotic, but he was also good, even if it were under a layer of uncontrollable anger and bad decision making.

As the night went on, the hours till his exit drawing closer, I realized something, something extremely funny, but also not. When I dropped my phone in front of my house, I hadn't picked it back up. Almost as soon as I thought that, Jordan's phone blared and he rolled over to get it.

"Don't," I whined, clasping my hands across his chest.

"It's from you," he said, passing me the phone with a smile.

"Mark, Paul's here, Trisha's missing and so is Ethan. Paul wants David to go look for her, he says he'd feel her or something, but I need you to go with him in case Ethan's with her," Taylor didn't bother with formalities and his sentence was fast.

"Fuck!" I hung up without another word. If Trisha ran away with Ethan, David would follow. I had to be there to stop him from doing something he would regret later, I had made the promise to Taylor, and I would keep Ethan alive. Then, on a personal note, I had to fight for their love, because no matter how much I hated her, Trisha, like me, had the right to love whoever she wanted.

 **Fact Number Three: David Did Have a Clue**

I typed in my mother's cell phone number and tapped Jordan's phone nervously waiting for her to answer.

"Jordan?" My mother answered groggily.

"Momma, it's me, do not let anyone talk to David take his cellphone away don't answer the door, okay? Please," I begged and without asking anything, she agreed.

"Baby, it's 3 in the morning they are probably long gone and David's sleeping by now," Jordan complained, trying to stop me as I dressed with a combination of anger for having to do it and a sense of duty to Taylor.

"I just need to make sure David doesn't follow… you don't know what he'll do," I said searching for my shorts and the cord I would need to tie them to my ankle.

"And this is the guy you want as your second?"

"Point taken, Jay. I'll be back as soon as possible, I promise," I said tying a pair of his cut-offs and a wife beater to my ankle.

"I have to leave in two hours, I'm running down to Orange County," he sighed, pulling my naked body forward so that I was lying flush on top of him and, if it wasn't David and it wasn't Taylor, I would have given in, needing to make love to him with such passion it was scary.

"But you just got here. Come with me," I whined, sucking on the soft skin behind his ear.

"I can't…and I don't want to get involved in pack politics. I love you, I love you so much, okay? Do your job, I'll be back soon," he whispered, pushing me off of him and with one final kiss, I ran home.

The crisp air against my thick coat of fur was invigorating, bringing me out of this glorious Jordan-haze and back into the real world.

I dressed quickly, and took a minute to think of how I was going to tell him. Paul wanted us to look for her, but if we did find her, then what? What if she didn't want to come back? And what would we do if—if she was with Ethan?

I pounded on our bedroom door, giving him a chance to wake up.

"Dude, it's like 4 in the morning, you jackass! What d'you want?" David screamed from the other side of the door, I knew he could smell me.

"It's Trisha. Paul and Rachel can't find her," I mumbled uncertainly. He jumped out of bed, fumbling on the other side.

"What d'you mean they can't find her?"

"Paul got up to take a piss and stopped to check in her room. She wasn't there. He's not phasing anymore so he wants you to sniff her out," I said as he opened the door naked.

"He wants you to find her, David. He said you'd feel a pull or something to where she is." I didn't say anything about Ethan, or the fact that I would be stalking him like a hawk.

"I know where she is. Call Paul and tell him to meet me at Billy's."

 **Fact Number Four: Ethan Was Heartbroken...**

I didn't phase, I followed him on foot, I wanted to see everything and be able to talk if we found them doing something…

Halfway to Billy's house, we found Embry, and just a little farther, the brilliant white of Ethan in his wolf form. I didn't really know what they were saying to each other, what kind of interaction they were having but from the snarling and the raised hair on David's back, whatever it was, it wasn't pleasant.

David and Embry stood on one side facing Ethan who was about 60 feet away, but approaching. I stayed a bit behind trying to evaluate the likelihood of Embry joining the fray, I could take him, but I didn't want to. David approached, faster than I was ready for. On bare feet, I flashed forward and called his name, but he didn't seem to notice. David was zeroed in.

I was in battle mode, I would tackle him, grabbing onto his hind legs and pinning him to the ground. I don't know where that battle tactic came from but it was in my head and I was crouched and ready for it.

The wind picked up and with it came a waft of Trisha's apple cinnamon scent mixed with the salty scent of tears, and, as if he had been hit by lightening, David stiffened, looked towards the North and ran off. I ripped off my pants and phased.

Ethan's mind was a jumble, chaotic and dark, I remembered the feeling, complete heart break.

 _ **Ethan, what happened?**_ Nothing made sense right now, but like a dam, he burst a torrent of memories that were both heart wrenching and informative; Trisha breaking up with him.

 _ **She doesn't love him, Mark! You know that! Embry, she doesn't love him!**_ He needed that affirmation. She'd broken up with him because she was tired of lying to everyone and playing David like a fool. She was giving in to the imprint, the pressure to be with him from everyone around her was too much for her to bear.

 _ **I know Ethan but she's made her choice.**_ I told him sternly. Fat tears streamed down his furry snow-white face before he collapsed, phasing back.

 _ **I'll take care of him, Embry. Go back to patrol.**_ My command was official and he took it, running off quickly. I phased back, ran into Billy's house, pulled a sheet off the couch and passed it to him, he wouldn't move.

"Ethan, I know what you feel, believe me," I pleaded, covering his naked body somewhat reluctantly. Leave it to me to appreciate the male form in a time of chaos.

"She's my life," he breathed as Trisha's sobs from the garage echoed loudly.

"Ethan, when my brother comes back out, you know he's going to try to kill you," I said seriously. We had to get out and quick if we wanted to avoid a situation.

"I hope he does." And that was it, he was in no state to argue or reason with. I pulled him up by his arms standing him straight while tying the sheet like a toga over him.

"We're going now! Ethan, you have a whole life to live," I grunted, pulling him towards his home. It took a long time, he wasn't light but when we got to the Cameron home, Kim and Jared thanked me repeatedly.

"I'm sorry he ruined your night," Taylor said hugging me tight.

"It's okay, we'll blame Trisha. We can add it to her list," I giggled letting go of his warm body. Honestly, this was the first time since the whole imprint that I saw Trisha for what she was, a confused teenage girl. I had to give her a second chance, as a mature adult and as future Alpha, because another first just happened, Trisha had made the right choice.

 **Fact Number Five: And So Was Trisha**

When I ran back, the scene was like something out of a teen drama, David cradling Trisha to his chest while she wailed unattractively, speaking in incoherent sentences. I followed them a few feet behind as David carried her back to her room, he wouldn't let her go and I understood; she looked like hell.

"I know what happened," I whispered too low for Trisha to hear.

"So are you going to tell me?" he snapped, pulling her in tighter. When I looked at it objectively, I felt for her. Ethan had been her one and only love and she had to let him go, she shouldn't have had to, but she did for the good of the pack.

"She dumped him," I said as I sat next to David, rubbing her back softly.

"So what happened, give it to me straight," David said through clenched teeth. It was a pretty bleak victory, he had won by default. How exactly do you tell that to your brother?

"She told him she needed to give in to the imprint. She was tired of sneaking around, tired of everyone hating everyone else. He told her she was just playing the victim and she told him she didn't want him anymore. Basically, she's choosing you."

"Did she say those exact words? 'I want David?'" He asked looking at me through sad puppy eyes.

"No, not in those exact words. But she did say it wasn't fair to be stringing you along like she has been," I tried to say it happily so that it came out as good news but he didn't buy it.

It was finally done though, the era of Ethan and Trisha had ended.


	44. Chapter 44

**Chapter 43: Alpha Countdown Part I**

* * *

Alpha Countdown: Months One and Two of Four

* * *

 **March: Rebirth**

The night of the big break up, Ethan disappeared and Trisha spent the rest of the month of February and some of March mourning his loss before she reemerged, hand in hand with David.

As I had promised, I was giving her a second chance wiping her slate completely clean, and welcoming her back into the world of the living with a smile. I was pleased to find that there were still remnants of the girl I once stole booze and gotten drunk on the beach with, under the depression that had shadowed her since Ethan's disappearance. She was not entirely healed yet but I could tell she was trying.

No one knew where Ethan was or what he was doing and to my displeasure no one was trying to find out. The pack turned its back on him and his family and it made me angry. Kim was devastated, Taylor felt lost and Amber, who viewed Ethan as the center of her world, was crushed. Jared was the only one among them mad but he was mad enough for all of them. He was furious at Ethan's stupidity and Trisha's disregard for Ethan's life, and as a family man he was upset that his son could leave without looking back, though I understood how heartbreak could make you want to get away from La Push and not return. Actually just dealing with the burden of the pack was starting to make me consider it.

Each patrol and meeting and pack history lesson made me want to reconsider taking my place as Alpha, the system was flawed beyond belief and the idea of running it with David became more and more unappealing. I love my brother, more than people would understand even but his increasing rage was scary and not suitable for any sort of management position. In the bedroom so to speak, or during his time with Trisha, he was all kisses and sweet whispers of support, but in the background he seethed, burning for destruction. He was angry, not in the same way Jared was but equally so. A very primal part of him wanted Ethan dead, and it seemed like nothing would stop him from getting revenge, and that frightened me.

I could look upon the situation impartially, I knew the feeling of heartbreak, of taboo loves and of bad decision making, but David seemed unable to see anything but the basics: Trisha was his and someone else enjoyed her. Jordan's warning about him as my second was now excruciatingly clear but I was unsure how I could bypass it when the time for me to step up grew so painfully near. I needed Jordan, although he hated "pack politics" there was no other person more suited to give me advice because he was entirely unbiased when it came to the members, including his brother Michael and sister-in-law Anna.

Four months, I had four months before he would be back with me, helping me through the first months as Alpha which I planned to use revolutionizing this ancient pack and it was hell to think of; it was much too long to be away from him. I tried my damndest to make the best out of it and enjoy my senior year in school, and I was surprised when it actually started to work. In the morning I ate breakfast with my family, got a ride from David as he picked Trisha up for school.

High school no longer held the worry it once had. As a freshman and sophomore I was terrified that someone would find out, someone would see what I was. As a junior the craziness of being a wolf, of having a brother who imprinted on his best friend's girlfriend, of falling in love with my own best friend shadowed everything, and now I was just Mark. I had no soccer, no love triangles, no broken heart to nurse, no gay skeletons in my closet, I just had AP Calculus, Physics, Afro-Caribbean Literature and Arts, and Expository Writing; school was simple again and I excelled.

At Peninsula, I took three classes, all with Sebastian who was the youngest and therefore had the least accumulated credits. My Monday night Sociology class with Jace, Sebastian and Emma was usually the highlight of my week, though since Taylor let her down gently Emma seemed less than comfortable with me on a whole.

On Saint Patrick's Day, though none but Charlie were Irish, the Port Angeles crew threw what I would consider the most outlandish party yet and both Solace and Phil, who was half-Irish himself, headed down. It was the first time I ever really talked to him as an adult, he was sort of arrogant but pretty much just an everyday guy, and it was refreshing. Most guys in the pack were…quirky: Ethan the vegetarian activist, Taylor the Buddhist, Seth the secret ballroom dance enthusiast, Jordan the mysterious writer, Solace the brooding ladies man, Jared the baker and homemaker, Krys the serious accountant, but Phil was just a guy who happened to phase into a giant horse-size wolf when the mood struck and it was nice to see.

The next morning, hung over in a way I wished my werewolfness would remedy, Jordan called, the renovations on our cabin were finished, and Andy, his ex who had decorated the place originally would be over with some art work for the back rooms. They still talked. I hadn't realized that till he asked me to meet with her and it was a rude awakening.

I would meet her just before my double patrol but I still got dressed up. I don't know why I did it, it didn't make sense. I had won, he loved me in ways I might never understand, but I was still eager to show her what I was made of.

Andy met me on the porch, and though I had never seen a picture, I knew it was her. She, like my cousin Claire, had the artist aura. She wore a tight black t-shirt that looked as though it came out of the Men's 3-pack you'd buy at Wal-Mart, and tight pair of paint stained jeans that were ragged in a fashionable way. Her hair which was either very, very thick or extremely long, was held up in a high messy bun and she wore a vibrant pair of red pumps.

Andy had a smile that was instantly warming, making me feel stupid but then also angry with myself for sort of liking her. She was beautiful but I expected as much, but to my surprise she was sunny, and buoyant almost.

"Hi, Mark," she said casually holding out her hand which was soft and smooth as though it had been sanded and polished.

"Hello, Andrea," I was polite. She was my elder, though she had been physical with my Jordan and that made me want to gouge her eyes out.

"You _are_ quite the looker," she beamed and I coughed uncomfortably.

"Thanks." How else could I respond to that?

"Two new rooms, huh? Are you two planning a family already," she asked casually. If I had read this out on a transcript, I would have seen it as prying, an ex-girlfriend trying to ascertain the seriousness of what we had, but she was entirely nonchalant, and surprisingly chipper.

"Um, I—I don't know," I said honestly. I knew that deep down there was a natural male instinct Jordan had that I did not, not yet at least, to have children, but we had yet to discuss our life together.

Would we marry? Have children and be a family? I already considered him my family, this was something that he had become before I even kissed him, something about him that just clicked into place when he was reintroduced into my life, maybe even before that, when I read his book and fell in love with him through ink and paper.

"These rooms are gorgeous, I think this would be a killer place to raise a family," she said without even a hint of bitterness, though she and Jordan had been together not too long ago. She seemed to read my confusion and smiled.

"Oh honey, I knew he wasn't really mine," she said simply and I didn't press for more though I would have liked too.

"This is beautiful," I said honestly. Now that I felt secure, I knew for sure she wasn't vying for the affection of my beloved, I was more inclined to compliment her on her work, which was phenomenal.

"Thank you," she said pulling out a hammer and a ruler from her bag as if that were the norm. When she was gone, the house complete clean and arranged, all art hung, it felt cold, empty, like it was waiting for the warmth Jordan and a family could bring. I was too young to be thinking about it I know, but Andy set the wheels in motion for the kind of life I never thought I could have.

 **April: Return**

It seemed like a cruel April Fool's prank but it was real and it was the best moment of my week.

Standing outside the school, leaning against a tree just outside of the throng of students was Jordan, dressed oddly enough like Andy was: tight black shirt and old jeans, but it looked much more appetizing on him.

I didn't care about the handful of classmates who knew me or knew him, I slammed against Jordan pinning him to the tree with a kiss.

An almost violent growl ripped from his throat as his stuck his finger in the front pocket of my jeans and pulled me down the road walking backwards without bothering to look where he went.

"You are so handsome," he whispered against my lips, I whimpered, nodding in an attempt to tell him he was as well because at the moment words failed me.

"I want you so bad," he whined, as we finally made it past the line of trees into the forest. The sun broke through the thick foliage and momentarily blinded me, reflecting off of the dewy mist from the morning rain. Everything was illuminated, the normal green leaves looking a glossy jade, the smooth bark of the light tree indigenous to this area looked almost white, everything just looked more beautiful with him here, more alive and more extraordinary.

"Here?" I asked, shivering at the thought of making love to him in a public place in the middle of the day. He smirked at me, the crooked one that answered no questions but made my insides twist.

"No," he chuckled, grabbing my hand and running, not at the normal human speed I struggled to maintain in public, the kind that felt as if it would break the sound barrier and start changing the rotation of the Earth like Superman. Before the door to the cabin was even open, he was ripping off his shirt and I followed suit dropping my school bag somewhere in the process.

He slammed me into the door, spitting into his hand before viciously entering me. It was right. I hadn't realized how much I needed him inside of me, pulsating, hot, thrusting, wanting; this was where I belonged, under Jordan, in his arms, wrapped in his warmth.

"Is this okay?" He grunted as he let his hand fall around my front grabbing my stone hard erection and pumping it once as he reentered me.

"Yes, yes!" I moaned loudly, it was embarrassing, the loud shallow breaths, the trembling screams.

When we were together, I usually tried not to speak, biting the inside of my cheek and pillows so that I wouldn't shout obscenities and other nonsense in the heat of the moment. Today though, after 45 longs days apart, I didn't bother. I didn't care if I looked stupid; holding in this volcanic pressure would be a Herculean effort I didn't see the point in.

"God, I want you in me every day!" I screamed.

"Soon—Soon, ugh, shit—I won't leave you again," he grunted between thrusts.

When he was done, he dropped down in front of me, taking me in his mouth without reservation, it was not something I was used to. I bucked, holding on to the wall behind him to gain control. I didn't last long, I shot hot in his throat and he coughed but was on top of me again in seconds leading me to the room.

"God, you are so fucking hot," I panted.

"You…you make me crazy when you talk like that." He smiled sheepishly.

"Huh?" I asked stupidly, rolling over on the familiar bed I missed so much.

"You know…the things you say when I'm…in you," he said with a blush, it made me hurt for him. Was it possible to miss someone when they were in the room? To need them so much when they were right next to you?

"Again, please," I breathed, so low no normal human would be able to hear even if they lay right next to us. He roared to life, grabbing the headboard as he eased into me.

When we were tired, when I had finally gotten my fill of him for the moment, I rolled against his chest and sighed, my eyes heavy, not sure of the time because the thick curtains were drawn, blocking the light. He kissed me for over an hour, soft and slowly, no urgency just the familiar feeling of comfort.

"Join me on the tour," he urged, after a long bout of silence.

"I'm still in school," I giggled, his warm breath tickling my neck.

"You finish at Peninsula on May 12th and at QTS on the 16th, I'm on tour till June 22nd," he said pulling me forward so that the friction made me hard again, he was going to drain me, I was already dizzy with delirium.

"I can't, I'm stepping up, I'll be Alpha and official chief of the tribe after graduation, their doing a little ceremony and everything," I said shyly.

The Alpha of the pack was the official chief, or had been in the past, my father still held the official Tribe reigns though Embry was now watching over the pack. Being Chief did not mean as much as it once did, it was more of a figurehead kind of thing, but I was pretty sure I would be the youngest in Quileute history and I would be required to go to monthly and emergency council meetings. Being Alpha meant a lot more than it seemed as a child.

"Put it off, Marcus. You have no idea how long it's going to be before you can be free like this again. You're too young to be taking yourself from one prison to another," he said kissing along my shoulder, he knew exactly every sensitive spot of my body and how to activate them.

"Can I do that?" I asked unsure.

"Yes. Yes, you can, you're eighteen and unless you get sick, get married, have a child or lose a loved one you're not going to be able to take a break again till you prime another Alpha to take your place… believe me, I looked into it." I stared at him, I hadn't thought of it that way. I didn't realize, though I knew it was a huge position, I hadn't realized just how much I had signed up for.

"I'll talk to Sam," I said not committing to anything. I had a responsibility, even if that responsibility did seem much more like a cage now.

"Good," he smiled kissing my hand which was intertwined with his.

"How is he?" He asked mechanically.

"Fine," I giggled, he was so cute when he was pretending to care, but at least he pretended, my father hadn't mentioned Jordan since he left.

Something Jordan said replayed in my head, _'unless you get sick, get married, have a child or lose a loved one you're not going to be able to take a break again till you prime another Alpha to take your place… believe me, I looked into it.'_

"Why… why did you look into the Alpha vacation possibilities?" I asked stiffly, he smiled, holding me tighter.

"I want to know how possible it would be to drag you away for yearly travel… from what I can tell you'll only get extended personal time for a kid or a wedding," he joked.

"There should be some gay options though, you need to get on that," he laughed. I didn't find it funny.

"We can still have those things," I said seriously. We had never discussed them before but now was probably the best chance we would have to start.

"Well, I mean—wait, which one?" He asked dumbfounded.

"Both, it's not like 1980, old man! Gay men get married and have kids," I said jabbing him hard in the side.

"Do you want those things?" He asked his face completely unreadable.

"I want you," I said evenly, hoping he would say what he wanted first.

"You have me." He wasn't biting.

"I…I, um, know you want kids, Jordan… and I wouldn't mind, I mean, maybe it's silly, but I wouldn't mind an eternal commitment," I said seriously.

"I don't need a piece of paper to tell me you are mine and I am yours, forever. There no need for 'till death do us parts' for us, because I will never be parted from you again, Marcus." Wow. Sometimes when he spoke I had no idea how to respond and I sat dumbfounded and silent for long periods of time before I could bring up a different point.

"So then just kids then?" I said feeling stupid, he smiled.

"I don't need anything but you, but…well… if you are interested…that could be nice," he admitted kissing me twice softly on my cheek.

"Yeah that could be," I agreed.

"When you're much older," he said sternly.

"What? You don't think I can handle college, the pack, the tribe and a child?" I asked jokingly, he chuckled.

"No, I know you can, but I'm not ready to share you just yet," he sighed and I melted, the most simple of truths after romantic professions still got to me and I sighed, kissing him before sleep finally took me over.

When he left for the day, running to Oregon for his lecture and book signing, I went home with only one thought in mind: putting off my big promotion for the last few weeks of freedom with my mate.

I thought about the word "boyfriend" a lot as I showered and decided, if Jordan felt getting married was unnecessary then I just needed something better to call him. He was my soulmate, utterly and completely, but calling him my soulmate sounded stupid. He was not my imprint, though our devotion was unmatched, but we couldn't use the term lightly in a community that took it so seriously. Mate. It fit perfectly, he was my mate.

My mother sat happily in the kitchen with Leticia and Rachel, once Ethan disappeared the wolf-girls came together, a unit of Mommas supporting Kim in her time of need. It was nice to see, my mom was smiling again and Jessica now had what we did growing up, a long line of amazing women doting on us at every turn, as a contrast to the huge group of warm and humorous men who protected us.

"Hey Rach, hey Letty," I gave them both kisses on the cheek too chipper to hide it. Jordan was back in the Pacific Northwest and I would be able to see him every night for at least two glorious weeks.

"Ay, so scandalous, ju smell just like him," Leticia joked hitting my arm playfully. I winked at her and she laughed.

"Mom, I wanted to ask your opinion on something before I run it by Dad," I said cautiously, I was pleased that Rachel and Letty were here, the wolf-girls, when they weren't fighting with each other, were very clever and knew more about the pack then I might ever know.

"Sure, honey," my mom said as Leticia took Jessy out of her hands.

"Well, Jordan was thinking that maybe after I graduate, I could join him on the tour before I take over the pack and have you know… responsibilities. Do you think Embry and Dad would go for it?" I asked hesitantly. The three women looked at each other sharing a secret convo I was not privy to.

"Oh such bad timing my love," Leticia said seriously. I didn't get the grim attitudes of the women around me, I was asking essentially for a vacation with my honey and instead of being happy for me, or in the worst case scenario, thinking me irresponsible, they seemed worried.

"Mark, if Ethan doesn't come back before graduation, things are going to happen and you'll be needed," Rachel said before looking at my mom, my mother nodded as if giving her consent.

"What things?" I pried.

"We've talked, the girls and…we think it's best if someone bring Ethan back. He's just a boy, who made a mistake and he shouldn't be outcast forever. Also Kim is going crazy without him. David and Trisha seem to be clicking, so," she dropped it there, looking for me to respond but I sat back crossed my arms and gawked.

I was conflicted. On one hand I didn't trust Trisha and thought that bringing Ethan back wouldn't help David's cause. Yet on the other hand, I wanted Ethan back for the sake of his family and for the pack, he was a good wolf and his family loved him. Ethan was not only a fast, agile wolf, he was also smart, compassionate and level-headed in all matters that were not Trisha. If I wasn't basically forced by birth to pick David as my second I would choose Ethan, he and I were most like minded when it came to matters of the pack. Also he and Taylor had a bond and he missed him dearly. If David had runaway, I would have wanted someone to bring him back too.

"So wait, why would you need me for that?" I asked.

"Because I think you are the most level-headed person to be at the table to deal with Ethan," Momma said quickly. Deal with him?

"What? Deal with what?"

"He has to have a trial with the council about the incident," Rachel said simply.

"Wait he has to go on trial and Trisha doesn't? Fuck that," the words were out of my mouth before I could register my audience, Rachel visibly cringed. "I mean, they both messed up, they can't do it again, the end. There isn't a need for a trial."

"Well your brother thinks there is and he's got his backing," Rachel said stiffly.

But what could the consequences even be? I knew what the laws and the traditions upheld but no one expected us to keep to them did they? A fight to the death? That was the punishment but surely none of them were thinking that was possible in this day and age.

"No worries, my Marco. Embry is on the council he already knows I vill kill him if he lets anything happen to my Ethan," Leticia reassured me, but David was a wild card, no one could stop him if he decided to push for the fight, it was within his right as her imprint, it was an extremely antiquated system that I would not have time to reconstruct before he was brought back… not if I toured with Jordan.

"How are they going to bring him back? I mean, do you know where he is?" I asked, a million equally important thoughts flying through my head quickly.

"Solas." Leticia said Solace's name with a touch of fire.

"So that's it, you guys are just going to have Solace drag Ethan back here jso that he face trial that might lead to his death," I said looking at them as if they had gone mad.

"Yes and no, we're hoping you will be able to stop the death part." My mom said looking at me expectantly, they really did think highly of me.


	45. Chapter 45

**Chapter 44: Alpha Countdown II**

* * *

Alpha Countdown: The Final Months

 **May: Petty Tiffs**

Jordan's tour moved east and with it so did Jordan. I knew the day would come but it had been nice, amazingly nice, to have him so near for those three weeks. School was winding down, and with Ethan more difficult to track than expected I had gotten the okay to spend the last week of May and all of June with Jordan on his tour. The date for me stepping up as Alpha was set for the end of July.

Trisha became a normal part of my life, my entire family's life actually, and though it burned that Jordan still was not, I had grown used to having her around. I was also enjoying having my bedroom all to myself because David had gotten used to spend the night in her bed doing God knows what (I didn't ask), or taking Ethan's place sitting under her window.

She was sort of good for him. In the months since they were semi-sorta-going out, his grades had greatly improved with only a little of my help. To my surprise he would graduate without me having to write an essay for every one of his remedial classes. He'd stopped seething over Ethan who he still hated, but didn't want to kill as much as he had before. That would work in my favor when my father and I talked to him. It had been settled that whenever Solace found Ethan, Sam and I would talk reason into him, and if we could not, we'd take him away until we did.

The solution to this big problem of course would be for Trisha to fully give in to David's charms, but despite the outward appearance there seemed to still be a distance. Some days she wasn't there. Physically she was at David's side but she was withdrawn somewhere far inside of herself. David and I both missed the prom because of her, she refused to go and well I wasn't going to go alone, so I stayed the night with Tay in Post Angeles getting drunk on Bailey's Irish Cream while Mason and his new boyfriend Frank made out in the corner. I was happy Mason found someone, trust me, but it was not a fun sight to see when the love of your life was now touring one of the stupid Dakotas; South or North, I'm not sure.

The day of our graduation, I pulled Trisha out of bed, and after a rather embarrassing conversation about oral sex, I ascertained that she was at least marginally interested in David, if at least sexually. Things were bright for me on my last official day as a high school student.

I was co-valedictorian, something that was overshadowed by the fact that David was graduating at all, but it was still a big deal. As co-valedictorian I had a short speech in front of more people than I'd ever had to speak in front of. The day was still cool, summer hadn't reached La Push just yet and I sat on the stage next to the school administration feeling like a total tool. When I stepped up though, a few note cards clutched in my hand, I was surprised when it didn't bother me.

A year ago, the prospect of standing in front a few hundred people would have pushed me to graduate early, or skip out all together, but after everything I'd been through, reading a few words on a cue card wasn't so scary.

I could see Jace and Lawrence from my place at the podium, Jordan was in the back, the far corner of the room. He had run from Minnesota, and he might not even be able to stay past my speech but it was nice to see him there. I took a deep breath, smiled when he winked at me, and just spoke.

"Good morning honored guests, loving families and the Graduating Class of 2025. I would first like to begin with a word of appreciation to the Principal, the Staff, our Parents and the community. You never hesitated, you never gave up hope and you realized that every journey begins with a single step. Sometimes you encouraged us to run and sometimes you needed to hold in the reins…yet all the while you encouraged us relentlessly forward, culminating in today. We are grateful and privileged to have had your valuable input in our lives—the true value thereof, we may only fully comprehend in the years still to come.

Confucius said, 'Wherever you go, go with all your heart.' The Graduating Class of 2025 certainly displayed a lot of heart. We will be going out into the world, each of us on different paths, following different dreams. May you have every success, may you work hard and play hard, may you hold your head high, may our paths still cross from time to time and may you go with all your heart!"

He was gone by the time I was congratulated, hugged and passed around by everyone. I knew he had to go but it still made me mad. He was a phantom now, but in just a week when I caught up with him in Chicago, he would be it. We would be starting our life.

"Jordan gave me this to give to you," Kim said sadly. This was supposed to be Ethan's graduation day too, it made my heart skip when they went from Audrey Calt to Kyle Darth. I pulled her into a tight hug, grabbing the envelope and kissing both her high cheekbones.

"I love you, Kim," I whispered in her ear, she let out a little sob and nodded.

"Me too. I love you, Mark," she smiled past watery eyes.

"Congratulations, Mark," Jared said warmly, pulling me out of her arms.

"I love you, son," he said gruffly and I squeezed him tighter.

"I love you," I said pulling away slowly. My mom broke through the crowd, smiling at Kim and Jared before she grabbed me.

"Aw, baby you were so damn good!" She said hugging me with Jessy between us.

"Thanks, Momma."

On the ride back, nestled in the back seat next to David, I opened the envelope burning in my hand. There was a plane ticket but I didn't look at that. I pulled out the small notepad paper scribbled quickly by the looks of it.

 _Marcus my love, I am so proud of you. You handled yourself with poise and I can't wait to see you. Never forget you are the most important person in my life. Hold your head up high, Sam and I got in a bit of a spat today, don't worry but I know he might be upset so don't let him get you down. I miss the way you feel, I miss your smell, I love you in ways words can't describe._

 _-Jordan_

"What did you guys fight about?" I asked from the backseat.

"That's between us," he said quickly.

"Dad, we…we're gunna be together, forever. You just have to deal with it," I said and the rest of the ride was silent.

The party was huge, the largest function since the Wolf Momma War. Everyone came including to my surprise David's ex-girlfriend Mallory, she rubbed herself on him in the kitchen and I smiled. Maybe someone would get some tonight at least.

Taylor stood by me the whole night, little Amber running in and out of our circle joyfully.

Trisha's apple scent wafted through the living room and I clenched my fist. If she saw him with another girl, she might give up, I turned to scream at David but then everything blew up. Trisha ran to the kitchen and a cat fight of epic proportions ensued.

"I believe he said he didn't want you!" Trisha yelled from the kitchen. The drama queen that lives deep inside of me couldn't let this opportunity go to waste. I slipped past the crowd and leaned against the stove with a smirk. With the parents all dancing to the oldies on the front lawn honestly anything could happen and the anarchist was kind itching to see where it went.

"What the fuck?!" Mallory yelled getting closer to Trisha, who had herself attached to David.

"I would advise you to back up, Mallory. This will not end well," Seth advised from my right. He was the oldest, and I left it to him to break it up when slaps started to fly.

" _You_ ," Mallory said leaning in until she was inches from Trisha's face, "are nothing. The only thing you are good for is breaking hearts and fucking your boyfriend's best friend."

Taylor and I turned to each other in petty glee, both having spent years itching to say that and much worse.

Trisha stood holding David's hand, fuming but not rising to the bait. Mallory turned to walk away, but no, she couldn't leave it there.

She turned around and spat. "At least with me, David, you were getting a little something in return for all your trouble."

Trisha whipped around to block her path out.

"Can I help you?" Mallory spat.

"Oh this is going to be good," Taylor breathed to my left.

"It's 'may' not 'can,' you dumb bitch!" Trisha yelled balling her fist and decking her right in the nose.

"Dude, this goes in the books as the best party ever," Taylor whisper with an epic smiled, I nodded, a bit disappointed Mallory didn't have more fight in her.

Trisha was spunky I had to give her that, and we were at least now certain that she wanted David as more than a friend. That fact was confirmed a bit later when they were found making out in our backyard, things were looking up for all the Uley's.

 **June: Big Wolf in the Real World**

The last week of May dragged by, until finally, I was boarding the plane from SeaTac to Chicago O'Hare International Airport. I had never been on an airplane before. While we did not struggle, we didn't really have money for vacations that were not taken by car.

When I arrived, having just gotten off of my first airplane, another first awaited me, a chauffeur. I felt like a movie star, though I would have preferred Jordan himself. My heart sputtered as I saw the sign he held: Marcus Uley-Varn. It was Jordan's way of claiming me and the smile that erupted on my face was nearly painful. Uley-Varn, it was a nice combo, like it was meant to be together, but then that may have just been me projecting my deepest desires.

He was not at the hotel. It was a funky place, not like any hotel I had ever stayed at in my life and that may have because it was a boutique hotel. I wasn't exactly sure what that meant, but it sounded fancy and I went with the flow, giving my name to the concierge and following the bellboy, who was incidentally not dressed anything like the bellboys I'd seen in movies, up to our room.

I guess the "boutique" part of the hotel meant it was super fancy because our room, which was decorated not in the dull peaches and blues most rooms I had seen, was lavish and rich in reds and golds. I tipped him, not sure exactly how much was customary in a place like this, I stuffed a ten in his hand and smiled impishly, he nodded and left me to my own devices.

I felt like Julia Roberts in _Pretty Woman_ , far out of my element, I wanted to jump on the bed and inspect every aspect of the suite, but as I rushed into the bathroom, I smelled him approach and I doubled back running at top speed to the door which I wrenched open. He was in the room and slamming the door behind me in a flash.

There were no words, we were together from here on out. His kissed me slowly, his tongue lazily sweeping across my own. Everything was slow and warm and when he entered me, he whimpered, it had been much too long since we'd been one.

I cried out in pleasure as he started to thrust, slow deliberate strides that hit me in just the right spot. He knew my body so well now, better than I did myself and every powerful thrust, every strong pump made me shiver.

"Fuck—so good!" I cried out as he twist the hand that was holding me. When I was spent, he had just a few more thrust before he joined me. He smiled as I lay on the bed, the sheets bundled in the center. His hair was growing out so that it got in his eyes as he leaned down to kiss me again.

"Wow, I have you forever," he said with such sincerity I could have cried.

"Yeah, forever."

Jordan had six lectures, signings and other events in Chicago and the outlying suburbs, meaning our stay would last almost a week. He was a bigger star than I had noticed in La Push, but then it was just like Jordan to downplay his achievements.

I went to the first lecture at Northwestern University but it made him nervous. I could tell, like the first classes I took with him where 'ums' and 'uhs' were sprinkled in every sentence, so I stopped going. He passed me an envelope on my second morning there and I took it with little argument, it was cash.

Though it took me over a year to get used to it, money with Jordan was of no importance, and it did not put us out of balance because I was worthy. It took me so long to realize it but I was, I was lucky yes, very very lucky, but I was worthy. We were in a real relationship and just like I felt everything I owned was his, he shared everything he had with me, which just happened to include money.

The James Hotel, which I later discovered was designed to make a guest feel as though they were staying at a home and not a hotel, was located in downtown Chicago. As part of the whole "at home" feeling, there was a living room and dining room area in our "loft" which was much larger than the whole second floor of my house back in La Push.

I watched Jordan get ready from the couch, he would have a lecture at DePaul University followed by a late dinner party with the Dean and staff.

"I think they are going to offer me a position," he said casually as he tied his tie. I watched him closely, I had never learned to tie one and felt ridiculously stupid asking.

"Oh really?" I asked conversationally but the idea made my stomach hurt. He couldn't be in Chicago ten months of the year, he just couldn't.

He didn't say anything more, giving me a heated kiss before he had to hurry out. It was just past noon, we had not left our room the whole morning, having room service delivered as we had the previous morning and night.

I looked through my clothes, determined to get out of the hotel while he was gone. I felt silly walking around in almost everything I bought because the people who stayed here and even the Bellboys looked like they were going to business meetings, so I borrowed one of Jordan's fancy button downs (tailored for him meaning it was way too large in the shoulders) and a pair of black pants.

The booklets by the phone all said I could come to the concierge for any help, so I did, walking down to the front desk in his shoes, which were a tad too small.

"Hi," I said shyly. He was a tall very thin and well manicured African-American man in his late twenties and his smiled was warm but professional.

"Hello, Mr. Uley-Varn," he had a flowery note to his voice, the kind I had come to distinguish as a sign that he batted for our team. I giggled at the mention of my name, I was not used to hearing it, seeing it and being called it was very different.

"Um, yeah. So…what should I do?" I asked with a little bit of a nervous laugh.

"Your husband has taken the liberty of ordering you a car for the day, sir. You are free to do as you like, the driver will take you anywhere," he said quickly. My husband? I hadn't mentioned the sign at the airport to Jordan, but I was starting to see a pattern…a pattern I rather liked.

"I've never been here."

"Oh, of course. Would you like to eat? Shop? Maybe take in a show?" He asked pulling out a few catalogues.

"All of the above," I said with a nod. I had until eight and I needed food and clothes for sure, there was no way I could wear jeans and a graphic tee to his dinner thing, which I didn't want to think about or my stomach started to hurt.

"Excellent. We are on the Magnificent Mile we a great deal of global cuisine available within walking distance. What would you be in the mood for? There's steakhouses, new america, sushi, Indian maybe," he paused and I dissected his words.

"Indian," I was feeling adventurous.

"Lovely. As for shopping, do you mind if I inquire as to what you would like to purchase?" he asked, making a small note on a red notepad.

I leaned in for maximum privacy, "I'm wearing my…husband's clothes. I didn't really bring anything appropriate for this type of venue or some of the more, upscale events we'll be attending."

"Of course," he smiled. "I would suggest…" And he continued a large variety of unfamiliar names being placed on the notes for my driver and a reservation for an early evening showing of a musical I'd never heard of.

Indian food is delicious. I had no idea what I was eating, so I ordered lots. It was so spicy I had to drink three or four yogurt drinks and eat half a dozen bread things to finish it all, but I did.

The stores, half of which I had never heard of, were all ridiculously expensive but I was lucky enough to find a shop called Bespoked which was willing to tailor a suit within the day, though the charge was exorbitant. Since it was essential, I didn't mind, though it left my envelope significantly lighter.

"Did you have fun?" Jordan asked when I finally got the stupid key card to work.

"I guess, a little stressful," I admitted, smiling at him widely.

"That's not exactly the purpose of sightseeing," he said pulling me into his lap and like every time we were close now-a-days, we kissed. And then the kiss got hot, so hot, clothes needed to be taken off.

"The dinner party," I said as his hand crept into the front of my pants.

"Not obligated," he sighed licking his lips as he got a hold of me.

"I bought a suit and everything."

"Yeah? You can model it for me," he breathed against my lips.

"Okay, baby, whatever you want," I sighed wriggling out of his pants frantically.

"Do you want to go? I'd be thrilled to go if you'd like," he offered.

"Oh, so you can show off your _husband_?" I said slyly.

"Oh yeah…about that," he started and I giggled.

"I like it," I whispered through a grin.

"Me too," he said taking off the last of his clothes so that he stood glorious and naked in front of me.

He was all mine? How did I get this lucky?


	46. Chapter 46

**Chapter 45: My First Task**

* * *

Every day was better waking up next to Jordan wherever we were, twisted with him in a pile. I would never take for granted the way his smell invigorated me like a fresh cup of coffee.

He worked a lot and I didn't spend every second with him but, like a good vacation you see in movies, I was pampered, absolutely pampered every step of the way. I ate food from countries I knew nothing about, spent more money than I ever seen in my life and was enjoyed carnally every night.

The last stop on Jordan's tour was New York City which was way too big and too hectic for me but we had good company to navigate us. We met up with Krys, an old pack member who phased at 13 during the big Volturi scare. He was an important businessman now, some sort of money man for a Korean tech company. He lived in a big apartment in Chelsea and he was about as far removed from La Push as a wolf could get. About a year ago when I heard of his glamorous life, I found myself feeling a tinge jealous; he had been able to break free. Now I realized, that being with Jordan in our cabin, eating in the little breakfast nook looking out into the forest, was a much more appealing dream.

Krys' fiancée was a beautiful, warm, well-cultured flight attendant for Japan Airlines, and she kept me company while Jordan did his thing. She smelled like grapefruit and carnations, a potent combination that was second only to Jordan's frosty ginger snap in my opinion. I instantly adored her. She glided everywhere and called Krys, Krystopher, with the funniest little 'r' sound. Krys met us at the airport with Aiko wrapped around him, they were adorable. Aiko was petite as anything and seeing as Krys was the smallest wolf in the oack, just under six-feet, she was perfect for him.

Growing up, Krys was one of my favorite wolves, he was young, sweet and smart. He hated La Push too, and he always encouraged me to do whatever I wanted, to follow my dreams and all of that. I was almost ashamed to tell him I was stepping up as Alpha, it felt almost as if I was selling out.

Jordan loved Krys more, all of the new wolves were close but I never saw Jordan as excited as he was when we smelled him in the airport. He positively beamed ripping Krys off the ground with a manly grunt.

Aiko was an old hand to gays, working as a flight attendant, and she treated us as if she saw it every day. I just loved every moment with her, which was the perfect way to end a trip before I had to go back to La Push. She would be leaving for an extended trip to Seoul the day we left so the day before was huge affair for all of us.

"Duty free, we have to do duty free Armani and Feragamo at the airport," she squealed, pulling me out of bed. We didn't stay at a hotel this time around and it was nice. Krys made us instantly feel at home though his schedule was hell and kept him in the office almost nonstop. His guest room had a skylight and the light sparkled off of her shiny black hair as she waited for me to get dressed.

"Krystopher tells me you will be chief of your tribe," she said conversationally as I changed behind the rice paper divider. The whole apartment had a very Japanese Zen thing going for it and the instant you walked in you were calmed.

"Yes," I didn't go into further details; I didn't know how much he had told her about the pack.

"You are so young," she said straightening out my collar. I was surprised, most people outside of the rez put me in my mid-twenties but Aiko seemed to see past it.

"Yeah, it's sort of a family thing you know…I'm just next in line," I said modestly.

"Krys thinks you'll do well," she smiled.

"That's nice of him," I blushed a bit, I respected his opinion greatly.

"And I think you have the energy," she said simply and we were off. I was glowing. Though I only knew Aiko for a week I found that those simple words from an outsider, soon to be an insider once they married, revitalized me.

Our day in the sun was a perfect calm before the storm. Jordan and Krys met us for dinner and we spent the whole night drinking pomegranate martinis in a posh lounge. Krys had to tip the bouncer to get me in because my Washington state ID sure wasn't going to do it.

When we boarded the plane to Washington the next day, we were greeted with a little present from Aiko; she had pulled a few strings and got our tickets bumped to First Class. Our flight back was very cushy and though it had dragged, the months leading to my vacation, the end came so soon.

We took a taxi from SeaTac airport to Jordan's cabin, showered together and with a final kiss, we drove to my parents, where we were expected for dinner. It was a surprisingly civil for my family, Sam didn't even scowl. He looked at our pictures and didn't oppose when we talked about my plans to move in the first week of July.

David and Trisha were on, full-time and though it was slightly nauseating, I was happy for them. I started to pack my things the 1st of July and took a few boxes every night, I was lucky to enlist the help of Taylor.

I made it to the beach for the Fourth of July bonfire, though I hadn't planned to, because Taylor would not miss it. Little Melody was walking , well, running now. Whenever he was near, her chubby little baby legs would bring her to him.

"Mellie!" He screamed picking her up and cuddling her so close that it looked as though they had become a unit. Their skin was the same shade of muted copper, and I could see her little kid wheels turning as she internally debated staying in Taylor's arms or hugging her Uncle Jordan who she hadn't seen in a few months. In the end she stayed with Taylor.

"Raquel talked to Solas last night, he had a lead," Leticia whispered in my ear leaving a sweet kiss on my shoulder as she left.

"Baby Bear, we're going to take Jessy home. I think your Dad wants to talk, can you come over before you… go home?" Her voice cracked a bit and I looked at her quizzically.

"Momma, you okay?" I asked taking Jessy from her arms.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm happy for you, really, I am. It's just, you're still my Baby Bear, you know?" She said, trying hard to reach my face, I leaned down and let her kiss both of my cheeks.

"Go with her," Jordan whispered, he was just around the corner giving us our family time. I nodded, blowing him a little kiss before I spoke.

"I'll go with ya, Momma," I said putting my free arm around her shoulder. It was a clear night, a warm breeze coming off the water and I held Jessy closer.

My dad drove in the front and I sat in the back entertaining little Jessy in her car seat. I smelled it first, I know I must have been the only one because my father and mother approached the house as if nothing were amiss. I smiled, I didn't really want to be confronted with the sexual activities of my brother and his imprint but it was about damn time he got some loving.

" _Uh, again, David…harder…"_ I watched my dad closely as he rubbed his neck with a stupid little grin.

My mom's eyes were huge as she placed Jessy in Sam's arms, walking towards the hallway. She picked up a tattered piece of red fabric, her mouth and her eyes still open wide.

"Babe, I think you better not go any further," Sam whispered but she stuck her hand up.

"Shh!" She breathed, I stifled a giggle.

" _DAVID!"_

" _I love you, Trisha. I love every part of you."_

"Go David!" I howled, holding my stomach tight.

"Mark! Zip it!" Dad turned back eyeing me.

" _I love you, too…Don't stop… please… don't…"_ A growl sounded loudly upstairs and I watched as mom put her hands over her face.

"Is that the bed creaking?" I whispered, a little grossed out but still pleased by the series of events.

" _David…you feel…so huge…"_ I rolled my eyes, for one it was gross, and, two, I knew for a fact I was bigger.

"Let's go, let's go" My dad called dragging my mom back out the door. I giggled when we heard a loud grunt followed by an even louder crash.

"Holy shit! They broke the bed!" I couldn't hold it in now, I was laughing. How they couldn't hear us, I have no idea.

" _Your Momma's gonna kill us."_ Trisha giggled upstairs.

" _Yeah, umh, she's not the only one."_ David said.

" _What?"_

" _This isn't my bed…this is Mark's."_ I instantly stopped laughing. That was not funny. In fact that was the opposite of funny. Sure I wasn't going to be living here anymore but that was **my** bed, where I would sleep whenever I visited…if I visited.

" _No fucking way! David, he's gonna be so pissed. Shit! Shit! Shit!"_

"Yes, yes he is," I said through gritted teeth.

"He's in soooo much trouble," my mom said from my right.

"Yeah, hell hath no fury like a twin brother scorned," I agreed.

"I think they're done. Let's just act like we just came in, okay?" My dad said. He was trying to look serious but I knew he was proud in that stupid caveman way. His son had just defiled a woman, it was the thing of dreams for dads everywhere.

"Oh, dear God there at it again!" My mom groaned.

"Who wants to stay at Billy's tonight? Everyone, good. Let's go!" my Dad said grabbing Jessy and running out the door. I stomped to the phone, jotted a quick and angry note for David before I made my way to Jordan.

He answered the door in a delicious pair of black boxer briefs and a tight white undershirt. The contrast against his tanned skin was intoxicating. I launched myself at him, kissing him roughly, and taking frustration off the night out on him. He did not complain.

We scurried to the room our lips glued together, and I was half undressed before my phone killed the my sex life again.

"Mark, I've found him," Solace said over the shoddy connection without introduction. He hadn't spruced up like I hoped he would in the months since Leah left him. He was doing this as a favor but like most of the things he did now, it was just going through the motions.

"Okay," I arched, waiting for him to elaborate.

"As Alpha, I need you to promise me something," he started and I stopped him.

"I'm not Alpha yet."

"As _my_ Alpha, I need you to promise me something, Mark," he had an intensity in his voice I couldn't ignore.

I sighed, "what Solace?"

"You can't let him get hurt. I'm not bringing him back to be slaughtered."

"I've already promised Taylor and Leticia, nothing's going to happen to him," I said confidently though I had not even broached the subject with David yet.

I would have to tonight, that was what my father had wanted to discuss with me the Fourth of July before hearing Trisha and David doing…it.

"I trust you," he breathed over the line. I could feel the weight of his sorrow from miles away.

"Move back to La Push, Solace. You can stay with me and Jordan. You shouldn't…you shouldn't wallow forever and you shouldn't be alone," I pleaded.

"No one wants me there," he said sadly.

"I want you here! I need you here, Solace, we all do. You're family. I love you, we love you," I spoke for Jordan, because while I knew his heart, the words didn't often leave his lips.

"I'll think about it," he promised before the line went dead.

That night I got moral support from Jordan and a few heavy kisses before I walked home. I didn't drive, I walked, or speed walked to La Push, passing two desperate drunks and derelict homes until I turned onto the path that leads to our home. My father was on the porch and he nodded at the determined stare I gave him. It was time to talk to David and we couldn't put it off any longer.

He sat in the living room, staring off into nothingness.

"David," I started, my father sat back. Unofficially this was my first act as Alpha.

"Wha-huh?" He turned apparently shocked at my presence. "What's up? What's happening?"

"I've got to talk to you about something, about the rules," I said warmly, I wanted to try to keep this as civil as possible for as long as possible.

"It's not against the rules to have sex with your imprint," he said automatically, I giggled.

"No, not that, but next time not on my bed," I joked.

"Point taken," he said quickly, looking at us nervously.

"Ethan's coming back," I wasn't going to beat around the bush or get into any long winded hypotheticals.

A ferocious growl ripped through his throat and my father who sat across from me, flinched before he composed himself, I crossed my arms waiting for him to get over it.

"I'll fucking kill him."

"Great, because when you do Taylor and Jared and Brady will be happy to take you out," I said sarcastically.

"I'll take them all." This was actually exactly as I had imagined this conversation going, though I had hoped for better.

"No, you won't," I said simply.

"It's my right, he touched my imprint."

"He had undisclosed physical relations with your imprint yea, but she agreed to it. He did not hurt or force anything on her," I said calmly.

I hate stupidity. Honestly I do. My brother has never been the sharpest tool in the box but that was different from being straight out stupid. He might not be good at math or Spanish but generally he had common sense; not with this it seemed.

He stood puffing his chest out as if he were ready to fight and I pushed him back down. My father moved to say something and I put my hand up to silence him.

"You don't like hearing it but you have to. Trisha is not a saint. We don't know all the details, the best we can do is guess because neither of them is fessing up. So let's say worst case scenario David, she had sex with him. He didn't rape her. They were in love, now she loves you. You won. Now Ethan can come back to his home and live his life. If one of them is punished then both of them should be," I reasoned.

"It's my right!" He was turning red in the face now.

"Well I'm taking that right away from you," I hissed. A dormant wolf, the Alpha in me kicked in and it was strong, I wanted to put him in his place, he was my competition.

"Who are you to tell me I can't fight him? He broke the rules! It's pack law!" David screamed beating his chest, I smirked. Like a gorilla in the wild, he was trying to intimidate me.

"I'm your Alpha," I said calmly crossing my legs as I sat back in the recliner.

"You're not my Alpha! I'll start my own pack!" He screamed but he looked at my dad as he spoke, his eyes desperately searching for support.

"Who would follow you? Do you know how stupid you look right now, throwing a tantrum over your rights to kill a brother over a girl?"

"He's not my brother and neither are you! Fuck you Mark! Fuck you! I supported you!" He said standing and something in the air changed, he was ready to pounce and my whole body began to tingle. I sprang out of my seat, circling him around the coffee table.

"You supported me being gay, not a murderer! When he comes, there will be a trial, but it will be symbolic. I have the final say and the rules are changing because I am the Alpha now!" The deep trembling double baritone, which backed my claim, burst from my throat.

"These laws have been around for like centuries or some shit, Mark! You think you're so fucking smart? You don't know shot about this. You're a fag, you can't imprint you have no fucking clue! You can't run this pack!"

 _I was unaware that your double-digit IQ and that fact that you imprinted on a whore for the sole purpose of creating offspring made you more qualified to be Alpha._

I could have said it. I wanted to say it, and a year ago I would have, but I stepped back, I inhaled and I sat back down.

"If you care about this pack, then you'll think this through. If you fight him, you will win, but what will that prove? That will prove you to be heartless. That will prove you to be unfit as my second in command, David. And that will prove to Trisha that you don't love her, because how could you love her and kill something that means so much to her?" He sat back down, it was more like he collapsed actually, his whole body crumbling onto the couch.

"She's going to leave me," he said in defeat.

"No, she won't. She loves you, son," my dad said coming in and wrapping his arms around his shoulder, I slipped out the back door. It was a private moment, a dad and son moment and I felt wrong intruding on it. I had done my job. I had successfully completely my first task as Alpha.

"Wait!" My dad caught up to me when I was already more than half way to Trisha's house.

"I won't tell her Ethan's coming back, I just need to see what she's feeling," I said annoyed I had to explain myself to him. He pulled me into a hug, a tight hug, and didn't let me go.

"Oh." I didn't know what to do with my hands, my father didn't do this often, or at all really and I was at a loss.

"You did good," he said gruffly, stilling holding me.

"Thanks, Dad," I breathed as he let me go. I bowed out awkwardly unsure of how to finish our pep talk. Trisha was alone in her room, and unlike the last time I snuck in here, what seemed like ages ago, she didn't mistake me for David.

"Mark!" She screamed running forward and pulling me into a hug.

"Hey Sis," I had started calling her that a while back hoping it would weasel into her brain.

"What's up?" She asked with a smile, it didn't reach her eyes, she was distracted.

"Do you love him?" Again, I was going to be direct, I wasn't her Alpha but it'd probably work the same.

"Mark," she whined.

"Can you promise me something, please, as my friend?" She nodded, waiting for me to continue.

"Don't hurt him again, he loves you so much."

"I love him too, Mark," she whispered looking at me confused.

It was unfair to ask her to make a promise when she only knew half of the situation, but if she really loved him, it wouldn't matter. I know about first loves, I know the power of it. Taylor still had a huge part of my heart but if Taylor stood in front of me naked, begging for me to take him now that I had Jordan, I wouldn't take him back. If she loved David even half of as much as I loved Jordan she wouldn't go back to Ethan.

"So just promise then," I said seriously.

"I promise. I love him. I don't want to hurt him again."

Too bad promises from Trisha Lahote are worth shit!


	47. Chapter 47

**Chapter 46: A Sign of Forever**

* * *

"Okay, can we just say I cooked something?" I whined trying to scrape a ruined goat cheese and olive pancake thingy from the bottom of a heavy skillet.

"Babe, I made the batter, you just have to wait for them to bubble and then flip," he said coming from behind and resting his chin on my shoulder.

Anna and Michael where having a night away from the kids and coming over for an intimate dinner with us at the cabin, which Jordan insisted be home-cooked.

"You smell so good," he whined, inhaling deeply at the nape of my neck.

"Jordan," I hummed as he kissed my shoulder blade through the straps of my undershirt. I scooped in big spoonfuls of the mixture which spread on the pan as his hands raked over my torso from my pecks down to my hips. I turned my head straining to kiss him and he pulled away.

"Time to flip them," he smiled a devilish smile going back to his mango radish salad leaving me half-stiff but with a pan of perfectly golden savory pancakes. Cooking the pancakes was miserable, a heat wave had just hit the Olympic Peninsula doubling the effect with terrible humidity.

And of course, Anna and Michael arrived right on time, just as we finished dinner. We set out up dinner in the "backyard" which was actually more of a small clearing on the cusp of the forest. It was an early dinner, the sun lazily making its way down to the horizon. I sat next to Anna who was tiny and spunky and lovable in ways no one could deny. She laughed in such a genuine way that I almost couldn't stop myself from laughing with her.

Michael had stories, stories about Jordan that I couldn't imagine. I couldn't picture him as a child, being small, naïve, vulnerable. When the table was cleared Jordan brought out Scrabble, which wouldn't have been my game of choice but apparently it was a Varn family thing. Michael leaned forward while he shook the bag of letters.

"What's that?" I asked casually fingering the small mark on Michael's back just below the bae of the neck.

"It's my wedding tattoo," he said turning his face to the side so he could see me over his shoulder.

"Oh," I said casually, but I found myself glancing at it every few seconds, Anna noticed.

"You guys should definitely get one, it could be a new Varn family tradition," Anna squealed, turning to show me hers. It was the same simple infinity symbol as Michael's, placed in the exact spot on the middle of her shoulder blades. I stayed silent but Jordan didn't, he smiled and nodded thoughtfully.

"We should, Solace probably still has the stuff." Jordan passed me the bowl of strawberries, my hands shaking as I took it.

"Solace?" I asked completely storing away his semi-proposal for later inspection.

"Oh God, yeah. He got this license because of this girl he was dating for like half a minute, you remember her Jay, she was creepy," Michael joked.

"Mariana the goth," Jordan said flatly before breaking into a gigantic smile.

"So, you guys are getting married, right? Jordan said he—" Michael started.

"I didn't ask yet," Jordan interrupted, looking at me nervously.

"You were going to ask?" I said unsurely.

"I thought you wanted to," Jordan prodded.

"You both want to, so you should," Michael said with a tone of finality.

When they left, Jordan creaming us all at Scrabble before we called it a night, Jordan started cleaning without another word.

"It's okay if you don't want to," Jordan said after the dishes were done and I was changing into a fresh pair of boxers for bed.

"Of course I do…I'm just so…shocked. Did you just ask me to marry you?"

"When you're ready," he said.

"What happened to you? You just…you've changed your mind on commitment," I said smiling and throwing myself across the bed. The sheets were cool from the air-conditioning and felt good against my skin.

"You happened. I am beyond in love with you and I thought that's what you wanted…besides the idea doesn't sound so bad anymore. I like the idea of you as my husband, I mean if you want to," he said sliding in next to me.

"Tattoos sound nice. I'll be an official member of the Varn clan."

"You already are, Babe…they love you, it's so hard not to," Jordan said kissing my neck so softly it was maddening.

I turned, ready to start a night of crazy passion when my phone rang: Paul. I was used to getting random calls wolves.

"He's on the plane with Solace," he growled forgoing introductions, I nodded soberly then realized he wouldn't be able to see it.

"Um, okay, when does he arrive?" I asked sitting up.

"Tomorrow afternoon," he said seriously.

"Okay, I'll call the Camerons," I answered saying a quick goodbye. I called the Taylor first and talked to them all individually including little Anabelle who just wanted to tell me she missed me. The plan was to pick him up with Taylor and not leave his side until everything was settled.

The upcoming drama killed our mood so that we ended up cuddling the whole night. The heat wave had rolled over by morning and it was cooler by the time we drove to airport.

"And the prodigal son returns!" I screamed, greeting Solace and Ethan at the baggage claim of SeaTac Airport. Taylor held onto my arm, squeezing it and hopping as he caught sight of them. He had missed his big brother more than he would admit.

"Good to see you, man," Ethan said, hugging me and turning to Taylor who practically tackled him.

"I missed you, too, little bro," Ethan sighed. He looked older, still unnaturally gorgeous but apprehensive.

The drive to La Push was slow and foreboding. I sat in the back with Taylor who kept looking at me almost pleadingly and I could tell by the slight bags under his eyes, he was scared.

When we got to the Cameron house, they were all waiting on the lawn, the girls playing as our car stopped.

"How long do I have before the meeting with the council?" Ethan asked Taylor before we opened our doors.

"Embry said he wanted to give you s chance to see your family first " Taylor said, adding a bit of dramatization on the end.

"So, I'm guessing about fifteen minutes."

I stood in the background watching the reunion which was beautiful and heartbreaking. When the discussion came to the council meeting, I assured him I would be there and so did Solace.

"I'll be there, too, though I wouldn't count on the council giving my opinion much weight," Solace said coming into the circle.

"Thank you for bringing him home," Kim cried, burying her head in Solace's chest. He looked rigid, not as if he didn't like it but as if he was not used to this kind of treatment.

"No prob. Besides, you should really thank, Rach. She's the one that practically threw herself at me. I told her there was no need for sexual favors but you know how Rachel is. How could you blame her though, being married to Paul and all," Solace said, his words dripping in sarcasm, his way of dealing with the way we were all looking at him with such love and admiration.

The pack new and old gathered in the Black's den for the council meeting not something we normally did, and Solace who was in protector mode, noticed.

"Uh, Billy, I thought this was a council meeting. Why the hell are all these people here?" Solace asked.

The council used to consist of just a small circle of elders and the top 3 ranking wolves of the pack.

"It's a pretty important issue and we thought the whole pack need to be here," Billy said to Solace before looking around the packed room.

"That being said this is not an ambush. If you have something to say to Ethan than you sure as hell better make sure you say it civilly and if even one person gets out of line, so help me, I'll kick you all out of here faster than you can say 'Jacob Black.' Everyone got that?"

There was a soft rumble through the den which was much too small for all the men gathered inside.

"Good. Now, let's get to the actual cause of this meeting," Billy straightened up and Sue sat down next to him. "I want you to tell us why you think you're here. And try to remember that my granddaughter and Paul's daughter is involved and we don't necessarily need details."

"I, uh, I had sex with Trisha," Ethan said simply.

"And who's imprint is she?" David asked annoyingly from the corner.

"Billy, can anyone just speak out like that?" Jared asked, looking at David.

"In this case, I think it would be safest for David and Ethan to say what they need to with a room full of bodyguards," Billy smiled.

"Now, Ethan answer David's question and continue."

"Yes, I get it, David. She's your imprint and that's against 'the rules,'" Ethan said, making the quote signs with his fingers.

I could see his anger flaring, and understood it. This whole show was a joke, it all came down to one simple question, "Are we fighting to the death or not?"

"Did you have feelings for her at the time?" Embry asked to my surprise.

"Of course, I did. I love, er loved her."

"We get it, dumbass. You love her, la ti freakin' da! The rules say…" David started but Ethan cut him off and if he didn't I would have.

"The rules are idiotic and archaic," Ethan argued and I nodded behind him. My brother David glared at us both. We had not spoken since our fight, neither one of us sure if we could trust the other. There were names called that couldn't be taken back and emotions that couldn't be forgotten.

"So now our rules and traditions are stupid?" Seth asked. Now that he was Jessy as an imprint he became a Uley, which apparently made him an ass. I could see Ethan who had previously been very close to Seth cringe, his shoulders sagging.

"They are when they take away a person's free will," Ethan said though I could see how hard it was for him to argue with Seth.

"Since when did we stop letting our women think for themselves?"

"That's got nothing to do with this!" David growled. "You fucked her! You fucked my Trisha when you knew she was mine!"

I scoffed.

"Really?! Is this how you see her? An object to have at your disposal, nothing other than a baby maker to carry on your wolf gene?" Ethan screamed.

"Hell, no! You know that's not what I meant. You broke the laws. You had sex with an imprint. I'll say it again, she was and is mine!" David gritted his teeth.

"Well, she certainly didn't say that when I was inside her," Ethan blurted then realizing his mistake took a step back.

Paul was in his face the next second and Solace who was flanking him got even closer, his hand out as if he were ready to throw Paul across the room if necessary. Jared stood, his fist clenched.

"Do not EVER discuss my daughter in that manner, do you hear me?"

Ethan nodded.

"I want to hear you say it!" Paul screamed, I got closer. I wanted to step, the Alpha in me was begging to, but the Uley twin in me didn't want to lose my brother forever by pointing out it was true.

"Yes, sir," Ethan said mechanically.

"I realize Trisha is not the innocent victim in this. She willing participated in having sex with both of us—" David started but was cut off again, this time by Paul.

"Wait…You had sex with Trisha, too?" he asked.

"I thought you knew? She said she talked Rachel," David said awkwardly. Paul, who already had a reputation for having anger problems, shook with red faced rage.

"You knew, Sam?" Paul asked. "Of course you wouldn't say anything, right? It's okay because he's a boy? He looks cool because he's not a virgin anymore and my daughter suddenly becomes the pack bicycle? Everyone gets a turn?" Paul was livid and Billy flinched.

"Totally uncalled for," I finally weighed in. I had sat strategically next to Billy, shoulder wide and alert, asserting my dominance the way Jordan instructed me to.

"Your daughter is the same age Kim was when she and Jared moved in together. Her _virtue_ is not on trial here!" I screamed over the the crowd.

Paul looked at everyone in the room with disapproving eyes but didn't say another word.

Sue was the last one to speak.

"Bottom line is this. Ethan, do you admit to having sex with another wolf's imprint? Just answer yes or no."

"Yes."

"And did you know the consequences of that when you did it?" Sue asked.

"Yes."

Sue turned to David. "Do you have any intention of following through with your right to challenge him?"

I puffed out my chest making eye contact with his long and hard before he slumped and grunted. "No."

"Then it's settled. No fighting, no more sex with other wolf's imprints, and we'll all try to get along." Sue concluded.

My father patted me on the shoulder preparing to say something when I felt David push past me and follow Ethan out the door. I worked through the crowd to make my way to them, it was obviously too much to ask for to have David act like a mature adult.

"What'd you want, David?" Ethan asked curtly.

"I'm not gonna hurt you, if that's what you're worried about," David said with a smirk. I could have smacked him, I was still angry about him calling me a fag, proof that he wasn't as cool with the gay thing as he said he was.

"Then why the hell are you following me?" He asked.

David started to circle, his shoulders hunched, his body shaking, preparing to phase.

"David!" I yelled from the porch, hopping over the side past Paul and Seth who I suspected would not stop him once he started tearing Ethan apart.

He lunged at Ethan, only to be sideswiped by Embry, before I could make it to them.

"David Samuel Uley!" My dad screamed grabbing David around the torso, but David was still intent, struggling against him, his whole body shaking, vibrating and I almost wished he would phase so I could take him down, no holds barred. Ethan watched him from a few feet away at the edge of the garage and he chuckled darkly, looking at him like the stupid caveman he was.

"You stay the fuck away from my Trisha! You fucking hear me! If I so much as see you fucking breathe in her fucking direction, I'll rip your throat out!" David screamed, I put my hand against his chest and motioned for Ethan to leave.

"Stop," I said calmly.

"Fuck you, Mark!" He was red in the face his teeth bared nastily.

"I said **stop** ," I ordered, a true Alpha command and he froze, still shaking but no longer able to fight against Embry and Sam, and just like that I was Alpha.

I felt it, it wasn't something that came out in burst, it was mine and I owned it.

"Go home, eat with mom, watch a movie, calm the fuck down," I advised like a brother, looking up at Taylor who still stood on the porch watching on with the rest of the wolves, in awe.

I looked them all in the eyes before I gave my official second command as Alpha.

"Stay away from Ethan, I don't want you within twenty feet of him until I say so," I said in the deep double baritone of Alpha and he nodded his eyes burning black holes in my chest. David pulled himself away coming at me, I was ready for a fight, I could feel the wolf in me ready to pounce but he turned and walked away and I exhaled a huge breath I didn't know I was holding.

Billy was the first to shake my hand, "Good job. I'm guessing we're going to have a ceremony soon," he said. I nodded as Anna, Michael and Taylor approached.

"I love you, Mark," he said unabashedly, I hugged him before Anna and Michael both told me how proud they were of me, not hiding how little they thought of David.

Jared was next, like Taylor, he was unabashed in his appreciation.

"I'm so proud of you son," he gushed holding me so tightly. I had no clue how to respond so I just held him tighter.

Jordan came just as my father approached patting my back. My stomach felt like lead, as Alpha the situation was handled, but as a brother, I had put a huge barrier between us at the worst time, a time when he was so unsure of his future with his imprint.

Now on top of that, I was now sure he couldn't be my second as I had planned. I would have to name a second when I stepped up and I had never even thought of naming someone other than David, now I had to. There was no way I could have someone with no self-control who had made so many enemies in so short a time. How could I ever patch our relationship though after I took this away from him?

"Everything's okay," Jordan asked worriedly, I bit my lip, looking back towards David's retreating frame. I nodded but there was a nastily prickling sensation in my eyes. Jordan looked between my dad and me before he made a choice, grabbing me and pulling me to him, kissing my cheek before he embraced me.

"I'm going," Solace announced running his hand down my back.

"Wait, Solace can I talk to you?" Jordan asked, kissing me softly before taking Solace to the side and leaving me to talk to my dad. Sam looked shocked, uncomfortable and pensive.

"It's going to take a week to get the chief ceremony, but you can start the patrol schedule and call a pack meeting whatever you want as soon as you're ready."

"Okay," I whispered, taking a step towards Jordan and Solace but my dad stopped me.

"I'm…I'm happy you're so happy with him but don't forget your family," he said seriously and it was just so not what I needed to hear right now, when I was worried about everything in my relationship with my brother.

"Jordan is my family," I whispered, grabbing Jordan to go. We ran back to the cabin and Jordan ordered from a Mediterranean restaurant near Forks, paying an extra hefty fee for the extra distance.

I didn't feel like going out or cooking and he opened a bottle of wine, pulled me into his lap and held me silently as I talked. He didn't put in his two cents he just listened and when I was done and the food had arrived and was devoured he kissed me.

"You're going to make the right choice, I know it," he whispered as I got a strong whiff of Solace's scent.

"Solace," I breathed and he smiled.

"Yeah…I asked him if he could do the tattoos tonight," he smiled adorably, my heart felt as if it was doubling in size.

"Hey, lovebirds," Solace greeted warmly, walking into our cabin without knocking, he was wearing a simple pair of black shorts and a white shirt that stretched over his chest and so sexy. He smirked at my obvious enjoyment.

There were was only one lamp on in the living room but there was also a line of candles along the table behind our new couch. The scents of vanilla and lemongrass filled the room and provided light for Solace as he cleaned and marked the area he would be tattooing.

I sat backwards on a chair which I hugged as the needle broke my skin. As a wolf the tattooing process was incredibly trying, making the simple black infinity symbol take well over an hour but when it was done it was permanent, a slightly raised black contract between Jordan and I, a sign of forever.

* * *

 **Bonus: Okay so I was going to do a whole chapter from Jordan's POV, but I have just been so busy that I just couldn't finish it. This is Jordan POV of this chapter.**

 **THE TATTOOS:**

I was not present when Anna and Michael got their tattoos. I was in the house when they first made love (a disturbing experience I assure you), I was there when they promised to be together forever, I was there when they came up with the idea of getting tattoos but the actual tattooing they held as sacred; a union between them, Solace acting as priest. I watched Mark carefully, he seemed unfazed, his heart accelerating only slightly every time Solace removed the tattoo gun to pick up more ink.

When Solace was finished wiping the slightly raised and red spot on his back he prepared the stencil he would use to trace the shape on my back before he began. It was the same one made in hard plastic by Anna when they were just teens. Mark stood using a hand mirror and the large mirror in our hall to examine it.

"It's perfect," he sighed hugging Solace who waved him away. I kissed him, moving to the chair he had just occupied and breathing steadily as Solace cleaned and prepped the spot. He turned the machine back on and I closed my eyes awaiting the pain.

The buzzing of Solace's machine dulled when he dug into my flesh. I didn't hurt really, it burned in an annoying way. I closed my eyes, titling my head to rest it against the cool wood of my seat. I could feel the grains of the wood against my cheek, every one of the senses in my body on high alert. I felt the small beads of sweat forming in my hairline. I could see so clearly the specks of black in the depths of Marcus's eyes and I could smell his luscious aroma which was now the only thing in the world I ever want to wake up to.

"I love you," I whispered. He watched me from the couch, his knees pulled up to his chest smiling widely. He look more innocent, childlike even from that position though his toned chest and arms broke the illusion.

"I love you more." That of course was not possible but I didn't argue it.

"I love you two both the most," Solace joked with a hint of bitterness.

Solace was not generally a bitter man and of the people I knew he would be entitled to be a bit bitter, but he never was before. I had known Solace for many years, but losing love after love has changed the man I once knew. I didn't know what that felt like, not really, because though I thought I had loved Matty what I felt for him paled in comparison to that which I felt for my Marcus.

Words, which I value more than most things, failed me in the attempt to explain the very width and depth of my love, of my utter devotion.

Getting this tattoo meant less to him than it meant to me, I know that but the fact that he agreed to it at all made every molecule in my body explode in happiness. Mark saw marriage in the traditional light, the way his parents had raised him, man and a woman, white dresses and flowers. To me though, this moment was tantamount to walking down the aisle in a tux and exchanging vows. I was getting married. I was getting married to the most amazing, intelligent, fascinating, intriguing, lovable, loving men I ever met and he would be mine forever.


	48. Chapter 48

**Chapter 47: Five Facts About the Night Trisha Left**

* * *

 **Fact Number One: I Was Deep in Honeymoon Mode**

"Mark…Maaark," Jordan stretched out my name adorably, kissing along my back right over my new tattoo, which had healed completely in the days since we got it.

"Hmm…are we going to have morning sex?" I asked rolling over and stretching before I pulled him close. He smiled a big white smile before licking his lips in a seductive way, though I'm sure he didn't know was seductive. He left fiery kisses down my body, making a line from one hip bone to another before moving under the band of my boxers; tugging them down as he descended. I was hard, a combination of morning wood and the sight of his sexy mouth.

"Yes," he answered smoothly before taking me into his mouth, I squirmed from the newly added sensation.

"Shit!" I clawed at our summer green sheets, bundling them in my fist and shaking as he engulfed almost my entire member, holding the base tight in his hands. Before I erupted, he slinked up my body, jerking me fast and firm until I screamed and he stuffed his tongue in my mouth, silencing me.

"I love you," he whispered against my cheek and I huffed, my chest heaving from the release. I turned to him, kissing him passionately before turning over and grabbing the headboard, he scrambled to meet me, entering me before I could beg him to.

"Uhh, Jordan," I panted, pounding my fist on the wall behind the headboard causing the stone to sprinkle dust down on us. He chuckled before erupting in a string of obscenities after I clenched down on him, holding him inside of me.

"I'm close," he warned, and I pushed myself back against him, pumping my rejuvenated shaft with one hand and supporting myself with the other. He filled me with his hot seed as I spurt onto the pillow, collapsing under him.

"What was that about?" I whispered after several minutes of labored breathing, enjoying his cool breath against my back as he held me from behind.

"I missed you while you were sleeping." He beamed, rolling me over to face him the sun from the window illuminating his gorgeous face. I brought my hands up to my head using them as a pillow while I looked at him. He watched me and I watched him watching me, following his eyes as they carefully examined every part of my face from my hairline down to my lips before kissing me.

"You are such a romantic," I scoffed, kissing his chin which was the closest thing I could reach.

"I am not, take it back," he joked, gripping onto my butt cheek and pulling me closer still.

"I love you so much," I breathed placing my ear against his beating heart.

"You should spend time with your brother today," he said slowly, plummeting me out of my morning glory and into the stifling drama that was the pack and the supernatural world. In Jordan's cabin, our cabin, lying together, making love, even just making dinner, the rest of my Uley clan and all the drama that surrounded it was gone.

"He's going through a lot," I explained.

"Which is why you should be there for him," Jordan countered, pinning me to the bed.

"Can't we just do this all day? I'm becoming Alpha tomorrow, who knows how long that will affect our sex life," I reasoned, he chuckled.

"You see that won't happen because I will fuck you against a tree in the middle of patrol if necessary, Marcus," he said forcefully, I liked the imagery.

"We could try that now," I suggest raising my eyebrows and he laughed, pulling me out of bed and through the house towards the bathroom.

"Shower, I'll make breakfast and take you to your family," he commanded.

"You're going to make breakfast in the nude?" I asked, crossing my arms to watch him.

"I've got that apron Jared gave me for Christmas," he said simply leaving me to bathe.

When I returned feeling moist and fresh and smelling of Jordan's shampoo, I ambled back to our room picking out appropriate clothes for a day at home with my family and rushed back to the kitchen where I smelled maple sausage and onions. We ate in silence, in the small breakfast nook overlooking the forest until the remaining sexual energy between us erupted and he took me against the table, our food scattered in the hurry.

We were in a honeymoon stage of sorts, more in love then I could handle at times. Sitting and watching while he wrote was no longer mundane, I became engrossed in his expressions as he scribbled or typed, the way his lips turned up or the way he sighed became too sexy to describe. The way he held his pencil even, like a precious stone, turned me on. My watching him made his heart accelerate until we were pounding hard against whatever surface was available; we had not left our home for anything but food in a week.

"God, I hope you want me like this forever," I said lying against the kitchen floor with bits of sausage next to my hair.

"I will," he said matter-of-factly.

"Do we have to go to my parents?" I whined pulling him down to me.

"Yeah, we do and you should spend the night, it's a huge day for your dad," he said kissing me softly.

"For my dad? How is it a big day for him?" I prodded.

"To him, being Alpha really means something, something you probably don't understand yet, something I probably never could understand, but he's beaming with pride, so stop being a baby and show him you love and appreciate him… and make up with your brother already because he's the only one you've got. You don't have to make him your second, in fact you definitely shouldn't, but he needs you."

I helped him clean the table and the floor in silence, contemplating his words. It was hot outside, stifling but Jordan wore a shirt, respectfully covering his tattoo, making me roll my eyes and remove mine in deviance. I was determined for Sam to see my tattoo without me having to tell him that in our eyes and in the eyes of my new family, we were married.

 **Fact Number Two: It Was the Day I Took Responsibility for My Actions**

We ran over together, and before we reached the path to my house I ripped off his shirt, kissing him and fingering his tattoo.

"Don't hide our love," I said simply, pulling him to the door. My mother answered, passing Jessica to Jordan before she jumped on me, hugging me and kissing me. She missed having me at home I gathered; I missed her too, but it was too nice having Jordan to even think about moving back.

I didn't even want to stay here for the night, missing a night of love making with Jordan was a terrible prospect. Jordan didn't take no for an answer though, he packed my overnight bag, placing my cell phone at the top and I knew he was right. David was one of my most prized allies and I needed him.

"Jordan, it's nice to see you," my mom said pulling him down to place a kiss on his cheek. My father took Jessy from Jordan motioning for us to join him in the living room where David was slumped on the couch looking out in space.

"Where's Trisha?" Jordan asked, sitting next to David on the couch and patting his knee.

"She's coming over later," he sighed, focusing his eyes on the room around him. For being a bit on the not-perceptive side, David was the first to notice the tattoo. "I've never seen this," he said leaning forward.

My mom, who sat across from them, leaned in and focused on it before grabbing her chest and sitting back in wide eyed shock.

"Anna and Michael have those," she said innocently, but I knew she knew their true meaning. My father who stood to my left took a step back and searched for mine.

"They're our wedding rings," I said simply, David looked between the both of us for a second then shrugged noncommittally.

"You should have told us, we could have thrown a party," my mom said shooting my dad a nasty glare when he clicked his tongue.

"We know you guys don't approve, we didn't want to make a big deal out of it," I explained softly.

"Don't put words in my mouth, Mark" my father said looking me deep in my eyes.

"You don't know me or how I feel."

"Then why don't you—"

"Congratulations!" My mother screamed a little more loudly than necessary, pulling me then Jordan into hugs.

"Thank you," Jordan said graciously.

"I'm sorry we sprung this on you. When we get the official certificate, we'll make sure to keep you better informed," he finished looking at me seriously. He left soon after, kissing me quickly and running out the front door.

With Jordan gone I had the most awkward afternoon with my family I could ever imagine. David wasn't talking to me, my dad was stiff and unhappy and my mother kept looking at me as if I would disappear at any moment. When Sue came over to iron out the plans for tomorrow's ceremony, we all loosened up, well most of us. David went to the living room to wait for Trisha's arrival, she was at the library with Helen last he checked and he checked a lot now that Ethan was back.

The ceremony would be in the community center and would only take about 20 minutes including the rituals and speeches, it was a quick thing followed by a party. When she left I sat next to David, our parents and precious little sister sitting across.

I wanted to apologize. I had gone about this the wrong way. My family, no matter their degree of acceptance, was still my family and I should have told them about our marriage, but then it all happened so quickly. Part of me always knew it would happen though, and if I was being really honest, even if we had planned it a month before, I might not have told them.

Also no matter how idiotic David was acting, I should have been calmer, if it were any other wolf I would have handled the trial differently. I know that if it were Collin or Embry, for example, I wouldn't have snapped like I did, or spoken to him in such a demeaning way. It was the wolf in me, the wolf that felt threatened, and the wolf that sensed my own brother was my competition. The wolf in me was having a pissing contest, showing David his place and I should have controlled it.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the way I treated you, David. I know that this whole thing is hard for you and I'm sorry," I started.

"And…" David looked up at me with hope in his eyes and it burned.

"I can't…I can't take you on as second until you are ready to deal with your anger and you can handle working with Ethan like an adult, but I was a bitch and I shouldn't have talked to you like that. You know I love you, right?"

David nodded twice before letting his head drop, a single tear crept into my left eye but I ignored it, turning to my dad.

"Dad?"

"Yeah, Mark," he said looking at me nervously. He fidgeted, probably sensing the uncomfortable conversation we would soon have.

"I'm sorry. You're right, I don't know you, but I hope one day I will," I said carefully, not willing to take the complete blame. His hatred for Jordan made things much harder than it needed to be. He nodded deeply twice, patting my leg before collapsing against his chair as if all the energy in his body had drained.

"And Momma, I'm sorry I've pushed you out of my life, I love you and I shouldn't have kept something like this from you but I love him, I love him so much and there isn't anyone else in the world for me, no one I'd rather be with," I said to her, though I looked at each member of my family, all in succession waiting for a response.

"You know what's creepy?" David asked smiling at me in a friendly way, I leaned in.

"No, what?" I was positively giddy to have him talking to me.

"You messed around with your nephew-in-law," he said seriously. It took me a few seconds to realize what he was saying, to link Jordan's niece Melody with her imprint, my very first love, Taylor.

"Yeah, I guess that is kinda creepy," I said laughing.

"You know what's even creepier?' My dad said leaning in with a wink, my smile grew wider.

"What?" I indulged him.

"If you think about it really carefully, with six degrees of separation, Solace has had sex with almost everyone in La Push, even me," he said nodding thoughtfully. I erupted in laughter and the rest of the family joined me.

 **Fact Number Three: The Uleys Were a United Front**

When Trisha arrived my parents and I decided to give them some space, heading to the grocery store then the pizzeria to pick up dinner. They were kissing passionately on the couch before we were even out the door, it was an entirely hopeful sight. Ethan was in La Push but she was with David, really with him.

She was gone by the time we returned but David didn't look heartbroken, so all things considered it must have been a good afternoon. We ate in the living room, me and David on the floor by the couch, facing the TV as we half watched an old movie.

"How's the new place?" My dad asked as dessert of an entire cheesecake with raspberry topping was placed on our table by Momma.

"I love it, our new rooms turned out really nice too," I said enthusiastically determined not to let this conversation get awkward.

"Why'd you add more rooms, don't you and Jordan share?' David asked downing a giant cup of cola.

"Of course we share, those rooms are for guests… or kids," I said slowly.

"So are you planning a family then?" My mom asked planting a kiss on Jessica's cheek as she sat in her baby seat next to her.

"Yeah, we think maybe we will."

"Yeah? Wow, so soon?" My dad asked. I could see it made him nervous but he was trying, I had to give him that.

"No, not for a couple of years. I'm going to start school in the fall and I want to finish that first."

"Great... Mark, I um, I'm happy for you. I know it doesn't seem like I am, but I just want you to be happy…I didn't grow up like you, my generation didn't really have Jaces and it's not like I—"

"Dad, it's okay," I stopped him, putting my hand on his shoulder and sliding a second piece of the cheesecake on his plate.

"Thanks," he nodded and my mom wiping tears from her eyes next to me took a piece divvying up the rest for me and David.

"So who are you going to make your second?" David asked calmly, it was surprising since I figured he'd be too pissed to even care.

"I'm not sure really," I said honestly as he nodded his head thoughtfully. It was surreal, the Uleys all sitting around actually discussing uncomfortable issues. This was definitely not our normal state of communication.

"Embry won't be leaving for a while, Leticia is seeing a fertility specialist," my mom said carefully looking between us.

"Yeah, Embry's not so bad," David said with a smile and every muscle in my body relaxed.

 **Fact Number Four: We Didn't Notice it Till it Was Too Late**

"Yo, Mark, man, wake your ass up," David screamed gripping my shoulders and rousing me.

"What! What! What!" I screamed as he continued to shake me.

"Something's wrong with Trisha I think," he whispered.

"Why do you think that? She's not pregnant, is she?" I asked seriously.

"Fuck no! We haven't even had sex since that last time. Embry gave me an order, which more than kinda pisses me off, because if Jake were the Alpha he'd never do that." I would have done the same but I didn't feel it pertinent to point that out now that we were back on speaking terms.

"But he's not, so what's the problem that can't wait until morning?"

"When I dropped her off, she was crying. Wouldn't even look at me. Then when she got out of the truck said she loved me and told me never to forget that. And now, I just feel like somethings wrong." I sat up, my eyebrow furrowing in concentration, out of context it could mean nothing, but in this context…well, it could mean the end of everything.

"What else happened?" I pried.

"Well, we were here, on the couch when Momma and Dad went to the grocery store. We messed around and then she just started bawlin' her eyes out. I thought maybe I'd done something wrong but she said everything was fine." My heart started pounding painfully against my ribcage.

"Did she give you anything before she got out? Leave anything with you or in your truck?" I asked.

"No. Well, I don't know about the truck," he said his face scrunched in confusion.

"Go check right now. I'm calling Taylor," I said grabbing my cell phone and dialing Taylor.

"Who died?" Taylor answered the phone gruffly, I chuckled darkly.

"Possibly Trisha," I said grimly.

"Well it wouldn't be the end of the world," he said through a yawn.

"I'm serious though, can you check and see if Ethan is there?"

"Why?" he asked but I could hear him moving on the other side of the line.

"Because I think he ran off with her," I explained, he didn't respond for a while and when he did it was one simple word.

"Gone."

"Not again Tay! This is going to kill him," I said turning to face David as he reentered the room with an envelope in his hand. He tore it open staring at me before he read it, his eyes watering with each passing second. He dropped the letter and I didn't bother to read it, all signs pointed to the fact that Trisha Lahote was a dirty lying whore.

"Bro, you okay?" I asked going to his side.

"She left me. She didn't want me, Mark. I loved her! I know she was my imprint, but I loved her more than that. I loved her! And she left me," he sobbed, his shoulders shaking, my stomach lurched. I hadn't seen him cry for years and I couldn't handle it, my hands shaking violently.

"Goddamnit! Momma!" I yelled.

"Momma!" I yelled louder as David collapsed on the bed looking off into space.

"Geez, Mark, it's three in the morning! You're gonna wake your sister," Momma said running into the room. David's crying was making me nauseous, as a child whenever he got sick I got sick, whether or not it was contagious, because seeing him hurt made me hurt in indescribable ways.

"David, are you okay?" She asked hurrying to his side but his crying only got louder.

"Mark, what the hell happened?" She prodded me. I slid across the room picking up Trisha's discarded letter and passing it to her.

"I just talked to Taylor. Ethan's gone too," I said watching as her eyes grew larger.

"Sam! Sam! Get up here now!"

"What the fuck?!" My dad said looking down at David then up at me.

"Read this," Momma shoved the letter to him. "Get me my phone, Mark."

I passed her the phone and she dialed the numbers quickly. She called the Lahotes and the Camerons to make sure, but each call just made it worse.

"Fuck," I hissed trying to rub David's back but he rolled away from me curling himself into a wailing ball.

"They both got letters. Paul said Trisha left one for Billy, too. They're coming over right now," my mom said quickly, she was crying but her voice was steady. She sat next to me on David's bed and sighed.

"David, sweetie, it'll be okay, okay? She'll come back, baby," she whispered.

"No…I don't want to find her. She doesn't want me. I won't drag her back here screaming. I love her too much for that," he whispered calmly, but I could see his hands balled into white knuckled fist.

 **Fact Number Five: I Am An Alpha in the Streets and Beta in the Sheets**

The next morning through thick torrential rain, we drove to the community center for the small ceremony. The pack Alpha was customarily also the chief, an interesting title for an eighteen-year old but it was tradition.

David had wolfed out some time in the early morning and the only communication we had was through the pack mind as ran to God knows where. I was sad my big brother wasn't there to see me takeover, but I expected as much when I chose not to take him on as my second. Outside of the pack very few people actually did come, the announcement of a new chief went on deaf ears because in La Push the power of a chief was limited and the system was all a bit antiquated.

Jace came down with Lawrence, Jordan with the Varns, Solace with Phil. There was some dancing, music, food, but the whole day was tense, news of Trisha and Ethan's disappearance spreading like wildfire. The pack as a whole were all present, this was the first time this type of ceremony was being held, my father had the position thrust upon him too quickly for the hoopla, but I had been primed and readied for it. A few people from town, people I didn't know came but not many.

My first patrol as Alpha and chief took place a few hours later. I had worked the schedule out with Embry, it was a short run through town. We were cutting down the schedule, because with the size of the pack as it was it wasn't necessary to keep a constant rotation of wolves. No matter where a vamp stepped onto Quileute land a wolf was bound to smell it.

Seth, Taylor, Embry, Collin, and Brady met me at the clearing all lined up shoulder to shoulder waiting for me to arrive. It was a daunting sight. I inhaled deeply, trying to relax myself with images of the things I loved most, though it quickly turned into a photo album of Jordan. Jordan's smile, his scent, the way he moved, the way he wrote, the way he laughed and the way he handled me as we made love.

 _ **O-ho-ho Mr. Alpha man, getting a little personal with the images.**_ Brady chuckled as I came into view.

 _ **Intriguing view into your sex life though.**_ Embry jeered.

 _ **Yes it seems he's an Alpha in the streets, but a beta in the sheet.**_ Seth said seriously causing the entire lineup to burst into barky laughs.

 _ **Ha ha guys, ha ha,**_ I sneered.

 _ **We're just fucking with ya, Boss Man. What's the plan then?**_ Collin asked, his ears perked up and ready to go. They all sat waiting for my instruction and without hesitation I knew.

 _ **Seth, Taylor and Embry take to the North, Brady and Collin follow me.**_ And just like that it began, my very first patrol as Alpha.


	49. Chapter 49

**Chapter 48: Epilogue: Cabin for Three**

* * *

Thirteen Years Later: January 2039

During my time as Alpha of the La Push pack, there were few incidents, no big battles, no huge blow-outs, no internal struggles. Patrols and basic training was sustained, the legends of our pack and its history recorded and retold, the laws and traditions modernized and the bonds between brothers (and sister) cemented stronger than they had ever been before.

I didn't know, none of us knew that during this time of complete peace, a force, an unnatural force had collected, had planned and schemed to destroy us. The coven was not particularly large, nor were they the best fighters but they had with them the element of surprise and when they came we were not ready, not as ready as we should have been, as ready as we could have been. We were not ready to lose one of our own, not that we would ever be, but the shock of his death could still be felt in every corner of our isolated world.

Devlin Varn, my nephew through marriage, the adorable, fun loving, sweet, accepting boy was only fifteen…

The mail sat in the mailbox for more than a month after Devlin's funeral. It wasn't the only thing we neglected in our grief, the list of our shirked responsibilities and our oversights was growing.

1\. The flowers: They went unwatered, lying limp or all together dead around every corner of our house. Jordan, had quite the green thumb the year Billy died, the year Trisha came back and became a part of the Uley family forever.

2\. Our three English bulldogs: Solace the stud, Trisha the bitch (affectionately nicknamed T) and Call the baby, remained with Kim who now had empty nest syndrome after all but one of her babies had flown the coop. How we became the proud owners of three purebred show-quality bulldogs is still a mystery to me, but before the strenuous training, planning and fighting of a war, they had been our life.

3\. Work: Jordan's school had found a replacement for the semester and patrol no longer existed. I would be retiring as Alpha soon, I had been planning it before the war and now that it was over, the need to move on was almost stifling.

4\. The Uleys: With Jordan's family in such a hard place, I spent my time with the Varns, doing anything I could to keep them stable, though at times I felt as if I could collapse from my own grief at any moment.

5\. Bills: The money was there, sitting in vaults and on computer screens but with no one to validate and begin the transaction, the late fees were starting to pile up, not to mention our current lack of electricity.

When the electricity was shut off, I finally pried open our old fashioned mailbox shaped like a blue Victorian style house. It was bursting at the seams, not even capable of closing entirely on its own. It was getting cooler outside, the first weeks of October, and I had walked mindlessly out the front door without shoes, making the journey rocky at best.

"Jordan, my love…Jay, are you hungry?" I asked, physically shaking him out of his feverish writing trance. Over the years of being with him, there were so many things I had learned, one of them being never to interrupt him when he wrote, but since the day before Devlin was finally laid to rest, Jordan had become intense, almost robotic in his writing efforts. If I didn't stop him, pull him out of the trance-like draw that was his writing world, he wouldn't eat.

I made him my priority; it was preferable to wallowing in grief, or sitting for hours thinking of the ways I as Alpha could have changed what happened. He was my family, not just through marriage but through the ancient blood bond of my people, and I had failed him in a way I couldn't grasp. It was just out of reach, the explanation for what else I could have done better, how I could have prepared or interceded.

"No," he grumbled.

"Too bad Jordan, you need you eat," I said forcefully, dropping the pile of mail on the table as I reached for the refrigerator door. Jared, who phased for the first time in a long time during the war, was now shaking continually with the urge to phase and as a form of therapy he spent hours cooking for the Varns' and for us.

He had become like a traveling meal service and he came with a day's worth of food every morning, the only way I would have woken up at all. Today's caramel pecan waffles were barely touched and tonight's eggplant lasagna sat waiting for me in the middle drawer ready to pop in the oven which thankfully ran on natural gas, one of the utilities that hadn't been cut off yet.

Jordan lazily made his way to me, his bare feet padding across the tiled floor of our kitchen. He watched me as I preheated the oven, leaning against the small table in our breakfast nook with his head titled to the left.

"Are you angry?" He asked, taking a seat next to the colorful pile of mail, sorting it mechanically.

"No, Jay, of course not! I love you so much baby, I love you."

I gave him the sweetest smile I could muster, closing the oven door and approaching him slowly. This was another thing we were neglecting, our physical affection. At night we slept as we always had, wrapped in each other's arms but during the day together we didn't touch, there was no cuddling, no kissing…no loving, just cold grief.

I stood close, my hip bone level with his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around my waist, cupping my butt cheek gently and pulling me to him, kissing my hip bone through the thin linen of my pants.

"I'm sorry," he breathed, his warm breath weaving through the loose woven material of my pants and kissing my skin. He let go of me, returning to the heap of papers covering the table top. I walked around the back of his chair, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing his cheek as he sorted in the dark room. I grabbed the candle from his desk, our way of getting around now that we had no electricity, and placed it on table next to him.

"That smells good, huh?" I said conversationally, he gasped standing so fast the chair he was sitting in flew back.

"What? What's wrong?"

Jordan dropped the letter in his hand and turned to me, the single sheet of paper floated out of his hands landing on the fire, it erupted in flames but he turned to me with a smile more exuberant and joyful than any I had seen him make in years.

"Were getting a baby!" He screamed filling the room with his booming voice as I tried to stamp the fire out, the skin on my palm boiling grotesquely before healing in front of my eyes.

"What?!"

"Are you okay, Marcus?" He grabbed my hand, kissing along the palm lovingly.

"WHAT?!" I screamed again ripping my hand from his and launching for the scorched letter. It was browned, only small sections of unaffected tiny black text on the remaining paper.

 _Marcus and Jordan Uley-Varn,_

 _I am pleased to inform you that our team believes we have found a suitable placement for-_ and it cut off there but that was enough.

"Marcus, a boy, they found us a little boy." I dropped the letter turning and launching myself into Jordan's arms.

"The phone, where's the phone we have to call them, they can't give away our child," I said frantically, and the two of us with our arms intertwined, fumbled moronically until we finally made it to the bedroom.

"Do you have the number?" He asked looking over my shoulder as I flipped the phone open in a rush, before staring at the numbers numbly.

"No, the letter, the letter." Like a television sitcom we ran back into the house trying to reach the letter but it was no use, the number was burnt. All of our numbers had been lost when, in a fit of grief inspired rage, Jordan destroyed our cellphones which had been ringing nonstop since Devlin's death. The cell phone given to us by Kim was a purple cast off of Amber's, it was old and had only a handful of numbers we could use.

"FUCK!"

"Call your brother," he suggested looking down at me. "They were our character references, they have to have the number." I speed-dialed the number with shaking fingers, my heart close to leaping out of my chest.

"Hello?" Trisha. Fabulous.

"I need to talk to David," I said not bothering with niceties, this was urgent.

"Pfft," she expelled a loud annoyed breath.

Jordan grabbed the phone from my hands, he was much better with this fake nice thing.

"Hi, Trisha. Our adoption papers have been approved and we need the phone number to the agent we were working with," Jordan said sweetly. He nodded his head indicating she was talking and I tapped my feet impatiently.

"Thanks, yeah we're thrilled," he said a little flatly. I grabbed the phone from him and let it rip.

"Goddamit, we need the number," I screamed and she hissed reciting the number monotonously. I didn't make a habit of talking to her like that, or well talking to her at all, but Jordan and I had been waiting for three years for this day and I didn't have the time or patience to chit chat.

The office was closed, leaving us at a loss for what to do next. We ate, too excited and distracted to really taste anything, and smiling so wide at times it was hard to get the food in.

Jordan organized the living room, put his notebooks away for a few hours and sat quietly as I did the grown up things we needed to do. When I finished balancing the budget and paying all the bills, he grabbed the green leather finance book from my hands and threw it across the room blowing out the candle on the nightstand and hovering above me with the look of desire I'd missed so much.

"Marcus, can we…" He trailed off, pushing his hair, which had grown long since we left for battle, behind his ear.

"Please," I breathed against his lips. He wedged himself between my legs running his hands down my side slowly.

"You still feel so good," he moaned so seductively I felt dizzy, my eyes rolling back in my head as his tongue languidly roamed my neck.

I pulled him closer digging my nails into his back feeling his warm flesh under my fingertips. When he grew, his hard member throbbing against my thigh, I shuttered grabbing his ass and driving him against me. He growled, removing his shorts in one fast movement, his hot hands brushing against the bare skin between my crumpled shirt and low hanging pants.

Everything went slow, feeling each other in ways we had both needed desperately. I trailed down his body which had lost pounds in the weeks since he had returned. I ran my tongue around his base, brushing along the veiny underside of his cock sucking him in with full pressure, letting him hit the inside of my cheek, tasting the slight salty flavor oozing from his tip.

I held his hips still with my right hand, bobbing slowly until his sounds became too loud and frequent for me to continue at a slow pace. As he shot off I held my hand at his head using his steaming hot ejaculation to lubricate his entrance and thrusting into him with such force his knees buckled.

"Uhhh, Marcus!" He came twice before I exploded inside of him, collapsing across his back. He rolled over, draping his arms over my chest and playfully nipping at my pecks.

"We're going to be daddies," I sighed after what seemed like hours of silence, each of us lost in thought. I could tell by his balled fist he was thinking of Devlin and for the first time in months, I wasn't. Everything was expanding, my heart was exploding with joy I couldn't handle.

"I know it's-I can't believe it," he said turning to me, his eyes burning into my chest.

"Devlin would have loved meeting him."

"Yeah… he would have."

We didn't actually get to meet him until the first weeks of January, Jordan and me driving to Seattle so fast we were stopped and ticketed but we arrived an hour early.

Elijah Jonah Wilkins. We received one outdated picture and a short data sheet: Five years old, healthy Caucasian male with curly black hair, pale skin and big doe eyes behind a pair of old school coke-bottle glasses, one hundred percent deaf and abandoned.

His parents: healthy teenagers not ready or willing to deal with the difficulties of raising a special needs child. It was a closed adoption, other than their reason, their medical records and their general location, we knew nothing about them, but we loved them just the same. They had realized their shortcomings and did the responsible thing, the responsible thing which brought him to us.

Our meeting with him had been pushed back because of a surgery paid for by the organization to help restore his hearing, it wasn't a hundred percent effective (it rarely was), but the final effects were yet to be seen. We didn't care if he was totally deaf like our nephew Levi or partially deaf or not deaf at all, he could have been a deaf/blind/mute and we would have loved him just the same.

Jordan and I dressed nicely, it might have been silly but as soon as the sun was up, we were coordinating, changing and arranging our wardrobe. I have never been so afraid to meet a child in my life. With our nerves on high alert we called Jace. I never lost touch with him and through him I stayed in touch with all of the Port Angeles crew, most of whom followed him on his road to success.

After interning with a television a gay television network and graduating from college, Jace finished his book which was lovingly edited by Jordan. That book, published with a small distribution caught the eye of Georgia Lynn, the famous actress turned daytime talk show host. She brought him on her show as a correspondent and within weeks he was a best-selling author. Jordan was…less than thrilled at first, his own books considered masterpieces in the literary world never caught such public success.

Jace got his own show eventually, a cable network food and entertainment program with occasional celebrity guest though overtime he became the celebrity. He and Lawrence were well-known, magazine worthy, though outside of his famous husband, Lawrence worked a simple job as an engineer. George, through some twist of fate, had become Jace's publicist and eventually started to pick up clients until he expanded into his own agency. Emma, who had been Jace's personal assistant at the beginning of his career, moved on to being a writer on his show, then the creator of her own sitcom with her comedian husband, Allan. The television show _Mad House,_ revolved around nine students at a fictional community college in Washington and featured a professor eerily reminiscent of Jordan.

"Stop freaking out, what kid isn't going to love you two?" Jace asked, his voice was cheery and soothing. "I'm so proud of you two!" He squealed and I could hear Lawrence chuckling.

"Did you tell them yet?" His deep velvety voice asked in the background.

"No, but I will-Emma's pregnant!" Jace screamed, my ears rang for minutes after we said our goodbyes and got on the road.

Jacqueline, our child welfare counselor, met us in the colorful waiting room/living room area. She was a short, round and warm African-American woman with a sleek shiny bun and caramel cast skin. She walked with a bit of a pep in her step and every child that passed greeted her. The younger children waved and some even blew kisses while the teens, all sullen and angry looking, nodded with stiff greetings. It made me want him more, afraid of him living here and turning into one of the morose adolescents that dragged their feet through the building. I would have taken home a handful if I could, so many adorable kids in all corners of the house.

It was a modern day orphanage, and this meeting, this one twenty minute meeting would decide whether or not our home would become a family residence. We had been approved but whether or not we matched on paper and in person were two different things.

"Breathe Marcus." Jordan's warm lips brushed against my ear and I squirmed in his arms, turning to kiss him before we were guided into a room. Elijah sat with a girl, a blonde in her early twenties who smelled like blueberries and lime, she signed fluently; fast and fluid with a contagious smile.

His picture had done him no justice, he was precious beyond words: rosy cheeks, a missing front tooth, right side dimple, and the most heart-warming laugh I'd ever heard. Jordan's grip on my hand was vice-like, his lips curling up into a crooked half smile.

When the girl, pointed us out standing in the corner, he jumped, twirling to face us with a grin. It was like imprinting, or what I imagined that felt like, as if everything else was moved and he was it.

I smiled with a tiny wave, feeling a little sick in the stomach. One look at Jordan told me he was just as overwhelmed.

'I'm Mark.' I signed slowly, my stomach churning as he examined us from behind the girl's leg. His hands were tiny, the perfect tiniest little hands signing a simple greeting.

'Hello.'

"Are you comfortable having a little time on your own?" Jacqueline asked watching us closely.

We nodded and were left alone, the door cracked open as we played with him. The room was circular, red and filled with different kinds of toys but he was only interested in the Legos section. He built a giant tower out of building red blocks, which collapsed twice, but he didn't give up, he'd just push his glasses back, stick his tongue out of the side of his mouth and start again. On the third try he accepted our help and I all but cried from the simple warmth of it.

Jordan and I had lived so happy, so extraordinarily happy together without a family, but as my generation and those before me began to retire, vampire activity seemed to have vanished and my brother's children started to multiply, we began to allow ourselves to dream.

"It's lunch time, sorry to cut it short," Jacqueline announced coming into the room and motioning for Eli to follow her out. The girl, the young blond who had been playing with him earlier served as a translator. When she announced we were leaving his face fell, his bottom lip sticking out and quivering. Jordan grabbed his hand, touching him for the first time since we entered the room. Eli crushed himself against Jordan's chest scrambling to wrap his little arms around his neck.

Of the two of us, Jordan had been much more reluctant to adopt or have children of any kind, he feared what it could mean for us and our future, but there he was hugging the boy so tight I got worried.

"Careful," I breathed, trying to blink away the tears forming in my eyes. The papers hadn't gone through yet, and they might never, we were on such slippery ground yet we were in love. It was terrifying, we had heard so many horrors stories about the adoption process and the pain you could encounter before everything was finalized. Children were deemed unfit, counselors decided it wasn't a good match, biological parents came back…

"Tell him we will be back for him," Jordan said turning his back to me so that Eli who had his head rested on his shoulder could see me.

"Jordan, we don't know if-"

"Marcus, he's ours," Jordan said with such force I couldn't disagree and I moved my hands with conviction.

He was ours, we had a son and he was perfect.

[Curtains Close]

*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o

A/N: This last chapter was a pushing off point for other stories in the series. There is also a sequel to this story called Angel with the Green Dress On which is a series of snippets from their life as parents. In order of reading in this universe that story goes after a few other stories that take place between this chapter (with the 13 year time hop) and the last.

There is a reading order listed on my profile for those who want to read them all. The next story in this series would be Once the Earth Settled (the Quil and Claire sequel) or The Wonderful World of Cupcake and her Werewolf (Annabelle and Brady's story) which tells the story of the War in this chapter. Followed by my favorite story 100 Years of Solitude... Okay, Maybe Just 5 (Randy and Soli's story).


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